Chaotic Clusterfuck 33 (Patreon)

Commissioned by Definitely Not Dio

Chaotic Clusterfuck

Chapter 33

-VB-

The pirates began to approach the shore, and the first thing we realized was that they had some heavy weapons on their ships. The second thing we noticed was the white flag flying from the top of their boat. 

Now, we weren’t knowledgeable about boats and whatnot but that boat did not look like a fishing boat. Or a converted one. In fact, it looked like a proper warship or a coastal patrol boat. Hell, it even had a large machine gun. Or was it a cannon? 

The patrol boat came to a stop not too far off the coast and a speed boat attached to its back lowered and came towards us. 

We waited for them while making sure that our most defense-oriented clones were on and around the converted fishing vessel we were using to cross the Atlantic. 

The speeder came near the shore, and half a dozen men got off the boat and waded through the waters toward us. 

They stopped just after pulling themselves out of the water and stood on the sandy shore. 

“Who are you?” the lead man demanded. 

We glanced at each other. We had one of the clones step up. Since all of us were armored from head to toe, they couldn’t see our faces. “We’re from America. Brockton Bay.”

His eyebrows rose up. “Brockton Bay? Why didn’t you say so? Are you an affiliate of the ABB?” 

We blinked. 

Right. ABB was part of the pirate coalition that had a firm hold of Brockton Bay’s trainyard and unofficial shipyards. 

“No, but we’ve done some business with them,” we replied. “Who are you?”

“I am Robbing Ronald, captain of the Ronald Roamers,” he thumbed his chest with a grin. The big and bulky man with mediterranean bronze skin and sideburns with a red bandana over his head sniffed. “So you guys are … or aren’t pirates?”

“Not pirates,” we replied. “We’re trying to get to Africa.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Africa? Why would you go over there? Life is shit there,” he asked, and we heard a bit of an accent. There was a tang to his words. 

“Sticking it to the Batarians. They killed a few of our friends,” we replied. “And maybe taking a few of their shit if they’re stupid enough to keep them unsecured.”

“Amen to that! That’s a good fellow human right there!” Captain Ronald grinned as he pointed to me while looking at his men and women behind him, who were also all smiling.

“... Sounds like you had some encounter with them,” we said as the lead clone gestured and another one of us came out with a picnic blanket, some rations, and water. “Wanna share?”

“... If you have some booze, then you’ll have my lips singing anything about everything,” he grinned. 

-VB-

So.

Pirates. 

Despite what we expected, there was a general rule of piracy around these parts. Around the entire planet, actually. There were pirates who were in it for the slaughter, blood, and gore, sure, but most of the pirates were smart enough to not cause too big of a problem. The dumb and problematic pirate crews tended to die rather quickly, either because the locals got mad, America got mad, or the dragons got mad. 

Yes, apparently, if the dragons on the Dark Continents get mad enough, then they will chase after the pirates and sink them in the dead of night. Speaking of dragons, they were apparently, on average, the size of two school buses, but there were a few that Captain Ronald personally saw (and had pictures of) a dragon that was thicker than a Redwood and longer than a train. 

It was unfortunate for everyone that this particular dragon was aquatic and had tentacles for a mouth. And could swim upwards to 30 knots, or 34 miles per hour, for hours on end. And could fly if it felt like it. 

Dragons be dope and terrifying. 

Pirates lived among these dangers and more while eking out a living, and after Ronald saw that all of the clones were superpowered capes, he wisely chose not to go about pirating against us. Instead, he offered information in exchange for goods we might have. Like booze. 

We were more than happy to offer.

It was through this exchange that we also learned that everyone in the former South American continent, now the Continent of Andes and the South American Archipelago, and especially the Brazilians, hated the Batarians because outside of Africa, South American Archipelago was where the Batarians came to raid for human “stock.” 

And apparently, their holding in Africa, the second largest of the African Archipelago, was basically empty of people now. Almost fifty million people. Gone. 

Batarians took them off Earth Bet to be sold elsewhere. Essentially, Batarians have been quietly genociding humanity, one island at a time. 

According to the pirates, Batarian raids have been increasing in frequency here because the remnants of African states have been fighting back fiercely. Trauma and wars led to more humans Triggering with power and that increased both the ferocity of the raids and wars, which would then cause more Triggers. It was a destructive cycle that was working in humanity’s favor. 

Particularly, Ethiopia and “Central African Union” have been fighting back extremely well against the Batarians while warlords have been working for and against either side. 

Europe and Old Eurasia remained safe because of the fact that the Dark Continent served as a shield. Yes, Batarians had spaceships.

No, that didn’t mean shit for the creatures roaming the Dark Continent. In fact, the dragons - yes, the dragons - took an almost human-like offense to anything that flew higher than them. 

