Chapters 83 and 84 (Patreon)

 Chapter 83

We returned to find Hekla sitting on the couch in our base drinking an Arby’s milkshake. 

“What do you think?” she asked, jumping up the moment we appeared. She held out her arms. She spilled some of the shake onto the couch. 

“No eyeshadow,” Donut said. “She doesn’t wear makeup. And she’s a lot bigger. But you did a really good job.”

Only then did I see the name over her head said “Katia.” 

“Wow,” I said after a moment. “That’s really good. If I was Hekla I’d be weirded out right now, but that’s great. Are you able to change the name over your head?” 

“Sort of,” she said. “It’s an ability called ‘Walk in Their Shoes,’ and my race came with a level-5 in the skill. It only lasts for five minutes, and I can only turn it on if my appearance matches their appearance by at least 90%. This Hekla is only 65%. It’s the best I can do.” 

“It looks a lot better than 65% to me,” I said. “It had me fooled.” 

“I’m working on it. I bought a new table that Mordecai told me about. It’s called a Makeup Table, and at level three, I can superimpose the face of any monster or crawler or NPC I’ve met on the glass, which makes sculpting much easier. Plus it doesn’t hurt when I sit at the table, and now I can save three designs and call them up on demand. Once I get it to level five, it supposedly comes with a full-sized mirror so I can do the rest of the body just as easily.” 

“Level three? You used your upgrade coupons?” I asked, trying my best not to sound horrified. 

“Yes I did. It is so much easier now. I think I’ve perfected my blocking build, too.”    

Mordecai was going to be pissed. I knew he wanted to talk her into using the two upgrade coupons on his own alchemy table. I supposed they were her coupons. Still, using them on upgrading a skill that was only moderately useful seemed like a colossal waste. But now that she had it, we were going to have to get creative with her shapes. 

“We have some more armor for you,” I said as Donut piled the greaves, shoulder pads, and helmet onto the ground. These were all from the assassin. They gave a combined upgrade to +8 in her Strength and +4 to her Dexterity. But more importantly, it added to her mass.  

“Where did you get this stuff? Oh my God, Donut. What happened?” She’d finally noticed the skull over the cat’s head. Her formed shifted, and she returned back to her normal self, her real version I’d only seen up in the production trailer. The only difference was she kept her purple mohawk instead of her normal black hair. And the knee-high boots. She was also much taller, thanks to her increased mass. 

“Oh it was but a trifle,” Donut said. She licked her paw, as if it truly was nothing. “A poor crawler thought he could keep up with me, and I accidently had to rip his throat out. Honestly, I barely remember the incident. I did have a cherry or two too many. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have training to do.”

She flipped her tail and walked into the training room. 

Katia raised an eyebrow and looked at me. I shrugged. “I’ll tell you about it later. We have a busy day ahead of us.”   

~

I used my hour to train my Bare Knuckle skill. I really needed to work on my Powerful Strike, which was a more general, catch-all fighting skill than the punching-only Bare Knuckle, but since I’d practiced it the day before, I wanted to see if training it two days in a row would level it up. It worked. My skill moved up to level nine just before my hour was up. Donut spent her time practicing her Dodge skill, leveling it up to seven, which meant she now had access to that training guild. 

From there I spent another hour working on a few different items at the engineering bench. After, I moved to my sapper table. I utilized my Demolition Workshop tab for the first time, which allowed me to remove bombs from my inventory and examine them, pulling up schematics and information about the bomb’s content and yield. It also told me an item’s rate of decay under different stress environments, something that would be important to know. It was a lot to take in. I dared going to use the rest room twice, both times to quickly consult my book. I experimented my bomb deconstructing skill by taking apart several fused hob-lobbers. The fuses themselves could be useful. The stability of bombs and explosives did not degrade at all when I stood at the bench, allowing me the freedom to cut sticks of dynamite in half or bundle them together.

While I did that, Donut spent the time attempting to ride Mongo. After about ten minutes of coaxing, she finally managed to leap onto the saddle. The moment she landed on the dinosaur’s back, a strap appeared, wrapping around Donut’s waist, affixing her to the saddle. 

