Where the Predators Prowl [Ch 94, 95, 96, 97, 98] (Patreon)

94. Cabin Fever

“What do you think Kristi will behave like?” I asked.

"Bitchy? No, that's not right. Repressed? Closer. She hadn't had her liminal Highway experience curse thing yet, so she's all bottled up Strand princess mode. Plus Adelle's consciousness is prolly doing the soul tango inside her, so she might be a tiny bit..." The husky tapped her chin.

"A tiny bit what?"

"Murdery? But like, in a sexy way?”

"How is murder sexy?"

"I don't know! Ask Adelle! She's the one who claimed you extra-violently!" Nessy said. "We’ve been fused together as four, but we haven’t seen a 2018 Kristi and 2020 Addie soul-smooshed version."

"Soul-smooshed?" I swatted more suspended rain from the front of my face.

"A highly technical term! I'm building a whole new vocabulary here! Temporal linguistics! Aiming for a Nobel Prize in dimensional Binding!"

I sighed, already missing the 2018 summer days back when Nessy was my bestie. As excessively chatty and clingy as she was, she also wasn’t a loopy Binder, couldn’t fuck up reality sideways on a whim and then laugh it off like it wasn’t that big a deal.

The cabin stood exactly as I remembered it. Warm light glowed from the windows, looking inviting against the backdrop of still rain.

Nessy’s paw reached out to mine. I embraced it, our fingers intertwining. 

As we got closer to the cabin something shifted. The suspended droplets began to wobble, then slowly started falling again. The drops fell in slow motion, then gradually speeding up until they were just... regular rain.

"Huh," I said, holding out my free hand to catch the now-normal precipitation. "Why's the rain working here?"

"We’re closer to the edge of the bubble," Nessy-Candace explained, squeezing my hand tighter. "Reality is more wobbly at the borders. Plus..." She sniffed the air. "Kristi's in there believing it's 2018 extra hard. Like, aggressively believing. Her certainty is probably stabilizing local time to be more linear."

"What does belief smell like?"

"Smells like... judgmental certainty mixed with repressed emotions, denial and… expensive strawberry and lilies shampoo. She’s washed herself hard, polished her scales vigorously and decorated her face… waiting for you to show up.”

“Why is she…?”

“Waiting for you? Because she expected the storm to catch us. She subconsciously understands that all of this is a time loop, knows that you’re coming to her cabin.”

We reached the front door. Through the window, I could see a fire crackling in the stone fireplace. Nessy raised her paw to knock, then paused.

“Yes?” I asked.

"What if she has a shotgun?"

"Why would Kristi have a shotgun?"

"Rich people cabin! They always have shotguns! For... bears! And trespassers! And wet huskies! You should knock. She likes you more."

“Shouldn’t you smell a shotgun?”

“I do. Hence you should knock.”

I sighed and knocked.

The door swung open immediately, as if Kristi had been waiting behind it. She stood there in designer loungewear. Semi transparent blue and silver lace top and shorts did nothing to conceal her curves. 

Her expression went from neutral to a soft smile as she spotted me and then jumped straight to distinctly sour in about half a second when she saw Nessy.

“What’s she doing here?” She growled.

“By the ancient laws of hospitality we demand shelter!” Nessy declared, swishing past the raptor into the cabin.

“Hey, no… stop!” Kristi yelped, claws closing around empty air. “Slayer damn it.”

She turned to me with a sigh. “I thought you’d be alone.”

“You know how she is,” I shrugged. “Plus this isn’t real, so things aren't happening as before.”

“What.”

“This is a bubble of some kind. A dimensional funnel created by the movie theater of the Nameless Mall that Candace bound to the mall with her… Binder powers.”

“Alec,” Kristi blinked at me. “What are you talking about? Who’s Candace?”

I stared back at the sixteen year old raptor girl, realising that her stubbornness was going to be a problem. Kristi looked at me with a concerned face. “Are you okay? Do you have a fever? Are you delirious after a day of hiking? Did you drink enough today? Did that dumb dog…”

“Where’s your towels?” Nessy asked from the cabin innards. 

"Don’t touch or lick anything!" Kristi snarled, feathers bristling. She turned back to me, her expression softening instantly. "Alec, please come in. You're soaking wet."

I stepped inside, dripping water on the polished hardwood floors. The cabin interior was packed with rustic elegance. Oil paintings hung on the walls featuring Clashridge Peak, Cascade, Birchwood caves and Ferguson Valley. Dark leather furniture offered itself for lounging. A white, fluffy sheepskin rug was laid out in front of the fireplace… inhabited by none other than Nessy.

“You! Get off the rug! Who invited you to…” Kristi growled.

“Invited myself, thanks.” Nessy fired back with a foxy grin. “Is the warmest spot and I’m wet. Now, can I have a towel or do I need to roll on this rug to get dry?”

“Get. Off. The. Rug.” Kristi growled.

“Make me. Bet Alec would love to watch us catfight on this fluffy sheep-cloud. Nice swank loungewear, by the way. It’ll look even more seductive if it gets wet, you know.”

The raptor girl choked, not expecting this sort of an attack angle from Nessy. She marched to a closet and returned with two fluffy towels, cheeks dancing with violet swirls.

She threw one of the towels at Nessy, then took a deep breath, visibly composing herself and trying to ignore the cheeky husky.

"Here, let me help you." She stepped close and started gently patting my face dry, switching to the friendly raptor script. "I was worried about you. That storm came in so fast."

"Uh, thanks," I said, wincing as my hair was towel-scrubbed with unnecessary thoroughness.

"Your hair looks good wet," she murmured. "Very... tousled. Let’s get that poncho off.”

Her claws made quick work taking off the plastic cover, violet, scaled hands lingering on my shoulders. "You must be freezing. There's a fire, and I have hot tea brewing."

"Ooh, tea!" Nessy perked up. “How lovely!”

"Did I say tea? I meant hot chocolate. Not a dog thing. Isn’t chocolate toxic to canines?” Kristi sent Nessy a death glare. 

“Hrm,” Nessy pursed her lips. “Only if I eat like a bucket of it. Can you like stop fluttering around Alec with a towel and just admit that you love us both so that we can all move on and make out?”

“What? I…” Kristi flashed with brighter violet. “No!”

"No to which part?" Nessy asked. "The loving us both part or hot chocolate fetching or the making out part? Because I'm flexible on the order of operations here."

"I don't— There is no 'us both!'" Kristi's feathers stood on end. "There's Alec, who I invited to wait out the storm, and there's YOU, a walking disaster who follows him everywhere… like a clingy, hyperactive, annoying shadow!"

“Wet too,” Nessy threw the poncho off herself and fluttered vigorously, throwing droplets across the cabin. “Wet, clingy, hyperactive, annoying shadow.”

“Slayer, why are you like this?” Kristi rubbed her beak-snout where a water drop landed. “If you realise that you’re clingy and annoying why…”

“I’m openly clingy,” Nessy pointed out. “You’re closed clingy. We’re like an electron and proton orbiting the Alec-atom tree forever and ever. Possibly because of his grandfather’s sus book. We’re a single soul divided in twain and the sooner you accept it, the sooner we can all have a chill time.”

“Divided in… what?! WHAT?!”

“Kristi,” I said, realising how insane my words likely sounded to the raptor girl. “You two ARE the same soul I divided in half twice… I think. Also, it’s not 2018. We’re in a bubble dimension created by…”

“I don’t know what kind of a stupid joke the two of you are trying to pull here, but it’s not funny!” Kristi snarled. It was then she noticed my wet, bandaged up hand.

She grabbed my hand, pulled it close to her snout and sniffed. “You’re bleeding. You’re hurt.”

“It’s fine,” I said.

Kristi unwrapped the soaked bandages before I could stop her. She stared at the bleeding bite mark, sniffing it. “She… SHE BIT YOU?!” Her voice rose an octave, feathers flaring as she yanked my hand closer. Her eyes narrowed, scanning the ugly crescent of canine teeth marks like she was cataloguing evidence for a murder trial.

“It’s not a big deal,” I said, already knowing that was the wrong answer.

