Chapter 1082 - Impeccable Comedic Timing (Patreon)

Right after Jake noticed the arrival of the god, Sylphie also reacted as her head perked up, and she looked around a bit frantically. Quickly, she realized who it was that had arrived as she jumped off Jake’s head with a small screech.

“Ree!” she said, making Jake nod in understanding.

“Fair enough, you go fly around a bit,” Jake didn’t argue as Sylphie decided to give Jake and the newly arrived god some space to talk in peace. In the meanwhile, she would fly around a bit outside and play. He knew that while Sylphie was borderline immune to the presence of gods, she still felt a bit uncomfortable around the god who’d brought him beer. Which, to be fair, all but a handful of beings in the entire multiverse did.

After watching her fly out the door, Jake finally decided to greet the newcomer, and he couldn’t suppress his smile as he walked into the living room and found the table filled with beer and snacks, along with an ancient snake god lounging on the couch.

“You know, I’m beginning to question just how private this private residence really is with gods just teleporting in and out all day. This is already the second time today,” Jake said jokingly as Villy looked up at him.

“You’re at most just renting this place, making me your landlord,” the snake god answered in turn. “And sadly for you, the Order of the Malefic Viper doesn’t have strong tenant protection laws, allowing the landlord to make unannounced visits at any time for any reason.”

“I will say, even if my old landlord broke in like this, I could have at least found it somewhat acceptable if he brought good beer every time,” Jake shook his head as he went over and took a seat in one of the lounge chairs opposite of Villy.

“Oh, I’ll just add the price of beverages to your rent.”

“Now that’s definitely illegal,” Jake countered.

“Sue me,” Villy shrugged jokingly. “I’m both the jury, judge, and executioner within the Order of the Malefic Viper.”

“Quite a broken legal system if you ask me,” Jake kept the joke going.

“Only if you’re not part of the in-group. Sure, for everyone else, it sucks, but as the ones in power, we benefit, so who cares?” the Primordial said, and at this point, the joke was beginning to feel a bit too real.

“I guess that’s just the terms of living under a tyrant,” Jake shook his head.

“Says one tyrant to another,” Villy countered.

“Touché, I guess,” Jake had to admit defeat as he couldn’t really argue against that. They kind of were two dictators who’d forcibly taken over their respective territories through power and intimidation, though Jake would argue he at least tried not to be too bad with the World Council and all that.

Villy just smiled as he waved his hand and popped two caps off the bottles before making one float to Jake and the other to himself. Jake gladly grabbed it and took a swig, instantly feeling the potent toxin burn its way down his throat.

The sensation was incredibly odd, and Jake couldn’t help but cough a time or two as he looked up at the snake god. “Damn, what the hell is this?”

“Homebrew,” Villy answered casually as he also took a drink himself. “Not mine, mind you. It’s quite a unique product, very popular among certain alchemists due to the exotic mix of toxic materials used during the brewing process.”

“Who did you buy it from?” Jake asked before taking another slurp, once more feeling his body getting burned from the inside. Again, it felt weird... a little painful for sure, but with a very pleasant after-taste. Overall? Not too bad.

“Who said I bought it? Lots of the larger merchant organizations have begun to expand their presence within Order territory recently, and this batch was part of their bribery to be allowed to set up shop,” the snake god answered casually. “I just swiped it from one of the warehouses as the quality seemed good.”

“Fair enough,” Jake said, not even bothering to comment on the fact that apparently bribery was simply viewed as a normal way to get a store within Order territory. Instead, he switched the topic. “Say, how are you doing after digesting your gains from your fight with Yip of Yore? Everything as it should be?”

This was Jake’s first time meeting the snake god after he killed Yip, and Jake could feel some subtle changes to Villy’s aura. He couldn’t quite place his finger on why it felt different, but something had undoubtedly changed.

“It’s as expected,” Villy answered, also turning more serious. “I’ve finished the active portion, and now I just have to wait for the passive digestion to finish. As for how long that’ll take... who knows, but it won’t be just a few years.”

“What do you mean when you say the active and passive portion of the digestion?” Jake asked curiously.