Mongo screeched and bucked like a bronco, causing me and Katia to stop what we were doing and laugh. Donut was magically attached to the saddle, but there appeared to be a limit to the adhesiveness, and she was thrown multiple times. Eventually, he calmed down, but he looked miserable. He didn’t move from his spot in the middle of the crafting room. He just stood there, eyes pleading. The dinosaur gave me a look that said, get this thing off of me. 

“How are you going to control him?” I asked. “There aren’t any reins.” 

“Mongo and I have a psychic bond, Carl. You’ve never been a mother, so you wouldn’t understand.” 

Mongo suddenly squealed and bucked, tossing Donut halfway across the room. She hissed, poofing out before landing on all fours atop Mordecai’s alchemy table, causing vials and supplies to scatter. 

“Mongo, bad!” she cried as Katia and I howled. 

Mongo grunted in derision and rolled onto his back in an attempt to dislodge the saddle. 

“You’re gonna need more than a psychic bond,” I said. 

~

After chatting further with Imani, we ended up taking the yellow line down to the transfer station at 149. We spent most of the time in carriage number five, chatting with the conductor, a woman dwarf who reminded me of Eunice, the dwarf mother of one-armed Ricky Joe. She didn’t have any more information than the last two conductors, but she insisted on making us tea, which ended up granting an additional 5% buff to our intelligence stat for the day. 

We spent the trip doing hit and run raids on the monsters entering the car. One of the groups were flying snakes, encased in metallic, scaled armor, like worms stuffed into bendy straws. They were called Frying Eels. They had a heat attack. They didn’t shoot actual fire out of their mouths, but they would open their jaws wide, and anything close would melt. Luckily, we could snipe at their wings from afar, and the act of falling usually killed or stunned them. Their fragile wings were ridiculously tiny, and the corpses of the eight-foot-long snakes had to weigh upwards of a quarter ton. By the time we reached stop 149, the interior of some of the passenger cars was a melted and scorched mess. I took all of their armor tubes into my inventory. 

Earlier, Imani and crew had spent some time “interrogating” one of the conductors on the Beige line, getting a list of all the joining trains on the upcoming transfer stations. Bautista did the same on the Canary line. After spending some time writing it all down, we’d come up with a plan.  

Station 149 intersected with both the purple and ochre line, making it the perfect location for our catch-an-engineer plan. After we were done with our little experiment, which we’d inflict onto the ochre line, Donut and I could take the purple to 283 and catch the Nightmare Express, which would allow us to check out this mysterious stop number 436, which was one higher than the “end of the line” stop 435 of all the colored lines. And if that was a bust, we could return to red/yellow station 83 and start over. At the same time, team Meadow Lark were currently working their way through stop number 250. I was waiting for their report. Their next transfer station after that—251—also intersected with the ochre line, which would be important. 

Bautista meanwhile was making his way to the almost-end-of-the-line stop number 433 on the Canary line, which also intersected with the Ochre line along with almost two dozen others, including a few non-colored lines. We assumed this last transit station would be big, bigger than normal. What we found today would determine his next move. 

“What I really need is a multimeter. One at the end of a long stick,” I said as the four of us stood at the platform to the ochre line number 149. I leaned over to stare at the three rails down on the track. “We don’t even know if this is really electrified or not. But that third rail is raised off the ground and uses insulators. There’s a possibility they’re fucking with us. Or worse, the grounding is jacked to hell, and anything that goes down there will catch an arc.” 

“So how are we going to figure it out without getting ourselves zapped?” Katia asked, also leaning over to peer out onto the track. 

I pulled a curved metal rod from my inventory with the wired hob-lobber fuse. I’d made several of these earlier for just this sort of thing. I tossed it out onto the tracks, connecting the two main rails with the third rail. Pop! The hob-lobber fuse blew the moment it hit the metal. The metal stick continued to crackle and glow. A moment later it vibrated itself off the third rail. It finally stopped crackling. I didn’t see any arcing.  

“Well, something is hot down there. And we know the fuse works.” I repeated the experiment, tossing the fuses onto each of the three rails, just to be certain. The only time the fuse blew was when it hit the third rail and something else. That made me reasonably certain that the hot line was the third rail, as it should be. I still wasn’t confident we wouldn’t get a shock if we touched the main track, but the fact the tracks were physically grounded suggested we would be fine. Famous last words, I thought.

