Chapter 1: The Party of Heroes (Patreon)

The town of Bluebridge is nothing too special. Being a decent clip away from the major cities, its architecture is still somewhere in the transition between gothic and renaissance. But for all that, Bluebridge is a colourful place.

The streets are bright, either by cloudless skies or by the rows of tiny magical lamps that light the streets at night. The walls are painted bright colours, be it a simple tan or a green or baby blue, and streaks and banners hang across above the streets like an arch.

It's picturesque. A nice, country town. The kind of place that gets more tourists than residents.

The surrounding wildlife is pretty tame as well, with only some Goblins and the occasional Ogre showing up as proper Monsters. Because of this, Bluebridge is also a haven for rookie adventurers. People who dream big and want to start their career somewhere pretty enough for reunion parties.

It is because of all of these facts, but mainly the simplicity of the wildlife, that so many people stop and stare as a particular Party strides down the main street.

The stalls that line the road selling everything from food to amulets all fall silent as they pass. Staring in awe and reverence, but none step close or call out, for this Party stands too high to be approachable. Too high for a town like Bluebridge.

The S-Rank Adventurer Party, Crimson Argonauts. One of the most powerful Parties in the world, famous for saving nations and defeating countless monsters, including Dragons, Demon Lords and Forgotten Gods.

Heroes.

And striding through the main street today, at the head of her Party is one of the most recognisable figures on the planet. Debated to be the single most powerful Adventurer alive, certainly the most powerful Human.

She is tall, 6'7 and always just a bit taller than expected. Her skin is pale and smooth like porcelain, hair, long and silky, shimmering slightly in the light as if the red locks are ready to catch alight at any moment. Her eyes shine bright and blue, like tiny sapphires, radiant.

As striking as her appearance, she wears a long red overcoat that flares out at the legs and remains wide open. It leaves her silky red trousers, her top that doesn't cover much, being a thin, deep red vest that exposes her sides entirely, out in plain view.

The Mage Without Peer.

The Crimson Star of Calcedonia.

The Legendary Mage; Scarlet Crimson.

So one must ask, what could bring such a prestigious Party to such a backwater town?

The answer, as it is, is actually rather simple.

They're all idiots.

"Scarlettt," a whining voice pipes up. It comes from the smallest member of the Party, though she's still 5'5. Kitt'Katt, a Hobgoblin with pale green skin, the Party's Ranger. "Stop walking so fast!"

Marlene, the Party's Barbarian, releases a powerful laugh and slaps Kitt'Katt on the back hard enough that the poor Hobgoblin nearly faceplants. Marlene is, after all, an 8'1 tall, tanned wall of pure muscle in Bearwoman form.

"Are you surprised!?" Marlene asks, her casual voice nearly powerful enough to be a shout anyway. No one fails to hear her when she speaks. "Crimson's finally got an excuse to see her daddy she always talks about! Haha!"

Almost as soon as the words finish leaving Marlene's mouth, Scarlet whips around like a whip and points an angry finger into the Barbarian's face, her own flushed in both anger and embarrassment.

"Teacher! He's my teacher! Not my d-father!"

"Sure sure, short stuff. Maybe he'll let you hit if you keep sayin' that." Marlene's reply comes with the ease of long practice, and Scarlet only glares for a moment longer before huffing and returning to her march. Noticeably slower this time, as if trying to prove she isn't so eager.

It only takes a few steps before her previous pace resumes.

Marlene snorts but doesn't say anything. She knows she'd get a firebolt to the face or something if she does, and she isn't feeling it right now. Besides, she's curious too.

Scarlet has talked about her teacher basically nonstop ever since any of them have known her. They're all a bit curious to actually meet the man in person.

Plus, Marlene totally wants to fuck Scarlet's teacher/father figure. She just thinks that'd be a really funny thing to do.

"Still.." a fourth voice chimes in, coming from the Elf of the Party. Selna the Sorceress. 7'2, long blonde hair with the body of an athlete and royalty mixed in one. "Are you sure he'll be able to help? You've certainly talked him up, but I just can't imagine a Great Mage living here. Not to mention, he's just a man."

Scarlet abruptly slams to a halt, the Party stopping with her, and each of them tenses up as one as Scarlet casually turns her head, a plastic smile on her lips. 

"Selna~," she whispers, her voice friendly, yet none of them are blind to danger behind it. Nor to the sudden coldness in her usually vibrant eyes. "You wouldn't be demeaning my teacher, would you?"

"N-no, Scarlet. Of course not," Selna immediately backpedals, ducking her head slightly. But she doesn't give up completely. She has her own pride. "It's just rare to see any powerful men. I simply worry that you'll have outgrown your teacher without realising it. Shadows can so easily seem much larger in memory."

"Well worry no more," Scarlet comforts, though it comes out more as a command. "My teacher is the greatest Mage in the world. Better than me. If anyone can help us, it's him."

Scarlet nods once and then she turns back forward and continues to march. 

Her Party watch her go for just a moment, exchanging glances before the final woman speaks, voice slightly muffled through her full set of gleaming plate armour.

"Can't believe you actually said that. You know how she gets about her teacher."

Selna shrugs with forced casualness. "Yes well, forgive me if I let my disbelief at any man being a greater Mage than our dear leader overcome me enough to forget how obsessed she is. Even I'm curious what kind of a man he is. I just hope we don't have to cover up another body," she finishes with a sigh that they all mirror before re-joining Scarlet's march.

The idea of any Mage, man or not, being better than Scarlet is something that they all struggle to believe in the first place. They've travelled with her for years after all, and in all that time, not a single Mage has come close.

Soon enough, they find themselves approaching this town's Guildhall. Not too surprising for the Party, as they already guessed that this mysterious teacher was a high-ranking Adventurer. Either that or the Guild would just be the place to go to find a powerful Mage lurking nearby.

Scarlet's stride gets a noticeable boost to it as she gets closer to the Guild's doors, enough that Kitt'Katt visibly struggles with moving somewhere between a walk and a jog to keep pace, having to awkwardly hop a little.

Marlene snorts and grabs the Hobgoblin by the scruff of her neck and carries her like a wet cat, to much protest. Protest that is ignored, even as nails that can tear through metal scrape uselessly against her muscled arm.

Scarlet hops up the Guild's front steps in one bound and all but slams the double doors open without hesitation. 

Marlene can't help but think that Scarlet's gotten used to being able to do what she wants as an S-Rank. How is it that the meathead Barbarian is the most responsible of them? Marlene just wants to hit things with big sticks but now she's somehow ended up babysitting a bunch of overpowered idiots.

Not that she's a very good babysitter, but still. It's the principle of the matter.

They naturally follow after their glorious leader and step into the suddenly silent hall. All eyes turned their way and frozen at the sight of them. Marlene's used to it, so she doesn't flinch. She doesn't let Kitt'Katt down either. Cuz it's funny.

"Huh, look at that," Selna mumbles, gaining their attention, except for Scarlet who's frozen before them. Selna nods her head to the end of the hall where the counters are, and Marlene follows with her eyes.

She doesn't see anything too standout. There are four receptionists, honestly more than she'd have expected for this town. Three of them are the usual, flowery men with soft faces and warm dresses. The typical pretty face that the Guild likes to put on.

Only one stands out, the one Selna was gesturing to. A dude dressed almost like a girl. He's wearing dark slacks, a long-sleeved white dress shirt under a black vest and has dark hair swept back. He's also got very broad shoulders and a bland, bored expression that says he's one step from killing himself or anyone who talks to him.

Damn, a goth, Marlene thinks with a lecherous smile. Don't see that often. God damn, step on me daddy~.

Marlene usually prefers to be on top, but that's just cuz most guys are so manly it's hard not to. But holy hell, the things she would let a man like that do to her...

"I think that's the 'Weakest Mage'," Selna continues, unknowing of Marlene's thoughts. "There was a big fuss about it a few years ago. Some dude got banished from the capital from some incident at the academy, the details of which no one seems to agree on. Then he went to the Guild to avoid the cells and barely passed, making him quite literally the weakest official Mage. I mean, I'm just guessing that's him, because how many dudes could there possibly be working at the Guild that look like that, right?"