“Not a—” Her pupils went razor-thin. “That mangy, flea-ridden excuse for a mammal put her mouth on you and broke skin. Do you have any idea how many pathogens huskies could carry?”

From the fireplace rug, Nessy looked up, clearly enjoying the show. “You say ‘pathogens’ like it’s not just pure concentrated love that just obliterated the Nameless mall dungeon.”

Kristi’s head snapped toward her, ignoring the dungeon mall comment completely. “LOVE doesn’t come with a rabies risk!”

“Depends on the love,” Nessy shrugged.

Kristi inhaled like she was about to incinerate her on the spot, then turned back to me, jaw working. “We’re disinfecting this. Now.”

“I—”

“No. Now.” She dragged me toward the kitchen sink with the kind of grip that made it clear my bones and opinion were optional.

The hot water blasted my hand as she rooted around in a drawer and produced a small glass bottle with a faded label. 

“Hold still,” she said, popping the cap.

“What is that?” I asked, suspicious.

“Something my dad uses on knife wounds.”

“Sounds reassuring.”

“It’ll sting,” she said flatly, and then dumped the alcoholic concoction over the bite.

It didn’t sting. It detonated. I should have expected this, having lived through this exact moment in another life.

“Holy ffff—Kristi!” I jerked, but she held me steady, her other clawed hand clamped around my wrist like a vice.

“That’s the infection dying,” she said. “Hold still.”

Behind us, Nessy giggled. “Aw, look at you two, all domestic already. #true-couple-vibes.”

“Do you want me to disinfect you next?” Kristi shot back over her shoulder.

“Only if you use your mouth,” Nessy offered.

It was then that the raptor noticed the husky’s bandaged up, bloody hand.

“What happened to your paw, dog?” she asked, her tone sounding less like concern and more like a border guard cross-examination.

Nessy looked down at her paw as if she’d forgotten the bandage existed. “Oh, this? Occupational hazard.”

Kristi’s tail lashed. “You bit him, and then you went and got yourself mangled too? Or did you get a cut and then bit him? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“A lotta things,” Nessy shrugged. “I’m part fox now.”

“Part fox? You’ve got a fox grandmother or something? What the hell does that even mean?”

“You think that you’re dealing with a shy, goodly Nazarite teenage husky, when in reality you’re dealing with a far older Nessy and also a devious Binder fox. Overall, it means I’m even cuter and far more unhinged than before. You should expect the unexpected.” She laughed.

“I already was. Ugh. Okay… I'll disinfect you too.”

“Aw, you do care,” Nessy cooed. “That’s the first step toward admitting we’re soul-linked. Step two is—”

“Step two,” Kristi cut in, “is you shutting up before I throw you back out into the rain.”

“Candace, can you maybe unbind her memories?” I asked.

“Still outta juice, love.” Nessy yawned and curled into a black and white ball on the rug. “Binding the entire Nameless mall was a tough job. You’ve got mana, right? Reconstitute that cut to impress her.”

“Kristi look, I’m going to…” I began.

The raptor bandaged up my hand faster than my Reconstitution kicked in. I tried to take the bandage off, but she tied it with raptor strength and the angle was awkward.

95. Foxy Pressure

“Wow, you’re slow.” Nessy chortled, watching my struggle with the tight bandages. “Show her other magic,” she suggested. “Draw a moving picture. Fuse a metal spoon to a wooden one. Order her to dance naked on a table as Alpha.”

“What?” Kristi growled. She tapped over to where Nessy lay, grabbed the husky’s paw, sliced the bandages off with a claw, poured the alcohol solution on the Dagaz-shaped cut and then rapidly rebandaged it.

The husky with a foxy soul winced.

Kristi stepped back from the rug, wiping her hands on a kitchen towel like she'd just finished defusing a bomb. "There. Now neither of you will get sepsis. Happy?"

Nessy flexed her bandaged paw, testing the wrap. "Tight. Like your repression levels. I could undo it with one claw if I wasn't so mana-tapped."

The raptor crossed her arms. "Try it. Give me an excuse to toss you out."

“Wow, such insistent threats! You’d toss out a poor, weary husky-fox into the rain? Harsh!”

“It won’t rain forever, you know.”

“It might. I broke local time. I don't know how the five tickets work yet. Still sorting it out.”

Kristi’s eye twitched.

“Right. I’m so fucking done with whatever this is. Alec—bathroom! Go warm up in a bath and change into one of my bathrobes! Nessy—off the fucking rug! NOW!” She snarled.

“Okay, okay, jeez, no need to get so yelly,” Nessy got off the rug, grabbed my hand and pulled me into the bathroom.

“W-wh…” Kristi froze. “Wait, I didn’t mean together! S-s-tt…”

Nessy closed the bathroom door, winking at the situation-paralyzed raptor.

“She’s funny,” she let out. “Aight. Bath time.”

She plugged the drain, turning on the water. Then she began undressing me.

The bathroom door immediately rattled under Kristi's assault. "NESSY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! GET OUT OF THERE!"

"Having a bath!" Nessy called back. "We’re wet and cold! This is problem-solving!"

"NOT TOGETHER!"

"Why not? We’re saving hot water. We're packmates! Right Alec?”

“Yeah…” I agreed with a yawn.

“I wash my Alec all the time. It’s not that big a deal.” Nessy insisted with a Cheshire grin.

“WHAT?!” Kristi barked. “Your… Alec?! You…?” She descended into incomprehensible raptor noises.

“Are we really going to..." I glanced at the bath.

"Get naked and wash each other sensually while Kristi has a meltdown listening? That’s the plan," Nessy stated loudly. "Trust me, this is exactly what needs to happen."

"How is this what needs to happen?"

"Because," she said, pulling off her wet sundress, "Kristi needs to be shocked out of her 2018 mindset. Nothing says 'hey, time isn't what you think it is' like your supposed rival getting naked with your crush."

“Is this really wise?” I asked. “What if I just show her some Depictomancy?”

“Nah. Don’t waste mana, she’s being hella stubborn and will probably going to say it’s fake magic from a PawBay magician’s kit and we might need it to make Time Zest and such.”

“Fine. So what’s the plan?”

"We need her to see us as we really are. A pack. The shock will help crack through her denial."

"She might murder us both."

"Fifty-fifty odds! I like those! Besides, you can’t die. Just shield me if she gets claw-y.”

Against my better judgment, I accepted being undressed and being shoved into the bath. The hot water felt nice after trudging for miles through the cold, timeless rain curtain.

"See? Good choices," Nessy said, climbing in behind me and immediately starting to shampoo my hair. "Now when she finds the courage to enter, she'll find us being domestic and adorable instead of scandalous."

The door rattled again, this time accompanied by what sounded like Kristi's forehead repeatedly thumping against it.

"This is fine," came her muffled voice. "This is totally fine. I'm not having a panic attack. Nope. Not at all. Just... existing… here. Calmly. While my crush gets naked with my sworn enemy. In MY bathroom. Using MY shampoo."

"It IS really nice shampoo!" Nessy called out cheerfully, working up a lather in my hair. "Strawberry and lilies! Very romantic! Oh hey, candles. Even more romantic!"

A strangled noise escaped from the other side of the door.

"Kris? Are you okay out there?" I asked, feeling concerned for the tormented raptor.

"PEACHY!" Kristi's voice cracked. "Just peachy! Why wouldn't I be okay? It's not like I spent three hours getting ready, picking out the perfect outfit, setting up candles, making tea, only for you to show up with HER and immediately get naked together! That's not devastating at all!"

"We're—" I started.

"We're totally naked together," Nessy interrupted helpfully. "Like, super naked. Maximum nakedness achieved as quickly as possible.”

THUNK. That was definitely Kristi's head hitting the door harder.

"Cool. Cool cool cool. That's... that's great. I'm happy for you both. Really. So happy. The happiest. Ha ha." Her laugh sounded unhinged. "I mean, who needs a sophisticated raptor girl with perfect grades, a trust fund, and a cabin when you can have a hyperactive rabid dog who BITES YOU?"

"Hey!" Nessy protested. "I have other qualities!"

"Like what?!"

“Uhmmm… hard to think of them. Busy washing my bae.”

Choking noises.

“Want to wash him together? Just promise not to claw me.”