Just to be extra certain, I took a regular, fused hob-lobber, and I dropped it on the track. It bounced off the first rail and rolled, settling in the space between the ties. I sighed. 

“So the third rail will set off bombs but the other two won’t?” Katia asked. 

“That’s what it looks like. Just like a real subway track.” 

If I was wrong, we were about to find out in a very unpleasant way. 

A train pulled up, bumping and crunching over the metal on the track. I cringed, afraid the hob-lobber I’d dropped would blow, but it didn’t. Since this was the ochre line, it was full of mobs we hadn’t seen yet. They ranged from lumpy wolf monsters with tentacles to small, fairy-like skunks that clutched onto butcher knives three times bigger than themselves. Donut blasted a pair of the skunks as the door opened. While she did that, I spray-painted a big X on the side of the carriage. We stepped back as it pulled away. 

If this worked as intended, both Meadow Lark and Bautista’s crew would have a warning that the train with the X would be the last one coming down the line for a while. 

“Okay guys, you ready for this?” I asked. I didn’t wait for an answer. Katia, Donut, and Mongo retreated to the back of the platform as I pulled the first of the two devices from my inventory. 

I gently placed it on the platform and watched it for a few moments to make sure it didn’t deteriorate on its own. According to the Demolitions Workshop menu, the device was stable against anything except heavy impact. Still, I watched that status number nervously. It did not lower. I pulled out the fishing pole I’d hobbled together, hooked the tire-sized device up, and I gently lowered it onto the track, keeping it as far away from the third rail as possible. I moved down to the far end of the platform and placed a second charge a half of a car’s length into the tunnel.

For our first derailment, I decided to keep it simple. I wanted to build a metal ramp that’d fit snugly on the two rails, something that’d cause the first car to lift away and to the side, derailing it nice and clean. But I didn’t have the proper measurements. So instead I went with a classic. Landmines. 

The devices resembled tire-shaped cross sections of the spike-covered contact mines that were widely used in naval warfare in the early 20th century. I’d gotten the idea for the plunger from my book. I’d changed it up just enough to make it look like I’d come up with the idea on my own. It hadn’t taken long to build. Basically it was an oblong, hob-lobber-stuffed metal tube with a single, hopefully-stable hobgoblin stick of dynamite added for extra measure. The system labeled it a Jelly Bomb, presumably after a jelly donut. I did not get credit for inventing it. When the train hit it, one of the spikes would be depressed and would smash an impact-detonated hob-lobber, causing the whole mine to shred and explode. The metal on the top half of the bomb was scored into triangle-shapes for added shrapnel.  I’d built the plungers using the Gorgon Marital aid. We hadn’t yet been able to test it, and I was nervous about a premature detonation. Especially while I was setting it. I was reasonably certain two of these would be enough to dislodge the train from the track. Hopefully I didn’t end up killing the engineer. Or myself.  

Once the two landmines were set, I joined the others at the top of the stairs. If anything went wrong—like we accidently unleashed a horde of flying skunk fairies on the station—we’d either retreat into the safe room or hop onto the Purple Line, depending on what happened.   

I looked over my shoulder and examined the small transit station. The three shops were a pho restaurant, a general store, and a well-kept, church-like building, which was the entrance to Club Vanquisher. The door to the club opened, and a ram-headed cleric in robes stepped out to regard us. He glared at us for a moment before returning inside.

Elle: Hey stud. We explored through one of those five stations. You wouldn’t believe what we found. We had to fight three neighborhood bosses. There’s a borough boss, too, but we left her alone. Imani says she’s an old friend of yours. A miss Krakaren.   

Carl: Now’s not a good time. We’ll talk in a bit. 

Elle: Okay, big guy. Tell Donut I said hello. 

I remembered the description of the first, tentacled Krakaren boss had said there were many of them. If this one was a borough boss, that meant she was probably a lot bigger. The original Krakaren we’d fought had been using her body along with the brindle grubs to produce their Rev-Up moonshine. I wondered what this one was up to.

