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Fan Club Video #10: Adding ROMANCE to your games! (Patreon)

Published:
2025-11-27 12:59:43
Imported:
2026-06
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Content

We've got a new, long, Patreon-exclusive video! In it, I pop open the top button of two questions on everyone's lips: "Should I be doing romance in my home games? And how do I do that?"

In case you don't have time for the 40 minute answer contained in this video, allow me to summarise it! I think we should all have more love, romance and attraction in our home games, and I think you should not go about this like I did, with my overconfidence and my, erm, whiteboard.

Enjoy, everybody.

-- Quinns

Files

Previews only

Fan Club Content: Adding ROMANCE to your games!

In this Patreon-exclusive video, Quinns pops open the top button of the question on everyone's lips: "Should I have more romance in my home games?" Probably, yes. But you should also go about this wisely, and not like Quinns did, with his overconfidence and his... whiteboard? Oh dear. D&D Court: https://youtu.be/lJx6JUr1sNg?si=6UWr-bbiL_LAtWd1

Comments

Dragonback Lancer

Using the Lelith Hesperax model to show how Warhammer has sex in it is actually perfect, because she had a Black Library book about her come out just last year and it's primarily about her getting a girlfriend

Sienna Miller

My favourite moment of romance that I've run is when a character in my spire campaign had an ability that basically says "get really drunk and then you'll wake up somewhere plot relevant" and she woke up in the apartment of the assistant of a key NPC who had taken them home because they were too drunk to leave to their own devicss but also not intelligible enough to guide her to where she lived. After this, my player began sort of semi drunkenly flirting, as they did with many characters, and eventually this assistant seems flattered but says "can I take you home now". And at this point the character in order to avoid revealing their actual home location to someone they at this point realised had some connection to the mystery they were solving, so she says "please take me to this little book shop" which was near the group's detective agency/hideout. Only after narrating the two walking back there did I realise that without myself and my player realising, she'd basically asked this npc on a strange sort of date, and having the npc suddenly say "hang on a second, this is a date" surprised my player in the most fun way possible

Adam Nicholson

Romance isn't necessarily something that I have avoided in RPG sessions (my last PC had explicit designs on winning over a married woman - it's blades in the dark, I was scoundrel-coded after all) but we never directly address it in an "on screen" manner. Big repressed white British man energy.

Amber Hammerfist

Thank you for once again being open about this stuff. Your assessment of why there's often a lack of romance in games is accurate. Leaving it out treats us all regardless of gender and age like adolescent boys who think kissing is weird and girlie.

Amber Hammerfist

My most memorable romance elements in a game I've GMed were in my Slugblaster campaign. I had players who had romances with NPCs where one of the characters ended up a an anthropomorphic cat as a result of weird interdimensional stuff in a romantic relationship with one of the folk from Thennis Spar, I had queer relationships going on where one of the player characters fancied a gender ambiguous character called Bob, Bob fancied both that character and another character at the same time, and it was all awkward and cringey, but in a game about teenage skate punks, it was totally right that it was awkward and cringey! It was pure perfection. If you're going to introduce romance to an RPG one where everyone is already being awkward cringey teenagers is a great place to start.

Marthell

In my regular group literally all of us are queer, gender non-confirming furries and, not to play into stereotypes, but getting romance and sexuality to be a part of our games has never been a problem 😅😹

George

Currently in a campaign where I (a male) am playing a deeply traumatised junkie woman who has started to develop feelings towards my partners (a female) male character. A very unique dynamic where we are starting this deeply flawed relationship at our table from a real world gender bent perspective We also had a similar experience to the Wildsea dance scene where my character ‘accidentally’ spilt red wine down the dress of an NPC who decided to dance with my partners character just so the NPC would have to leave so our characters could dance

Rafael Cupiael

Wow, what a synchronicity! I'm actually giving a short talk today at the “RPG Romance Week” on the Polish server Błękitny Klucz. I’ll be speaking about how sexuality and romance are portrayed in semi-live freeforms - especially Jeepform and American Freeform - using games like Summer Lovin, Upgrade!, Doubt, Lady & Otto, and Under My Skin as examples. I’ll talk about the wonderfully diverse approaches to romance in these games, the techniques they use, and what we can bring from them into tabletop RPGs. Throughout the whole week there are two interesting talks / discussion panels every day about games, tools, mechanics and Pasión de las Pasiones :D.

Max Brannan

Well... As my player pool are my adult siblings and nephews, a lot of this won't work. HOWEVER, we do acknowledge the premise that romance is compelling. In our main game, one character's love and relationship with an NPC has become a group cause to support and protect (except for my PC who is less impressed by the NPC for a silly but fun to play reason).

Max Brannan

Further, I'm asexual and have found that has made me prone to jump to rpg *romance* with gusto because my brain doesn't jump to various (and uncomfortable for some) *sexual* assumptions that others do.

Irene

What a great video, made me cackle a few times. I I made a thin blood vampire mobster who was the most tragic and unredeemable thing ever created. His first introduction to the players who have been playing a few sessions of monster of the week was him walking out of one of a player's NPC brother's room. Of course the DM made sure it was okay with the player. Anytime my character and the NPC were together, it was nondiscript but everyone knew and loved the scandal since he was only with the NPC to mess with the player character. Eventually he does fall for the NPC brother which added the guilt of manipulation and that he is a terrible person. The player character added more drama of hating him dating her brother. Monster of the week turned from Scooby doo to soap opera and we all loved it.