Marlene hums, but doesn't get to respond before the silence of the hall is abruptly replaced by a yell halfway to being a squeal.

"TEACHER!!" Scarlet near screams, causing everyone to freeze. Because hearing those words coming from her mouth right now? Doesn't make any sense. And then everything is only made worse when Scarlet half turns and takes a step to the side, arm sweeping out as if to present something to her Party, face full of pride.

"I can finally introduce you!" She yells, pure excitement and endless pride radiating from her as she gestures to the tired, annoyed looking dude. The weakest Mage officially on record. "To the Greatest Mage in the World! My teacher! Siegfried Terra Crimson!"

You could hear a pin drop in the silence that follows that proclamation. Marlene knows that her jaw is hanging open, but she doesn't care to close it as she, alongside everyone else, slowly turns her eyes from the beaming Scarlet to the dead-eyed Guild receptionist, who has a Magical aura roughly equivalent to an eight year old civilian.

A sigh echoes from the man, and then his palm impacts his own face as he shakes his head.

A thud and an "Ow!" follows as Marlene drops Kitt'Katt.

What the fuck?

///

Chapter 2: The Greatest Mage In The World

///

I want to die I want to kill myself I want to kill myself I want to kill myself.

The familiar mantra flows through his mind like an old friend as he gets up in the morning and begins the usual routine.

First to the bathroom that almost looks like a normal bathroom if not for the small differences. Like how the showerhead isn't connected to any piping, just a freestanding disk held in a socket. Or how there aren't any drains.

First stop is the toilet, then the shower. Warm, scaldingly so. He keeps it hot enough that it steals away his mind, leaves him unable to focus on anything but the heat. Then he's out and towelling himself dry. The towel is a choice. Makes him feel more human. After that, dental care is done with just a wave of the hand over parted lips.

Then it's back to his room and getting dressed. Slacks, shirt, vest, socks. He brushes his still damp hair back and leaves it at that before turning to trudge downstairs. The thoughts come back, louder with every step.

I wanna kill myself I wanna die.

He moves past his kitchen, grabbing an apple as he passes and taking a mindless bite as he reaches the glass door to his back garden. It slides open without a sound, and he steps out in his socks into his little veggie patch. Homegrown carrots, tomatoes, potatoes and plenty of others.

He's always broke, so he's gotten into the habit of saving money where he can. Hence the routine.

One hand continues to feed him the apple while the other grabs a watering can. He moves through the lanes, feeding each patch of soil until they darken. He ignores his neighbour ogling him like he's a playboy magazine, and then he moves back, puts the can back down and flips off his neighbour. 

She laughs, he ignores it and briefly fantasises about setting her house on fire.

Kill yourself kill yourself kill yourself I hope you die.

Then it's back inside. Apple core goes in the bin, cupboards open, ingredients come out and a quick sandwich is made. It doesn't taste very good, it rarely does, but he eats it regardless.

Then it's to the front door, where work awaits. Yay.

He sits down in front of the door and pulls on his dress shoes, briefly rubbing a smudge off of one. Then he just sits there. Just for a moment.

The final part of his morning routine, the one part that motivates him enough to keep getting up in the morning.

Between raised knees, his hands come together. Braced as if to cup something delicate, a clear space between his palms.

The sensation comes easily. Long years of effort means that it's been a long time since he's struggled here.

A warmth pushes through him, through his arms and out his palms. Connecting together in a brilliant show of light as a small, tiny speck of iridescent light shines between his palms, entirely self suspended and independently generated.

Magic.

The only thing that brings him any joy anymore with its mere existence.

He doesn't know why he's here. Why he woke up in this hell world like he clipped through a shitty Todd Howard world design. He should be in a normal world. One with cars and phones and internet and his entire fucking family.

But he's not. He's here. In this shitty fantasy world.

Perhaps in his old world, he'd have dreamed about being in a fantasy world like this. One with actual Magic, god how he loves Magic.

A sudden gasp leaves him, the tiny orb of light flickering and disappearing as he feels as if his entire stomach just got carved out, leaving him winded and tired in a way no amount of exercise could match.

I want to kill myself.

Yeah, fantasy worlds aren't all they're cracked up to be, turns out.

He wasn't summoned in some grand ritual, after all. He just fell over one day and clipped into this world somehow. Still no explanation for that, and it's been years, so he really can only assume that God is Todd Howard, the bastard.

Because he wasn't summoned via grand ritual like some Hero, he didn't get all the broken benefits that fantasy Heroes get.

He's just a dude. A normal, average guy.

And, fun fact about this world? Most people can't be Mages. It's an innate talent kind of thing. You're either born with Magic or without it. Obviously training still matters, and everyone technically can be a Mage, but there is a barrier, and it's decided from the beginning.

He does not have the potential to be a Mage.

He still managed to get certified, technically. But that was in large part because of his theoretical knowledge. He's obsessive, after all. He doesn't have any friends or anything, not since 'the incident'. He just spends all his free time studying and playing with Magic.

It sucks, because he's actually pretty good at Magic. He just has civilian reserves. Meaning that he can't even cast the most simple of spells without passing out or killing himself. Tempting.

He's managed some workarounds, enough that he could get certified, but he really just doesn't have the mana. There isn't any training that can be done to fix that. No matter how much he studies or masters Magic.

Well, there is training to boost mana reserves. But it's proportional. So what does it matter if he can double his mana reserves every year? Doesn't help him when the result is still a fraction of a decimal of the average Mage.

He's spent enough years railing at the injustice of that fact that now?

A deep, bone-weary sigh is all that leaves him. He thinks he's getting pretty close to giving up.

I wanna die I wanna die.

He gets up, grabs his card and his keys from their stand, unlocks the door, steps out, closes and locks it. Keys go in pocket, card in the other pocket. He flips off his neighbour without looking, ignores the laughter, fantasises about murder, and he walks.

As he steps out of his garden, he pulls the card back out of his pocket and taps it against his other hand. When he pulls the card away, a cigarette sits in his open palm. 

Card returns to pocket, sorta-Magical cancer stick falls between his lips. A snap of his fingers lights it, and he takes a deep, deep breath. He doesn't stop until it feels like his lungs are on fire, and even then he holds it for as long as he can without coughing out his lungs.

The breath that leaves him leaves him feeling lighter. A tenseness fading under the influence of that sweet sweet cancer smoke dependency.

He walks. Everything looks grey. There's no.. saturation, to any of the colours. Not anymore.

When he first appeared in this shitty world, everything was so bright and colourful and wonderful. He wonders when that changed.

As he makes his way to the Guild, he ignores the looks he gets, same as usual. Pretty much every woman he passes glances at him. Many of those looks linger, all of them piss him off a little.

Kill yourselves.

See, as if it wasn't bad enough that the one thing that he spent a lifetime dreaming about, Magic, is so close yet entirely out of reach. This world had more surprises in line for him.

In this world, most men stand somewhere between 4' flat and 5'7 if they're particularly tall. He's 5'8, which is shorter than he should be, but taller than any other guy he's met bar one. The women? A woman's height can average anywhere from 6'4 at the lower end to 8' Amazonesses or more, and that's just for the Humans.

Because in this world, women are the ones biologically designed to be the hunters, the predators. The strong ones. Men, however, all wear fucking dresses. It's a world full of femboys in little skirts and sparkly makeup.

I wanna kill myself I wanna kill my fucking self.

He's never been forced to empathise with women so bad in his entire life before coming here. He hates it. He was raised by a single mother feminist in his old world in the first place, so it's not like he's ever been ignorant about the struggles of a woman's life.

Doesn't mean he's not gonna complain about experiencing it. Especially since it's even worse here. Ramped straight up to eleven.

He assumes it's because, as dark as fuck as the logic is, a woman can only be fucked so many times before she gets pregnant. But a guy? What consequences are there for a guy?