“Wait, so are you telling me that some of the dragons ate eezo…” we asked in horror. 

“Yeah, there’s dragons hunting Batarians in low orbit now,” Ronald sighed as he scratched his ginger hair. “Can’t leave low orbit. Or so I heard.”

“Jesus…”

Dragons were a menace. 

“So are you still planning on heading over there?” he asked us. 

We nodded. “Still gonna stick it to them.”

He grunted. “Well, if you really want to keep going… then head on over to Morocco. They and Algiers have been the ones most hurt by the Batarians, so they’ll gladly house and feed you when you tell them that you’re there to kick Batarian ass. Something about jihad, whatever that is,” he said and then stood up. “Ah. Just don’t mention me? They hate my ass.”

Morocco, huh?

-VB-

While my seabound clones continued to make their way toward Africa after that exchange, I found myself in a … rather unique position. 

Because of all the people to come to me, I did not expect Taylor Hebert, or known to the world as the Swarm, to come to me and meet me in my water plant office. 

“By the way, congratulations on your debut,” I remarked as I sat across from the stoic, calm, and armored to the gill … eighteen year old? Emma was at least eighteen when I started fucking her, and Taylor was supposed to be around her age. “You made a powerful showing during the raid.”

“Thank you,” she replied, her voice distorted by a distorter. She was much more prepared to meet me than I expected despite her very recent and impromptu debut. She even had a complete costume! Probably prepared it in advance like she did in canon.

“But I have to ask. Why did you ask to meet me?” I asked her honestly. 

Taylor - Swarm since she was in her costume - didn’t answer for just a moment before she did. “I have a contact whose connections have spoken highly of you.”

Contacts? Connections? Since when did she have -? 

… Oh, her dad. And since her dad was the hiring manager of the local Dockworkers, who remained relevant thanks to continuation of international shipping (despite the Dark Continents’ appearance, piracy, and monsters roaming the world), he had to know a lot of people. But who would have enough connection to both me and her dad for him to accept any kind of “praise” from? 

… 

The only person I could think of was the mayor. He definitely favored me much more than the PRT and the Protectorate, who he regarded as reckless idiots. I thought so, too, but it was simply that their priority and his priority were different.

“I’m curious,” I told her while leaning forward. “How would that lead you to meeting me?”

“They said you would be open to … funding heroes who are not of the federal variety.”

Huh? But I never said anything about funding heroes to anyone. Wait, was Christener trying something here? 

Ugh, I needed ajins in his office from now on. 

“And you think you are … capable,” I slowly said. 

“I think I am.” Her posture didn’t so much as twitch as she said that. “I can prove myself against your cape guards if I have to.”

I snorted. “Then you are capable. But are you worth it?” I asked her. 

“I’m sorry?” 

“Are you worth whatever support I give you?” I asked. “Would you be a corporate hero that just takes money and do my biddings with the veneer of legitimacy or would you be someone who would stand against me if I ever turn … odd.”

It was a test. 

Honestly, I had more money than what I knew what to do with. Supporting someone like Tay- Swarm would mean that she wouldn’t need to become a villain to exact change. In fact, I knew for a fact that I could point her not just at the villains, meaning I wouldn’t have to dirty my hands with them every single time, but also at the PRT and its corruption. At the very least, I could coax her to become suspicious of the PRT for their mismanagement.

But was it worth it? 

“If you become a villain, then I will catch you.”

I hummed. 

“Then prove it to me.”

“... You have clon-.”

She froze. 

Because she felt hands on her shoulders but there wasn’t anyone there for her bugs to look at. That was my personal ajin laying a hand on her.

“... So you already scouted me out before you came here,” I grinned. “But do be careful what you say.”

This was getting interesting~! 

“... you have clones but you don’t use them to take over the city. You train and tinker but ultimately, you don’t harm the city. You help the city with your business. You aren’t a villain. At least not yet, and defending yourself against the PRT’s overreach is not villainy.” She took a quick breath in and continued. “You don’t have anyone else to hold you accountable but you also don’t answer to anyone who would tell you to do things you don’t want to. I can … see at the very least that you benefit from the city becoming better. So it is in your interest to support other capes to improve the city, because it would only mean more profit for you while you get to remain out of the spotlight for longer.”

I clapped. “A half-logical and half-call to action persuasion appealing to my desire to not seek the limelight! I didn’t expect this from you!” I grinned. “Alright, then I’ll bite, Swarm. Five thousand dollars a month. I’ll also cover any medical problems in-house as well. I expect to see you in action, or at the very least a report of what you have been doing if you aren’t showing yourself in public.”

I extended a hand. 

She looked at it for a second before raising her own hand and grabbing my hand in a handshake.