Roman Vorontsov

In one of my first campaigns as a GM, I kind of set up a romance storyline between two PCs. It was important to the plot and made for a better, more dramatic story overall. Years later, when I think about this episode, my body starts to resemble a desiccated orange. I think that, to this day, I rarely - if ever - add romantic storylines to my games because of that experience.

TheTavernCat

Thank you for this wonderful video! I've spent the last few years playing with a group comprised exclusively of straight white men who pretended to be "narrative focused" and yet all balked and shied away from the idea of romance or approaching sensitive subjects in a healthy and safe manner. I've thankfully cut the cord with them and am now in a group comprised of, I think, a healthier variety of people. And part of me really yearns and is curious to try adding romance to a future game. But im just scared of killing what might be a good thing. I think this video helped me a lot in reviewing and realizing I was aboutta really fuck up haha. Thank you again so much for this video Quinns it means the world to me.

Sadie Johnson

Thank you for this one! I am a HUGE sucker for throwing romance into the games I play in, and I'm always worried I'm fucking up the GM's plans. My GM texted me this morning to show me you made this video, definitely made me feel like I've been doing something right.

Tom Barden

Just wanted to leave a comment to say that when this video finished I said to myself, out loud “this is such a good channel, just so fucking good.” Great video, some really informative stuff there, particularly on the safety tools. It’s absolutely my experience as well that they don’t get used, even if all my players say they would. Now, I’m lucky in that so far as I’m aware that line has never been crossed at my table, but it’s still something all GMs should be thinking of.

Mark Foster

This is such a difficult thing to do, and the consequences can be so catastrophic amongst the players that I shy away from it entirely. It always seems to bleed over into Out of Character arguments. In all honesty, I have no idea how romance and flirting works in real life, let alone be able to roleplay it. But it is absurd that we're happier to play killing people than kissing them. Perhaps that's because the killing is more obviously the story and far removed (for the luckiest of us) from our lives, but the kissing is real and touches raw nerves.

Ennis Jackson

I am the lone floozy among my friend group of very nice, polite, respectable, introverted nerds. For years I've had good success introducing sex + romance as a DM by just applying my actual real-world approach to hitting on strangers: Be casual about it. Maybe this is just cute afab privilege, but if you come onto someone in a cheerful and relaxed enough way -- just a, "hey, you're awful easy on the eyes and I think it would be fun to do something about it if you're interested" kind of attitude? It never falls flat. The worst case scenario for the other person is they walk away with a bit of an ego boost (having rejected you and received a positive, pro-social reaction to said rejection). I just do the same thing with npcs, with characters they already trust or like. Make an easy-to-decline but fundamentally sincere pass. Sometimes something comes of it! Sometimes it doesn't. Even when the dynamic isn't pursued, it sometimes adds a bit of umami to the broth anyway -- that "we almost dated" subtext, you know? Now that I've been a player I find my strategy is just to ask about it during character creation. "Hey, is it okay if my dude is nursing a little crush on your guy?" "Hey, do you want to be ex-spouses who kind of fucking hate each other but ultimately still care?" I think got this advice from Matt Colville: Most people will happily be a part of your nonsense provided they are in on the scheme. Also it's fun to show off how good at flirting I am to the people in my life who are never actually on the receiving end of my advances hehe.

scandis

This was great, thank you! Our games have almost always a degree of romance, desire, and often sex. I can’t think of many exceptions… Alien with the prewritten cinematic adventure characters is quite devoid of love, but that’s really it. Tends to be complex, often toxic relationships, sometimes quite graphic. I feel we got started with Vampire, and then, much later, with Monsterhearts and its explicit sex moves that put sex on the table, in the toy box. But these days you’ll find it in our D&D, too. I don’t think I’d be here if my group wasn’t primarily women and nonbinary. I’m a cis guy myself, and struggle with intimacy with men. I’m working on it, and games with romance help a lot. The safety tool discussion was welcome. I always make a point of having the options out when playing with new people, but even then: approaching things real slow is the better way. The only time I can think we’ve ever X carded something is to nope an NPC name, but we have used traffic lights to make sure we’re all good to continue in very intense scenes.

Mike Chapman

The video is great, but I need to talk about Maison Ikkoku, because I always thought that they *didn't* have sex in that scene. There was too much pressure or it was too awkward... something kept them from going through with it. So that part of your video was surprising. Actually you doing a sneaky four-year campaign to get romance into your games is bit surprising too.

Zhen Chun

RE: Roleplaying is subtly invisibly competitive - Yes. Yes! YES! You’ve finally vocalised the secret game I always play at every table as both player and GM: “Who can create the strongest emotional response?” Not in a way that’s mean or disruptive, but I always gear my plans and moves to make people go “What!?”, “Wahaha!” Or “NO!”, either through mechanics or roleplay. To me it is the best secret game in the world, because, sure, it amps up the stakes and excitement at the table* if I’m winning at the game for the reasons you’ve expressed with the value of adding romance to games. The even greater prize is when I LOSE the game, and find out how awesome the people are at the table in making me crack up. If you’re angling for deeper emotional connections in RP, I’d recommend giving it a try! *mileage on “fun” may vary depending on the table’s mindset to RP. Individual players may play this game asynchronous unconsciously, while others have not even considered it a game to play.