Villy seemed to understand that Jake was fishing for knowledge on how the Legacy skill worked as he gladly obliged. “My version of Palate is naturally quite a bit more advanced than yours. Right now, when you consume something, you consume all of its Records – save for the massive wastage during the process - which isn’t really bad, at least not for a mortal. For me, however, I need to be more... selective with what kind of Records I want to integrate into my Path. I also can’t be as wasteful. Someone like Yip of Yore naturally had a lot of Records, but I only needed some of them. The active digestion portion allows me to prime the food, so to speak. I make it so the Records I don’t want serve to only nourish the ones I do, allowing me to get as much out of the process as possible, and while the total quantity I absorb is undoubtedly reduced from doing this, the quality is greatly heightened.”

Jake was nodding along during the explanation, instantly realizing that some serious control was required to make such a thing happen. To pick and choose Records like that couldn’t be easy, and as Villy had said, it wasn’t neccecary either in nearly all cases. At least not for mortals. That’s not to say it couldn’t be helpful in some fringe instances. He also still had some questions.

“Does it work if you consume multiple things? Like, could you eat another god and use their Records to nourish the ones from Yip of Yore you want, increasing your gains?” Jake questioned.

“No, I can’t even eat a second god that easily. Well, not in a way that allows me to absorb their Records like this anyway,” the snake god explained. “Consuming Yip of Yore took a lot of preparation and even a bit of sacrifice. Also, I’m not simply absorbing Records. I’m also replacing some of those I had. As I said, it’s a lot more complex than you need to bother understanding right now. In fact, I think you should focus more on your current Palate, considering how it’s still broken.”

“Yeah, about that...” Jake sighed. “I’m looking into a solution, but it will take a while. Did you happen to find a way to heal it?”

“Nothing concrete that doesn’t involve massive risk,” the snake god shook his head. “You will need to heal it sooner rather than later, though. There is a chance it stops you from evolving your profession to B-grade, and even if it doesn’t, evolving with a damaged skill is a very unwise thing to do. I am still looking into solutions, but fixing that kind of soul damage isn’t easy, especially not considering you caused it with your Bloodline, making the damage Transcendent in nature. I could also only temporarily address it with my own Transcendence, but that means the only way to fix it fully is by using another Transcendence. That, or you manage to heal it on your own, effectively getting the help of the system with that method.”

“I always planned on getting it fixed before evolving,” Jake said, shaking his head. “It’s part of what I’m working on with improving my Meditate skill. It also sounded like that would be the best solution according to the First Sage.”

“Then just continue working on that,” the Primordial said, not questioning for a second if that would be for the best if the First Sage had suggested it. “I can already feel that your soul has grown from the encounter with Master, and I’m sure that if you follow his Legacy, it will continue to do so.”

Jake nodded, already looking forward to his next meditation session.

“Speaking of Records and Legacies...” the Viper said. He raised his hand, palm-up, and on it, an odd circular object that looked like a small egg covered in scales, making Jake use Identify without really thinking about it.

[Refined Record Fragment of Yip of Yore (???)] – Contains Records related to the fallen god, Yip of Yore.

“Looks neat,” Jake said, unsure what to say about it. “What’s it for? A small snack for later?”

“It’s for you,” Villy smiled. “Well, it will be for you after you’ve addressed your issue with Palate. I originally planned on having you consume it using Palate with me actively guiding you during the process of consuming it, but there may be a better usage. Can you show me what you got from slaying the Usurper?”

“Sure,” Jake said, seeing no reason not to as he took out his singular drop from killing Ell’Hakan. The odd crystal heart appeared, and Jake also used Identify on this for good measure.

[Starlight Heart of the Celestial Child (Unique)] – The crystalized heart of Ell’Hakan, also known as the Celestial Child, former Chosen and Usurper of Yip of Yore. This Starlight Heart was created after his death, containing his Records. Contains remnants of the Bloodline of the [Redacted], granting it unique powers. This item allows you to [Redacted] while held. Additionally, if consumed, the Starlight Heart of the Celestial Child may grant the consumer [Redacted]. May the powers of the moons and stars guide you.

“You figured out any of its functions yet?” Villy asked while studying the Starlight Heart closely.

“None,” Jake shook his head. “It says it allows me to do something while holding it, but I’ve yet to figure out what that might be... but to be fair, I haven’t experimented much. It’s clearly related to his Bloodline, and knowing how fucked up that was, I don’t wanna mess with the Starlight Heart too much.”

“Probably a wise choice,” the snake god nodded. “Having an item containing remnants of a Bloodline is incredibly rare, and it makes them dangerous by default. Its effects might be Transcendent in nature, making it a threat even to someone like me. Though, considering the system, I doubt the heart has any directly offensive properties. You may end up fucking up your own emotions considering how the Bloodline worked, though, so I would still be very careful.”