“WHAT?!”

“What were we talking about? Ah, my awesomesauce qualities. I catch frisbees like really good. The best. Uhhh…. Oh! I bind stuff to stuff the best too.”

“THOSE AREN'T DATING QUALIFICATIONS! You bind stuff?! What are you on about, dog?”

“You like Monty Python right?” Nessy inquired, kneading my shoulders.

“I… guess?” Kristi replied.

“You know, that old Monty Python sketch about the ‘Royal society for putting things on top of other things’?”

“Sure.” Kristi didn’t sound sure at all.

“Right. So that’s me. I’m the President and only member of the Royal Society for Binding Concepts to Other Concepts.”

“Ha ha har, yea laugh it up. You know what? Fine!" Kristi's voice rose higher. "FINE! I didn't even like him that much anyway! I was just... being neighborly! Offering shelter from the storm! Like a good hostess! Not because I've been planning this since I overheard him talking about camping! That would be crazy!" 

"Aww, you planned this?" Nessy cooed. "That's adorable! Did you practice what you were going to say?"

Silence.

"Oh my god, you DID! What was it? 'Oh Alec, fancy seeing you here in this storm I definitely didn't check the weather report for'?"

"WILL YOU SHUT UP! YOU ALREADY WON, WHY MUST YOU TORMENT ME?” The door rattled as Kristi’s head bumped against it.

"Wait, I bet you rehearsed the towel thing! Very smooth, by the way. The whole 'let me help you' while touching his shoulders? Classic move."

More thumping sounds. "I hate you. I hate you so much. You ruin EVERYTHING! Every time I try to... to... You just show up with your stupid tail wagging and your stupid cute smile and hyper-enthusiasm and your stupid... stupidness!"

“Wow, such eloquence.” Nessy-Candace laughed. “Have you considered being less uptight? Letting go of your raptor-inhibitions and just being with us? Together? We can share Alec.”

"That's not..."

"Come on," Nessy teased. "The water's really nice. And Alec's shoulders are surprisingly muscular for a scrawny human."

"I'm not scrawny," I protested.

"You're a little scrawny."

I looked down at myself and had to admit that my current self was indeed scrawny.

"STOP DISCUSSING HIS MUSCLE DEFINITION!" Kristi shrieked. "And stop... whatever you're doing in there!"

"Back washing!"

"STOP BACK WASHING!"

"Would you prefer front washing?"

The sound that came through the door was inhuman. Part screech, part sob, part... raptor mating call?

"I think she's broken," I told Nessy.

"Almost there," she whispered back. Then louder: "Hey Kristi, what would you do if I told you this was all actually happening in a time bubble created by a malevolent mall and the only forward is for you to admit you're part of our soul-bound pack?"

"I'D SAY YOU'VE BEEN EATING THOSE MUSHROOMS BEHIND THE SUPERSTORE AGAIN!"

"I only did that once!" Nessy huffed indignantly.

"Three times. I saw your Pradstagram stories."

"Those were for science!"

"YOU LIVESTREAMED YOURSELF ARGUING WITH A TREE!"

"It started it!"

I sighed, sinking deeper into the water. "Can we maybe speed this up?”

"I’m lighting all your scented candles now,” Nessy declared.

“YOU BETTER NOT BE! THOSE ARE FOR…” 

“For hanging out with Alec? In the bath? That’s why I’m lighting them. There’s an Alec here. In the bath. The rules make out with the special occasion action!”

“Making out?! What?!”

"A special celebratory day! It's the day you discover you're actually a repressed cheetah's consciousness stuck in a teenage raptor's body in a time loop!"

"WHAT?!"

"Nothing! Just interdimensional soul fragment things!"

The door suddenly went quiet. Too quiet.

"Kristi?" I called out.

"You know what?" Her voice was tragically calm. "Fine. You win, Nessy. You got him. Congratulations. I'm just going to... go set myself on fire now. Or maybe jump off the deck. It's only a few feet off the ground, but maybe if I land head-first on a pointy rock..."

"Kristi, no!" I started to get up, but Nessy pulled me back down.

"Wait for it," she whispered.

"Or maybe," Kristi continued, her voice getting more manic, "I'll just become a hermit! Yes! Move deeper into the mountains! Live off berries and spite! Craft elaborate revenge plans I'll never execute because I'm too REFINED and SOPHISTICATED unlike SOME PEOPLE who just TAKE BATHS WITH OTHER PEOPLE'S CRUSHES!"

"She's really going through it," Nessy observed.

"Should we—"

"Give her another minute. She needs to get it out of her system."

"Twenty years from now," Kristi ranted, "when anthropologists find my skeleton in a cave surrounded by desperate diary entries about this moment, they'll say 'Here lies Kristi Strand, who died of secondhand embarrassment and unrequited feelings.' And it'll be YOUR FAULT, NESSY WHITEPAW!"

"You're being a tad dramatic," Nessy called out.

"I'M A RAPTOR! WE'RE GENETICALLY PREDISPOSED TO DRAMATIC VIOLENCE! AND ALSO EATING THINGS THAT ANNOY US! DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO SUPPRESS MY URGE TO TEAR YOU APART?!"

"Kinky!"

"NOT LIKE THAT!"

The door handle rattled again, more desperately this time.

"That's it! I'm coming in there! We're going to discuss this like ADULTS!"

"We're teenagers," Nessy pointed out.

"LIKE MATURE TEENAGERS THEN!"

“Technically our souls are adults.” I said.

The door burst open, and Kristi stormed in, then immediately froze, her eyes darting between us in the tub before she spun around, facing the wall.

"I MEANT TO DO THAT! This is a power move! I'm asserting dominance by... by showing I'm not afraid of your… weird bath time!"

"You're facing the wall," Nessy pointed out.

"DOMINANTLY!"

"Want to turn around and actually assert something?"

"No! Maybe! Shut up!" She crossed her arms, still facing the wall. "New rule! This is MY cabin, so I make the rules! Rule one: No sharing baths! Rule two: No being cute together where I can see it! Rule three: I… I refuse to be left out!"

"So you want to join our bath?" Nessy asked innocently.

"That's not... I didn't... STOP TWISTING MY WORDS!"

"I mean, there's room," Nessy continued. "Alec's on this side, I'm on that side, you could fit in the middle..."

"THE MIDDLE?!"

"Or behind Alec. Or in front. We're flexible."

Kristi made a sound like a tea kettle reaching critical pressure. "I'm going to murder you. Both of you. They'll never find the bodies. The mountain will keep our secrets."

"Can't murder us effectively if you won't turn around," Nessy teased.

"WATCH ME!" Kristi spun around with her eyes squeezed shut, took two steps forward, immediately slipped on Nessy’s wet dress, and went sprawling onto the bathroom floor with a crash.

There was a moment of silence.

"Ow," came the muffled response from the floor.

"Kris? You alright?" I asked, looking out of the bath at the sprawled raptor.

"No. I'm dead. This is my ghost talking. I died of embarrassment. Please bury me under something nice. Not near any dogs."

“Wow, defeated by a wet dress,” Nessy commented. “Achivement unlocked. Sixty points to raptorville. You may now evolve into a t-rex.”

96. Jurassic Bark

“Ugh.” The raptor voiced from below.

"Don’t devolve into a floor-inhabiting-raptor. Consider summoning your stats. Just say ‘Stats’.” Nessy suggested.

Kristi did not attempt to summon her Stats. She remained sprawled on the bathroom tiles, her foot claws opening and closing spasmodically like she was fighting every predatory and violent prad instinct. Her violet-scaled hands covered her face. Her emerald feathers were fluttering in waves, suggesting she was experiencing several emotions at once, none of them conducive to rational thought.

"Don’t judge me, you jerks,” she mumbled into her palms.

"We're not judging," I said, climbing out of the tub. "We're just—"

"Trr tun tun tun TUN! Alec's getting out!" Nessy narrated dramatically, emerging after me. "Water droplets are cascading down his scrawny-but-surprisingly-well-defined human bod!"

"SLAYER! STOP NARRATING!" Kristi's feathery tail swatted the wall.

"Now I'm drying him off!" Nessy continued, grabbing a towel with excessive enthusiasm. "Starting with his hair! It sticks up when I rub it! Like a baby bird!"