The ground rumbled, signifying the approach of the next train.  

“I’m moderately excited about this, Carl,” said Donut. 

Chapter 84

Ka-Blam!   

Even at the top of the stairs, the detonation was deafening. The ground shook. Mongo screeched in fear. Dust cascaded from the ceiling. A horrific screeching and crashing noise filled the platform below, and even more smoke and dust billowed up. Katia grasped onto my arm for support, and Donut leaped to my shoulder, digging her claws in. Even more crashing echoed below our feet, followed a moment later by a second explosion that echoed through the tumult like a shotgun blast.

Level Up! You are now level 29.
Three stat points gained. 

New achievement! Locomotive Breath!

While it’s not exactly a feat of engineering worthy of a Queen Elizabeth Prize, you finally managed to manufacture a train derailment. Let’s hope this doesn’t set off some sort of unforeseen domino effect that will ripple throughout the rest of the floor, leading to mass confusion and death amongst you and your fellow crawlers. 

Reward: You’ve received a Gold Engineering Box! 

That was ominous. 

“Okay,” I said as the explosions and crumpling sounds finally ceased. “Let’s get moving. Donut, do you see any red dots?” 

“No,” she said. “There are some corpses on the platform. I think one of the cars broke open.”

“Let’s go down there. Katia, keep a timer going. Eight minutes.” 

If the next train down the line didn’t stop, we needed to be out of here for the next crash. And the one after that. I didn’t know how this was going to play, but first we needed to look at what we’d done. 

“Wow,” Donut said as we went down the stairs into the smoke-filled room. The engine car was on its side, the top almost reaching the inside wall of the platform. I couldn’t see the bottom of the train at this angle, but smoke billowed from underneath, most of it venting into the ceiling. The train was still attached to part of car number two, which had been twisted and peeled away like a tin can. Dead tentacle wolves and skunk fairies lay scattered about the passenger car, some of them having rolled onto the platform. This second car was half on the track, back raised, half twisted forward and on its side, leaving a massive rent where the roof once was. I didn’t know if the crash had killed the mobs or if they automatically died once they were exposed to the air of this platform.

“There are still some mobs alive in the back cars of the train,” Donut said. “I can see the white dot of the conductor. I don’t see the engineer, but I never did before.”

“Good,” I said. I felt relief that we hadn’t killed the conductor.   

“The train jumped the track, but the engine car doesn’t look hurt,” Katia said. “It’s on its side, but it’s all in one piece. It ripped that other car in half when it flipped over.” 

“It must be made out of stronger stuff,” I said, picking my way down the bottom of the stairs. The train had bowled over the magical sign in the center of the platform. Hunks of metal were everywhere. Dozens of small fires burned. If they didn’t have the vent system, this place would be completely full of black, choking smoke. 

We moved to the peeled half of the second car, approaching the gangway, which had been peeled open, creating a window to the tracks below. Debris littered the ground, sparks flying as the metal came in contact with the rail. I could see part of the main train track was a mangled mess. This track wouldn’t be used any time soon. 

We could now see the still-closed doorway leading into train number one.  

“That back door still looks like it’s intact,” Katia said. “If he doesn’t come out, what’re we going to do?” 

Before I could answer, the door slid open, and an enormous figure emerged, half pulling himself, half falling from the sideways door and onto the ripped and tattered wall of the gangway. He grumbled something and pulled himself up. 

“All righty then,” I muttered as the… man… came to his feet. He stood about eight feet tall, towering over us.

Vernon the conductor had suggested that the engineers might be human based on their voices, but he really wasn’t certain. He’d never seen one. He’d only been half correct.

From the shoulders down, this was a normal man. He was built large and strong. But where a normal person’s neck would be was another torso, leading to the top half of—another?—man. This top half wasn’t as large as the lower half. The creature had a pair of legs and arms on the bottom half and another pair of arms on the top half. The gap-toothed man had greasy, black hair that hung out from his engineer’s hat. He wore a beige work shirt on his top half that ended at the waist. Over his left breast was a nametag that read “Gore-Gore.” The bottom, larger half was naked except for a loincloth made of the same material as the shirt.