TheLohan

This was a very well done video. Thank you for the honesty in your mistakes and the processes you've learned. Also, thank you for the call out on the safety tools and X-card. I love the idea of the safety tools but have also rarely seen it used in any game (1 use one time and it was an online game so anonymity was easier). I would like there to be a simple way to keep people safer but I think the reality for an RPG is much like in real life. There are no X-cards in life, we have to just figure it out as we go and work through it. Again, thank you Quinns

TerrisHowland

Recently my game has been adding and encouraging romance at our table, and the scenes are some of my most vulnerable moments as a GM in my entire time playing TTRPG's. I'm so happy my players are as supportive of my attempts to portray these NPC's in these moments and it has truly opened up our game to more in depth experiences and role-play. Fabula Ultima is absolutely a game that lends itself to Romance and is a strong recommend.

Rosalind Chapman

God the GM hitting on the player's GF story makes me self cringe so hard cause I've been in the GM's shoes there. Unlike the GM in the story, I do romance stories and bawdy stuff with most PCs, but I have hurt myself (and I worry made her uncomfortable although were good now) by not realizing how different the texture is when you're doing that with someone you actually do have feelings for versus platonic friends.

Rosalind Chapman
>>194982034

The only safety tool I've found that actually works is the session zero lines and veils. Everything else falls apart for the reasons in the video. It's awkward bringing up to friends, you feel like you've stepped out of the role of their friend and become their HR manager, and then no one uses it lol. They might have a place with strangers, but god playing with strangers is so scary and not ideal at the best of times and I couldn't imagine playing the sorts of games that encourage sex and romance with strangers.

Rosalind Chapman
>>194984386

Genuinely, that was the best part of the video, it got me so excited as a designer because no one mentions it, and I was like "oh- how could I use that little hidden electricity intentionally in my designs"

A. Green

I'm a female GM and my home game is 75% female players, and you're so right that including romance is key to making the hobby more inclusive. Romance/sex has been a core part of our games since our first campaign together, because those are the kinds of stories my players tend to care most about

Wakelyn

Ran a game of the Root RPG that acted as a prequel to the board game and explored how the old bird kingdom fell to civil war. A couple sessions in, I realized that the three player characters were perfectly suited to eventually go on to become the leaders of the three main factions in the board game. At the very end, as everything fully fell apart and the players went their separate ways, parting as allies for the final time, it sort of became clear that the PCs who would end up in charge of the bird kingdom and the cat empire were in love. Totally unfulfilled, barely-spoken, but absolutely present. It added so much pathos to the ending, and eventually when we came back to explore the actual war, it made the factions so much more interesting since the players knew that these two faction leaders, the big bads who were mortal enemies, had also once been in love but been too fucked up to act on it.

M W

Great video as always, the only thing that made me wince a little was some of the absolutisms you espoused at the start of the video about how "you simply CANNOT have stories without love, or romance, or sex". I have several aromantic and asexual friends who I think might take issue with that assertion 😅 Heck, even just from personal experience, I'm currently thoroughly enjoying Super Supportive - an emotional superhero webnovel with a canonically aroace protagonist. Idk this is maybe me being obtuse and nitpicky, but It just felt weird to hear you wax lyrical about the everpresence of romance in modern media as if that makes it a Noble Truth of Good Storytelling and not just a broad-appeal setpiece that will compel some and bore others. As if most modern blockbusters wouldn't be IMMEDIATELY improved by removing the romantic subplot 😂. Anyway to end on a positive, I really liked the example you gave at the end of trying a thing and then immediately having an OOC chat about "how was that? Did that work?" That ones going straight into my mental-toolkit

M W

I'm currently gearing up to be the "Handler" (GM) for a Girl Frame campaign - a toxic yuri mechsploitation game that my friends and I are being VERY horny about. I may or may not have acquired some extra pishock modules for the occasion, so we can have one per player to set the atmosphere :3

Ben Livingstone

My second-ever DnD character was a Warforged who had once been human, When he was killed, his wife put what was left of him in a metal body. His only purposes in life were to find love (longing for the wife he no longer remembered), and to kill all vampires. Basically, he fell in love with every female character we encountered, and expressed that love by interacting in an awkward way, and then leaving them strictly alone when it became obvious that there was no interest. Complications arose when the female character in our party drew his attention, and he developed a crush on her (the player is female, too). I checked in with the player, and she said that was fine, but that her character wasn't interested. Later, it turned out that she and the DM had been planning to give her character a lesbian relationship. Heartbroken, my character turned his attention to enabling their relationship as much as possible. Eventually, Tryggin Farlaster did reunite with his wife, and regain his memories. Until then, his sad-boy melancholy was incredibly fun to play!

Josh David

I have two main groups that I game with, one is an online group with people who are spread out across the US and Europe that I've been playing with for about seven years. The other is a group of my IRL friends, some from way back in high school and college. Games with my online group almost always involve romance and flirtation between both PCs and NPCs and those relationships can turn into major elements of the stories. In my IRL group romance does happen occasionally but it usually stays in the background and there are definitely some players that are more comfortable with going there than others. I almost have to make a conscious mental adjustment going between them.