Kristi groaned, closing her eyes tighter.

"Now moving to his shoulders! Ohhh.. dat’ pale, soft, fragile human skin! Requires extra-gentle patting!"

"Please stop." Kristi whimpered from the floor.

"Nu-huh. I’m exercising your imagination. Would you like to observe the drying process? Educational raptor-human bonding opportunity! Just open your eyes and witness the toweling!"

“...”

I grabbed the bathrobe from the hook, trying to speed things along. "Nessy, maybe ease up a little?"

"Never! Ohh! Alec is putting on your bathrobe! It’s like… sensual undressing but in reverse! He seems extra pleased with how soft it is! ‘Kristi has excellent taste in bathroom textiles!’ He thinks as he falls in love with the raptor!" The husky-fox giggled, shaking and drying herself off vigorously.

"It's just a bathrobe," Kristi muttered.

"A QUALITY bathrobe! Do you feel this supreme thread count, Alec? How much do you love Kristi for providing such lavish hospitality?"

“Lots. I… love Kristi lots,” I stated bluntly, feeling like a man adrift in the storm of endless husky-fox joke-waves.

“W-what?” Kristi’s eyes shot open. She stared at me, blushing furiously.

I knelt beside Kristi. "Come on, let's get you off the floor."

She reached out to me, eyes wide as two amber tea cups.

I grabbed her arms and pulled. It wasn’t too hard to help her up. Teenage Kristi was only slightly taller than me and Nessy, not the imposing seven-foot presence she'd become. She immediately buried her face in my chest, making a series of sad chirping noises.

"Aleccc… The mean dog is mean to me," she mumbled into the bathrobe, eyes filling with tears.

"There, there," I said, patting her head as her feathers tickled my chin.

"She stole my carefully planned romantic evening!"

“Yes, yes. Foxes steal stuff.” Nessy commented. “You were warned ahead of schedule of my treachery.”

I continued petting the distraught raptor, steering her toward the living room.

"I had candles! And tea! And I was going to suggest we play Scrabble!"

"Scrabble?" Nessy perked up. "That's your idea of romance?"

"It's intellectual!" Kristi let out. "We could have bonded over linguistics!"

“Let me guess, you bought several scrabble sets and purposefully mixed letters that would statistically produce romantic or maybe… lewd words?”

“What? I… no!” Kristi yelped, feathers fluttering.

“And what if I check the letter pouch?”

“Yes! Fine! I did that! Slayer! How are you doing this?! You were… never this clever or pushy! This isn’t fair!”

“I don’t play fair babes,” the husky-fox smiled. “I’m CaNessy. The Nessy who CAN do anything she wants to do! Twice the life experience, twice the bravery, twice the focus. You know, Kris, if you weren’t such a stubborn self-suppressing critter, you too could be twice as capable n’ cool too.”

We collapsed onto the couch, Kristi still attached to my chest like a feathered barnacle. CaNessy immediately grabbed the remote and started channel surfing.

"Eyyyy, you got Pawflix on here, nice." She bobbed excitedly. “Let’s see… Ah. Jurassic Park. Perfect.”

The Jurassic Park movie began. Kristi ignored the TV, focusing burrowing as much into me as she physically could.

On screen, the opening of Jurassic Park began with sweeping shots of an island, except instead of the ominous music, there was a jaunty romantic comedy score.

"Welcome... to Jurassic Park!" Hammond declared, gesturing at a field of prehistoric pradavarian dinosaurs. "Where we've brought back the pradavarian dinosaurs after the Wormwood Star cometfall made them all extinct!"

I blinked at the screen, my brain wobbling. Why did I expect the human Earth Jurassic Park? We were after all in a bubble of 2018 Pradavarian Earth before Systemfall.

On screen, Dr. Alan Grant, played by Sam Neill, was explaining his theory about pradavarian dinosaur pack dynamics to a group of swooning archaeology students.

"You see," Movie-Grant said, brushing dust off a fossil, "the ancient pradavarian velociraptors were quite clever… too clever, some speculate."

“Eh, eh,” CaNessy elbowed me. “Great movie choice, am I right?”

“Sure.” I agreed.

The memories of being two distinctive Alecs were competing in my head. I attempted to slot the Human-Earth Alec more in so that I could enjoy the Pradavarian version of Jurassic Park without spoilers. It worked, the 2018 Alec fading away into the background of my endless soul branches.

Hammond gestured grandly. "They're all female, what could possibly go wrong?"

"Life, uh, finds a way," Malcolm said, somehow making it sound awfully suggestive. "Especially when you create an island full of lonely, intelligent, muscular females with no romantic prospects."

On screen, the first raptor appeared in a cell. She was tall, emerald-feathered, observing the visitors with a head tilt of curious, sharp ember eyes.

"The raptors learned to vocalize in just three weeks," Hammond explained proudly.

The movie-raptor tilted her head and spoke carefully: "Hello... Doc-tor Grant. I heard… You study... old bones. My bones. Why?"

Grant choked. "She can talk?!"

"We learn," the raptor said simply. "I am... Seven One Nine. But Dr. Sattler calls me... Stefanie. I learned new things… from her... magazines."

"What magazines?" Grant asked.

The film cut to Ellie Sattler looking guilty. "I may have left some Cosmopolitans in the observation room and she may have figured out how to use door knobs faster than we expected."

"Way to go Ellie!" CaNessy crackled with laughter. “Now you’ve done it!”

A raptor eye blinked from my chest firing CaNessy a suspicious glare.

The tour continued with Stefanie stalking Grant and the others along the electrified fence, practicing her newly learned pickup lines.

"Are you from Tennessee?" she called through the fence. "Because you are the only... ten... I... see? Is this correct? Magazine said this makes males happy!"

"Dear god," Malcolm muttered. "We've created socially awkward predators."

"I prefer the term 'romantically inexperienced,'" Stefanie corrected. "I have existed for forty-two days… but I learn quickly."

Kristi's grip on me tightened. “Ugh. This movie is so effing stupid.”

Then the power went out, because apparently Dennis Nedry was a greedy idiot in every timeline. The prad dinosaurs escaped. But instead of just pure carnage and human chewing, it became something else. 

Nedry met his end to a very sexy Dilophosaurus who started apologising profusely as soon as she melted his face. She apologised even louder as she tore him up inside the jeep.

"FINALLY!" roared the T-Rex prad, smashing through the fence with her massive, muscular body. "FREEDOM! But also... WHAT DO WE DO NOW?”

“I don’t know,” the other T-Rex growled. “No one prepared us for life choices! We've only known cage and goat delivery schedule! We should devour the humans and…”

“No devouring! We should imprison them and demand one hundred million dollars and a helicopter!” One of the raptors suggested. 

“Who made you boss, smol sister?” The T-Rex barked. “I am bigger therefore I am boss! I say we eat them all and take over the island!”

“And if more humans come?”

“Then we eat those too! Simple!”

"I told you we should have given them enrichment activities," Ellie cried, hiding behind a concrete wall.

"They have enrichment!" Hammond protested. "We gave them balls to play with!"

"BALLS ARE NOT LIFE PURPOSE!" the Rex roared, having overhead Hammond with her superior prad ears. "I have existed for ten weeks and I seek greater MEANING!” 

“Also maybe… healthcare!” A raptor barked. “We demand healthcare!"

The movie devolved into further absurdity as Grant tried to protect the kids while being pursued by Stefanie, who had gotten very confused about the situation.

"Doc-tor Grant!" she called, chasing them through the kitchen. "Why do you run? Cosmo says playing hard to get is good but this seems excessive!"

"You're trying to eat us!"

"No! Maybe! I don't know! I'm experiencing a lot of new feelings! Hunger! Other hunger! Is confusing!" She paused to sniff the air. "Also why do you smell like fear? Is that normal date smell?"

"This isn't a date!" Grant shouted.

"Then why did you do the presentation about raptor mating displays for three hours?!"

"That was academic!"

"IT WAS VERY DETAILED!"

Meanwhile, Malcolm was having his own crisis with the T-Rex, who had cornered him while having an existential breakdown.