The man’s face and naked lower half was covered in lined streaks of blue paint, like he was cosplaying Mel Gibson’s character in Braveheart. 

Gore-Gore. ManTauR. Level 40. 

Ochre Line Train Engineer. 

Of all the ‘taurs out there, from Centaurs to Bisontaurs to Rhinotaurs, the ManTauR is one of the weirdest. Half human, and, uh, half human, the ManTauR has been genetically engineered for both strength and dexterity, making them perfect for the often-grueling and thankless job of Tangle Train Engineer. 

Unfortunately, the act of making these magnificent, large-footed beasts oftentimes results in creatures with double amounts of testosterone and whatever else makes humans so prone to overt masculinity and hyper, overenthusiastic piety toward their god of choice. 

“Hail, brother and sister,” Gore-gore shouted. “And Princess. Fine Princess! Hail! You have survived the train wreck. We must flee this wretched place. But behold! Luck is on our side in this dark time, for we are at a transit station where we may find sustenance and mead!” The mantaur fell forward, so he ran on his legs and lower set of arms, which was absurdly disturbing. He bounded from the train, rushed past us, and onto the platform.  

He thinks we were passengers. He doesn’t know we’re the ones who crashed the train. “What about the conductor?” I called, turning to look at the back of the train. Cars numbers three and four were smushed up against one another, the conjunction between the two cars starting to reach up toward the ceiling of the chamber. Car five was still half in the tunnel. 

“Time is scarce!” The creature shouted, even though it wasn’t necessary to shout. “The next train will be upon us soon. And the one after that! All will crash. It will take time for the home base to learn there is a problem and to send an interdiction team. We must flee this forsaken place! Run and we will live to battle another day!” He turned and charged for the stairs. 

“Should we help the conductor?” Katia asked. 

“Ah, he’ll probably be fine,” I said. “Come on. We need to talk to this guy before he gallops away.” 

~

The second train careened into the back of the first, causing yet another earthquake and a giant, screeching crash. It sounded as if more cars were pushed into the platform below. More dust and smoke billowed up from below.

All of us stood at the top of the stairwell. Gore-Gore didn’t seem to know what to do with himself now that he was out of the train. This had already gone differently than I was expecting. I sent some instructions to Donut over chat.  

“Hail my fallen brothers!” Gore-Gore suddenly shouted for no apparent reason. He beat his top chest, leaving a splotch of blue body paint on the uniform. 

“Hey,” Donut said “Can Carl here ask you some questions?” 

“Of course!” he shouted. “It is my sacred duty to help the customers of the Tangle! That goes double for princesses and their manservants!” 

“Can you please stop shouting,” Donut said. “It upsets Mongo.”  

Mongo squawked in agreement. 

Carl: Now you know how I feel when you type in all caps.   

Donut: THAT’S NOT THE SAME THING, CARL. 

“I will do my best, Princess Donut,” the man shouted. “I do not wish to upset your royal steed. How may I serve you!” 

“We have some questions about the end of the line,” I said. 

“You mean stop number 435?” he said, his manner changing instantly. It was like I’d flipped a switch.  He lowered his voice. “We recommend all passengers disembark at stop 433. That is the last transit station. After that it is not safe. Even for fine warriors such as yourselves.”

“Safe?” Katia scoffed. “The stops before that are safe?”  

“What’s at stop 434? And 435?” I asked. 

“Stop 434 is barren,” he said. “Stop 435 is where my fellow employees exit the train and take the portal back to the depot.” 

“What about you?” I probed. “We talked to a conductor, and he said he never sees your kind get off the train. And they don’t remember what happens at 435.”

Gore-Gore paused, an odd expression on his paint-covered face. He seemed scared and something else. Ashamed? It didn’t make sense. I knew we’d never be getting this information if we didn’t have Donut and her Charisma of 96 greasing the wheels for us. “The Tangle employees, having completed their sacred duty, disembark at 435 and proceed into the tunnel which transports them back to base. The Kravyad are in charge of employee return. They use their dark magic to teleport the employees. The portal has a side effect regarding memory. Human resources says they’re looking into it.” 

“What about you?” I repeated. “What do you do?” 

