Chapters 98 and 99 (Patreon)

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“Save them all? Really?” Donut said after Li Jun left. 

Katia emerged from the small apartment. “We need to slow down. I think I see station 75 coming up on my map.” 

“Seriously, Carl,” Donut continued. “We just helped to save these guys. How are we going to help everyone at the end of the line?”

“I have no idea,” I said as I moved back to the train’s controls. “But I won’t try if you guys don’t think we should.” 

Donut laughed. She whispered something to Katia, who also laughed. 

“What?” I said. “What’s so funny?” 

“You’re going to get us killed one way or the other, Carl. It might as well be for a good cause,” Donut said. 

I grunted. “Well they do say I’m crazy.” 

~

The ghouls streaming out of station 72 appeared to home in on the closest large gathering of crawlers. Before, they’d moved up toward the crawlers trapped at station 101, but after Li Jun led the 1,000 plus survivors to the stairwell platform at station 36, meeting up with the exhausted team Meadow Lark, the ghouls started flowing in that direction instead. That, added with the wrath ghouls traveling up from the trainyards, made it so they were besieged the moment they got off the train.

That was okay for now. The way the platforms funneled passengers to the stairwell stations created multiple, defensible chokepoints. It’d be tough, but the group should be able to keep the platform clear. Since we’d discovered the secret escape hatch that led to the employee line, the defenders could keep themselves supplied and refreshed. We sent out mass messages to everyone who would listen of the plan. Last we heard, there were multiple groups set up in other instances of station 36 doing the same, plus another group that was going to try their luck at holding a station 24 and a few more teams who were going to attempt to kill the ghoul generators at 12 and 74. Everyone was avoiding the boss at station 48. I wished them all luck.  

In addition to the people who’d managed to make it to the stairwells, there was a rising chorus of crawlers who found themselves trapped at the abyss. If they had those hats, they could just step through one of the thousand plus portals and teleport to a trainyard. But an increasing number were finding themselves at the edge of the pit with no way to escape. 

Despite my earlier thoughts, I now suspected there was only a single abyss. I was starting to get a sense of how the entire railway looked. The whole thing was shaped like one of those spirograph drawings. The trainyards dotted the exterior edges of the pattern, spaced at regular intervals. The colored lines looped around, over, and under each other, but all led to a single point in the center, which was the pit. 

There were currently about 500-600 people trapped there at the end of the line, with more appearing by the moment. Word was starting to spread that you needed the hat to utilize that escape, so those without were mostly braving the “ghoul coaster,” as Elle had dubbed it, back to the trainyards. 

The crawlers had been desperately searching the interior walkways of the pit for the elusive, camouflaged exits that would lead to stop 436 where they could in turn get to the named-train switching stations. However, the lizard monsters appeared to be constantly generated, just like the ghouls, and that was making it difficult for them to search. A few battles later, and the interior gangways had started to collapse. That nixed my idea of going back to the trainyard and using the Nightmare to return to the abyss. 

That left us with only one option. We had to take the battered and half-destroyed Vermillion car all the way to the end of the line and distribute as many of the hats as possible. The trip would take about a full day and would be fraught with danger. If the train broke down or the line was blocked or the power went out, we’d be fucked. Surely there would be monsters crawling all over the line, and we’d have to plow through them all. It was a terrible idea, and I knew Mordecai would have a coronary if he knew we were even thinking about this. Still, what else could we do? We all agreed that was the plan for now unless someone came up with something better. 

We had about a day to find an alternative before it would be too late.   

We used station 75 to quickly disengage the front engine and send Li Jun up to the other engine. A few ghouls were out on the lines, but we sent a group ahead of us to deal with it while we worked. I saw no sign of Eva. The remaining daughters held back, disappearing into the crowd. Brynhild’s Daughters truly was no more. 

I couldn’t help but think that was for the best. Hekla had built the entire party around herself and that crossbow. They had too many healers and mages and not enough damage dealers and not a tank amongst them. The system had worked great early on, but I suspected the entire team would’ve fallen apart eventually. Maybe now they’d all find groups where they would be better utilized. 