The result of this, or maybe it's something else entirely and he's just so depressed that he's assuming the worst, is that the women of this world are incredibly sexually aggressive. Like, way more than would be appropriate in his old world. Those stories about gropers on Japanese trains are basically just everyday everywhere here.

But again, that could just be the transition to a fantasy world from a modern one, instead of just psychological shit. Hell, in this world, the big religion is basically just a gathering of public free use nuns.

Like, conceptually, that's hot as hell, he can't lie. But in reality? He might be a guy from a normal world, but he was a normal guy as well. Not some mega horny sex starved degenerate.

So he really doesn't find any appeal in riding the town bicycle. It just kinda grosses him out to think about, even if he knows STDs aren't a problem on that front.

It's honestly a shame he isn't more horny. He'd be so much less depressed if he could just give in to hedonism and become a slut that has sex every day. It wouldn't be hard.

But he doesn't want that. He'd rather have an actual relationship. Y'know, make love, not just fuck. Plus, it's demeaning as hell to be reduced to a breeding stallion.

That's a pretty tough sell when all the women expect him to act like a woman. Like how he knows a woman to be. A super mega over the top girly traditional woman at that.

He's not wearing a dress, or sparkly blush. Fuck that noise. So being single and dying alone it is.

Women in this world probably think he's gay anyway, since he acts like a woman here. He assumes that's the reason for the stares too.

He's not ignorant of that old fantasy of men from his old world. Straight dudes love lesbians. At least the thought of them anyway, and he distinctly remembers hearing some dumbass bragging about how he could totally turn a lesbian straight again.

Dumbasses will be dumbasses. It's an easy fantasy. Two of a good thing just makes a better thing.

"Morning Sieg!" A cheerful voice chirps, pulling him from his thoughts, and he turns to regard a woman who would appear to be just a normal, peppy farmgirl, were it not for the fact that he has to crane his neck a solid two feet up to meet her eyes.

God I hate this fucking world. Being short sucks.

"Want an apple?" She asks, offering said apple out to him with a sunny smile.

He takes it. 

"Thanks, Bessy," he says.

He bites. Bessy smirks.

"Now gimme that death stick as payment!" She keeps her hand held out, expectant this time. "You know they give you cancer, right Sieg?"

Siegfried shrugs and pulls the cig from his mouth and places it in her palm, blowing one last breath to the sky.

"That's the hope, Bess." He takes another bite and continues his walk, waving absently behind him as he does, to her cheerful goodbye.

"See ya later Sieg!"

A hand falls to his pocket. A card comes out. A slap to the palm. Another cigarette, another snap, another breath, another sigh. 

More cancer. Hopefully. A familiar end to a daily routine.

He doesn't get why Bess bothers to keep trying. Maybe she just likes to give out apples or enjoys the interaction. He shrugs the thought away. He still struggles to understand people in this world. The psychology is so vastly different that it has so many knock-on effects. Like how it's guys that get upset if you mention their weight.

Siegfried continues to walk. Early risers pass him by. Men look at him with disapproval or nerves. Women look at him like they can't see his clothes at all. He tosses the apple core into a bin when he finishes.

A woman approaches him. Face confident, posture nervous. She opens her mouth, he beats her to it.

"Fuck off."

She freezes, then wilts, then puffs up in anger. Then she notices a patrol of the city guard nearby, glares at him and turns to stalk off with a huff and a muttered "Bitch".

Siegfried breathes in. Cancer smoke fills his lungs. He breathes out. Comfort.

I want to kill myself.

If only he cared more about sex than Magic. Maybe then this world wouldn't be so bad. He could just go around and fuck as he pleases. It's not even unusual for men to take multiple wives here.

Though, it's more a case of multiple women sharing a husband, what with how the women are all in control. It's not unheard of for small villages to just entirely share a single dude if not enough of them are born. Because yeah, they're also outnumbered something like four to one or five to one.

As if the height difference wasn't enough by itself.

God I hate this world so fucking much.

Everything's so sexually charged it's like he's in a hentai and he's the only one who isn't a hentai character.

Whatever. I can kill myself tomorrow.

He walks. People pass him by. He ignores them. They don't ignore him. He ignores that too.

The Guild building comes into view just as he finishes his cig, same as always, and he flicks it into the bin by the door, same as always.

He doesn't go through the front, obviously. He works here, so he goes through the back. A much smaller door.

He greets his co-workers with all the enthusiasm of someone who doesn't greet his co-workers at all. His bitch boss that he hates scowls at him for smelling of smoke again and not wearing a dress.

She glares at him. He stares back, eyes lidded and dead. She huffs and he moves on.

Same as always.

The Guild keeps women as managers, but likes to have men manning the front desks. Nothing new, it'd be the same in his world, just backwards. He gives about as many shits about the inequality now as he did in his last life. 

Which is to say not many at all. Being the victim of the injustice hasn't really changed that. Being a manager would just mean more work anyway.

He clips on his nametag, Siegfried Terra.

He's shit at naming things, so when he got the chance to name himself, he just said the first thing that came to mind and didn't sound stupid, Siegfried. Then he went with Terra as a family name. A little reminder of home.

He also wound up with another name later on, but he prefers not to mention that, because it'll just be a hassle for people to know it.

Done with the bare minimal preparation needed to avoid getting his pay docked by a manager that hates him for not being a cunty little flower boy, Siegfried steps up to his front desk and he stands there.

And stands there.

And slumps against the counter, resting an elbow against the wood and holding his chin in his hand. His free hand falls to a stack of paperwork he's going to have to get through today, idly flicking through the pages.

Having a job sucks. I wanna die.

He's got the whole day though, so eh. He can still procrastinate for now.

Some people come in, some people go. As the sun finishes rising, more and more people come in. Rookie Adventurers picking up shitty jobs to pay for their shitty equipment, all in the hope that they might one day be able to make Gold in an evening. Any amount, really.

Sieg gets paid seventeen Silver an hour. One Gold is a thousand Silver.

Good Magic books are never sold in Silver.

I hate my job.

He sighs.

Most Adventurers avoid him. Queues form up in front of the other three desks before anyone approaches him. He's fine with that. Doesn't mind the isolation. Gives him more time to procrastinate on the paperwork.

Eventually though, some of the more experienced Adventurers start to arrive. These ones aren't so discriminatory, and soon enough he has to actually work.

A paper is placed before him. Some words are spoken and ignored.

"Subjugation Quest. Small Goblin camp, not far. Your badge?" His voice is a tired drone. The women standing at his desk seem full of excitement. He reads their presented cards and ignores their words. The rank is sufficient. 

He stamps the paper and pushes it back to them. "You have seventy-two hours before the Quest will be considered a failure and noted in your record. Good hunting, try not to die."

They nod, they say something, he ignores it.

More people come, faces blur, the words are all the same. 

Paper. Ignore words. Stamp. Speech. Ignore words. Next.

Eventually he starts leafing through the paperwork between Adventurers. It's mostly administrative crap. He's thought about trying some casual embezzlement, but he'd kinda be fucked if the Guild stopped sheltering him, so he stays on his best behaviour.

"Terra!" A powerful voice booms, and he looks up to see a woman he hates. He also kind of likes her, but who says he can't do both? "You're looking as delicious as always!"

Sieg turns lidded eyes upon the tanned woman. She is tall, as they all are. Something in the latter half of seven foot and built like the proverbial brick shit house. Like, so much muscle. A really intimidating amount of muscle. Her abs look like they're made out of pure steel.

And she does show them off. She only wears a raggedy pair of shorts that fall down to about mid-thigh and a single band of cloth over her chest. It's enough to cover the nipples, but it does basically fuck all to cover the truly enormous mammaries behind.

She'd probably be really comfortable to sleep on. The size difference is enough that she could function as a bed well enough for him. He kind of hates her for that too.

"I'll file for sexual harassment," is naturally his response, to which she only laughs, a booming sound.

"No you won't! You love me really~!" She smirks down at him, and his lip does twitch up briefly.

That just makes him sigh again as she laughs in victory.

"Just get to the point, Rache." He fixes her with a dull look. "My pay gets docked if I spend too long chatting with Adventurers y'know? It's in my contract."