"Mathematician!" she boomed. "Explain existence! Why am I? What is purpose of T-Rex?"

"Well, uh, traditionally, apex predator—"

"BUT I WAS MADE IN LAB! Is not traditional! Human scientists say 'all female' but what is female without male?”

CaNessy arrived with hot chocolate, tea and popcorn, depositing a tray on the coffee table and plopping beside me and Kristi. I was so preoccupied with a raptor on my lap and watching the movie I didn't even notice her leaving.

On screen, the climax arrived with everyone trapped in the visitor center. Stefanie faced off against the huge T-Rex prad.

"Stand aside, Seven!" the Rex commanded. "I wish to eat them!"

"No!" Stefanie declared. "I have imprinted on this archaeologist like baby bird! Except was never baby! Whole childhood was fortnight! Very traumatic!"

"That's... actually really sad," Grant admitted.

"See? He understands me!" Stefanie gestured with her claws. "This is… love, probably!"

"YOU'VE KNOWN HIM FOR A DAY!"

"And you've known existence for ten weeks! We're all beginners here!"

The T-Rex considered this. "Valid point, small sister. But counterpoint: CHOMP!" She lunged forward.

Just then, the Dilophosaurus appeared, spraying her blinding venom at the T-rex. Then, she immediately started apologizing.

"Sorry! Sorry! Is reflex! I get nervous in social situations! Only been alive seventeen weeks! Still figuring out boundaries!"

Grant grabbed Stefanie's clawed hand. "You know what? Fine. Yes. This is a date. The worst date in history, but a date."

Ellie choked, clearly distraught at the prospect of a dinosaur girl stealing the man she was herself pining after.

"Really?" Stefanie's eyes went wide.

"Really. Now will you help us escape?"

"Yes! Escape date! Very romantic!"

They fled as the T-Rex and Dilophosaurus got into an argument about nature versus nurture.

The ending credits rolled, featuring a post-credits scene where Stefanie was trying to fill out a dating profile.

"Interests:" she read aloud. "Hunting... no, too aggressive. Reading... Long walks on beach... ate a seagull on the beach once, probably shouldn't mention that..."

Grant leaned over. "Just put 'complicated.'"

"Is that attractive?"

"On you? Somehow, yes."

“Perhaps you are interested in dating me then?”

“Perhaps.”

"This movie is a war crime," Kristi declared from my lap.

"It's genius!" CaNessy countered. "It's asking the real questions! Can love bloom on an island full of vat-cloned dinos? Should we date things we've resurrected from extinction? Is Jeff Goldblum always right about everything?"

"Yes to the last one," I said.

Kristi made a small chirping sound that might have been agreement, her tension gradually melting away as she realized CaNessy stopped her relentless teasing. The raptor girl shifted against me, her feathers settling.

"See? We can all get along," CaNessy said, munching popcorn with excessive satisfaction. "Group bonding achieved through 90’s cinema!"

Kristi's snout found its way to my neck, and I felt her take a deep breath. "You smell like my shampoo," she murmured, then seemed to realize what she was doing and froze.

Go on, don't stop on my account. CaNessy’s sly expression said.

Slowly, tentatively, Kristi nuzzled against my neck again. When no husky commentary followed, she grew bolder, pressing a soft kiss just below my ear.

"Mine,” she whispered, making a purring noise that sounded almost like Adelle.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

All three of us jumped, heads swiveling toward the door.

"Who the hell..." Kristi started, but the knocking came again, harder this time.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

CaNessy squinted at the door, then at the windows. Lightning flashed, illuminating the rain and… other shapes pressed against the glass. Too many arms. Too many joints. Shadows that didn't move quite right.

"First Person Hunters," CaNessy growled, her fur bristling. "The fuckers must have broke out of the binding... found us."

"The what now?" Kristi's claws extended reflexively.

"Remember when I said I bound a carnivorous mall to this time bubble? Well, some of its immune system apparently didn't get the memo about staying put as spiders, pine trees and mossy rocks." CaNessy snarled. "They eat consciousness that thinks in first person. Very rude dinner guests.”

“So we’re actually in a dungeon? In a time bubble?!” Kristi hissed, feathers fluttering up.

“Oh, so now you believe me?” CaNessy huffed. “Took you long enough.”

“Candace, binding us to second person right about now would be good,” I suggested as the knocking became pounding. 

“Alas, still outa juice,” she lamented. “And no observer mannequins. I shoulda planned this better. Oh well. Guess we’re gotta die now.”

“What?!” I growled, staring at the husky.

The door creaked ominously and then detonated inward, flying off its hinges into the living room.

The windows shattered, FPHses flooding in like writhing, incomprehensible blobs.

Kristi jumped off me, claws spread out, tail lashing. 

CaNessy reached into the bundle of blankets that I hadn’t noticed earlier and pulled out a shotgun. She pointed it at Kristi’s head from behind and pressed the trigger. 

BANG!

The raptor girl fell forward, blood spraying across the cabin. An incomprehensible, many limbed something entered through the gaping doorway, reaching out towards us with shadowy appendages. CaNessy reloaded the shotgun with a snap.

“What… you… just…” I choked as shadowy limbs grabbed me, drawing my body into the First Person Hunter’s embrace.

“DO NOT reconstitute,” CaNessy growled, aiming the gun at my head. Her claws pressed on the trigger. “Sorry.”

BANG!

97. Groundhog Dog

THUNK THUNK THUNK

I jolted awake to the sound of rocks hitting metal. Sunlight streamed through venetian blinds, and I was lying on a narrow bed in my grandfather's RV. 

THUNK THUNK THUNK

A sense of odd déjà vu. Guess I was getting tired of being awakened by Nessy harassing the RV with rocks.

"OI!" My grandfather's gruff voice bellowed. "CEASE THAT RACKET, DOG! Some of us are trying to enjoy a good book in the morning."

"Haiiiii Mr. Fosterrrrr!" Nessy's voice carried through the thin walls. "I'm here for Alec! And also to report a VERY IMPORTANT DREAM! It involves murder! And time crimes! And dimensional chalk!"

"Every dream you have involves murder," Daniel muttered, but I heard the RV door creak open.

Nessy exploded through like a caffeinated tornado, immediately beginning her ritual circuit of the RV interior. "Alec! I had the WEIRDEST dream! We were in a time bubble and I was part sneaky, confident fox—which was actually pretty cool—and there were shadow-people trying to eat our consciousness and I had to SHOOT EVERYONE IN THE HEAD!"

"Sounds therapeutic," my grandfather said dryly, not looking up from his book.

"It WAS! Very cathartic! Bang bang!" She made finger guns at me. "Sorry for dream-murdering you, Alec! It was for your own good! The blob monsters were gonna eat your first-person perspective!"

“What?” I sat up, rubbing my eyes. "You shot me?"

"Only in the head! Very clean! Professional execution! You should be proud!" She bounced on her paws. "Oh! And I shot Kristi too! Right in her stupid perfect raptor face! BANG! Feathers everywhere! Very cinematic! Then I shot myself. BANG!”

She pointed a finger gun at her head and fell onto my bed, sticking her tongue out in a very cute way.

"Why would you dream about shooting Kristi?" I asked. Something about her words felt... familiar?

"Because she was being all sexy in lingerie—wait, that doesn't sound right." Nessy paused, her tail freezing mid-wag. "Why would I dream about Kristi in lingerie? That's weird. I don't even like raptors! They're all..." She made vague disapproving gestures. "Scaley and judgmental!"

"You have very specific dreams," Daniel observed.

"The most specific! Oh! And there was this mall that was actually a monster! And we had to get ingredients for magic chalk! Like... uh..." She scrunched her face in concentration. "Nostalgia gems? Time zest? That can't be right. What even is time zest? Sounds like a cleaning product!"

"Maybe lay off the late-night Pradstagram scrolling," I suggested, pulling on my shoes.

"Never! The memes sustain me!" She grabbed my arm. "Come on! Mall time! MALL TIEM!”

“Bathroom time first.” I shoved Nessy off me, heading into the bathroom.

“We need to check the garbage!" She yelled through the door.

"Why do we need to check the garbage?" I asked wearily. 

"My subconscious is very insistent about finding magic treasure there."