Kieron

Hah. As an GM's note on Quinns' delightful anecdote from the Warhammer campaign I ran, there's two key things I'd add about that NPC. First, "the most beautiful woman you've ever seen" was dropped at the end of an otherwise prosaic description with no further details. Don't make it seedy or comic with details. Let the players do the work. Secondly, she was just didn't even notice the characters becoming embarrassed teenage boys. She just got about her business.

Ads

There is a lot of great advice here, and omg I am so onboard wrt the inclusivity angle. That said I'm in the Jay Dragon camp that these games are much better described as experiences than stories. Sure, we can sort of frame some of what we do in story terms, but those stories are typically quite janky (yes, even with story game engines behind them) and definitely not the sort of thing you'd tell at a party. Even a very nerdy party. I also think the predominance of story talk obscures and undervalues all the other fun things that happens at the table, which is not great if you're unpacking how ttrpgs tick. There's also the risk of turning off people who think of playing ttrpgs in challenge based or other terms and definitely do not understand what they're doing as creating "scenes". I appreciate that some of this is about speaking to what you find most compelling about ttrpgs and trying to inculcate/argue for that kind of perspective in your viewers. I also take the point - which you argue brilliantly - that if you want more of a sense that story is happening, love, sex and romance - and all the human emotions - are a good way to build that as they add so much connective tissue, texture, and yes drama but in my experience what they bring still isn't best described as story. I really truly think we need to develop a better vocabulary to describe what happens at the table. Acknowledging different play styles/cultures seems a good place to start, even if - I dunno - "door D&D" ain't your bag.

Roman Vorontsov
>>194971335

In my experience with ttrpg and larp, in-game romance bleed out all the time. Well, not 100%, but so SO often

Węglarz

This is video #10, not #9. Cheers!

Gary Wilson

One of the best romances I've played out in an RP was when friends and I played the Starter Set adventure for The One Ring. With the entire group taking on the roles of hobbits on a simple adventure in the shire. During the course of the adventure it naturally happened that we decided the PCs of Rorimac Brandybuck and Lobelia Bracegirdle (engaged to become Lobelia Sackville-Baggins) where in fact exes with lingering feelings, we hadn't planned for it - the dynamic naturally occurring from our interactions and it ended up becoming the emotional core of the story we were telling. Where familial obligations conflicted with personal desire.

Jim Huxter

Oh god. This ended up being a very long comment. In short, there are clear questions you can ask players to see if they're interested in pursuing a romantic story ("Do you want to ask anyone to the dance", "Do you respond to their flirting"), players and GMs trying to brute force romance for others can lead to great story moments if everyone's comfortable with it, and players who don't want to engage in a romantic story about their character may still be very excited to help along the romance of another PC or an NPC. Here's some art my wife drew of her character Vandal and the gang. https://imgur.com/a/lCxhBbA My favourite ever campaign was an X-Men campaign I ran where the players were the new generation of X-Men in training, but the story was as much about their lives as high-schoolers than it was about their missions. As it was a high-school story, I wanted to provide all the tropes for them to bounce off, like an interschool sports tournament, a costume house party where dangerous drugs were involved and an inter-school prank rivalry. I didn't go in planning to make romance a core part but I provided a large cast of NPCs for players to latch on to, and I was delighted to roleplay the high school romances when it happened. We ended up telling a bunch of different stories with a romantic edge. These were all between PCs and NPCs, or even two NPCs. Some of these were done in fifteen minutes, but they really helped to add some humanity to the player characters and make everyone a fan of each other. -The A plot was sparked when my wife expressed her character Vandal's crush on the mutant pride promoting, influencer girl Rainbow in their homeroom class (Wolverine was their homeroom teacher). We roleplayed lots of awkward but sweet conversations and it was clear from the PC's crippling anxiety and the NPC's extroversion that this was going to be a slow-burn will-they won't-they. Cue lots of scenes of the other players giving nudges and doing what they could to keep the flame burning, sometimes unhelpfully. One of my favourite scenes took place with the two on a date, where I had the charismatic waiter cotton on to what was going on and had the house band approach them performing 'That's Amore'. Cue Vandal panicking, realising it was all too much, too fast and running out of the restaurant (while the player herself was loving it). I loved this because it's maybe a rare case where a GM trying to push a romance on a player backfired to the BENEFIT of the story. Of course, near the end of the campaign, Vandal confessed her feelings in a private setting, making for a lovely ending. -At an interschool sports tournament between the four mutant academies, I asked if our cocky speedster wanted to catch up with anyone he'd fought against in his featherweight mutant wrestling matches. He exchanged some spicy flirting with the girl who could turn into slime, they went back to his place, we faded to black, the player said they went their separate ways but kept in touch via text now and then, and that was that. We got to roleplay the fun bit, jokes were made about slime girls and we learned a lot about our PC. -Wingspan was a moody kid who could glide on unattractive skin flaps like a flying squirrel. He shared a frank conversation about the stresses of growing up and being the little sibling with Emma Frost's youngest clone, and they shared a peck on the cheek and developed a long-distance relationship. By this point in the story, I think romance was in the air, so Wingspan's player definitely picked up on what I was offering when this NPC started talking to him. -There was even a lovely little story about all the PCs helping their favourite NPC, a kid with feet for hands and hands for feet called Slaps, gain some confidence by creating the most badass Wolverine costume possible, giving him the courage to ask out the quirky girl with the eyes on stalks. -With our last player, I asked him "Is there anyone your character is thinking about asking to the party", he said no and that his character wasn't really thinking about it, and that clearly signposted he did not want to engage in that kind of story, which was fine. Even so, he loved playing a wingman role in the romances of the other characters. Final point I'll add is that we had a lot of moments where I would ask the players to describe how their characters looked at this moment. They designed their superhero costumes, they dressed up for parties and dates, and described what others would notice when they entered the room. This really helped the players to express what their characters wanted to communicate about themselves. Our Speedster was always showing off his muscles, and the gloomy Wingspan eventually sorted out his floppy hair that hid his face.

