monthly blog post: october 🎃 (Patreon)

AND JUST LIKE THAT OCTOBER IS GONE

idk bout yall but i feel like this month went by SO FAST, i blinked and its already november

lets get right into it :)

october favorites 

book: i didnt read shit this month except for song of achilles oop

skincare product:  been using this on and off for awhile but im back on it (Manyo Pure Cleansing Oil Deep Clean) and i love it for removing my makeup but also using it to help message my face in the morning :D

body care: Milbon Moisture Replenishing Shampoo - AHHHHHHH this leaves my hair SO SOFT AND HYDRATED i am very happy with this product

makeup product: Banila Co Sheer Velvet Veil Tint-pk01 Ballerina - you already know LOL ur girl has been wearing this every day on stream since i got back from korea

snack: fav snack this month was John Masayoshi Cable (not available in stores)

song: you're gonna go far by noah kahan - yall. this song. makes me. want to cry. i morn and miss washington and this song just hits a little too hard

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october thoughts: 

as im sure some of you know by now, i am going through it :(

i think its just a perfect storm

i am gonna be pretty vulnerable here so i am going to just ask for your consideration in privary :')

went to the gyno and found out i have endometriosis so thats super poggers

got my allergy test back and im allergic / 'sensitive' (wont know if im truly allergic without elimination diet) to goat and cow dairy, strawberries, cocounut, peanut, hazelnut, halibut + HIGHLY allergic to many trees and types of grass + cats/dogs/horses/rabbits. they recommended getting immunotherapy shots so prob gonna do that soon merp

ive talked bout this a little but my gma has schizophrenia and is bipolar and she is currently going through a manic episode. this isnt new but she has been well for awhile but so its just sad to see her regress and not take her meds :/ she just got hospitalized bc she was a danger to herself and threatening others so its overall just a really sad thing

my mom has been having her own health issues and it breaks my heart to not be home

otv has been taking a lot of my energy lately which then translates to less streams from me which kills me like i genuinely have so much guilt bc i am the least consistent streamer ever and i just wish that i could isolate my energy so i can show up and stream

so i am always trying trying trying to set boundaries and figure out what is giving me energy and what is taking it away while simultaneously trying to fulfill all the responsibilities i have

i am so grateful for my job and my friends and the opportunities i have and it makes me so sad that i feel so incapable :( GRRRRRRRR

ok that was A LOT OF NEGATIVE

let me think on some happy things to share

john and i have been hanging out every thursday and that truly brings me so much joy. i am so happy that he is my best friend and also my significant other

ive been driving a lot lately and that also brings me a lot of joy. i put on playlists that i listened to when i lived in washington and i pretend that im still there, heading down the freeway and about to take the exit that will lead me home.

it rained recently and i cried in my car because the sound of rain on the windshield made me yearn for home but in a good way

this patreon has also brought me a lot of comfort ;-; i feel unworthy and undeserving of such a community. i am always blown away by the empathy, kindness, AND humor that you all have :')

welp, goodbye october i shall not miss you HAHA

i am excited for the holiday season <3

i miss my cats

see ya!