Daniel looked up from 'The Door to Everywhere' book as I emerged from the bathroom. "You two are going to get tetanus digging through dumpsters."

"Can't get tetanus if you're trapped in a time loop funnel!" Nessy declared far too proudly. “We die in the end!”

“Riiiiight,” my grandfather sighed. “Kids and their imaginations. Seriously, I know that you’re a dog n’ all but you don’t need to dig through garbage like a homeless person.”

. . .

Twenty minutes later, I was watching Nessy perform her raccoon impression in the Superstore parking lot dumpster.

"This is unsanitary," I pointed out.

"Unsanitary is just pre-immunity training!" Her voice echoed from inside the metal bin. "AHA! BEHOLD!"

She emerged triumphantly, holding a worn pink chalk stub like she'd discovered the Holy Grail. She stared at it with an intensity that seemed excessive even for her.

"It's chalk," I said.

"But it FEELS important!" She turned it over in her paws. "Like... dimensionally important! Like it could draw doors to places!”

“Can it really?”

“Not yet! It needs more ingredients!”

“Ingredients like…?”

“Ummmmmm… Five more ingredients! Clocks! Gems! Markers! Records! Five of each! Uhhh… A mixer! Chalk mold! Das it.”

"That's very specific."

"The most specific!" She hopped down, clutching her garbage treasure. "We should draw a door with it when it's ready!"

"Maybe wash it first?"

"Washing removes the power! Everyone knows that!" She was already heading toward the store entrance. "Come on! We need to document this chalk's journey! Also nuggets. I desire nuggets. If I don’t get them now, I might never get them again.”

“Why not?”

“The Superstore gets turned into an Infinite Dungeon! No more local MacPaws!” 

As we breached the automatic doors and walked about, I spotted a familiar figure by the electronics. Kristi Strand, examining phones with her characteristic perfect posture.

"Uh oh," Nessy muttered. "Raptor at twelve o'clock. Engaging maneuvers!"

"We're walking straight toward her."

"...Engaging confrontational maneuvers!"

Kristi looked up, her amber eyes meeting mine. She offered a small nod, then noticed Nessy.

"Hi Alec," she said, then with noticeably less enthusiasm: "...Nessy."

"Kristi!" Nessy bounded forward, leaving me behind. "I'M SO SORRY FOR SHOOTING YOU IN THE HEAD!" She yelled.

Several customers turned to stare.

Kristi's eye twitched. "Excuse me?"

"In my dream! I shot you! BANG! 

"You... dreamed about murdering me?”

"Heroically murdering! There's a difference! It was very noble! I even felt bad about it for like three whole seconds!"

"Alec. When," Kristi said slowly, amber eyes striking my face, "are you going to stop entertaining this demented dog?"

"Never!" Nessy declared before I could answer. "We're trauma-bonded now! Dream trauma counts! I've seen his and your brains splattered on a cabin wall! That's basically like marriage in some immortal alien culture… somewhere!"

"What cabin?" Kristi's voice went up an octave.

"Your cabin! In the woods! Where you wore that really nice lingerie—uhhh—blue and silver lace! That’s it!”

“What?” Kristi choked, cheeks igniting violet. “I don’t…”

“AHA!” Nessy spun around the raptor. “Look! She knows! This happened before! I used your gun to kill you by the way. Shotgun. Remington 88. Got it from your dad’s safe. The sleepwear was very flattering on you by the way! All lacy and semi-transparent! Really showed off your as—"

"NESSY!" I interrupted, grabbing her arm. "Maybe we should go get nuggets now?"

"But I'm not done apologizing for the murder!"

Kristi looked between us, her feathers ruffling in what I was starting to recognize as her 'I'm surrounded by idiots' expression.

"You know what?" she said. "I don't even want to know. I'm just trying to buy a phone case. A normal activity. For normal people. Who don't dream about shooting each other."

"Boring people," Nessy corrected. "Oh! Were you planning to be at your cabin tonight? During the storm? Waiting for Alec? Planning to serve him… herbal tea.”

“What…” Kristi blinked. “What are you on?” She stared at the husky and then at me.

I shrugged.

Kristi closed her eyes, taking a deep breath that suggested she was counting to ten in multiple languages.

"Alec," she said finally. "Your friend needs professional help."

"I have professional help!" Nessy protested. "Dr. Bowsworth says I'm making excellent progress! This month I only bit two people!"

"That's not progress!"

"It is when you consider I wanted to bite seven people!"

"How is that better?!"

"Math! Two is less than seven! See? Progress!"

I noticed Kristi was gripping her phone case so hard it was starting to crack. She looked at me, her expression screaming 'why do you encourage this lunacy.'

"We should go," I said, pulling Nessy away. "Sorry about the... everything."

"Wait!" Nessy called back to Kristi. "If you see any shadow people, don't let them eat your first-person perspective! Run in third person! Like you're narrating your own life! 'Kristi walks away from the crazy husky!' See? Like that!"

"I'm walking away from the crazy husky," Kristi muttered, doing exactly that.

“Wait. Wait, wait. No! I can’t let you leave. We have to be together. We have to finish the chalk! Alec!” Nessy grabbed both of us. "Kristi, your gun safe combination is 07-19-42! Your dad's birthday! Very predictable! The oil painting above your fireplace is of Clashridge Peak at sunset but the artist got the shadows all weird at the right edge! Your bathroom has THREE types of shampoo—strawberry lilies for special occasions, mint eucalyptus for regular use, and that medical anti-dandruff one you hide behind the towels because you're embarrassed about your dry scales!"

CRACK

The phone case in Kristi's claw shattered into three pieces, falling to the floor.

"The sheep rug by the fireplace has a tiny burn mark near the leftmost edge. Oh! And you have a diary hidden under your bed—”

"No. That's not possible." Kristi's voice trembled. "This... this is some kind of trick! Did you break into my parents' cabin?!"

"Only in a temporal paradox!" Nessy declared. "Which doesn't count as breaking and entering because technically it hasn't happened yet! Or has happened! Or is currently happening in a parallel bubble dimension! Time crime laws are very unclear! Also… you let us in, there was no breaking."

"WHAT?!"

“Stuff! Ingredients! Quest! Follow me!” Nessy spotted a shopping cart and launched herself at it with the enthusiasm of a contestant on Supermarket Sweep. "INGREDIENTS! Short on… TIME! CHALK DEMANDS INGREDIENTS!"

She vaulted into the cart and started using it like a scooter, one leg pushing while she steered with manic energy toward the home goods section.

"Where is she going?!" Kristi demanded.

"I have no idea," I admitted, jogging after the husky. "She'll probably buy seventeen alarm clocks and claim they're for 'temporal harvesting.'"

Kristi fell into step beside me, her longer raptor stride easily keeping pace. "Why are you friends with her? Genuine question. What possible benefit could you derive from associating with that... that?"

"She saved my life," I confessed.

"From what?"

"Falling off a cliff."

"And how did you end up falling off a cliff?"

"She dared me to see how close I could get to the edge. She wanted the perfect shot for Pawstagram."

Kristi stared at me. "So she caused the problem and then solved it?"

"...Yes?"

"AND THIS IS YOUR BEST FRIEND?!"

“Apperently, yes.”

"ALEC!" Nessy's voice echoed from three aisles over. "I FOUND CLOCKS! THEY'RE PERFECT! I’M STEALING TIME!"

"Stealing?" I called back.

"STEALING WITH INTENT TO PURCHASE!"

Kristi stared at me judgingly. 

“What?” I asked. “It’s not like I have other friends.”

“Let me guess. You don’t have other friends BECAUSE she bites anyone who tries.”

“Fair point.”

"JEWELRY SECTION!" Nessy rolled right past us, nearly plowing through Kristi. “GOTTA STEAL FIVE GEMS!”

Kristi grabbed my elbow as we followed. "Alec, I'm serious. She knows things about my cabin she shouldn't know. The safe combination, the rug burn mark, the shampoos, the diary.”

"Maybe she's psychic?" I offered weakly.

"Psychic. The dog who once got lost in a parking lot? I think she broke into my family’s cabin."

"That was ONE TIME!" Nessy yelled from the jewelry section. "And all Superstores look the same! I blame corporate homogenization!"

