Today I turned 29 💫 (Patreon)

Today is my birthday and I would like to remind you about something very important.

Living with chronic, undifferentiated pain is a journey that few can truly understand unless they’ve walked it themselves.

When I first started experiencing muscle pain, psychologists, mentors, asked me variations of the same question: What is this illness trying to tell you? At the time, these questions felt strange. I didn’t have answers, and for years, all I could see was what the illness had taken from me—my energy, my freedom, my sense of normalcy.

Only years later I found the answer. It didn’t come quickly or like a lightning bolt of insight. It was a long and painful journey. But now, I know and feel clearly that this pain has shaped me into who I am. This pain taught me inner acceptance. It taught me to see and find happiness in the smallest of things. It taught me to genuinely give thanks for what I have instead of lamenting what I’ve lost.

Now I feel life with an intensity I never have before, as if the veil of human patterns and societal norms that we’ve been taught since birth has lifted. I feel like a clean vessel, but this time, I get to choose what fills it with. 

If you’re living with chronic pain, please know- You are not weak because you struggle, nor are you failing because this feels impossibly hard some days. Chronic pain forces you to confront your humanity in a way most people never have to. It teaches you vulnerability, but it also teaches you a quiet, profound strength.

This experience is impossible to fully put into words. I can only try, but the spark of something utterly pure and new that was kindled within me at the start of this painful journey can’t be described. It can only be shared on a deeply emotional level. And I feel this spark growing brighter and brighter, making me stronger, wiser, and giving me a sense of flight and detachment from my body when I need it. It’s truly a magical experience, and I am endlessly grateful to the Universe for it.

So, this isn’t a punishment, nor a misfortune, nor the world’s unfairness—it’s a gift for those ready to be reborn into something entirely new. 

You are not your pain. You are so much more.

Thank you for staying with me, supporting and helping, without you I would not have been able to go through this difficult path.

Love you all,

Anastasia