She snorts. "Pfft! You? Chatty? Never! But fine, fine," she waves a hand, smirking at him full of confidence as she plops a sheet of paper down. It's the toughest quest on the board, he knows. But he isn't surprised, since she's part of the only B-Rank Party in town. "Just the usual~. But hey, since I'm about to get a big payday," she taps the poster twice, right above the reward. "How 'bout you let me treat you to somethin' nice later today, eh?"

Siegfried meets her wiggling brows with a dull stare and an ever so slight smile. He leans close, she leans closer, full of eagerness. His lips part, she tenses, the whisper spills free.

"Sexual harassment~." He pulls away with a smirk, stamps the paper and pushes it back. "Good hunting, try not to die. Maybe I'd actually be a bit sad if you did."

Rachel blinks and stutters as if she just bluescreened, and then she just lets out a snort that quickly turns into full bellied laughter.

"So you'd be sad, huh?" She near shouts the question, face full of unrestrained glee. Sieg mock glares at her and she holds her hands up in surrender. "Progress! I'll definitely get you someday! You can't hold out on my dashing good charms forever, sexy~! You know I'd treat you like a King!"

He just continues to glare as she turns and walks back to her Party, waving behind her back.

The funny thing is that she's not even wrong. Her commitment is endearing. She's surprisingly sweet, and she's got a good sense of humour. He does already like her, and even if he'd prefer not to be the midget in the relationship, she's still hot. He's not going to just lie about that.

He's just way too depressed about not being able to wield Magic properly to really have a libido. Imagine not having a libido in a world where sex is as easy to have as just asking.

Depression sure is a bitch.

I hate my life.

He doesn't know how much longer his will can hold out. He's pretty sure he's going to reach a point eventually where he'd just want someone to hold him and make the world seem oh so far away. Rachel could do that.

Another sigh leaves him.

Fuck this planet.

The day goes on. Some familiar faces greet him, some of them he doesn't glare at.

Plenty of them hit on him, and he's working so he can't just tell them to fuck off. So he just ignores it for the most part, even the women that are really bad at flirting. 

Propositions are made and declined, forms are read and stamped. The day goes on.

And then the front doors are kicked open and Scarlet saunters in.

"TEACHER!!" She yells, before turning to present him to her friends like he's a show pony. "I can finally introduce you! To the Greatest Mage in the World! My teacher! Siegfried Terra Crimson!"

A palm impacts face.

What the hell is this idiot doing? Is this a bit? Is she trying to embarrass me? Does she understand how many more conversations I am going to have to ignore because of this?

But despite the tone of his thoughts, whether he even noticed it or not, the very moment that Scarlet's voice echoes off of these walls, his posture shifted. Tense muscles untensed, he leaned forward just a little bit more, his chin fell into his palm just a little bit more comfortably.

Without realising it, Sieg's ever-present frown and glare disappeared, replaced instead by a truly soft smile of pure affection, as if gazing upon the single most precious thing in his world. An expression so honest that everyone seeing it can't help but stare.

With one exception, of course.

Scarlet doesn't hesitate to bull rush through the hall, her speed vanishingly fast until she slams to a stop right in front of him. The only reason she didn't immediately crush him in a hug is because of all the times he's complained to her about random women grabbing him.

She doesn't say anything right away. Just stands there on the other side of his counter, grinning so wide it must hurt and staring straight down at him. The silence almost turns a bit awkward as it becomes clear that she doesn't know what to say, so Siegfried greets her instead.

"You've gotten taller," he says, craning his neck slightly from where it remains resting in a palm propped up by an elbow on his counter. His smile remains, and though he does not see it, everyone within earshot visibly reacts at the tone in his voice. They have never heard him sounding affectionate before. Not without at least a bit of sarcasm anyway. "Finally found the time to pay your old man a visit, Hero~?"

"Yup!" She immediately agrees, bouncing on her feet and still grinning widely. Siegfried lets out a soft breath, amused, and relents, opening his arms wide enough to indicate a hug. 

Scarlet immediately pounces on the opportunity. Quite literally, as she half throws herself over the counter to squeeze the life out of him, squishing his face against her chest. He pats her back.

"I'm sorry I didn't visit more," she says. The words softly spoken, and heavy with meaning that Sieg can't quite decipher. "I've been super busy, but just wait, I'll come back once I'm done."

Her voice has a tone of finality to it there, and it gives Sieg a bad feeling. Like she's doing something stupid or reckless. Or both.

"Done doing what?" He asks as he pulls away from the hug, idly noting her Party approaching but largely ignoring them in favour of raising a brow at his student/kinda adopted daughter.

"I'll tell you later," Scarlet is quick to say, immediately deflecting the question by not allowing him to speak. "For now we need your help with something! You know more about magical history than anyone! Pretty please?"

"Uhuh." He appraises her dryly, but figures that she is going to be stubborn about this. So instead he turns to Scarlet's Party, who have just reached them. Scarlet notices the movement of his eye and turns with him before somehow brightening further and twisting so she can face them both.

"Everyone! Meet Siegfried-"

"Terra Crimson," the buff, scary and incredibly tall Bearwoman lady interrupts, and if Sieg wasn't so depressed, he'd probably be drooling over her voice because god damn. "Yeah we heard you. S'nice to finally put a face to the name, Scarlet doesn't shut up about you. Marlene Ursidae, nice ta meet'cha, cutie~."

Sieg turns sly eyes upon Scarlet and finds his smile growing at the hue of flush on her cheeks. But he isn't one to ignore a polite greeting, usually, so he reaches out and takes the Bearwoman's offered hand. It's like, twice the size of his own. He does ignore the 'compliment' though, and he also sends Scarlet a stern glare when it looks like she's about to punch her comrade for the comment.

Honestly, you'd think she'd have gotten less brash, not worse.

"Siegfried, how do you do."

"Better now that I've seen you," is the immediate response, even coming with a wink, and Siegfried really hates that he can't just ignore the flirt like he usually does. Marlene has a really nice voice. Soft, but deep and gravelly without being masculine. It's enough to almost break through the haze of depression. Almost.

"I'm sure," is the droll reply he manages, not a hint of his appreciation of her voice showing. Depression for the win! He turns away from her and back to Scarlet. "Aren't you going to introduce me to the rest of your friends?"

"Right!" Scarlet nods, as if snapping out of a trance, and don't think he misses her stomping on Marlene's foot behind the counter. Not that the woman seemed to notice it. "Teacher, meet Selna Moonlight, our Elven Sorcerer!"

Sieg gives the tall, blonde Elf a once over, though he feels like it's redundant to keep thinking about how much taller all the women in this world are than him. She looks like she belongs more in a royal chamber than a Guild Hall, but then, he hasn't met many Elves, so he doesn't know if that's just a race thing and not a Selna thing. He does know that Moonlight is a name given to Elven Nobility that have been stripped of their inheritance though, so that's interesting.

"This is Justinia Grace, our Paladin!" He can believe that, given how this one is wearing a full set of polished plate mail. It leaves a striking figure, but he can't even see an inch of skin, so he has no idea what she's like.

"Lastly, Kitt'Katt, the Rogue!" 

Siegfried almost chokes on his spit.

KitKat? What?

It takes everything he has to not react to the absurdity of that name. It's not really fair to her to laugh at her because she just so happens to have been named after a chocolate brand from another world. He still doesn't think he'll ever be able to take that name seriously.

The woman in question is actually shorter than him for once, which immediately puts her straight to the top of the list of people he likes on this planet. Even if it's only by a couple of inches and entirely due to her clearly being a Hobgoblin, it's still so nice to be able to meet someone's eyes without craning his neck.

Kitt'Katt gives him a little wave, and he wiggles his fingers back at her in a wave of his own.

Apparently that was the wrong move as the Hobgoblin immediately turns to look anywhere but at him. Is it a Goblin culture thing? The only real interaction he has had with her kind is issuing and processing Quests regarding their annihilation.

Probably best not to mention that. To be honest, he didn't even think they were capable of being civil enough to walk around like this.

