Midnight Pals: Crickets (Patreon)

[at terfcon 2024]
Helen Joyce: good morning to all my fellow terfs
Joyce: welcome to terfon '24
Joyce: as a reminder, please don't take off your JK Rowling masks outside of the headless lounge
Joyce: and no drinking before wine o'clock!

Joyce: and the hotel has asked us not to put any more "single adult female" stickers on the walls
Crowd: booooo!
Joyce: yeah i know i know
Joyce: i know that respecting boundaries really isn't part of our creed
Joyce: but they're not gonna let us come back next year if you keep it up

Joyce: for real, you guys, you gotta behave
Joyce: its gonna be like when Allison clogged the hot tub filter at the royal grand hyatt duchesss airport Radisson with spaghetti
Allison Bailey: it's racist to bring that up

Joyce: as a special treat for everyone
Joyce: we have a special address from the dark lord herself!
Joyce: live from the fuhrenboot somewhere in the south pacific
Joyce: get ready to give a warm hail victory salute to your overlord and mine
Joyce: JK ROWLING!

JK Rowling: [via monitor] hello children
Rowling: i'm ssspeaking to you from my luxury yacht, currently at sssea
Joyce: how are you liking your yacht?
Rowling: it's great, i love it
Rowling: it's huge!
Rowling: it's like if you could get a Sscottish casstle to float

Joyce: are you in any danger right now, JK?
Rowling: yes i'm in extreme danger
Rowling: I've esstablished a perimeter of 3 foot tall buoyss around the yacht
Rowling: to protect mysself from any transss activisst ssea life like limpetsss, barnaclesss, or nudibranchsss

Rowling: ssince i'm on the ocean, maybe i'll go ssurfing later
Rowling: you might even call me
Rowling: the sssurfin' terf
[cricket noises]
Rowling: i don't hear any laughter
[cricket noises]
Rowling: ok now i'm getting mad

Rowling: how dare you not laugh at my joke
Joyce: dark lord! it wasn't us!
Joyce: the trans have released hundreds of crickets into the convention center as a yippie-style disruption!
Rowling: oh right right sssure helen
Rowling: ssure right the transs did it
Joyce: no really dark lord the room is filled with crickets!
Rowling: pull the other one

Rowling: whatever, helen!
Rowling: that's the oldest trick in the book!
Rowling: "oh no, i fucked up, better blame the transs!"
Rowling: you think i can't sssee through that trick?
Rowling: i invented that trick!

Allison Bailey: first, they throw a wispa wrapper into my yard, probably
Bailey: next, they throw crickets into my convention!
Bailey: these miniscule discomforts will not stand!
Bailey: we must eradicate them!

Joyce: oh my god!!! the trans activists have released crickets into the convention!
Joyce: once again, the trans have violently and masculinely minorly inconvenienced us!
Joyce: an extremist and irrational response to our very peaceful and rational final solution!
Joyce: why isn't the woke liberal media talking about how this auditorium is gonna have that weird cricket ass smell now???