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Calling for Court Cases! (Patreon)

Published:
2024-07-23 14:27:15
Imported:
2026-06
Tags:

Content

Hey everyone! Bailiff Jake here to let you know that the Supreme Crit is convening this very eve. Please submit your brief (1-2 paragraphs, I do beg!) case on this thread and we will bring you that good justice.

Comments

cmoysey

I stand before you esteemed justices on bended knee, even to you justice Hurtwitz as you’re sworn in boston. Unless that no longer stands, in that case step back little Johnny. From the woman that brought you the horse that could count at Boston live, I bring you the case of chilled dick. My friends and I were playing curse of Strahd, as anyone that has played it is one campaign that really Fs with your head. The DM is one of my best friends, then we had a righteous monster hunter Shadow my best friend married to DM, a second round vengeful fighter (first character died by werewolves) DMs brother, and me a blade singer wizard Gypsy Trinity. This campaign is filled with destiny and prophecy all while you can never escape and Strahd is always smarter than you. As a Gypsy I was able to do the tarot card reading to find clues along the way. After looking for a while we found our fated ally to take down Strahd, a crazy wizard Mordenkainen. He’d been casting mind blank on himself and had been all alone in his magnificent mansion for well I never asked but a very long time one could assume. We helped him through the crazy and he slowly decided to be on our side. Then came a message in town that some of our NPC friends were captured and being kept in a town not far, we couldn’t leave them behind. As we had just saved Mordenkainen I asked him to come with us, he declined many many times but said he’d give us each a talisman, there were 2 extra and I said well can we just have them all. Then he said I’d get none if I didn’t ask nicely, to which I replied but you’re our fated ally, it’s written in the tarot cards it’s destiny. To which he repeated that I must ask nice…… well i did not ask nicely. I told my DM I’m going to punch him in the dick, we rolled initiative, I went first, now as a wizard punching isn’t my strong suit so I settled on chilled touch right to the dick, I hit, my DM counter-spelled, I counter-spelled, chilled dick hit and I got all the talismans. Flash forward to town, it was all a big trick to lure us out. We all had disguises but that wouldn’t last long, and then Our DM narrated Mordenkainen (the wizard that would not leave his mansion a mere hour prior) casting his highest level spell to stop time, save a few prisoners and teleport away. Now leaving he cast cone of cold on the prison guard, obviously a dick shot. He left us behind to escape for ourselves…. we all know you cannot cast time stop and effect another creature but for the sake of the bit it was hilarious no one at the table cared that the spell was used incorrectly My question to you is. Should I have just asked nicely and not chilled dick my fated ally or should my DM be punished and had to deal with the consequences for using time stop wrong? Or is all fair in love, war, and punched dick?

Pretty Penny

Dearly be-judge-ed and rascally midriff, Jude, Please consider taking my case of the Overkept Adventure Guide. I found a small, local DnD group and received a lot of support from their forever-DM when I agreed to try DMing, so they could take a break. To take some creative pressure off, we played from a new adventure guide. We had some fun over about a year of semi-regular meetups. The group was casual and generous but ultimately not an ideal fit for me. I broke up with the group when I got a new job and had to move a few hours away. They offered to play online and to play less often to keep me in the campaign. It was kind but would have required more time and energy than I’d be able to give. Now, Justices, it’s been nearly two years since I moved, and I still have the hardback adventure guide that the forever-DM loaned me! I swear on the DMG that I meant to mail it back, but I am dreadful with tasks like this. We haven’t been in touch since I left. I know the forever-DM was a collector, but I also suspect they may have had hurt feelings about my leaving. What orders would you Most Ordered give me? Should I bite the bullet and reach out to replace the book? Should I try to write it off my conscience as a “gift”? Should I flee the realm until the statute of limitations times out? Your mostly lawful servant, PP

Peter Tschaekofske

To the holiest Apostles of Dice Christ and the rebellious alter boy Jake, I come before you with a confession from a humble and imperfect follower. The year was 2018, and I just joined my first Dnd party with a group of co workers after sharing that I would be down to try it. At this time my only prior experience to ttrpgs was Settlers of Catan. After a session 0, I came up with my character. His name was Carl Cabbageseed. A way of the four elements monk based on the cabbage merchant from Avatar the Last Airbender who was a fan of smashing skulls and replacing them with cabbages. Now to the sin. One of the monks class features is Step of the Wind, allowing you to use a ki point to dash as a bonus action. As a monk you also get Unarmored movement, giving you a bonus to your walking speed that increases as you level up. However, my Harry Potter reading level misread the unarmoured movement feature. My misreading led me to conclude that the bonus uarmoured movement gave you was cummlative for each level. Meaning that I was supposed to add the bonus every time I leveled up. So by level 6 I had a 95 ft speed. Resulting in being able to move close to 400 ft in a turn by using an action to dash and then a ki point to dash again as a bonus action. I used this constantly. Running up caves, walls, city alleyways, and anything I could get my grubby cabbage fingers on. Catching up to villains or npcs that had plenty of time for a head start to run away from us. No one was safe from the wrath of Carl Cabbageseed. My ignorance was soon replaced by disillusionment though when I found out my error from another party member in between sessions. That is when the dice devil tempted me to sin knowingly instead of just accidentally. Because while I and the party were aware of my error, the dm was completely oblivious despite him being the most experienced. And instead of coming clean I just kept my outrageous speed. However, another part of my ignorance could be seen as penance. Because for most of the campaign I wasn’t even adding my proficiency bonus to my attack rolls( We only got to level 7 before the pandemic stopped the campaign). Carl Cabbageseed has also been used(with normal speed) in several Extra Life dnd one shots to raise money for charity. Do these good deeds out way the evil? Or is there some other divine justice that is needed.

Jeremy Ross

Gracious Judges Axford, Tanner, Murphy and the dishonorably discharged Judge Rake now bailiff. Please settle this debate. Us the players have named this session THE MURDER CAVE. The debate in question is if we could have won the encounter. To this day he swears we could have easily won. The party consisted of four level twelve PC’s. Myself playing a gunslinger/hexblade, a life domain cleric, war wizard, and a circle of the shepherd druid. In the murder cave there were, two adult black dragons, two bone devils, one ice devil, and a revenant. We barely escaped while buying time for the wizard to cast teleportation circle. As we were trapped by an ice wall the devil cast. Our dm swears up and down that we could’ve won the fight if we snuck in and tried killing them off one by one. (Have more info but don’t want to make this longer)