Midnight Pals: Ace Succubus (Patreon)

John Wiswell: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the asexual succubus
Wiswell: it's about a succubus who's different from the stereotypical succubus
Wiswell: it makes you think about what if you were an individual in a society

Wiswell: so this succubus, you see, is ace
Barker: oh come the fuck on
Barker: come on!!!
Barker: you can't have an asexual succubus!
Barker: how would that even work?!
Wiswell: well, CLIVE
Wiswell: i'm about to explain that

Wiswell: this ace succubus expresses love in other ways
Wiswell: like holding hands
Wiswell: or parallel play
Wiswell: that's when you sit next to each other on the couch playing stardew valley on the krobus the monster merchant roommate route
Barker: what

Bram Stoker: interesting! i, for one, am glad to finally hear a succubus story without all that sex
Barker: you can't just have an asexual succubus! Barker: that's like having a straight vampire!
Stoker:
Stoker: NOW SEE HERE YOU LITTLE-!!

Stoker: vampires aren't gay, how dare you!?
Anne Rice: um yeah of course vampires are gay
Stoker: no they're not!
Rice: yes they are!
Barker: fight! fight! fight!
Poe: stop it! stop it! everyone, settle down!
Mary Shelley: [flipping switchblade] finally, some action!

Poe: mary! who's side are you even on in this fight?
Shelley: [stabbing Stoker] the winning side!
Shelley: [stabbing Rice] as always
Poe:
Poe: yeah i guess that's usually try
Shelley: [stabbing Poe] ALWAYS true
Shelley: [stabbing Barker] try and stop me, nerds!

Barker: this is ridiculous, how can you have a succubus who's not horny??
Barker: i am offended by the very idea!
King: actually, my boy joe dropped the take of the century on me earlier, he said that some aces actually DO get horny
Barker: i am not getting into a discourse steve

Barker: how am i even supposed to get horny for this story about a succubus NOT having sex?!
Wiswell: i have another story about a succubus turning into a couch
Barker: how am i supposed to get horny for a couch!?
Barker: who am i, JD vance!? [rim shot]