...Probably best not to mention that either.

"Nice to meet you all," he says, before smirking slightly and deciding to tease Scarlet some more. "I know Scarlet can be a handful, so you have my thanks for taking care of her."

"I'm not—!" Scarlet begins, only to immediately be interrupted by Marlene, whose grin tells him that she knows exactly what she is doing.

"Oh it's no trouble at all, Mr. Crimson. We're more than happy to keep Scarlet out of trouble, but I'm sure we'd all love to hear about the sort of trouble she got into as a kid?"

Siegfried huffs an amused breath at the shade of red Scarlet turns, but then he sighs and shakes his head, amusement fading back into that ever present haze.

"Maybe later. For now, do you actually have any Guild business here? Because my pay gets docked if I spend too much time chatting with Adventurers, so if you don't then go get lost."

"Scarlet has assured us that you would be willing and able to assist us." Selna the Elf is the one that speaks up, and he gets the feeling that she's looking down on him. He just doesn't know if it's because he's poor or because of his gender. "We have recovered texts and such from an ancient civilisation that we cannot derive meaning from."

"Right, so not Guild business then?" Siegfried raises an unimpressed brow before turning his attention back to Scarlet. "Just go home, my shift ends in four hours, I'll see you there and we can talk."

Scarlet blinks, as if surprised. "Y-you mean your house? Is that okay?"

He stares at her like she's an idiot, which makes her pout, and sighs in exasperation. "You spent a decade living there, dumbass. It's your home too."

Scarlet's eyes widen and then the next thing he knows, he's being crushed in another hug. Almost as soon as it comes however, Scarlet disengages, sends him a bright smile and then turns on her heel to march away. 

"See you at home then, Teacher!"

Siegfried sighs.

What an energetic girl.

///

Kitt'Katt

///

The walk to Scarlet's apparent childhood home is done mostly in silence. Only occasionally interrupted by Marlene saying something or other in an attempt to rile up their glorious leader.

Kitt only half pays attention to it. She's heard Marlene doing her best to annoy Scarlet enough to know she's not missing much. Her thoughts instead stray to Siegfried Terra Crimson, Scarlet's dad? She used to think he was just a teacher she had put on a pedestal, a massive pedestal, but a pedestal nonetheless. Now, she isn't so sure they aren't actually related.

But she can be honest enough with herself to admit that it is not his relation to Scarlet that has Kitt's thoughts lingering. 

Her life has been a long string of crazy and insane ever since she met Scarlet, and in that time she has met a lot of people. Lots of men, too. Princes and even the occasional warrior man, or even a warrior Prince once.

She's always been nervous around pretty boys, she knows this. Even if she's generally good enough at acting confident that no one has mentioned it. And it's not like Siegfried is exceptionally attractive or anything.

Well, he is, but not to the point she could say he's the best looking man she's ever met. Rather, what got to her is the confidence.

Not bravery, she has seen many women and men exhibit bravery, and it is always impressive, but this is different. She's never seen a man who seems so genuinely comfortable in his own skin. As if he truly knows who he is and doesn't care what anyone else has to say about it.

It's not even a matter of power. She's met men who could be confident because they had the strength to back it up. Siegfried's magical aura is pathetic. Barely enough to be noticeably different from someone without any magical potential at all. He's weak, yet he didn't fear them at all, despite certainly knowing of their strength.

He looked her in the eye and she didn't see a hint of what she usually sees reflected in a man's eyes. He didn't look at her how a man would look at a woman. He didn't look at her how a Human looks at anyone with green skin like her.

He just..

He just looked at her as an equal. As if the idea of seeing her as anything but an equal didn't even cross his mind.

It was.. different.

Kitt isn't blind to the reputation her race has across the globe. She knows that she is something of an exception, and she knows that she will have to live fighting against that prejudice for her entire life.

Nobody ever looks at her and just sees her. They always see her skin first and they see Goblin. Kitt'Katt comes second to that. She always comes second to her skin.

Just not with Siegfried. He is the first man to ever see her and see Kitt'Katt before Goblin. It was.. she doesn't know how to define the feeling. Validating? Comforting? She doesn't know, she just knows that when he waved back and smiled, she got nervous enough that her confident act slipped for a moment. It certainly doesn't hurt that he is actually taller than her. She likes that.

Though, now that she thinks about it...

Wasn't Scarlet the first woman to see Kitt'Katt before Goblin? Isn't that why she chose to follow the crazy Human in the first place?

She supposes that she should have expected to see a lot of Scarlet in her 'teacher'. Scarlet is so clearly a daddy's girl, after all. It's not a shock she'd want to imitate him.

Not that Kitt would say any of that out loud within earshot of their dear leader. Scarlet is seriously crazy, which kind of leaves Kitt worried about Siegfried's personality to raise such a woman. He seemed nice, but then, so does Scarlet most of the time.

Her thoughts are interrupted when she almost walks into Justinia, and a quick look shows that they appear to have arrived.

The house itself is... simple. Just another house really, it doesn't stand out.

Kitt struggles with the disconnect of Scarlet apparently having grown up in such a benign place. When people think of her childhood, they certainly don't picture such.. mundanity?

Scarlet is humming a happy tune that only grows brighter as she pulls out an old key and the door clicks open. As if she is surprised that it still works.

"Take your shoes off at the door," Scarlet casually orders them with all the confidence of someone used to being obeyed as she steps through and does exactly that.

Kitt and the others all follow her in, though they leave Justinia behind since it takes a bit more effort to get greaves off than shoes.

Scarlet immediately disappears deeper into the house, rushing in a way they have never seen her before. It really drives home that this place means something to her. It's an unfamiliar look on the Mage.

Three steps in, and Kitt snaps to a halt in the hallway, her brows rising and eyes widening slightly in pure surprise at what she sees. Marlene and Selna aren't much better, but it is Marlene that breaks the silence.

"That's a lot of books."

Indeed it is. Kitt spares a quick glance to a different room and sees that it is much of the same. A lot of books. Everywhere.

Every shelf is stacked to capacity with books. Every counter and table is stacked with books. Every wall is lined to the ceiling or near enough with yet more books. It even looks like some of the tables have started to get cannibalised. Their legs removed and replaced by even more books.

It's just.. everywhere. So many books. But it's not just that. They are all magical. It's easy enough for people like them to tell the difference, and every single one of these books has a magical aura to them.

"This collection rivals my mother's," Selna's voice rings out in the silence, her soft tones filled with shock. "The collective value in this room alone is enough to ransom a Prince. If every room is the same, it'd be a Queen's ransom."

At least two S-Rank Quests, Kitt mentally translates. In other words, a whole lot. It's not like S-Rank Quests are everyday occurrences. Those are the sorts of Quests that will leave a Kingdom in ashes if they fail.

She is starting to maybe believe that Siegfried might actually be as competent a Mage as Scarlet has bragged.

Justinia walks in then, having gotten her greaves off, and she immediately joins them in their stupor with a sharp intake of breath.

"Damn, that's a lot of books."

Kitt snorts, Marlene chuckles and Selna smirks with an imperiously raised brow in Justinia's direction. Just like that, the moment is over.

"Don't copy me, Justi."

"Say more unique phrases then," Justinia absently counters as she enters the front room and grabs a random book from a pile and reads its title out loud before grabbing another and doing the same. "'Of the Alchemical Properties of Salt and its Use in Ritual Spell Circles.' 'The Rise and Fall of the Rastani Empire's 47th Court Mage.' Huh? Wait a second."

They all look over at her tone and watch Justinia place both books aside before grabbing the next two and reading out loud. 

"'The Tumultuous Life of the Rastani Empire's 46th Court Mage.' 'A Treatise on the Rastani Empire's 44th and 45th Court Mages.'" Justinia turns to them with confusion visible even through her helm. "Isn't the Rastani Empire like.. two thousand years dead? Is Scarlet's father obsessed with them or something?"

"I wouldn't say so," Selna replies, and when they turn to her they see her holding her own books. "'Galilei's Forgotten Imperial Mage.' 'A Treatise on Primitive Shamanism and the Implications of Magic's Effect on Divinity.' I think he's just a nerd. Even the magical Professors back home wouldn't have read all of this if it wasn't related to their subject."