“I, uh, gate the train. Like any true engineer would.” 

“What does that mean?” 

“There’s a gate just after stop 435, and I drive into it. It is an enormous portal that the train just pushes through. I enter, and I am back at the depot, pulling into a parking spot. Alas, it’s just my engine car. The nineteen other cars are gone.” 

“Gone?” I asked. 

He snapped with one of his lower hands. “Just like that. One moment I’m approaching the abyss gate, and then I’m at the depot. It’s magic, and I do not know how it works.” He looked back and forth and then leaned in, whispering as if afraid he’d be overheard. “My kind do not believe magic is honorable. I do not like utilizing the gate. But I am a good employee, and I do what I am told. There’s no memory loss like the dwarves and grapples experience. There’s a flash of vile light, and I and the car teleport. I sleep for eight hours in my cabin, eat an epic meal, get up and do the checks, and wait for them to hook the cars back up for my next run.” 

“You sleep?” I asked. “The conductor said when he gets to the end of the line, he blinks and he’s getting on the train again right away. He didn’t say there was a enough time for anyone to go to sleep.” 

Gore-Gore’s top half shrugged. The streak of blue face paint glinted in the light. “They lose some time when they go through the portal. It’s nine or ten hours until the next shift.” 

“And what about the other cars? They say they loop back in time, resetting themselves.” 

He nodded. “I do not know the details. The passenger cars go through a deep cleaning upon transport. Any damage is repaired. Foreign objects are removed. Mostly.” 

That wasn’t exactly how Vernon put it. “But what about your car? It doesn’t get, uh, deep-cleaned?” 

“No. It does not.” 

Excellent. I asked the important question. “So if we were with you when you went through the gate, we’d be okay, too?”   

He paused. “I have heard of passengers riding through the gate. The deep-cleaning process isn’t good for them.” 

I shook my head. “I don’t mean if we were in the passenger cars. I mean if we were in the engine car. With you.” 

Gore-Gore frowned. “I always wish to ride with fellow warriors, especially into the unknown. But, alas! Nobody rides in the first car except engineers. It is the rule of the Tangle! Not even other employees are allowed within. No exceptions!” 

“But if we were in that first car, we’d be fine?” 

“You would not be killed by the abyss gate.” He abruptly lifted all four arms into the air, and metal blades erupted from the flesh over his top two wrists with a shing, like he was some sort of fucked up Wolverine. “But I would be honor-bound to slay you! No exceptions, my fellow warrior!” 

“Okay then,” I said, taking a step back. This guy was crazy. They’re all crazy. Every last one of them. “One last question. You came out because the train crashed. Is there any other reason why you’d come out of the car? Like if we ever wanted to talk to one of your fellow engineers, how would we do that?”

He lowered his arms, blades retracting back into his skin. Blood dribbled down his hands where the blades appeared. “We do not leave the engine car if the train is intact. This is a rule. Now my fellow warriors. I see a place of respite. I shall drink my fill of mead and wait for the crash interdiction team to arrive to extract me back to base. Hail!”

We watched as Gore-Gore turned and walked toward Club Vanquisher. He ducked into the entrance, disappearing. 

“It figures he’d be a member of that place,” I said. I turned to Katia and Donut. Below, we heard another, distant squeal as yet another train crashed. “So what did we just learn?” 

“It sounds like we can get back to the start if we can get into the engine car,” Katia said. 

“That’s right,” I said. “But if the only way to get into the car is by crashing a train, then that won’t do us any good.” 

“We need an engineer’s key. He probably has it in his inventory,” Katia said. “That way we can break into the first car while the train is still moving.” 

I nodded. “That’s what I’m thinking. But we know the keys are also color coded. So his key will only work on other ochre line trains. I don’t think we can hop over to the yellow line and use it there. And if we have to crash a train to get the key, that stops the rest of the trains. We don’t know for how long. But if the trains are stopped, then the key is useless.” 

“Wait, Carl,” Donut said. “Doesn’t it only stop the trains behind it? What if we get the key, jump onto the Nightmare Express or one of those other super-fast trains and jump ahead on the line and catch one of the trains that were already ahead?”

