Eternal Game of the 108 Chapter 20: Again (Patreon)

Chronos wordlessly places a cup of tea in front of me. He and Morag already sit with their own. I try it. Some strong black tea smoothed out by just a little too much tea or as my mum would have said, ‘the whole cow’. I don’t even like black tea but I think I’d be crying if I my emotions were not so dulled here. In a way, I realize this is a blessing as much as a curse. It would be even better if said emotions didn’t return with a vengeance while an assassin prepares to do me in.

“I’m tired, boss,” I say as a greeting.

“No,” Chronos immediately corrects. “Do not call me that. Not even as a jest. I am not your boss.”

I’m a bit nonplussed. Nonplussed is good. I need the distraction.

“Why? I thought avatars were, you know, subordinated?”

“For many deities yes, but not for us. Never for us. Remember, Steve. I have placed you beyond even my reach. You must not submit to anyone.”

“You would willingly give up power over me?” I ask, a bit surprised because, well, god.

I assume Chronos could do some mind bending stuff if he wanted.

“I don’t need to have power over you, Steve. My objective is not power, nor to rule. My objective is your victory.”

Again with that and I still don’t understand.

“Honestly, I don’t get it. If I can’t lose, does that not mean you automatically win?”

“I can think of three different paths to my defeat within the constraints I set up.”

“Oh?” I ask, very curious.

It’s weird that he would volunteer the information, but I suspect I would have asked myself that question at some point. Chronos merely smiles anyway. I won’t get an answer from him.

“So,” I say, deciding to change the topic. “I met my rival.”

I pause. Which makes no sense and has never worked before so I continue. Honestly, there are just many people who will fill a silence if you let them, but Chronos and Morag are just immune.

“She seems to be aware of the existence of a loop.”

“This is not the first time my sister and I face one another,” Chronos replies. “Although she cannot loop herself, Lilith Seranne Kerentis has… specific skill options that she will use against you.”

“Such as?”

Morag adds even more milk to her tea. Is it even tea at this point?

“Can I at least get options against her?” I ask.

Chronos smiles. I roll my eyes. Why do I even bother?

“Alright. Well, that loop went about as well as it could have given the circumstances. I got a ton of points. I’ll check the skill arcade. Oh, before that, any idea why she shows up so late in the year?”

Chronos tilts his head. That means he will give me a reply. Not the one I want though.

“There are no rules that state that the avatar we pick must be present on Enderlith when the year starts.”

“But since the game happens there, the gods will pick someone who can show up to participate. Unless they’re completely insane. That’s why War and Space only come later. But then, would it not have been more convenient to let them know in advance so they get closer?”

Morag creaks forward with the sound of a crumbling mountain. She holds a pot between her inhuman fingers. I get a refill.

“Thank you, Morag.”

She is much more graceful now. Maybe the recurring drink joke grew on her, yet no matter how perfect the ceremony is, she still looks like — Oh.

“The avatars are already following their nature. The powerful ones are busy before the year, so they don’t just ‘show up’,” I say.

War probably takes time to come because he was waging or preparing for war. I know almost nothing about Lilth. It might be worth looking into. Hmmm.

That’s not immediately relevant. 

“If she knows about the loops, wouldn’t she know she cannot win?”

“I have never set the amount of loops to ‘infinite’. I always could, but my previous champions could win in under a hundred, or at most within a thousand. The required power investment scales exponentially, up to a point, then one more branch makes no difference.”

He leans back in his chair. I think he’s gotten better at acting human. Morag too, from the way she tilts her cup to study its color.

“You will find that it does not matter.”

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“You will understand what I mean when you face her more often.”

“Yeah, not sure it’s a good idea.”

My mind returns to Krane’s warning, which I gormlessly ignored. Which would have led to a mostly wasted loop had Xan not turned out to be a swell lad. I got lucky with people again. 

“I… what Kerentis said is right. My existence means that people will live and lose one year of their lives every time I fail. If I accept that those people are real and so are their suffering, then… I’m a fucking monster.”

“No.”

Chronos looks at me. I feel a weight in his silvery iris. I’m no longer talking to my friendly sponsor. This is the god.