Jack Lightfoot

RPGs are weird cos they're part game, part story. Romance in stories is always interesting, even when done attrociously. In games, it's always sticky even when done well. In solo computer games, it's a lot of everyone magically fancies you, and men on the internet asking why they can't romance EVERY hot woman in the game. In tabletop, people bring so many aspects of themselves in the characters, and the heavy description in first person can make romance look awkward. I know my dad is talking about his character wanting to romance the blue dragon in his campaign, but it still stress to hear my happily married father speaking it. RPGs are about story. But not purely, like a novel. RPGs are about real relationships (friendships) being made by the stories they make together. Love makes great stories, but questionable when gamefied.

Lindsay Woodward
>>194946638

This has been my experience too! I'm also a queer furry, and I found players who I know do (online) erotic roleplay seem better at this. Also anyone in my group who's open that they ERP is clearly comfertable with being vulnerable at the table. 🤣

Lindsay Woodward

I have so many thoughts on this, forgive me if I jump around. I've subtly (and not so subtly) pushed romance and sex into my games for like 10 years. My first game featured a player couple who's characters were frequently intimate off screen, and who's post campaign involved starting a family. 🥹 I ran an explicitly sex focused campaign for 6 months, and the homebrew setting for which has continued to be explored in successive campaigns. My current campaign is 1.5 years in 🎂At this point, inimacy is so ingrained into my setting and the culture with a few players, its much easier. Half the current plot involves previous PCs (now as NPCs who failed to save the world) with messy, toxic baggage from decades of failed, chaotic relationships. One of the most gut wrenching moments of TTRPG I've ever experienced was killing off a character's girlfriend. The PC and an NPC goblin named Dee started as a hook up between adventurers. They fell deeply in love as they became the only person the other could trust. When the party fought a necromancer and lost, the villian killed Dee and left the party on death saves. He told the PC he would generously 'bring back your porter', and raised Dee as a zombie (knowing this also ruins resurection ☠️). The player needed 15 minuites to cry before we continued. She took a side quest to bury Dee in a special place and comissioned art of her lover, laid to rest in the flower patch. That was the defining moment where the PC turned to necromancy, and while she had many flings with significant NPCs, she said that Dee was her true love. 💘 A current PC arc was planned as a MM Rival to Lovers, where their failed rolls at flirting created huge romantic misunderstandings and made the helpful NPC storm off for sessions at a time before popping up in another town. Now the boys have study dates to copy spells from each other's spell books 🤭 Safety Tools! I find no one uses an X Card, buuut I editted the lines and veils page to be more relevant to my games and it helps my table a lot! Since my players in my current campaign explicitly agreed to a veil on sex at the table, they are not afraid to 'make a move' because they understand I will always ask broadly their intentions and we will skip ahead. I think romance can get better after intimacy, but your table needs to be comfertable with playing what happens next. This adds stakes to a character's life. Relationships fail for all sorts of reasons, jealousy pops up, and what happens if the NPC 'found their treasure' and wants to settle down to quit? Even when things are good, relationships take effort-- character's seeking gifts, PCs plan a wedding, or processing what it is to love the Tank who takes axes to the face every day. I love my husband, but marriage is an adventure that will always have another fight, or another quest. 💜 I also think some players don't want to spend time on things that don't create a compelling story to them. Many dudes aren't compelled by a romance story. They will find the drama it creates interesting, but don't find other PC's nuanced emotional relationships a story they care about, because two character's emotional pain doesn't feel like stakes they care about. Sex is titilating, but I honestly found out first hand that even roleplaying even the steamiest, weirdest intimacy at the table is only fun for a little bit. Drama needs stakes, and it has to be heading somewhere. This is also why I personally hate random encounters. This has gotten too long, lol, but I could go on forever.

Charlie Maguire

I don't know if this counts because it was only ever a character idea in a campaign that sadly fizzled out rather quickly. I was playing the classic horny bard but deep down they knew sleeping with all and sundry was ultimately trying to fill the void of a broken heart. Despite the idea not going anywhere it was very fascinating going through mental process of how my character had arrived emotionally at the point they were at. To other players I was just another horny bard but even if it was just for myself, having an internal rationale was in its own way creatively satisfying. I do think you can learn a lot about yourself by pretending to be someone else. Another player joined us a few sessions in. We found them imprisoned in a dungeon and being the horny bard made a comment about good with handcuffs and proceeded to unlock them. It's so strange because I can still vividly remember this moment. They were playing an Aasimir but they'd be inprisoned for so long they were all ragged and grimy. I was down on one knee undoing their bindings and another player healed them. Suddenly this dedraggled figure burst forth as this angelic vision of beauty. That image of being down on one knee in front of this character in all their sudden splendour is burned into my brain and all my character to think was, "Oh no." Being faced with someone who I instantly realised I had a genuine attraction to, I didn't know how to deal with it. All that bravado and swagger disappeared, I was awkward and clumsy and did not want to talk to them for fear of messing it up. That's drama, baby! I never had any plans to explore that idea but suddenly faced with this situation, having that internal emotional state, it just felt like the natural conclusion. Sadly, like I said, the campaign fizzled and those ideas never went anywhere. This was a few years ago now but knowing I can get into that headspace and understanding that I would want to explore those themes again if they arose does make me excited to play more games in the future.

