Update (Pixiv Fanbox)

4 months into 2024 already, thought maybe it’s a good time to do a life update post… I hope 2024 treats you guys well, but so far it has been nothing but depression for me… Early of the year, my Patreon got terminated, despite my efforts on trying to make a Subscribestar account, sending them emails to expedite the approval process, I have been getting ignored and my account is still not set up properly. My income has dropped significantly ever since, with the income basically below minimum wage for over the past few months. At this rate, 2024 might just be my final year of drawing online… Just as I thought things won’t get worse, Gumroad announce their stance on R18… Me being scared, decide to temporarily take down my packs for a while, and find alternatives to sell again… But then someone started leaking some of the packs online, which killed any potential of future sales on those packs… Since my fanbox income is kinda low, I have been considering adding more options and rewards on fanbox, but it just so happens that someone is also leaking all my fanbox post online… Yes, I know stuff like this is kinda bound to happen, but it still really hurts as it feels like my trust has been betrayed… especially at such a difficult time like this… Whoever is leaking my stuff, please stop doing that… Earlier this year I was also forced to move home due to family's low income. This new place is very remote, with not much to do at all and nothing to see… My mum is very unhappy here, at first I thought eventually through time she would accept the new environment and just get on with life, but instead she just always complains which is very sad… Although it was my dad’s numerous bad decisions which led to where we are now, but I also felt guilty that I simply can’t earn enough to give a better life for my parents… And now that all the shits happen in 2024, my income is even lower and totally doesn’t help with the situation… I won’t lie, part of me really just wants to quit… both drawing, and life in general… But since my parents are still alive I cannot leave just yet… (well, also there are paid commissions I have to finish first, Zhongli did say contracts are very important huh…) I don’t think I am in as bad of a mental state as my teenage days where I actually want to off myself, but I will admit now I feel lost af… Feels like I lost my job (well, low income), got robbed (leaks), tons of regrets (never should’ve started drawing), lack of motivation (shouldn’t have continued doing something I am not good at)… Honestly I don’t really see any future for me, so… why bother with the present, if there is no future anyway…? Sorry for the negativeness, just felt like I want to vent out some… or maybe if I do quit or just vanish end of this year, at least you guys will sorta know what happened huh… Drawing wise, I have been working hard on the height chart thing, but due to the amount of work on this drawing, I only manage to finished 4 girls so far… (well, also kinda got sick last week) I have been working on a special version for the drawing as well, I won’t reveal it until it is finished though so please be patient haha… anyway hope you guys are doing well.