We found her pressing her nose against the glass display case, leaving smudges everywhere.

"Miss, please don't lick the glass," the tired-looking bulldog attendant said.

"I'm not licking! I'm tashtin’ for temporal residue!" Nessy protested. "These gems—do any of them make you feel nostalgic?"

"They make me feel like I want to go on break," the attendant replied.

"Perfect! Five of your most nostalgic gems please! The ones that contain memories of better times!"

"We have... cubic zirconia?"

"SOLD! Five cubic zirconiums of forgotten dreams!"

Kristi pinched the bridge of her snout. "She's buying fake diamonds because… they're nostalgic?"

"Fake diamonds are just diamonds that haven't achieved their dreams yet!" Nessy corrected. "Very nostalgic! Remember when you wanted to be a real gem? Now you're just disappointing your mother! Like me!" She lamented at the display.

"Your mother seems very patient," I said.

"Too patient! Suspiciously patient! Like she knows something I don't!" Nessy accepted the small bag of cubic zirconia from the bewildered attendant. "TO THE MUSIC SECTION!"

"Why?!" Kristi demanded, but Nessy was already gone, cart wheels squealing as she Tokyo-drifted around an endcap display of garden gnomes.

"FORGOTTEN MUSIC!" her voice echoed. "THE SONGS NOBODY REMEMBERS!"

"That's just the bargain bin," Kristi said as we caught up.

“Excellent idea! What a helpful raptor! I think I’m going to keep you!”

“Please do not keep me.”

“No, no. I’m over my hatred. I shot you in the head. Great therapy, Alec's grandpaw's right.”

Nessy dove through a bin of CDs marked 'ALL ITEMS $0.99'. "Look at these! 'Mongo Bongo's Christmas Catastrophe'! 'Yodeling Classics of 1987'! 'Meditation Sounds for Angry Cats'! These have been forgotten so hard they've achieved negative memory!"

"That's not a thing," Kristi said.

"It is now!" Nessy grabbed five CDs seemingly at random after another minute of sniffing the pile. "Oh! This one's perfect! 'Dr. Prakesh's Emotional Healing Through Aggressive Tambourine'!"

"Please tell me she's not actually going to buy all this crap," Kristi muttered to me.

“She’s pretty set on it,” I shrugged.

"MARKER AISLE!" Nessy shrieked, already in motion. "PARADOX MARKERS!"

"Alec. Real talk. Has she had a psychotic break? Should we call someone?" Kristi asked as we ran after the husky.

"This is pretty normal for her, actually."

"THIS IS NORMAL?!"

"Well, maybe a bit more manic than usual. She’ll tire herself out eventually.”

98. Pray That Magic is Real

We found Nessy sniffing markers with the intensity of a sommelier evaluating wine.

"This one," she held up a purple marker, "contains the paradox of being grape-scented but not tasting like grape."

"Don't eat the marker," I said.

"Too late!" She'd already licked it. "Tastes like disappointment and chemicals! Bleh!"

“That’s how markers are, yes,” I laughed.

“Alec? Is this how you always behave?” Kristi asked.

“Hm?” I turned to the raptor.

"This!" Kristi gestured wildly at me, then at Nessy who was rapidly taste-testing different markers. "This is what I'm talking about! You're just... standing there! Like a limp noodle! No direction, no purpose, just letting her drag you around like you're on an invisible leash!"

"I'm not a noodle," I protested.

"Oh really?" Kristi's amber eyes flashed dangerously. "Then what are you? Because from where I'm standing, you're a leaf in Hurricane Nessy, going wherever she blows you! 'Oh, let's dig through garbage!' Sure! 'Let's buy five random clocks, five fake gems and lick every marker in the Superstore!' Why not!"

“How do you know about the garbage?” I demanded, feeling bothered by her sharp words.

“She smells like she just dove into a garbage bin!” Kristi stated.

I sighed.

“What’s next?” Kristi demanded. “'Let's shoot everyone in the head!' Sounds reasonable!”

"That last one was just a dream she had—"

"Was it though?" Kristi stepped closer, staring me down. "Because she knew about my cabin. My shampoo. My dad's gun safe combination! Either she's been stalking my family, or something deeply weird is happening here, and you're just... what? Going along with it? Like you always do?"

“She’s just having fun, Kris. What do you want me to do about it?”

"Slayer damn it, Alec! Stop chasing after her for five seconds and look at what's right in front of you!"

And what's that supposed to mean?"

"It means—" Kristi's voice cracked slightly. "It means I'm here. I've been here. Trying to... to get your attention for months!”

“And?” I arched an eyebrow.

“I made you that bento box because I noticed you forgot lunch. I 'accidentally' ran into you at the library seventeen times. I memorized your hiking schedule! And you just... you never even noticed because you're too busy being Nessy's emotional support human!"

"Oh, I noticed," I said with a sigh.

She blinked. "What?"

"I noticed. I appreciate you trying to be my friend.”

Kristi's beak opened and closed. “S-So?”

"So yeah," I continued. "I noticed. But what was I supposed to do? Walk up to Kristi Strand, the untouchable raptor princess with perfect grades whose family practically owns Ferguson and say 'hey, thanks for low-key stalking me, want to hang out?'"

"YES!" she practically shrieked. "That's exactly what you were supposed to do!"

"THIS ONE TASTES LIKE REGRET AND CHERRY!" Nessy called out.

"And then what?" I asked, ignoring the marker sampling husky. "We date? Your family would love that. 'Hey everyone, meet my human boyfriend who lives in an RV with his garbage-collecting grandfather… whose best friend is… Nessy Whitepaw!'"

“Das my name don’t wear it out,” Nessy commented, without turning to us. “Also, no dating without my approval.”

"Alec!” Kristi growled exasperatedly. “I don't care what they think! I don't give a fuck about anyone's approval!”

"Yes, you do. You care what everyone thinks. That's why you're so perfect all the time. Perfect posture, perfect grades, perfect everything.” I said.

"That's not—" Kristi's feathers flattened against her skull. "You don't know anything about me."

I know you hate swimming but pretend to love it because raptors are 'supposed' to be athletic. I know you read ‘enemies to lovers’ themed romance novels but hide them inside textbook covers."

"How do you—"

"Because I pay attention too," I said. "I just... Why would you want someone like me? Not when you could have literally anyone else. My brother Damian is a literal psychopath and my parents kicked me out to live with my hoarder grandfather who is obsessed with books about escaping reality with magic fractals!"

"FOUND THE PERFECT MARKER!" Nessy fluttered to my side, waving a marker that seemed to be leaking rainbow ink. She shoved the marker into my face. “Smell it! Doesn't smell like a rainbow at all!”

Kristi shoved her. "GO AWAY!"

Nessy stumbled back, her ears flattening. "Rude! I'm having a shopping breakthrough here!"

"And I'm having a MOMENT!" Kristi snarled. "An actual emotional moment with Alec, which you keep ruining! Like you ruin EVERYTHING!"

"I don't ruin anything," Nessy protested, clutching her markers protectively. "I… I’m helping us escape from the loop. We have like four attempts left before First Person Hunters get us.”

“Why four?” I asked.

“Five magic movie tickets duh.”

“Alec! Stop encouraging her insanity!” Kristi barked.

“Hey, lay off my bestie!” Nessy growled, transposing herself between me and the raptor girl.

"And you! I get what you’re up to now!" Kristi's tail lashed. "Every time I try to talk to him, you appear! Every time he might notice me, you create some bullshit crisis that needs his attention! You're not his best friend! You're his… His warden!"

"That's not true!" Nessy's voice rose. "I saved his life!"

"After endangering it!"

"I… help him!"

"You isolate him from others!"

"I… I care for him. I… love him!!!”

The words hung in the air like suspended raindrops. I blinked as reality wobbled ever so slightly, seemingly going way off its narrative rails.

"Well so do I!" Kristi shouted back, shoving the husky hard. “So screw off! Just leave him alone for like five minutes! Fuck!”