Lachlan Smith
>>195035076

This was a really interesting read. I have to say though, your comment on random encounters got me thinking. I just don’t know why that particular bit of game design has to catch strays. Are you using D&D for these complex stories and planned character arcs? Because historically D&D did not have that design intention. I guess I don’t understand why people play D&D if they want a different experience than the one D&D provides. Anyway please don’t get me wrong, it’s clear you’re a very experienced GM and player but this particular dilemma fascinates me.

Kira S

DM and player here. When it comes to safety tools, I do like a Veils and Lines system as well as setting some boundaries beforehand. In a game I'm currently a part of, various people elected that they might be interested in relationships with NPCs but not other players, or other players but not NPCs, neither, or both. And in this game we have a relationship that has become VERY plot influential, as our fighter discovers her NPC girlfriend has been lying to her and is actually working for the big bad. Meanwhile, my character and the (PC) cleric had been having Vibes since the very beginning of the game. As that player and I became closer friends, we started speculating that actually, these two characters hooked up secretly at the very beginning of the campaign. (A real "I've just survived a deathly experience, I need to clutch at life" torrid hookup in an alley sort of thing). And then they've just. Never talked about it. Assumed they would never see the other person again, except now they're stuck in a party together. Now, several years of play in, their relationship has finally been revealed to the other characters, but it's still very much Off-Screen most of the time. Both for our comfort (I broke up with my partner in the midst of this) and to not take up too much screen time. But man, it's fun! And it's *very* funny when other players make joking assumptions about how those two characters act in the bedroom because they are *always* incorrect. Just because someone is tall doesn't mean they top, folks.

nonzer0value

Man, your content is so engaging. Thank you!

Zaranell
>>195016341

I'm glad you made this comment, I've been thinking recently about the spectrum of TTRPG fans who chiefly care about creating a story they can share when the game is over (complete with relatable human drama) and those who want to feel immersed in the rules-driven problem-solving of their characters. Focusing on the word "experiences" feels like a step in the right direction for speaking with some clearer language on the subject. I think people on both ends of that particular spectrum are seeking experiences that arise from an RPG, with one being "I want to feel like my friends and I just improvised a novella" and the other being more "I want to feel like I'm *in* this world and making choices." Those are oversimplifications, but you get the idea.

Chrys Sellers

Romance highlight story: I (queer) was running Defy the Gods (queer sword & sorcery adventure-romance in fantasy ancient Mesopotamia) with my (also queer) friends. One of them plays a vessel for an exiled god, who starts manifesting as actual fire coming from the vessel's heart (BG3 shout-out). Another plays a sorcerer who—through a miracle of dice—summons a demon made of blue flame. The vessel flirts with the demon to gain influence, but the roll results in the demon falling for the fiery god instead. Almost off-screen, while the other PCs talk, the two flames touch, mingle and flare. Afterward, the vessel isn't even mad about it—just happy for her patron. And that's when I learned the word "compersion."

Arseni Kritchever

A couple of romance-related little stories from my recent campaigns: - I was running Dragonlance, one player made a very chivalrous but a little rough around the edges knight, the other player's character came from nobility and specified that one of his character's family members was a sister. And a running thread through the campaign became this very fun courtship between the knight PC and the lady NPC while that NPC's brother (the other PC) was doing everything he could to help the courtship along. It was funny and sweet and at the end of the campaign there was a wedding. - And a steamier story is from my Urban Shadows game that's set in 1890s Paris. One PC decided to make a Vamp who is not quite a sex worker but does use sexual attraction to get what she wants sometimes which has led to some spicy scenes (everyone at the table was very cool with them). But then due to the machinations of the PC Imp, the Vamp character began to have feelings for one of the people that she had taken advantage of and began to rethink her casual attitudes to sex. It was a bit of unexpected character development for everyone at the table.

