Gif: DANCE HALL DAZE (Patreon)

INT. OLD WEST SALOON – DAYThe piano player plinks out a tune. Cowboys drink and play cards while saloon girls lounge about. It is a lively scene, but then the swinging doors burst open and a tall, mean-looking OUTLAW strides in, his hand hovering near his gun. The men all freeze, the piano player stops playing mid-song and the saloon girls nervously fan themselves. An OLD LADY in the corner sets down her whiskey glass and scowls at the interloper.The BARTENDER gulps and tries to put on a brave face.BARTENDER: N-now, listen here, Bart… we don’t want no trouble!The OUTLAW saunters over to the bar, smirking.OUTLAW: Aw, now… is that any way to greet an old friend?A toothless old TOWNSMAN speaks up from the back.TOWNSMAN: Friend?! Last week you robbed every feller in this durn saloon!OUTLAW: Yup, that I did. And not a-one of yuh was man enough to stop me. Look at yuh, tremblin’ like a bunch of girls.He slowly looks around the room and the men all avert their eyes, staring down at their boots. While the OUTLAW's back is turned, the OLD LADY slips the bartender a flask and signals that he should serve it to the OUTLAW. The BARTENDER nods and tips the flask into a whiskey glass.OUTLAW: Now, I'm getting impatient, boys. And when I get impatient, folks tend to wind up dead...The BARTENDER slides the whiskey glass across the bar.BARTENDER: Aw, settle down, Bart. Here... drink’s on the house.The OUTLAW grins.OUTLAW: Now, that’s more like it.He gulps the whiskey, and as he does his frame softens and reshapes into lush curves while his dusty outlaw clothes swirl and snap into a pink dress trimmed with white lacy ruffles at the bust. Suddenly the fearsome gunman is a curvy blonde beauty. He sets down the glass and looks around smugly, clearly unaware that he's changed. The townsfolk gawk.OUTLAW: Now then… are you boys gonna pay up, or...? (He notices his high, soft new voice and frowns.) Land sakes, maybe I was out in the sun too long. (He clears his throat, trying to sound tough and failing.) Anyhow, like I was saying, are you boys gonna pay up, or am I gonna have to...?He reaches for his gun but is surprised to find it isn't there. He looks flustered but he still hasn't realized he's changed.OUTLAW: Aw, dag nab it. Where in tarnation did my gun git to?He blinks, looking a little dazed as the drink's effects continue to build. He steadies himself and smiles prettily at the crowd.OUTLAW: Ah, well... never mind all that. Say, how would you boys like to hear a li'l song?The stunned townsfolk exchange looks. The former OUTLAW strikes a glamorous pose beside the piano.OUTLAW (singing): I've got the cutest little dimple in my cheek... I've got those invitation eyes that seem to speak...The piano player eagerly joins in and the saloon erupts in applause. The OUTLAW looks bewildered for a moment, wondering why he's performing for the crowd like this, but then he suddenly finds himself striking another pose and singing again.

OUTLAW I've got the cutest little walk, the cutest line of baby talk... And when it comes to kissing, well, there's nothing that I'm missing...

The BARTENDER and the OLD LADY exchange knowing grins. FADE OUT.