"That is exactly right!" Scarlet abruptly interjects, hopping back into sight from where she apparently disappeared upstairs. "My teacher is super obsessed with Magic. I told you that if anyone could help us, it'd be him. If it's a book related to Magic, then he will read it and then read it again. Even when the books are incredibly dry and difficult to get through."

None of them comment on the slight flush to Scarlet's face. They have no idea what she was doing upstairs, but she's smiling widely enough for them to know better than ruin her moment. Scarlet can get very violent very quickly if prodded wrong.

Though, Kitt actually thinks that they have never been in a better position to annoy her, because she doubts that Scarlet would risk collateral damage in her teacher's home. She isn't going to mention that though, because then the others will do everything they can to annoy her.

There isn't a single ounce of forward thinking in this Party. Scarlet would just beat them up later.

"Where did he even get all these books?" Selna asks, returning the two she picked to the pile and grabbing another. "'The Potential of Necromancy as a Healer's Art.'? Eclectic though it is, this collection is not something that can be afforded on a Guild Receptionist's salary."

Justinia makes a humming sound of realisation and snaps her fingers with a light clink of metal on metal. "Is this where you have been sending all that gold?"

Kitt's eyes widen again and she sees various similar reactions as they all turn to stare at Scarlet who herself looks back at them without comprehension.

"Yes? I've been sending my teacher half my earnings since any of you have known me? What did you think I was doing with all that money?"

"I thought you had a gambling problem," Marlene immediately admits without hesitation. It is a subject they have bet over, so Kitt isn't surprised. Selna chips in next, ignoring the affronted expression Scarlet wears.

"I thought you were sending it to an orphanage, or multiple. You are a 'Hero', aren't you?"

Scarlet looks at her as if she is stupid, which just about mirrors the rest of their reactions when Selna first suggested that. Kitt thinks it's some kind of racial miscommunication or something going on.

"I thought you were paying prostitutes exorbitant rates to get them to dress up like your teacher," Justinia admits with a confidence that makes Kitt think that she has had the same realisation about Scarlet not wanting to damage her teacher's home.

Scarlet silently fumes, but then she turns her glare on Kitt.

Great, she thinks, glaring at Justinia. You pissed her off and I have to suffer for it.

Luckily, Kitt didn't make such an absurd bet, so she should be safe.

"I just thought you were hoarding it like a Dragon."

Scarlet huffs. "Unbelievable. You're all the worst."

"You know you recruited us all, right?" Is Marlene's dry counter, to which Scarlet merely glares, which inevitably only makes the Bearwoman's grin grow. "What's it gonna be, Scar? Are you an impulsive idiot who made bad choices with us, or do you really like us deep down, eh~?"

Scarlet glares, and for a moment Kitt wonders if she's actually going to start a fight. Thankfully, she uses her words this time. 

"Is it not possible for me to hate you and like you at the same time?" Scarlet says, and honestly that's about as close to a compliment as she ever gives them. Admittedly, they rarely give her reason to be happy with them.

Kitt has no idea how her life turned out like this. Travelling the world and fighting monsters and Gods alongside a group of idiots that are constantly fighting and arguing. 

She doesn't know how it happened, but despite all the ups and the many, many downs...

She wouldn't trade it for anything.

"Anyway!" Scarlet raises her voice and shakes her head before pinning Kitt with a look. "Go stalk my teacher. Keep out of sight if you can, but make sure no one bothers him on his way over."

Marlene snorts and opens her mouth, but Scarlet cuts her off with an exasperated wave of the arm.

"Yeah yeah, I'm very protective, I get it. Shut up."

"Nah." Marlene's answer is instant, and Kitt knows when discretion is the better part of valour. She is the Rogue after all, and she has no interest in being in the middle of what is nearly certain to descend into an incredible argument.

So she leaves. Off to stalk a pretty man for a few hours.

...She really has no idea how her life turned out like this.

///

Siegfried Terra Crimson

///

As predicted, the rest of the work day sucks ass.

The Adventurers that were in the hall mostly filtered out over time, off to do their own Quests, but word spreads, and his line was significantly more busy than usual. Plenty of Adventurers gave him significant looks, some even asked questions. He ignored and deflected it all.

The bigger problem is his co-workers. They don't conveniently disappear after half an hour. Which means he's had to spend half of his shift dealing with their 'subtle' stares crawling down his back. It's such a pain.

Scarlet's never been particularly inclined towards subtlety. 

Put less politely, she's the kind of idiot to impulsively make decisions and then wonder at the consequences that follow.

At least his shift is finally coming to an en—

"Terra!" A powerful voice booms. God damn it.

Siegfried looks up to see Rachel sauntering into the hall with the rest of her Party trailing behind. So much for a quiet end of the workday.

Rachel marches straight up to his desk and drops a small sack on the counter with a wet plop.

Sieg sighs in no small measure of disgust, which naturally only makes Rachel laugh. He's been here long enough to have gotten used to this part of the job, but it's still gross.

"No need to look so pleased," he mutters to her as he drags the sack closer and pulls it open.

Despite his experience, he still nearly gags as the pungent air hits him alongside the sight of.. four giant right toes.

There has to be evidence of Quest completion after all. Usually it'll be something like an ear, but some races have more recognisable features to lop off. Like a Bicorn's horns. In this case, the Guild started verifying a Giant's death with their toes after one too many cases of Giants being killed and their corpses falling against a cliff or something and being too high up for the Adventurers to easily reach the ears.

So now he has to look at these gross dismembered toes. Joy.

"Ah but how could I not?" Rachel replies with a bright smirk that only grows as he recloses the sack with poorly concealed haste. "You know how rare it is I get to see you acting so manly? It's cute, cutie~."

"Uhuh." He affixes her with a dry glare before turning and reaching under his counter for her paperwork. He pulls the sheet out and drops it on the counter, as is standard for his job. "The Quest was for three Giants, not four. You will only receive Quest rates for three of these, but the Guild will buy the fourth for standard rates. Unless you want to keep it, I guess."

Rachel snorts. "Nah, I'm good. Just do the usual, and you know you don't gotta repeat all that every time, right?"

"Actually, I do. It's—"

"It's part of my contract," Rachel interrupts, doing a poor imitation of his voice as she does. "My pay will get docked if I don't~. I get it, I get it."

Despite himself, Siegfried's lips quirk up slightly at her tone.

"Well, so long as you understand." His eyes roll with the sarcasm, but Rachel just chuckles as she watches him process the bounty and collect her payment.

"So," Rachel begins once the clinks settle from the pouch of coins he set between them. She lets the word hang until he meets her eyes, a dry smile matching her confident smirk. "Seems I just got a big payday."

Both of them ignore one of Rachel's Party members scoff and swipe the pouch before starting to distribute the money evenly between them.

"Seems you did," Sieg agrees, keeping his tone blithe. Both humouring and teasing her at the same time. It's an old routine by now.

Rachel's smirk grows, clearly enjoying the game. Probably because she can tell that she's been getting closer to winning. He wasn't lying saying her commitment is endearing. She's been whittling away his refusal for years now.

It's honestly probably only the depression that's kept him from just giving in and going on that date. He isn't sure if he's happy about that or not.

"Yuuup. So hows about we go grab something to eat, eh?" She wiggles her brows at him. "Your shift should be ending soon right, you gotta be hungry, right?"

"Kyaa." He says the 'scream' as if it's a word. Dull and without true inflection. Rachel snorts. "Stalker. I'll call the Guard."

"And deprive yourself of my presence?" Rachel raises her brows and smirks with insufferable smug down at him. "Never. But seriously though, let me treat you."

An amused huff leaves him at the joke, but then he just shakes his head. It won't be the first time he's rejected her. Not even the hundredth, really. But at least this time he has an actual excuse instead of a made up one.