“I am the monster, Steve Prentiss. You are forgetting an essential fact. I will remind you every time you do so. Poets and Elders may say time is precious, fleeting, fleeing, long or short. Very few people ever say time is kind. I am not kind. I am necessary, just as my decision was, but I am not kind.”

I am reminded of the ‘favor’ he granted the man who got me my apartment. 

“Then why are you kind to me? You’re acting kind.”

“You are my champion,” Chronos says as if that explained anything. Maybe it does?

“And besides, I am not cruel. My objective is rooted in kindness.”

“Making me win?” I ask, because honestly this feels a little crazy.

He merely smiles. I suppose at least if I win, I’ll have saved Enderlith. It has to count for something.

The idea of saving the station leads me to Krane’s words again. I guess I want to at least talk about it, though I don’t expect much of an answer from Chronos.

“Krane said… actually, do you mind that I allied with him? Any thoughts?”

Morag shakes her head in disappointment. As usual, her voice is low and raspy. It sounds like it’s coming from a much larger organism.

“You will not win alone.”

Of course, avatars make alliances.

“Favors, promises, and threats. Those are the currency of a future archon,” Chronos comments.

He smiles some more.

“Hypothetically.”

“Sounds like politics to me.”

“Because it is. You were speaking of dear Redemption?”

“Ah yes. You, ah. You know what I’m going to ask.”

“And I will ask, in turn, that you speak it anyway.”

Annoying.

“Is Krane right? Am I being selfish and self-centered by trying to help people in what will obviously be a dead branch?”

Chronos helps himself to some more tea.

“There is an entire field of philosophy dedicated to what is moral, back on Earth,” he says.

“Ethics, yes,” I reply. “I have heard of it.”

“You were taught the Hellenistic schools, Thomas Aquinas’ natural law, Kant’s categorical imperative…”

“Look it’s not because I attended school…”

“Sapient beings have been exploring the ins and outs of morality since language became a thing,” Chronos interrupts, “and you are still searching. I will tell you that only you can decide, in the end, what is right, just as I will tell you this. Even if you do decide on comprehensive rules to dictate your behavior right here, right now, you will fail to uphold them.”

He looks a little sad.

“You will fail, Steve. I feel the need to convince you of this. You will fail and make mistakes, and you will change your mind, and you will have regrets. I know I am giving you little comfort in saying so, yet I insist. Follow your heart. And then pay for it.”

I glare at the god though my heart isn’t into it. 

“I’m going to pick my skills as a coping mechanism.”

I stand up. The weird arcade skill machine beckons. Time for some reward. Actually, time for a lot more rewards than I anticipated.

The first and only time I focus fully on progress with a clear plan and a bit of luck, I earn around four times as many qualia points as the previous loop. It’s also clearer how the qualia point system works as well. Qualitative changes that make me a better avatar award a ton of points: awakening, apparently finding my path… Then there are immediately useful things I have learnt like basic awakened squad tactics or how to use a staff. They wouldn’t be especially useful for an archon, but they’re useful in getting there. Then there is the general stuff. So clearly the harder I try to become a good avatar and the more points I get. I suppose those are incentives. I give Chronos a glance but he doesn’t turn towards me. I’m not sure what I would say anyway.

The massive point increase changes things. But first, I’ll do what I set out to do.

‘Animasomatic imprint, first stage. [Augmentation] [Tier 1] Cost: 500. Additional requirement:: physical awakening at stage 3.

Augmentations change you on a fundamental level, regardless of when.

This skill makes you start every loop having achieved the first level of physical awakening.’

With a simple manipulation, I pick the skill. I don’t feel immediately different, but I know this is a game changer. Obviously it would help even more if the prerequisite wasn’t so stringent but checking the option for the second stage, it still requires to have reached the fourth awakening which is basically impossible. At least not without ‘cheating’. The second purchase I make is equally meaningful.

‘Demetrion’s Soul Expression. [Knowledge] [Tier 2] Cost: 300. Additional requirement:: soul awakening at stage 3.

Knowledge adds a new tome to your soul book.

This tradition allows you to express emotions externally. It does not require any energy from the body itself.’