TheAmazingRosinki

I had to sit on this for a couple of days cause while I get the spirit of wanting to use every you can to enhance your game, I think the emphasis is less one “romance” being the key but emotional intimacy/vulnerability. Like, I know to some people it’s tomato tomahto, but idk trying to be inclusive to people who just don’t experience romance? Like (anecdote time) in my home game, the gm, myself and one other player are on different parts of the AroAce spectrum. Gm and me are aspec but do experience romantic attraction (though differently), but the other player is AroAce afaik. And another of the players is a massive fucking shipper. Like, making up ship names for every two characters (pc and npc) that have a hint of chemistry, or just for a lark. She and the dm have been kindly holding my hands as I step into my first real foray with TTRPG romance. Going off of my character, who I play sort of close to my own sexual identity as alloromantic demisexual: she has gotten a gf over the course of the game, but I’m still trying to find my footing rping it cause it’s my first time doing this type of thing. So my DM has done what you did and has gotten a reticent player to give rpg romance a whirl. But honestly… this romance hasn’t super charged my play experience by giving me an interesting and complex relationship to rp, because i already had one. My character’s most impactful relationship, what makes her raw and irrational, is her connection to her twin brother; he who haunts her narrative having died long before the game started. This (familial) relationship has caused my character to fly into crazed rages, fall into the deepest of sorrows, try to comfort illusions, *use one of her party members as a pawn for “justice”*. Some of the moments my dm and the other players still talk about during our current break are moments when my girl grappled with grief and vulnerability and shyness in connecting with people. And her arc going from being part of a pair, to having no one, to being part of the party, who she has developed some true and complicated relationships with (confidant, conspirator, foil, tool, sister). It was raw, it was irrational, it was engaging. It was Love. But it wasn’t Romance. Her relationship with her gf is going to be another layer, a garnish or dessert; a new facet to explore on her journey to live for herself. What I believe elevated my character was just by having moments of emotional intimacy with others. Which is one of your main points! That both boring and “interesting” characters are made great by having complex relationships play out! But I do wince a bit at the idea that the “best” way is through romance. Easiest, maybe, but, I dunno. [Sorry for the lackluster ending. Ran a bit out of steam and still trying to work out my feelings on this video on a idk cultural level (rpg advice-wise, I still think it’s solid advice for someone spinning their wheels on how to elevate their table experience!)]

TheAmazingRosinki
>>195634539

Also if you wanna see more stuff on games with The Messy Spice(tm) incorporating asexuality, I’d recommend checking out the opening of Monsterhearts 2. MH/MH2 has a stat literally called Hot, where if you roll good you (R.A.W.) make the target hot and bothered by your actions, and uses the OG Apocalypse World “Sex Move” mechanic. Which all-in-all isn’t AroAce friendly. But the designer, Avery Alder, went out of their way to add a page in MH2 about how to tweak this game about monstrous teens dealing with bullshit hormones to be inclusive to people who just *don’t*. Idk, thought it would be neat to shout out in this discussion.

Chris Hallberg

As a player on the asexual end of the spectrum (demi- specifically), I’ve had difficulty role-playing romance and sex in the “can someone explain finding someone hot to me?” kind of way. Open to questions about this! My longest run character (Torb) had an offscreen one-night stand but that’s it. Not for lack of openness, but maybe the perception of RP romance being a pro move for seasoned veterans. As a GM, I’m doing something right bc my party paused before the final battle of our five year campaign so two of the PCs, one played by my wife, could get married. And then one of my characters revealed a romance no one else knew about when she chose to go and fight to save him. Also, all of my DND tables have had a player with a differently gendered character that then came out IRL as trans. That might be more of a result of how long my arcs are, but I’m so happy they were comfortable doing that! I am going to be returning to Torb soon and what this video has inspired me to do is to make him more affectionate. Not romantically, maybe, but the anecdote about two characters being comfortable enough to sleep in the same room really made me think about Torb’s comfort and intimacy with the other party members. I now want to bring a warmth to him through touches, remembering food preferences, confiding, falling asleep leaned on them. This should come naturally as I get to play with my closest friends - I’m just excited to make an effort to vocalize and embody these affections.

Simon Brake

I've definitely been happy to dip into romance and sex as a theme, but it has very much been something that I'd explore more with an indie gamer crowd than a more classic D&D coded crowd (if only because once, playing a D&D Rogue in a Ravenloft campaign, someone just outright screwed up her face with the reality of my character being quick to sleep with good looking NPCs). I think I stumbled onto the indie crowd in London shortly after I'd stumbled upon Fiasco, and started a weekly Fiasco club after work in whatever quiet pubs we could find, but the actual indie club introduced me to games like Love in the Time of Seið (which I think was my first literal introduction to a scene where a veil was lowered over a romance scene), and then soon after that Apocalypse World was published, with its sex moves on the character sheets, closely followed by Monsterhearts and Urban Shadows with their own rules for intimate encounters, and having it all up front and mechanised made people feel a lot more open to, or even eager to, play with the idea of relationships between characters. Although now I've found myself running a many year long campaign of Pendragon, one of the more classic RPGs out there, which between the idea of playing knights over the generations and of knights being chivalrous has meant that romance has played a significant part in those games). But, yes, I'm the person who buys games like Good Society, Star Crossed Lovers or hidden role game Lovestruck, when most of my friends play fantasy horror games. I've always liked a bit of romance, in part because I've always kind of been fond of romantic comedies. I think my worst experience, as a player, was actually through Spire. One of the published campaigns, I believe, wherein the characters would be bringing down the rule of the high elves through rituals performed to a Crow Idol. One of the required rituals would be that one of us would have to have their heart broken by someone they were fully in love with. Although, arguably, my character, the trope-dripping noir writer/detective who was able to tweak the narrative flow of situations with his powers, was the perfect fall guy for this, we waited until perhaps the last session to have this ritual triggered. We had an NPC that it made sense for it to be. And then, for that final session, our GM asked a friend of his, who I'd never met, to join our zoom call and play the NPC. This was a little awkward in it's own right, but then, because I was roleplaying my character according to the situation, and refusing to use the list of rituals as a shopping list to be ticked off, I had the GM several times over giving non-too-subtle nudges as to professing my love for the character now being played by this stranger. Possibly one of my least favourite endings to a campaign, which is a shame, because I loved Spire when it came out, and was the person who introduced the GM to it. I feel the idea that romance be slow and organically born of the narrative is definitely the way to handle things. Although I still appreciate the messy relationships of Apocalypse World and Monsterhearts, where the game just gives you extra incentive to get involved with other characters.