We decided to keep Katia hidden while we unhooked the train, lest someone’s emotions get the best of them. I traded fist bumps as I loudly exclaimed that I needed people’s hats and any keys they’d gathered along the way. 

My fellow crawlers were standoffish at first considering what had happened with Hekla, plus Donut and I looked like extras from a Hellraiser movie. But once people learned about why I was collecting the hats, a chorus went out. I’d been expecting people to selfishly hold onto them just in case there was one last trick, or so they could sell them later, but that’s not what happened at all. People worked together. They coordinated. They spread the word. In twenty minutes, I had over 700 of the hats piled in front of me plus another fifteen colored-line keys that would also work for the portals. It was enough, for now. Hopefully it’d remain that way. 

Yes, I thought. There is hope for us. Not a lot. But it’s there.   

“Carl, we could sell these for over three million gold,” Donut whispered as I started pulling them into my inventory. Her eyes got huge. “I bet I could sell them for even more. Carl, we’ll be rich!”

“Yeah, that’d play great on the show. We’d be like Bea’s cousin who pretended she had cancer and got all that money on Gofundme.”

“What if we figure out how to save the people without using the hats? Can I sell them, then?” 

I laughed. “Absolutely,” I said.

~

After the train left, leaving the three of us alone with the battered subway car, we spent some time exploring the strange station 75. This was one of the last major parts of the railway we hadn’t yet investigated. I hoped we’d find something to help us. We set Mongo free, and the dinosaur squawked angrily at us for being cooped up for so long. He quickly got over it, instead getting distracted by the blood and gore covering our bodies. I had to smack his beak several times to keep him from licking me. 

It was clear right away that this station was different from the others. Multiple tracks led off to a small-scale yard, consisting of a few dozen flatbed train cars designed to be occupied by no more than a handful of riders at a time. There were a few different kinds of the small cars. I assumed these were for the hobgoblins to get to the crashed trains in order to fix them. We would investigate once we cleared the station. 

We walked through a tunnel that led to a large, sprawling cavern filled with squat buildings, mostly warehouses with no doors and open-area workshops. The entire chamber had been turned to a graveyard. It had been overrun. Hundreds of ghoul corpses littered the ground. But there were also gnoll and hobgoblin bodies sprinkled throughout. There’d been explosions, too, as evidenced by scorch marks throughout the industrial-style station. Most of the gnoll bodies had been devoured, leaving nothing but broken pieces of spears and armor. I took it all, though little was useful. 

“I think someone was here already,” I said. “All of them look as if they’ve already been looted. I haven’t found a single gold piece.”

Upon examination, the system indicated all the ghouls were killed by gnolls and hobgoblins, and the gnolls and hobgoblins were mostly kills by the ghouls. Though a lot of the gnolls were also killed by hobgoblins. That didn’t surprise me. Hobgoblins equaled explosives. And explosives equaled collateral damage.  

Right in the middle of the cavern were three intact buildings sitting next to one another. A gnoll armory. Something called a hobgoblin repair shop. And a saferoom. A glorious, beautiful saferoom. I saw with dismay that the armory’s door was open. Whomever had come before us had already gotten inside. I wondered if they’d also raided the hobgoblins’ stash. Probably, which was too bad.  

The closest transfer station was 73, but the Vermillion line did not stop there, and there was no secret entrance like with the employee line, making this saferoom especially valuable. We needed to figure out this station’s secrets as quickly as possible, but we also needed a shower and to sleep and to reset our buffs. Plus, the recap would be on soon. 

We made a line toward the bar, which was called “The Downward Dog.” A handwritten sign attached to the front door read, “Oi! No hobgoblins!” I pushed the door open to find the place was similar to most of the tavern-style bars on the third floor. It was not a converted earth restaurant. That was kind of odd. 