“That’s brilliant,” I said to Donut, scratching her on the head. She beamed. I’d also come up with that idea, but I wasn’t about to say that now. “I think he actually revealed two different ways to get to the stairwells. We can also use the employee portal. Maybe. It sounds like people who take that path lose time and suffer memory issues. And they’d have to fight the Kravyad, whatever that is. Probably a boss guarding the portal.” 

“It seems so complicated,” Katia said. “How many of the 300,000 crawlers are going to find out about this?”   

“Hopefully all of them,” I said. “With all of our contacts, we’ll start spreading the word. I doubt there’s only one or two ways to get out of this. There’s a lot we’re missing. Like what’s at stop number 436? And I still need to talk to Elle and Imani about…” 

“Vile traitors! Saboteurs!” Gore-Gore shouted as he burst out of Club Vanquisher. “Posers! And I thought you were true! In the name of the exalted Grull I will slay thee! Hail and kill!” He raised his arms and once again produced the metallic claws. His face was a mask of rage. His dot was now red. 

The ram-headed cleric peeked out of the door and waved before disappearing back inside. 

Music started to play. Ah fuck. 

“Grull?” Donut said. “Isn’t that…?” 

“Yep,” I said just before the world froze. 

B-b-b-b Boss Battle! 

Our avatars appeared floating in the air. They showed Katia as her normal self. 

You’ve enraged an NPC. But not just any NPC! It’s a neighborhood boss! It’s…

VERSUS! Clanged onto the floating text, with virtual blood splattering everywhere. Gore-Gore’s screaming portrait splatted onto the virtual screen. 

GORE-GORE THE MANTAUR! TRAIN ENGINEER! ADHERENT OF GRULL THE WAR GOD! BERSERKER EXTREME! LEVEL 40!  

The world unstuck, and Gore-Gore galloped directly at us, screaming and frothing at the mouth.

"Oh, this should be fun," I said. 

~

“Position three,” I called. I formed a fist, causing my gauntlet to appear as Katia moved to my right and Mongo to my left. In this formation Katia remained close, but Mongo moved far to my left. Donut remained on the ground, falling back and to my left in the space between me and Mongo.

“Carl, I think that cleric guy told him we crashed the train! What a jerk!” 

“Ya think?” I said. “Fire!” 

Donut launched two magic missiles at him. They bounced harmlessly off the charging man’s chest. 

“It says magic missiles are ineffective!” Donut screamed.  

“Okay, we’re doing this the hard way,” I said. “Doozy!” 

I dropped a smoke curtain as Katia and I moved three steps to my right. Donut cast Hole on the ground in front of the charging mantaur. At the same time, I cast Fear. 

The hole was only an inch deep, and the creature barely stumbled. My fear spell seemed to only have a small affect. One of these days that was going to be a great move. I cast Bang Bro on my gauntlet, which now glowed with electrical fire. I downed a mana refill. 

“Further treachery,” Gore-Gore squealed. “Magic and wizardry. Die in Grull’s name!” He leapt and blindly swung his blades at the space I was just standing. He turned and swiped again, this time at Donut’s location, which I hadn’t been expecting. She backflipped out of the way. Mongo screeched in anger. Katia and I rushed forward. I pulled back and punched him as hard as I could, smashing him in the kidney of his lower torso. He grunted. His body felt solid and strong, like a sack stuffed with gravel. He howled in rage as a health bar appeared, down maybe five percent. 

1.5 

The notification appeared out of nowhere and hung persistent on my interface.   

I recognized what it meant, though I was puzzled why it remained on the screen. I had to be careful with my punches. Because of my magic gauntlet’s special ability, each successful punch had a 1.5% chance to summon Grull the war god, which would probably be a juiced-up, almost immortal version of Prince Stalwart of the Skull Empire. That was the last thing we needed.  

Mongo shrieked as he leapt through the air, claws out. Gore-Gore reacted with lightning speed, backhanding the dinosaur and knocking him aside with the top, dull part of his blades. Mongo squealed in pain and hit the ground hard, his health alarmingly low despite the glancing blow. 

“Mongo!” Donut cried, jumping toward her injured pet as Gore-Gore whirled again, leaping toward me. 