Alexander

We’ve had a lot of innocent flirting in our games. Last night I ran Into the Odd with my friends and I’m a straight man and one of my friends is gay and he decided in his words to “straight flirt” with my female NPC who was a butch communist patisserie worker - of course this was fun and funny but I did freeze at first because I wasn’t sure how it might go. We’re a comfortable group but I don’t think I’d do it with our female group member because I don’t want to overstep a boundary or make anything weird for me or her. A lot to think about!

Emily J

Speaking as one of them lil circles (but which colour??) one of the things that helped IMMENSELY with flirting when we played good society was we had hand held fans! I think we brought them as a laugh (regency innit) but they were so useful for being able to relieve tension, signal emotion, and have something to SLIGHTLY break the space across the table between you and the person you're flirting with. Not for every table and every game I'm sure but I loved that part of our campaign.

Emily J
>>196062023

Oh and importantly we only had two, and 4/5 players, so we had to keep passing them around. Which was a huge flag to all the players that you were about to ROMANCE (which was the point of the game, so not a spoiler as it were)

Jon Hartmann

I loved the note about X-Card and their adoption! I really want those kinds of protections within my games, but easing towards anything and giving it time to breathe is best.

Tony

Sorry to be that guy but isn't the Yazeba's B&B video episode 9? Also, great video thank you :*

cosmitz

I think a lot of it has to do with the emotional quality of people too. I've had theater friends and the things that went on in those group's meetings and activities, often bland like rehersing or set construction, were richer with harmless innuendo and flirtation than even a supposed 'saucy' party of walled up/buttoned up personalities drunk on NYE. That aside, this can go the other way on the quality scale. Straight up. There are SO many stories of times where it feels like the session is just exploring the GM's fetish. These stories are not rare. Not rare are also the stories of the guybro DnD group suddenly getting a woman player and everyone, either in or out of character, just end up trainwrecking the entire session with flirtation, be it welcomed or unwelcomed, and the new player just doesn't know how to handle any of this. Just overall horror stories, and most groups i've been in or around hold an extremely tight leash, for good reason, on how saucy stuff can get. I remember one story where the two met, a theater lady joining her brother's ttrpg group, and causing extreme sexual chaos. She wasn't taking it seriously and felt like just theater, but everyone else, suddenly hit with very real human direct in character talking and seducing.. lost their everloving shit. But that's circling around to the aspect of just... time... that you've hit on. In the end it really just takes people that have a lot of experience roleplaying, and i mean amateour improv theater level of roleplaying not just theorycrafting DPS, and being there specifically for the communal storybuilding aspect. It of course absolutely helps if people are also friends and know eachother very well. Like your 12 people of various amounts styles of play, with a 'if you build it they will kiss' attitude about things, yeah, things will work out over years of being at this, let alone friendship. Because like you've experienced, there's a lot of work to be done before people don't feel cringe communicating in-character (at least without an accent), let alone until they're comfortable with really exposing aspects of themselves at the table and being able to take a step back and appreciate it separately from the expression that just happened earlier. But yeah, it clicks eventually that some things just do a lot for a story, like any sort of need or desire of an emotional or physical nature will find an outlet for the characters played. A backstab can do as much as a tender hug.

qquest
>>195876749

Wow! That sounds like the makings of a comedy skit. That's not how the magic circle works at all! You can't just bring in a STRANGER during the finale! 😅😅

qquest
>>195828218

That's so cool, Chris! Just all of it. I wish you the best of luck on your RP journey. 😊

qquest
>>194982680

Oh, that's totally a valid read of that panel! Interesting. Maybe you're right.

qquest
>>194992423

Ahhh Rosalind, I'm so sorry. If it makes you feel better, your cringe mistake is something that made me giggle, because I could see myself doing it too.

#1 Deep Thinker

This has shown up just in time for a new group of players who want the libido level of the their recent BG3 experience in our home game 🙏 thank you! (Also, is the camera tilted, or am I?)

Alex Merrill

Squirming. Mormons.

Inclusive Investor

Interestingly, as an aspec AFAB I've always been acutely aware of how uncomfortable folk who share either of those identities can feel around romantic and/or sexual content in TTRPGs. Because of this, I've never even considered roleplaying that kind of interaction in a negative light until I watched this video and heard that it's possible for some people to find that fun and narratively engaging. I have a different skew of how player identities would affect me in this sense. I think the only players I would ever consider putting through a more annoying or difficult interaction with an NPC that had an interest in them without really respecting them would be my cishet male friends - because everyone else has usually had to deal with that too much in real life and (in my friendship group at least, based on Lines and Veils knowledge) wouldn't find it fun to roleplay. Whereas for the cishet men, it's less likely to grate on old wounds and more likely to be an opportunity for them to gain some empathy with a lived experience they might not have to put up with in real life. But ultimately it's still down to the player check-in. Like, if I were to pitch something like that to a cishet guy at my table, it'd still be up to him whether he wanted to roleplay that kind of interaction or not.