The stench of beer-soaked wood assaulted my senses as we stepped into the dark room. The tavern was empty except for a single gnoll bartender who was asleep on top of the bar, surrounded by empty bottles. He snored loudly. Mongo walked up and started sniffing the creature. I noted he was a Shade Gnoll, which was something we hadn’t seen before. He looked more like a hyena than a jackal.   

“There’s gotta be a story attached to this,” I said. “We’ll get it out of him after we shower.” I turned toward the doorway that led to our saferoom. We entered. 

“Don’t track blood on the floors,” Katia called as we all tracked blood on the floor. “God, I can just hear my mother now. Katia, take off your shoes. You’re going to grow up and have a filthy home. It turns out she was right.” She laughed as she tiptoed through the room and toward her space. She still left dirty, red prints on the floor. 

At that moment, it hit me. Katia was now and forever a part of the team. Nobody needed to say it out loud. We all knew. While this would never be “home,” this space was just for us and only us. The three of us. 

I grinned. “My dad once made me sleep in a tent in the yard because I had a nosebleed that wouldn’t stop.” 

“Miss Beatrice once used scissors to get poop off my butt,” Donut said. 

“Uh huh,” I said. “Once?” 

“We’re having a moment here, Carl. Don’t ruin it.” 

~

Despite all of that insane craziness of the past day, neither Donut nor I received anything except a handful of standard adventurer boxes. And one of my achievements didn’t have anything to do with the battle with Hekla or for killing all those ghouls. 

New achievement! Mentally Unstable Clothing Hoarder!      

You have over 500 of the exact same, stackable clothing item in your inventory. 

What the hell is wrong with you? You planning on opening a thrift store? You might want to see a shrink. One that your group doesn’t immediately kill. 

Reward: We don’t reward this sort of behavior. It’s weird. 

Katia, on the other hand, received 10 loot boxes. We all showered first before coming out to watch her open her loot. We came out to find Mongo “cleaning” the floors. 

“Gross, Mongo,” I said. 

The dinosaur squawked at me. 

Katia opened her first box and looked at me, grinning. “Sorry, Carl,” she said as the dagger tattoo formed on her neck. “I know you wanted to get me into Club Vanquisher.” 

“Oh my god, yay!” Donut exclaimed as she realized what had just happened. The cat had gone from a red, matted nightmare to poofed out and washed, ready for the stage. She smelled of lilacs. “We can go dancing now!” She gasped. “You can meet Sledgie! This is great!” 

“I can’t wait,” she said. I laughed.  

Katia sobered somewhat after opening her next box. A gold savage box, which she’d received for being a player killer. Instead of coupons, it contained a skill potion that gave her the Find Crawler skill. It was the same skill that Maggie My potentially had, though this was only level three. She downed it immediately. It put the name of all nearby crawlers on her map, and she could sort and find them using the list. It wouldn’t be until a higher level that she’d be able to actually hunt down and find those not currently on the map, plus I wasn’t so certain it’d find crawlers using stealth. Not yet. But it was a great skill to have.

She received an achievement for collecting the bounty, and a legendary bounty box which was that 500,000 gold. She also received an achievement for being the first to collect a bounty, but it didn’t come with anything. Donut complained loudly about that one.   

However, she did snag one more awesome item. She got something called a Platinum Slam Master box. She’d gotten it for killing a certain amount of mobs using her momentum. I watched as the item appeared. It was a gold wrestling belt, like any regular heavyweight champion belt they’d give to a WWE star. 

“Who is Christopher Pallies?” she asked as she examined it. 

“I don’t know,” I said, taking the belt from her so I could look. 

Enchanted Wrestling Belt of the Great Gorgo

While you’ll never be as amazing as the greatest, most beautiful wrestler of all time—Christopher Alan Pallies—you will look pretty snazzy when you wrap this bad boy around your waist. 

This enchanted belt offers the following benefits: 

+5% Strength

+5% Constitution 

+The Avalanche benefit.  

