Midnight Pals: Dark Days Coming (Patreon)

King: hey guys sorry i'm late
King: i just could not get up this morning
King: feels like I've been sleeping for days
King: what did i miss?
King: how did the election go?
Lovecraft: not too bad
King:
King: oh no
King: oh no oh no oh no

Lovecraft: don't worry steve it won't be so bad
Lovecraft: I've heard assurances from the new regime that they only want the trade unionists
King:
King:
King:

Lovecraft: i mean really steve
Lovecraft: how bad could it be?
[meanwhile]
Donald Trump: we're gonna have the biggliest boot stamping on a human face forever
Trump: we love the boot stamping on the human face forever, don't we folks?
Trump: more and more people are saying they love the boot

Lovecraft: you're overreacting steve
Lovecraft: what's trump even going to do?
King: well i'm glad you asked
King: [unrolls comically long scroll]
Lovecraft: oh is this going to be a song

King: well for starters
King: decimate reproductive rights
King: LGBTQ rights
King: labor rights
King: civil rights
King: accelerate climate change
Lovecraft: [sweats] this is making me feel bad steve
Lovecraft: i can't wait for trump to outlaw you telling me this stuff!

King: use the military to brutalize americans
King: abandon Ukraine
King: and as for gaza
George Romero: in all honesty steve
Romero: that probably won't change much
King: oh look! an optimist!

Lovecraft: ok but
Lovecraft: has he actually SAID he's going to do any of that?
King: yes
Lovecraft: oh he was probably just lying
Lovecraft: he lies a lot
Poe: he does lie a lot

Lovecraft: i think you're overreacting, he's probably not gonna do all the stuff he says he's gonna do
King: so you don't believe him?
Lovecraft: nope!
King:
King: then what's his appeal?
Lovecraft: well he's just so honest

Lovecraft: a real straight shooter
Lovecraft: tells it like it is
Lovecraft: says what he means
King:
King:

King: howard please tell me you didn't vote for trump did you?
Lovecraft: [sweats] steve! please!
Lovecraft: i'm only a loveable archie bunker style racist
Lovecraft: i'm still 100% yang gang
King:
King:
King: i picked a bad day to quit cocaine

King: i really need some cocaine
King: edgar you know where i can get some cocaine don't you
Poe: steve stay strong
Poe: you don't need cocaine
King: just one bump
King: to get me through the next four years
King: i mean few days
King: no i mean four years

King: how about a beer? i was an alcoholic too you know
King: maybe i'll take that up again
King: this is good drinking weather
Poe: steve no
Poe: dean help me hold him back
King: don't try to stop me!

Poe: no steve! you've got so much to live for!
King: yeah? like what?
Poe: well
Poe: you've got a lovely family
King: Joe is pretty great
Koontz: and owen!
King:
King: yeah and owen is alright too i guess

King: yeah he's pretty good
King: what the heck, i can say it
King: i love owen too!
Koontz: and there's naomi too
King: whoa wait a second, i have THREE kids??
King: this just keeps getting better!

King: thanks guys i do feel a little better
Poe: good, hold onto that
Poe: cuz it's going to be a long four years
Lovecraft: only four years? i thought we weren't gonna have to vote anymore!
Poe:
Poe: good drinking weather, huh?

Joyce Carol Oates: huh, i really don't see why the electorate would hate trans people unless they were persuaded by hate speech and fearmongering
JK Rowling: well well well look at the fancccy pantsss rich author
Rowling: with her out of touch fancccy ideasss about a pluralissstic sssociety!
Rowling: with her fancccy german automobile!
Oates: this car was made in Guatemala

Rowling: you're clearly too rich to underssstand the feelingsss of the common man
Rowling: unlike me, a true daughter of the proletariat
Rowling: i know all about the material needsss of the underclassss
Rowling: anyway i'm going to insulate my Scottish castle with big bags of money