I didn’t expect to reach the third rank of soul awakening this loop. I didn’t get much use out of it beyond the increase in range, but I suppose I can dedicate a loop to finding out and training. Not right now though. Alright, the description mentions a soul book —

An ethereal, light blue tome flies out of my chest. It hovers there, open on a page that reads (unsurprisingly) ‘Demetrion’s Most Excellent, Simple, and Dependable Techniques for Soul Projection: A Primer’.

“Wow.”

Looks nice.

“Wait… I need to read it? I need to learn it by myself?”

I stomp back to the table.

“What manner of scam is this? I thought it would, I don’t know, implant the knowledge directly into my brain!”

“What a barbaric concept,” Chronos replies with a frown.

Morag shakes her head in mock disapproval.

“Don’t give me this; you granted me language osmosis. Don’t tell me this isn’t messing with my brain?”

“Ah, but it merely facilitates the acquisition of new knowledge! I do not… impose it upon your mind.”

He pretends to shiver in horror at the mere thought. Morag fans herself with her hand which happens to be big enough and the right shape to manage it.

“You guys are an absolute riot. Alright. Fine. Fine. Lemme have a look.”

The manual ends up being much shorter than I thought, barely eighty pages or so, seventy of which happen to be diagrams of some sort corresponding to complex emotions. I read the introduction. The principles of the thing are simple enough if I read it correctly: I am supposed to ‘spool’ energy at the end of my hand, then while feeling an emotion, focus on it and then unleash it with a matching hand signal. And the ‘if I read it correctly’ is crucial here.

‘Conglomerate effusions most potent of the soul with your physical gesture, the rotation direction of which is of no import, so that the soulstuff made ebullient coalesces in the material world, upon which a mere release of the mind will send the effort forthwith, or allow it to manifest, depending on the aforementioned emotion, the details of which are explained further in this very tome.’

“Who the fuck wrote this? Methuselah?”

“The proto-form of Ten-Sah most resembles a language of pure power available only to the most advanced of awakened,” Chronos explains in a dry tone. “It is, to be precise, the tongue of magical incantations.” 

“Wait so language is power here?”

“In a way.”

We exchange a glance. I come to a sudden realization. That language acquisition talent might be even more useful than I assumed, which would match the indirectly benevolent impression I’m getting from the god.

“I don’t suppose I could practice here?”

“You don’t suppose correctly. You cannot train here, as I have already mentioned.”

“Fine. Just checking.”

Looks like I’ll have a lot of fun in the next loop. But now, I have completed the primary objective I set for myself as well as a secondary objective I thought I’d complete later. That means I don’t have an immediate plan. I do, however, have a lot of spare points even after my spendings. I started with 5511. I still have 4711. I can afford an actual augmentation or two. 

Those are game-changers that should make things easier. They’re also significant point investments. The points I got are windfalls that will not manifest again in a long time. Buying anything means committing to a path. 

‘Faint Close Quarter Predisposition [Augmentation] [Tier 2]: Cost: 1000 Requirements: none.’

Augmentations change you on a fundamental level, regardless of when.

This skill makes you unnaturally talented at anything related to close quarter combat.’

I bear no illusion that I’ll be fighting a lot in the foreseeable future. Obviously Enderlith doesn’t seem like the best place to learn how to be a sniper given how cramped the place is, not to mention how difficult it is to obtain firearms. I also remember that few of Elders I met or heard of specialize in ranged weaponry. I think close quarter combat is a safe investment. 

Out of curiosity, I check for Faint mage predisposition and fail to find it, but there is the level above it, ‘Heir’ mage predisposition. What gives?

“Are some of the skills here blocked?” I ask.

“Of course not,” Chronos replies with a smile. “What would be the point of an incomplete list?”

I almost ask a follow up question before remembering who I am talking to. Chronos believes I have all the information to… hold on. I pull the ‘Heir’ mage predisposition and check it out.

There are four ‘levels’ of predisposition for the mage and close quarter skill, and — I check — yes, long range predisposition as well. And a few others like ‘Academic’. Selecting each in turn gives more information which isn’t surprising as it’s just basically an interface Chronos uses to make it more ‘fun’. Faint refers to a talented individual, although that’s a little vague. ‘Heir’ refers to the talent of a sect’s ‘young master’, someone from a lineage of specialists given the best available education from birth. ‘Genius’ is above that, a defining star that marks an entire clan. ‘Visionary’ is a once in a generation prodigy who changes the course of the discipline. It also costs a whooping 10750 points. Not impossible, but definitely not a short-term option.