"Can't today, I'm afraid." She doesn't seem surprised by the rejection, though she does raise a brow at the change in routine. Usually he'd make up the most absurd excuse he could, like saying that he had to commune with a dark God that day or something. "My brat's finally decided to pay her old man a visit now that she needs something from me." He sighs, "Typical."

He remembers his grandfather complaining about his parents only visiting after they moved out so they could do their laundry and get free food. He also remembers his parents having similar complaints when his older brother moved out and only came back for similar reasons.

Now he is starting to see that it might just be a universal fact after all.

"You have a kid?" Rachel asks, her voice pitched with surprise and something else that he doesn't have the energy to decipher.

Still, Siegfried just waves a dismissive hand. "Kinda. Not like we bothered with a legal adoption or anything, I just picked her up a while ago cuz she didn't have anyone else. Now, after years, she finally visits just to start asking favours. Kids, right?"

"Oh, adopted," Rachel mutters with an odd tone of relief? He doesn't get to think about it before she's speaking again. "You sound like my mother. Didn't take you for the parenting type, you look far too youthful to have raised a brat."

Siegfried eyes her with an unimpressed stare. "I'm thirty-four."

Her eyes widen but she quickly recovers and sends him a sultry smirk. "Mmmm~ mature~."

Siegfried snorts at the wink sent his way, and Rachel reacts as if she won some great prize, full of pride at cracking his calm. 

Tsk. He's losing this battle.

Siegfried makes a shooing motion at Rachel. "Just hurry up and get lost already. If my pay gets docked cuz've you I'll make you regret it."

Rachel raises her arms in mock surrender and steps away. "Sure sure~. Next time then."

Siegfried just waves her away without the usual denial. A fact that has Rachel practically bouncing on her feet as she returns to her Party. Siegfried rolls his eyes.

Women.

If he ever manages to clip back into his original world somehow, it's going to be so god damn difficult to interact with anybody normally.

Shrugging that thought away, he returns to his work and impatiently waits for the rest of the day to end.

It is thankfully not too long later that one of his co-workers taps him on the shoulder to relieve him. He tries not to seem too relieved.

He ignores his co-workers that try striking up conversation about Scarlet's earlier scene. Nametag goes off, his bitch boss that he hates glares at.. wait, why isn't he getting glared at?

Pausing at the departure to the usual routine, Siegfried glances around and only briefly glimpses his boss before she jumps into another room like a startled animal.

Huh?

Well, he isn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth, so he just shrugs and steps out of the back door. He makes it down two steps before his hand is reaching into his pocket.

A card comes out, taps a palm and returns as a cigarette falls between two lips. Another snap of the fingers, another deep breath.

Comfort.

The stresses of the day wash away under a cancer inducing wind that burns away at his lungs.

God I hope these things kill me someday.

Siegfried walks. People pass him by, he ignores the stares. There are actually less of them this time, because the streets are busier around this time, which actually results in less eyes on him instead of more.

However, when he cuts through a familiar alley, his routine is interrupted once again, though at least this time it's a familiar interruption.

"Well what do we have here?" a sleazy voice echoes out as a woman moves to block the alley exit. A wolf whistle follows from another woman behind him. "What're ya doin' out here all by yourself, sexy? You wanna have a good time?"

Right. It is about that time, isn't it?

It's routine at this point. Some women like this always show up every few months or so. Hence why Siegfried has ensured to plot all of his routes to ensure that he will always be near a City Guard patrol.

He really doesn't like when he has to deal with it himself. It always ruins his mood. Though to be fair, it doesn't do his mood any good to have to scream for protection. It's rather demeaning. The guards tend to act like he's made of glass too.

Siegfried takes a deep puff of his cigarette and lets the smoke out in a long sigh.

"Do you reuse your lines? I'm pretty sure I've heard that one before."

"The fuck's that supposed to mean?" The woman growls back at him, and he can only sigh again.

Low IQ as usual.

"Nothing, nothing. Listen, just leave me alone. This really isn't gonna go how you think—"

"Yeah I don't give a fuck," she interrupts, glaring at him. "See, I've been locked up for years, it's been way too long since I've got laid. Your opinion isn't really relevant here, so shut the fuck up and follow us before I make your day even worse."

Hmm? Maybe not so low IQ then. Just scum.

Siegfried's eyes turn cold. Maybe he should just handle it himself after all. Call it his civic duty.

"Charming," he rolls his eyes, and she doesn't seem deterred.

Well, whatever.

He watches the woman saunter up to him with a dangerous smirk, and feels her friend closing in behind at a slightly faster clip. Standard ambush tactic really. 

Unimaginative.

His mana moves as he wills it. That miniscule well of energy flowing in preparation for what limited use he can get of it, even if he knows that it'll undoubtedly leave him exhausted. Better than the alternative.

However, right before they cross the point of no return, the third party finally interrupts.

A blur materialises in front of him, resolving into the image of Kitt'Katt. The Hobgoblin stands relaxed, shoulders resting without concern as she spins a pair of daggers around in her hands.

"Sure you wanna do that, friend?"

The would-be sex criminals pause, visibly put off by Kitt's appearance.

"And who the fuck're you supposed to be, White Knight? Fancy yourself a Princess Charming?"

Kitt snorts, and her response is dry. "You ever seen a Knight with green skin? Just go find someplace else to be." She finishes by projecting some killing intent, which is a whole thing in this world. It's actually pretty interesting how it works, he's read a few books on the subject.

The criminals falter.

Intimidation check passed! He can practically see the dice roll.

The lead woman scoffs in a clear attempt to keep her pride by acting as if she isn't intimidated at all and simply doesn't want to bother with the hassle.

"Fuckin' pussy," the woman comments before huffing and turning on her heel to disappear elsewhere. The goon behind him follows her lead.

Siegfried meanwhile is struggling to fully grasp the meaning of the insult. It's one of those second order effects of the weird sexual paradigm. Pussy, as an insult, has a meaning that is very similar to what he knows but with a slightly different nuance to it that he still doesn't fully understand.

Kitt watches them leave only for a moment before spinning around to regard him with an expression of wide-eyed concern.

"Are you okay, Mr.?"

Siegfried stares dully at her. "Took you long enough." He says before taking another puff of his cig and sighing out the smoke. He shakes his head and continues walking. "Why'd you just let them go like that?"

"A gentleman shouldn't have to see such violences," is the quick and somewhat predictable answer. He rolls his eyes. "And what do you mean? Were you expecting me?"

"I mean that I noticed you following me." He pauses to send her a brief look. "Very creepy, by the way."

As she reacts to that, he walks out of the alley and after a brief glance about, quickly spots the Guard patrol that he knew would be there. He starts walking over, and Kitt trails after him. Evidently, she's decided not to bother sneaking around now that she's already shown herself.

"Forgive me for saying so, Mr., but I highly doubt that. I mean no offence, but I do know exactly how good I am at remaining unseen. There's no need to lie."

"Now that's just insulting," he mutters before waving slightly as the Guard notice his approach. 

"Mr. Terra!" One of the Guards cheerfully greets, the other just nodding her head. It's a small town after all. "You need something?"

"Claudia, yeah. There's these two women back there," he gestures in the direction they left from. "One has short black hair and a slightly crooked nose. Apparently she was recently released from years in lockup? She threatened some rather unfortunate things upon me until I was saved by this good Samaritan here, but I figure she'll probably just be looking out for a different victim now. What did the other one look like?"

Kitt blinks at the question suddenly dropped on her, but she quickly recovers and gives a brief description.

"I'm very sorry you had to go through that, Mr. Terra. Rest assured that we will ensure she doesn't hurt anyone." Claudia places a reassuring hand on his shoulder and squeezes slightly. Not that he needs the reassurance, but it is nice to be reminded that not everyone on this planet is a bad hentai character.

"See you 'round, Claudia," he says as she heads off. He gets a nod in response, and then the both of them are jogging away, tracking the criminals down.

Siegfried glances at Kitt and subconsciously puts on his lecturing voice.

"That woman was clearly out to hurt someone today. Stopping her attempt doesn't stop her from trying again. This is why you don't just scare scum like that off. Either beat them up or at the very least report them to the authorities. A problem doesn't go away just because it isn't in front of you."