The added stats alone made this a really good item. The Avalanche benefit was pretty badass.

Avalanche. 

This benefit is straightforward. If you hit a living creature with your body while you are moving, the force exerted upon that body will be as if they were hit by twice the mass.  

Your entire body must be moving for this benefit to activate. This benefit’s power will not translate to weapons. 

You might want to take this off if you plan on getting busy with someone. Especially if you’re the top.  

“Man, we need to stick you to the front of another train,” I said, handing the belt back to her. Her rush ability would also be even more powerful, but I didn’t say that part out loud. She still didn’t want to talk about the Hekla incident. 

She was, however, mostly back to her regular self. She was laughing and joking with us. I couldn’t tell if she’d truly recovered from the trauma of the day, or if she was just good at covering it up. I suspected the latter. Either way, she’d grown into one of the most powerful crawlers in the dungeon, and I didn’t think that’d quite sunk in yet. 

“That leaves everything except the platinum fan box. I guess they’re voting on it now,” she said. “Do you think we’ll see that Chaco guy again?” 

“I hope not,” I said. She would get to open the fan box about 15 hours before Mordecai’s time-out expired. I actually did hope she’d get the prize carousel, so she could pick instead of being at the mercy of the fans. But I wouldn’t say that out loud. 

“What should we do with all of this gold?” she asked. 

Donut gasped. “Are we going shopping? Do you think if we buy a lot of stuff, they’ll have a shopping montage scene on the show, like in Pretty Woman?” 

“Hopefully we’ll have time to ask Mordecai when he gets back,” I said. “We still have two environmental upgrades. I’m thinking maybe a kitchen upgrade to get food buffs and one more buffing item. Some of those cost more than the coupon’s value, and we’ll need the money for that. There’s just so much on that list, I don’t know what the best choice is.” 

We also had four free tables to purchase between the three of us, and we needed to buy them quickly since they leveled up on their own when a floor collapsed. That was also something I wanted to consult with Mordecai. When he returned, there would be one day and 15 hours left. Hopefully that was enough time, but just in case, I collected everybody’s free table coupons and left them on his alchemy table. That way he’d be able to buy them for us if we were otherwise occupied.

~ 

The recap show came on, and the entire program was a special on the death of Hekla. It was set up like a tribute to the crawler, starting with a scene of her entering the dungeon. She was a much different woman then, and it seemed odd seeing her in street clothes. She’d been fighting with her husband as they came in, a tall, good-looking man who looked like he was twenty years older than her. He’d gotten poisoned by a walking cactus mob, and she left him while he was on the floor, crying for her to come back. 

She returned later to find him dead, being devoured by rats. She screamed as she kicked the rats away. One turned and attacked Hekla. She picked up a broken bone—one of her now-dead husband’s exposed rib bones—and she used it to stab the rat in the eye. By some miracle, the jab killed the mob.  

That had garnered her a Legendary Girl Power box for being the first woman in the dungeon to use the corpse of a human male to kill a mob. I assumed that was where she got the crossbow. 

We watched a much-abridged summary of Hekla’s rise in power and how she gathered crawlers to her. 

During that segment, the show started to also focus on Katia. We got to see her enter the dungeon, clutching tightly to Eva’s arm. They went on to portray how mousy, terrified Katia depended on her friend, how she hid behind her during early battles. It showed Eva killing the man who’d grabbed Katia when Hekla demanded he leave the group. 

Eva’s features oddly matched the cobra face of the nagini/orc hybrid she’d become. And Katia’s before-face was also strange to look upon. It was the face she had now in the saferoom, almost, but it was just slightly off from that terrified, bewildered woman who entered the dungeon almost a month ago. She was a different species now, of course, but those human eyes had a deeper quality to them. The thousand yard stare.   

The next scene surprised me. Katia wasn’t alone when she got to the third floor. 

