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Cases Please! (Patreon)

Published:
2024-02-16 16:53:53
Imported:
2026-06
Tags:

Content

Greetings! Lowly lowly Bailiff Jake here to let you know that the Supreme Crit is convening this very afternoon. Please submit your brief (I beg!) case on this thread and we will bring you sweet justice.

Comments

FregLover

Greetings to justices Murph, Axford, and Tanner. I'm not trying this case in Boston, so I don't really care anyone else who may or may not practice there. If it pleases the court: Rather than seek out punishment I would like to request that the court may offer some form of rehabilitation for whoever is in the wrong in this case, whether it be me, the DM, or the player. I have a player who tries to fudge her rolls whenever she thinks she can get away with it -- even despite the fact we play in person and I can see everything she's doing. Anytime she gets a bad roll for something of consequence, she panics, tries to swiftly snatch up the dice before anyone else can see it, and immediately rerolls again, all in one frantic motion. Sometimes if I don't catch what she rolled, she will even refuse to tell me, or deny having rerolled even though she knows she's been caught red-handed -- almost as if she's doing everyone a favor by brazenly sticking to her lie. I even fear this may be rubbing off on another player, who I once caught frantically rolling like 3 - 4 times in a row before announcing the result, though this seemed to be an isolated incident, and I thus haven't named him as a defendant. This is a group of new players, and I don't have that many friends who are into D&D, so I would prefer not to sever ties with them as friends. Does the court suggest a course of rehabilitation that can fix my unruly player? Or perhaps this is my failure as a DM, whose pleas of "Guys, no, you can only roll once" have gone unheeded? Thank you, and Bahumut bless this court.

abfg616

😭😭😭 how do I keep missing this Dear most honorable justices of the supreme crit, and itty-bitty baby bailiff of questionable shelf-life Jelq, I present to you, most deferentially, The Curious Case of the Rogue Eggmonger. First, lets set the scene. I, not-so-recently, ran a heist one-shit in the roll for shoes system, for a friend and their partner (also a friend). The one shot was organized thusly- my players would have one day to scope the joint, an orb-themed casino, interacting with a number of colorful characters, the night to plan, and another day to put there plans into action and steal the orb. On the first day, one of my players seduced a nameless guard and brought them home. This was, of course, a bit difficult to manage, but not the reason why I write in today. You see, dear justices and other, my player saw fit to cook for this guard a wonderful egg breakfast in the morning, rolling all sixes in the attempt. As you may well know, rolling all sixes in Roll for Shoes means you gain a new skill of greater specificity with regards to the task critted on. So I, in my infinite, magnanimous wisdom, decided so graciously to grant my player the boon of the skill “eggmonger”, an ever-so-clever play on cheesemongers, fishmongers, and the like (I was going through a phase). However, my players, the dastardly bunch that they are, broke out a whole ass original cipher from middle school to encrypt their communications before me. The next day (in game), the newly minted Eggmonger and his partner in crime raided the casino, but used the Eggmonger skill to impregnate all of my npcs! Should I have worded the skill differently? Should my players have better appreciated the subtle wit of my genius wordplay? Or perhaps I ought not have opened the Pandora’s box of allowing my PCs to impregnate from range. I await ever-so-goodly your surely just ruling and certainly cruel punishment, and bid y’all, adieu.

2fastBicurious

To the most honorable justices and my burpless brethren the baby bailiff. . . Brad? May it please the court and give you all the most supreme crit. ;) I'd like to submit the case of the quiet Kenku. My table was running a home brew campaign and we were getting close to finding and fighting our BBEG. Our party included a kenku, Crowbar, who played by the mimic rules that he could only repeat words and sounds he had heard before. The BBEG was hidden away on another plane and to get to him, we had to enter a cave full of grueling puzzles and traps to reach a portal. We barely made it through alive. At the end of the cave, our DM announced that we would be silent and communicate only in written form or telepathically, (though no one one in our crew had the message cantrip). We were presented with a written riddle (think "speak friend and enter" style puzzle). Part of the riddle was solving for the answer, the other part was determining who could say the answer. If we answered wrong, or the wrong person spoke we were told the reaction would be TPK bad, and we were very weak already from the cave. We sat around the table passing notes, and determined the answer to the riddle was "Onomotopoeia" and the person to give the answer was a choice between either the youngest member of our party, or the physically smallest member of our party. The problem? Crowbar was both. Crowbar vehemently insisted there was no way he would have heard the word onomotopoeia before and therefore could not speak it. Our DM knew going into this that Crowbar was both the smallest and youngest and seemed to be gleeful about our predicament. After several pleas to both the DM and Crowbar to try to find a loophole we conceded we could not solve the puzzle currently. I suggested we take a long rest, exit the cave, teach Crowbar onomotopoeia, rest again, and come back, as it seemed the only solution. In the process, we ran out of potions on the way out, and on the way back our cleric, the party's only healer, went down, and she failed her death saves. My hexblade warlock attempted to call upon my patron for help without success. In the end only 3 party members of our 6 member crew, including myself and Crowbar made it to the end concious. Crowbar triumphantly said Onomotopoeia and the gate opened. Our session ended feeling empty and hollow. In real life there was a fight after the session. The players expressed we were upset at Crowbar for being so stubborn and at the DM for intentionally putting us in this situation. Crowbar argued that's how his character has always been and we shouldn't expect him to change because of a bad in game situation. The DM argued that we could have been teaching Crowbar words throughout the campaign before this so we wouldn't be here. I said it was an intentionally obscure word and we had no reason to teach it. Our DM laughed at me for being so upset, so I got up and left with the cleric, saying we were going to start a new campaign. Later, Crowbar texted me and said I had overreacted to a simple difficult scenario, and that if that's how I reacted when things didn't go my way, then no one would ever want me in their dnd party. I feel justified in being mad, but wonder if I didn't react too strongly. So I come to the mercy of the court asking, was I wrong to take the Murph response of "find new friends" or was my DM being unreasonable? I humbly await your judgement and accept whatever punishment I may receive.

Ash Hammack

May it please the gorgeous justices and the bailiff who has a nice personality, I bring a case of the Dick-Move DM. It was both mine and my husband's first time playing D&D and our DM had us running through the Cult of the Reptile God module. My paladin and my husband's rogue had fought through several groups of kobolds and cultists and were nearly to the keep when a group of villagers ran past fleeing yet another group of baddies. We were nearly dead and leading more villagers so were keen to just keep it moving, but our DM paused to remind us that my paladin was a noble character and would probably not want to let the villagers go by without helping, and that my husband's rogue had in his backstory that he was a bit self serving. She laid it on quite thick that we should do what our characters would do. Following her advice, my pally sent the rogue ahead with the group of villagers we had while she went to help the ones being chased. We were both promptly surrounded by 5+ baddies each, rolled initiative, and had a tpk in short order. Our DM then sent a YouTube video to our group chat with a song about how you should never split the party. She maintains this was to teach us an important lesson about the game, but I maintain this was entrapment, that she pressuring us into a course of action as newbies and then punishing us for it. She's still our DM and great friend, so it's all good, but I ask the court, was this a dick move?

Katatles

Hi Judges! I’d like to clarify about my case of the cowardly players. I should’ve stated that my players themselves were not scared, it’s just that their CHARACTERS were. Apparently, they thought I wanted them to run away, and were genuinely shocked when I told them that I didn’t plan for them to leave. Thank you for your gracious judgment!