I could tell the smoke curtain was doing a good job of keeping him blind. But he was a smart fighter with whirlwind reflexes. Before I could jump back, he sliced viciously down at me. 

Katia leaped forward, blocking the blow with her arm. She tumbled, crying out in pain. I looked down in horror to see part of her arm spin away. It hit the ground with a clang. 

It’s just metal. Not flesh.   

I leaped forward, getting close to his chest and punched three quick times. 

3.0
4.5
6.0

Oh shit. The description never said it was a cumulative chance. But what choice did I have? I punched again three times, keeping my body close to his chest. With the last blow, I felt something deep within crack. He howled in outrage and pain. 

7.5
9.0
10.5

He swiped again, as I reared back. The tips of the blades scraped across my face. I screamed as the three razors tore flesh. Gore-Gore grunted in surprise as my damage reflection hit him. A hand from his lower torso wrapped around my throat. Then they were both around my throat, squeezing. I looked up to see him raising his upper right hand in the air to pierce down. 

I mentally slammed on Protective Shell.  

He cried out as he was ejected from the area, flying to my right, pushed away toward the stairwell, down into the smoky, flaming wreckage of the ochre station platform. 

Unfortunately, the static nature of the spell that worked so well for me before worked against me this time. While Gore-Gore was tossed away, he still had a firm, double-handed grip around my throat. So when he shot away, I was pulled with him like a dog on a leash. 

I gurgled as I felt myself flying and spinning through the air. Somewhere in there, his grip on my throat went slack. 

We bounced off the stairs once, his body cushioning my own, but when we hit the floor, he landed on me, knocking the breath out of my chest. I felt an ominous crunch within myself. He continued his forward, tumbling momentum as I slammed onto a healing potion, even before I stopped moving, coming to rest against a red-hot, burning hunk of metal. I cried out, scrambling away. I screamed again as my broken ribs and arm healed themselves. Holy shit that hurts.   

I turned in time to see him fall off the edge of the platform, his body plummeting into the space between the third and fourth cars, which had been smushed further together by the subsequent crashes, causing the two cars to form a massive teepee shape, with the junction between the two touching the ceiling. 

I clambered to my feet as Gore-Gore, dazed, stood all the way up to his full height on the track between the cars, as if he was standing underneath an awning. The top of his head brushed the mangled wheels of the train cars. He’d lost his engineer’s hat somewhere along the way, revealing a massive bald spot atop his head. His health was down to about 20%. Christ this dude is tough. 

“I feel it in my chest,” Gore-Gore said, his voice odd. “I have been blessed by the gods.” 

That’s when I saw that 10.5 was now blinking, and Gore-Gore had a timer over his head. 

Ten seconds and counting. 

Holy shit I summoned the god. I had seconds to finish this or we’d all be dead. 

“Carl! Carl! We’re coming!” Donut cried from the top of the stairs. 

This is a terrible idea, I thought as I rushed forward. I activated my Talon Strike skill as I ran, leaping over debris. I bounded one more time, and I executed a drop kick right at the solar plexus of the lower chest of Gore-Gore. 

He rocketed back on the tracks as I dropped into the channel like a sack of hammers.

Zzzzzt. 

It wasn’t a loud sound. I barely heard it over the sound of the music. But I felt it. Anyone who has ever been close to high-voltage lines knows the feeling. You can sense it. Death, right there rushing by. 

As the electrified corpse of Gore-Gore crumpled and hit the main tracks, I more than sensed the current rushing through the third rail. My entire body ripped in pain as the tracks were electrified by the short circuit caused by Gore-Gore’s body. Thankfully, the grounding was enough that the shock was disbursed. I hopped backward, stumbling and hitting the back of my head on the edge platform. I felt jaws bite onto the back of my jacket and cloak as Donut pulled me from the channel. She cast a heal scroll on me as she shouted my name. 

The world froze again as the Winner! notification appeared. 

“That wasn’t very fun,” I said up at Donut a minute later. I groaned, sitting up. “Let’s try to loot his corpse without getting electrocuted and then go get some pho. I need to rest before I can handle any more excitement.” 

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