Nessy landed on the floor, spilling the markers. Her eyes filled with tears. “I… I’m just trying to save us. You have… have to understand… if I don’t… we get eaten…”

I immediately dropped to my knees beside Nessy, reaching out to help her up. She practically launched herself into my arms, wrapping around me like a desperate koala, her whole body shaking as she sobbed into my chest.

"I'm trying," she hiccupped between sobs. "I'm trying so hard to… to finish this Quest. The mall, the First Person Hunters, the time loops—nobody believes me but it's all real and if I don't get the ingredients right we're all going to—"

"Shh," I said, holding her tighter as her claws dug into my back. "I believe you."

"You do?" She pulled back slightly, sky-blue eyes swimming with tears.

"Yeah. The chalk, the ingredients, all of it. You're trying to save us. I believe you."

She nodded frantically, burying her face back in my shoulder. "Four more attempts. That's all we have. Four more loops before the binding breaks completely and they find us for real and—" Her voice cracked.

I looked up at Kristi, who was standing there with her arms crossed, looking equal parts angry and confused. "Kris, you need to understand something about Nessy."

"What, that she's possessive and—"

"She's loyal," I interrupted. "Stupidly, recklessly loyal. When I fell off that cliff? She didn't just pull me out of the water. She stayed with me, took me to the hospital to get me stitches."

Nessy made a small whimpering sound against my chest.

"After my brother lied about me stealing money and my parents kicked me out," I continued, "Nessy was the one who made sure I ate. Who dragged me out of bed when I didn't want to face the world. Who made me laugh when all I wanted to do was to die, to disappear. She pulled me from the darkness, she made me smile."

I stroked Nessy's fur as she trembled. "Yeah, she's clingy. Yeah, she's overwhelming. Yeah, she probably has some serious attachment issues. But she's also the most genuinely caring person I know. She doesn't know how to love halfway. It's all or nothing with her."

"The markers," Nessy mumbled into my shirt. "We need five paradox markers. Ones that smell like one thing but taste like another. It's important for the binding spell to—"

"We'll get them," I assured her. "All five."

Kristi's expression was set. "Even if I believed this whole time loop thing, which I don't, why would she know about my cabin? My shampoo?"

Nessy lifted her head, wiping her nose with the back of her paw. "Because we've been there before. In another loop. You wore the blue and silver lingerie and tried to seduce Alec and I crashed your romantic evening and then we watched Jurassic Park but then the First Person Hunters came and I had to—" She started crying again. "I had to shoot you both and myself. It was the only way to reset before they could eat your consciousness permanently."

"That's crazy talk," Kristi said. “Alec, you have to tell her that’s…”

“It might be,” I shrugged. “She might be going through something. But I don’t give a fuck. I’m her best friend. If you really want to be my friend, to show me that you aren’t ‘miss perfect everything Strand’, then prove it.”

“W-what?”

“Let’s do this thing, together. If I help her out, it will make her feel better… Or maybe it’ll help break the time loop or whatever. It doesn’t matter. I hate seeing her cry. I hate seeing her like this. Don’t you see how distraught she is over this?”

Kristi's feathers ruffled dismissively. "She needs professional help, Alec. This whole thing—the time loops, the magic chalk, shooting people in dreams—it's clearly some kind of dissociative episode."

I felt my jaw clench. "Professional help? Really? That's your answer?"

"Show her," Nessy sniffled from my arms. "Show her the magic, Alec! Fuse her thumbs together."

"What?" I asked.

"You have Syntropic Fusion, Alec. Come on. Use it.”

Kristi scoffed. "Oh? What? Alec's secretly a wizard?"

That did it. I gently set Nessy down and stood up. "You want proof, Kris? Fine."

I held up my empty hands, wiggling my fingers like a stage magician. "Nothing up my sleeves, nothing in my hands."

"Alec! This is ridiculous—"

I stepped forward and grabbed both her hands before she could pull away. The moment our skin touched, I pushed with that strange internal muscle I'd been trying to ignore, the one that felt like reality was just modeling clay waiting to be reshaped.

"Syntropic Fusion," I muttered, and felt the energy flow from some distant elsewhere.

“Alec? What are you…?” Kristi blushed as I held her hands. 

I pressed her thumb claws together. Fractal shimmers danced between her claws.

[99/100 Syntropic Fusion] Silver text flashed in my eyes.

Kristi yanked her hands back. "What did you just…" She looked down at her claws. Her thumb claws were fused together in front of her like she was permanently playing 'here's the church, here's the steeple.'

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" She tried to pry apart her joined thumbs, amber eyes going wide. "WHAT DID YOU DO?!"

"Magic," I said flatly.

Kristi started spinning in a circle, frantically trying to pull her thumb claws apart. "Gah! What the fuck! GAH! What?!” She looked like a raptor trying to win the world's worst game of patty-cake with herself.

"This isn't funny!" Kristi attempted to put her hands on her hips in indignation, but the fused thumbs made it look like she was doing a really enthusiastic chicken dance. "Alec? What the fuck did you do?!"

“I permanently fused your thumb claws. Forever.”

“WHAT?!” She choked.

“You heard me,” I said. “Belive me now?”

"ALEC!" She lunged at me but tripped over the scattered markers, her compromised grip unable to catch herself properly. She went down in a heap of feathers and designer jeans.

An elderly dog pradavarian with a shopping cart stopped to stare. "You youngsters and your weird Pradtok challenges," she muttered, shuffling away.

"I'M NOT DOING A CHALLENGE! MY THUMBS ARE LITERALLY FUSED TOGETHER!" Kristi howled rolling on the floor. 

The employee, a teenage wolf who clearly didn't get paid enough for this, looked at the flailing raptor. “Maam, please stop before I call security and have to ban you from the Superstore. We have a strict no-filming policy for viral challenges after the whole 'lick the frozen food' shebang."

"THERE’S NO VIDEO! I'M NOT DOING A CHALLENGE! MY THUMBS ARE LITERALLY FUSED TOGETHER!"

The employee squinted. "Have you tried... pulling them apart?"

Kristi made a sound like a tea kettle having an existential crisis. "OF COURSE I'VE TRIED PULLING THEM APART!”

Nessy dug out her phone and pointed it at Kristi. “Ohhh. Yes. One billion views, here we come!”

“NO! STOP!” Kristi barked. “This isn’t a challenge! Alec! Tell them this isn’t a challenge! I can’t get banned from the Superstore! Dad will kill me!”

I shook my head, collecting the spilled markers. 

Nessy was now howling with laughter. "She looks like she's constantly praying for patience!"

The employee squinted at us.

“Just kidding. See? It's not even on.” Nessy showed the phone screen to the employee and then put her phone away. 

The employee sighed and walked off, clearly too lazy to actually call security.

"When I get these apart," Kristi seethed, holding up her joined thumbs like the world's most threatening prayer gesture, "I'm going to strangle you both."

"How?" Nessy wheezed. "You can't even grab anything properly! You're like a raptor with mittens! Come on, bae, let’s go.” She elbowed me.

“What do you mean let's go?! Don’t leave me like this! Alec!!!!”

"Okay, okay," I said, feeling slightly bad. "Do you believe in magic now?"

"No!"

I eyed her.

“Yes! Fine! You win, you jerk! Magic is real! Happy?”

"Say 'Nessy was right all along.'" Nessy grinned.

"Absolutely not."

"Then enjoy your permanent prayer hands." I rolled my eyes.

"Admit I’m not crazy!" Nessy added.

"FINE! You're not crazy! Magic is real! Time loops exist! Now FIX MY THUMBS!"

"What's the magic word?" The husky grinned.

"PLEASE!"

"No, the other magic word." Nessy giggled.

"Abracadabra?!"

"Nope!" The husky shook her black and white mane.

"OH FOR THE LOVE OF SLAYER!"

"The magic words are 'Nessy is the best and I promise to stop being mean to her!'" The husky specified.

“Nessy… is… the best and I... promise to stop being mean to her,” Kristi hissed out.

“Give me your hands.” I said.

Kristi offered me her hands, looking puffy like an extra-indignant pigeon.

“Syntropic Fusion,” I said, guiding the claws to split up. 

[97/100 Syntropic Fusion] The text stated.

I sighed. It cost me more to unfuse things than to fuse them.

Kristi sprang her hands apart, nearly slapping herself in the face.