Kitt doesn't reply, and she doesn't meet his eye when he looks either, so Sieg just shrugs and continues walking home.

The silence between them drags for a short while before he decides to break it. Only because Kitt is one of Scarlet's friends, otherwise he certainly wouldn't bother.

"It's a matter of scale," he says, elaborating only when she looks up at him in confusion. "How I noticed you following me."

She clearly isn't convinced, but he doesn't mind explaining. "Say you want to hide a tree so no one can find it. How do you do so? No need to think about it too hard, just whatever comes to mind."

Kitt stares at him for a moment before shrugging. "Dig it up, find a rock big enough, move the rock, bury the tree, put the rock back in place over it so no one can see the disturbed earth and then dispose of the remaining dirt elsewhere."

Siegfried nods his head. It's a good answer. "Unfortunately, the tree is being hunted down by a Mage, and they have a Spell to scan an entire kingdom's worth of land to locate every single tree. They'd naturally investigate the tree buried underground."

"So I'd ward it," Kitt counters, and he tips his head because the point is valid.

"Or, you could just replant the tree in a forest." She blinks. He isn't surprised. He's found that there's a distinct lack of lateral thinking in this world. Not a total lack, mind. It's probably just because there's no internet to fill people with a billion different perspectives or something. "The Mage's Spell will just see a forest full of trees either way. It'd be perfectly hidden in plain sight."

Kitt nods her head. "Like a disguise. It's easier to sneak through somewhere crowded by just pretending you belong there."

"Exactly. Which brings me to the failure in your stealth." She bristles a little bit at that, but thankfully doesn't interrupt him. "It's a matter of scale, as I said. A Mage would just scan the forest for trees, same as anywhere else. Unfortunately for you, I am incredibly weak. There is no way I'd have enough mana to scan an entire forest. So in order to check it, I'd have to scan each tree, one at a time. It'd take way longer, but by the time I'm standing in front of your tree, I'd notice. Whether it's the disrupted earth or foliage or a different shade of bark."

He glances at her from the corner of his eye. "The point being that your stealth is no doubt very good. I doubt any Mage would be able to detect you. Your weakness is just weaklings like me. You've shrunk your presence beyond what a normal Mage can see, and straight into my line of sight. Understand?"

From the contemplative expression on her face, she clearly does. It's not really a big deal in the end. Like he said, her stealth is good enough as it is. He can only see through it because he is literally the only person he is aware of that is capable of sensing Magic while being so pathetically weak.

It's not really a weakness, he's just an exception. However, it's not impossible that some of the more impressive Mages in this world are competent enough to notice such fine movements of mana. It'd certainly take a lot of talent or practice for a normal Mage to be able to perceive mana in such small quantities like he does.

Scarlet certainly never managed it.

"Evening Sieg!" A cheerful voice chirps, pulling him from his thoughts.

He turns to greet Bessy, failing entirely to notice the pinch to her expression as her eyes flick briefly to Kitt.

"Evening, Bess."

"Who's your friend?"

Siegfried blinks, aborting the motion of his arm. He was expecting to be offered another apple like usual.

"Oh, this is Kitt'Katt," he answers, gesturing to the Hobgoblin in question. He doesn't notice the similar expression of narrow eyes on Kitt's face either. "She's one of Scarlet's friends."

"Oh!?" Bessy brightens and clasps her hands together in front of her, an act which does some incredible things to her chest. "Little Scarlet is visiting? How lovely! I'll make you a gift basket!"

"There's no need," he begins, but Bess is already packing a bunch of fruit and veg into a small box. "Really Bess, at least let me pay."

"Nonsense!" She waves him away. "Consider it a belated gift for the last few birthdays of Scarlet's!"

"It's her own fault for not visiting," he counters with a sigh, already understanding that he's not winning this battle either. "Thank you anyway."

"It is not a problem, Sieg! Do you want an apple?"

He shakes his head ruefully and pulls his cigarette from his lips and holds it out. Bessy grins with cheer as she pulls the stick from his fingers and tosses it under her stall before placing a fresh apple in his waiting palm.

"You know those things give you cancer?" Bessy asks with a smile as he takes a bite of the apple. Absentmindedly wondering if he's being Pavlov'd with apples. Because he definitely felt a desire for apples just now when she didn't offer one right away.

Eh. He's already addicted to cigarettes, what's apples?

"That's the hope," he responds, same as always. Only this time he does so while accepting a box of produce.

Except that isn't true, because Bess doesn't push the box into his arms but Kitt's arms instead. The Hobgoblin doesn't even flinch in accepting it, though she doesn't seem too happy about it considering the glare she's sending Bess.

Right. The world's weird.

Well, he isn't going to complain about not having to carry heavy things. That's one of the upsides of being here.

"See ya later, Bess."

"See you tomorrow, Sieg!"

He waves over his shoulder as they walk away.

They make it about twenty paces before Kitt opens her mouth.

"Who was that?" She asks, her voice carefully neutral, as if asking about the weather, yet he can't help but feel that there's more to it. "You seem close."

"Hmmm, yeah, I guess" he answers once he's finished chewing. "That's just Bess. We trade veg every few weeks. She's been trying to get me to eat apples instead of smoking."

He snorts derisively at the thought, as it happens to remind him to pull out another cigarette, which he does.

He might not be about to replace cigarettes with apples, but he certainly doesn't mind just being addicted to them both. Maybe he should find more things to be addicted to?

"Oh. So you're not close?"

Sieg eyes Kitt with a raised brow. "Is it really any of your business who I'm close to?"

"N-no," she answers quickly. "I'm just curious about Scarlet's teacher is all. She'll take any opportunity to talk about you, you know?"

Ah, so that's what the interrogation was about. Fair enough.

"Hmm, she talked about me, huh? What'd she say?"

Kitt grins, clearly pleased at the opportunity to embarrass her friend. He can relate.

"Mostly she would talk about how incredible you are. Very complimentary stuff. Apparently you're a walking encyclopaedia of magical knowledge."

"Oh? How flattering. I'll be sure to thank her."

Kitt chuckles, clearly understanding the insinuation that he will tease her about it later.

"Good. Though, I don't think we ever heard how you met? Are you actually related?"

Siegfried shakes a hand side to side. "Kinda, I guess. It's not like there's a great story to it." He shrugs. "I just saw a kid on the side of the road with magical potential. Asked if she had anywhere to be or anyone to go to. She said no. Asked if she wanted to learn magic with me, she said yes. The rest is history. We didn't exactly go through the official process though, so I guess I technically kidnapped her."

Kitt laughs an unexpected amount at that, causing him to raise his brows at her.

"Sorry sorry," she waves her hands as she laughs. "It's just the idea of anyone making Scarlet do anything she doesn't want to do is difficult for me to picture. What do you mean by no official process though? Doesn't she have your name?"

He huffs with clear and fond amusement shining in his eyes. "To be fair, she was only seven at the time. She used to be real quiet you know? For the first year or so anyway. And Crimson is her name. She basically demanded we share a family name, but she also refused to just be called Scarlet Terra cuz she didn't want to throw away the name I gave her. The compromise was adding Crimson to my own name."

"That does sound like Scarlet," she agrees with a clear smile, only to pause in a moment of realisation. "Wait, you named Scarlet?"

"Yup. She insisted that I do so. I just called her 'Girl' for the first year, since she wouldn't tell me her name. Unfortunately, I'm crap at naming things, so I just called her red twice on account of her hair."

Kitt laughs and wears the grin of someone that is clearly pleased to have more material she can use to tease her friend with.

The rest of the walk is uneventful. They just spend the time exchanging stories and facts about Scarlet that they will both be able to use to embarrass her with in the future.

All in all, a good chat.

///

A/N: He~llo! Dear readers!

Share your thoughts! This story will have some more focus on the RSM elements later. It's still in the setup phase, y'know?

But lmk your thoughts so far. You like? Anything you dislike?

There are honestly a few different RSM type stories I wanna write. I seriously find it so fascinating as a thought experiment lmao.