“Hey... I’ve kind of been thinking, since it contains remnants of the Bloodline, does that mean this Starlight Heart could be used to give rise to his Bloodline again? Like, could the Records be transplanted into a living person somehow, or could a creature be born using the item as a catalyst?” Jake asked, already knowing that if the answer was yes, his very next action would be to just get rid of the damn thing for good.

“No,” Villy quickly shot down that notion. “Bloodlines and Truesouls are bound together intrinsically. This item has no soul power whatsoever. Even if you somehow managed to use the item to give birth to some creature with your Primeval Origins abilities, it won’t have a Bloodline. It may get a skill or have its race be affected by the properties the Bloodline had, but that’s about it.”

“Alright... good,” Jake sighed in relief. “Doesn’t mean I have any idea what to use it for, though. I still find it too risky of an object to even experiment with, and there’s definitely no way in hell I’m gonna eat it. When you use Identify on it, does it also have the redacted portions?”

“It does,” the god nodded in confirmation. “It will for everyone, I’d reckon. Besides anyone who actually has the Bloodline, that is, but considering the grand total of people like that is zero, no one will be able to see what it does simply through Identify. It will require experimentation... or for you to eat it using the special stomach of Palate to learn more about it in a safe way.”

“I could do that... though I’m still considering just getting rid of it for good,” Jake sighed.

“Understandable in some ways, but I would heavily advise against it. Think about it like this: the Bloodline was powerful, of that, there is no doubt. It only makes sense the item has some powerful function, too, right? If you can identify those functions, I have a little item here you may just be able to use to empower them. Once you do that, you can use the Starlight Heart to create something truly useful.”

Jake now finally understood what Villy meant as he looked at the Record Fragment from Yip of Yore. “I guess because the Records of Ell’Hakan and Yip mixed after he became a Usurper, merging the two items won’t be overly difficult...”

“It won’t be too easy either, and you will need my active participation to make it happen,” Villy shrugged. “But I can see you craft something truly powerful if you empower and give the Starlight Heart some direction... assuming it has any useful functions at all, that is. If not, you can always just use it as a catalyst for some ritual or maybe just use the Starlight Heart to empower the Record Fragment.”

“Definitely food for thought,” Jake said, popping open another bottle of beer after having finished the first one. “But such things in good time. As you said, I’ll need to fix Palate first before it’s even worth thinking about any of that.”

“Let’s hope you can find time to do that while visiting the Pantheon of Life. I have a feeling you will be quite busy doing other things – or people – once there,” Villy said teasingly.

“And even after that, I might just be busy apparently going to a wedding in the Nine Hells,” Jake sighed, choosing to completely ignore the obvious teasing.

“That thing? You got time, no worries,” the Viper waved it off. “The demons are notoriously slow planning stuff like that, and seeing as you haven’t even been officially invited yet, it’s obvious no actual date has been decided on either. I wouldn’t be surprised if it takes well over a decade before a date is even set.”

“Irin did say something similar,” Jake nodded. “Do you think I should go when the time comes?”

“Are you asking me that as a friend or as your Patron? Because as your Patron, I would naturally tell you to go. While the Order of the Malefic Viper does have an established alliance with some of the clans in the Nine Hells, we don’t have any deep connection with the Fourth Hell, and having you go there as a prime witness would be an obvious way to begin building these connections,” the Malefic Viper answered.

“Now, as your friend... I don’t really care. You might get some interesting gifts from going, including things that the Order cannot provide you as they are unique to the Nine Hells, but outside of that, you won’t gain much by going. Not that you’ll lose anything, either. I think it all boils down to if you want to nurture a friendly relationship with that little Demon Prince. Doing so could prove useful in the future.”

“I guess I should just go when the time comes... as you said, it’s not like I’ll lose anything by doing so, while I’ll at least get some free donations simply by showing up and witnessing the party. Plus, I’ll get to see what a demon wedding looks like, which should at least be a novel experience,” Jake shrugged.

“And you’ll make that succubus of yours happy. Especially if you bring her along to the entire thing, I’m sure she’ll be more than eager to reward you personally, continually, and perhaps even a bit freakishly,” Villy said, fully back to teasing Jake again.

And what an incredible time to say this, considering the succubus they were talking about had returned just before Villy started his sentence. From the look on his face, the snake god had damn well known she was coming, and he was oh-so-proud of his impeccable comedic timing.