God I so fucking wish I were that talented at something other than failing to die.

But now I can cheat my way to it. That’s… actually that feels almost redundant. I can reach an insane level of mastery by studying something for ten thousand cycles, so being good at it doesn’t feel all that meaningful. Unless there is a ceiling? Hmm. 

A question for later. In any case, I check if I can buy the ‘Heir’ level mage predisposition and I find that yes, I can. Which means…

“I already have it.”

I am actually sort of talented at something. Besides music, I suppose, but even for that I was not truly gifted. I feel a rush of gratification to realize I actually have some skills, then remember I have no cause to boast about something I was born with, and also it’s unseemly to be prideful, then a thought occurs to me, mirroring one of Sir Terry Pratchett’s considerations. How many skying geniuses lived and died in the Sahel without ever seeing a single snowflake? It makes me wonder how many Earth humans would perform wonders with mana and yet will die without ever feeling it. To be fair, this is not an issue limited to mana…

I am getting sidetracked.

A few taps on the keys, and I am facing the ‘Faint close quarter predisposition’ again. It’s a very tempting and safe use of my points. Not just that, but it’s a major investment. Every loop will be made easier for it. But is it the optimal pick? I intend to try and convince Law’s that she’s about to die at least once. I know what Krane said, I just want to make sure. He’s an avatar, not the embodiment of truth. He can make mistakes as well.

I could pick, hmmm, I filter the trait list for something useful. Something people-related.

No.

I’ll wait. It’s a huge investment. I will wait until after I have a direction. I also need to check other basic skills, see if there isn’t anything that would be even more useful.

And that leads me to my next point: my objective for the next run. I can tell that the station is full of surprises and leads, but I can also tell that everything gets messed up by the explosion. Krane makes it sound like I need to solve the problem myself, and eventually I will, but I think I still should try to see if I can have the authorities stop it for me. I just cannot accept giving up without trying. After Kaysari’s lesson, I told myself I would act and try, that I would shed my fear of failure and death. Trying and failing must become part of who I am, if it is meant to protect people. Failure is not an option, it is a required step. Only after pursing the diplomatic route will I buy the close quarter combat affinity. And if I’m close to success being diplomatic, I might buy related skills instead. 

I cast one last glance at the screen.

Steve Prentiss.

Qualia points available: 4711

Physical awakening: first stage

Mage tradition: Demetrion’s soul magic.

Soul awakening: third stage

Time Avatar traits:

Perfect loop (time)

Perfect soul (time)

Reset (time)

Avatar language acquisition (neutral)

Native So-Sah (neutral)

Native Kei-Sah (neutral)

Basic Ten-Sah (neutral)

Art of the Awakening:

Advanced three gates meditation method 

Advanced training knowledge

Path of Everything

Art of the Soul

Advanced telepath 

Advanced locus manipulation

Adept mass communication

Advanced Soul sweep

Art of the Warrior.

Basic Defender Operator 

Basic staff: Art of the Ape

Basic squad tactics (com specialist)

Adept mass communication

This is mostly what I expected with two notes. First, I hadn’t realized my Kei-Sah had improved so much — probably spent enough time around the honchos to correct my last mistakes. Second, there are redundancies. Adept mass communication is listed twice, which makes sense if I consider it’s the military application of a soul power. Shaking my head, or at least pretending to since this isn’t my body, I make my way to the table. The budding Steve corpse pile has a new headless addition, I notice. I get the first absolute, undeniable visual evidence that I have a brain there. Sadly that one is splattered but it’s not a huge loss. 

I make a few more notes, new dates, new creatures, timing difference, the names of my friends, and finally the two major suggestions I have afterward: joining the Bleak Hounds as Xan suggested, and going to Kimera — with the steps she suggested. I return to the table after it’s done. Chronos and Morag wait, as always.

“I think I want to try and talk to the Avatar of Law. Surely no one wants to be blown up. It could buy the station a few months of peace.”

Chronos smiles kindly.

“No comments?” I ask.

“You know I will support you no matter what you try. I will even support you if you decide to stop trying for a while. You have our best wishes, Steve. Ready?”

“Ready.”

This is not my house.