I should have realized. Everyone who entered the third floor met up with their original game guide. Katia and Eva had the same one, and the two of them entered character creation together. But Eva went first, and she left the saferoom as Katia’s body transformed. By the time Katia was ready to leave, Eva was long gone. It wasn’t clear what happened next, but the next time they showed Hekla, Eva was there with her. 

“What happened?” I asked Katia. “How did she find Hekla and not you?” 

Katia shrugged. “We were in a small settlement. Eva said she’d accidentally made one of the swordsmen guards angry and had to run out of town. She got on one of the traveling caravans and ended up in a different city and reconnected with Hekla. At least that’s what she’d told me.” 

“Caravans?” I asked. “I didn’t see those.”

“They had them. I got on one, and we passed by the circus and then ended up in the skyfowl town where I met you.” 

I remembered, then, what Eva had said to Katia in that moment before Katia had tried to kill her. This is why I left you behind on the third floor. That revelation must have hit her hard.  

The program continued to showed Katia’s grand return to the daughters and the formation of the plow in front of the train. We watched Katia’s level rise as she plowed through the ghouls.

And then, finally, it showed Katia killing Hekla. They did not show it to be an accident, but an act of rage on Katia’s part once she discovered she was being used.  

“That’s not how it happened,” Katia groused. “They’re making me look like a bloodthirsty crazy woman.” 

I grunted. “Welcome to the club. When I first…” I paused, my eyes on the screen. The moment the episode ended, the leaderboard changed. All three of us turned to look at the new list. 

1. Lucia Mar – Lajabless – Black Inquisitor General – Level 35 – 1,000,000
2. Prepotente – Caprid – Forsaken Aerialist – Level 34 – 500,000
3. Carl – Primal – Compensated Anarchist – Level 34 – 400,000
4. Donut – Cat – Former Child Actor – Level 32 – 300,000
5. Quan Ch – Half Elf – Imperial Security Trooper – Level 38 – 200,000
6. Florin – Crocodilian – Shotgun Messenger – Level 32 – 100,000
7.  Miriam Dom – Human – Shepherd – Level 30 – 100,000
8. Katia Grim – Doppelganger – Monster Truck Driver – 37 – 100,000
9.  Dmitri and Maxim Popov – Nodling – Illusionist and Bogatyr – 30 – 100,000
10. Ifechi – Human – Physicker – Level 29 – 100,000 

“Carl, Carl, we’re in the top five! You’re number three! Katia! You’re in the top 10!”

“Oh, wow,” Katia said. “The list has changed quite a bit.” 

“Yeah, Elle fell off the edge,” I said. “Also, it turns out you’re not the highest level in the dungeon, Katia. Quan has you beat.” I regretted saying it as soon as the words came out of my mouth. Any mention of Quan Ch was enough to send Donut into a tirade.   

“He’s a cheater,” Donut started to grumble, but then she paused, finding something else to be outraged about. “Hey, why do those two guys get to be in the same spot? That’s not fair! Carl and I should both be number three! Katia, too!” 

“I don’t know,” I said. “It’s also weird they hardly ever show that goat thing, but he’s number two.”  

We were interrupted by the start of the daily announcement. It wasn’t anything interesting. They were nerfing the running speed of the blister ghouls but increasing the running speed of creatures suffering from stage three DTs, which was pretty terrifying. The moment the announcement ended a notification appeared. 

Warning: You may not wield your weapons while in the presence of Admins. Any attempted violence against an Admin will result in your immediate execution.

Before I could react, there was a pop, a splash of cold water over my legs, and Zev teleported into the room. 

“Oh my god, hi Zev!” Donut said. “You didn’t say you were coming!” 

“Donut. Carl, Katia. Mongo. Hello.” 

Mongo rocketed from his spot on the floor to press his face against the kua-tin’s glass helmet, almost knocking her over. 

“No, Mongo!” Donut yelled. “It’s Zev! Be nice!” 

The tiny fish woman still wore the ridiculously-cumbersome deep-diving helmet on her head along with the spacesuit. I remembered our very first conversation with the creature, and she’d said she was only going to wear it for the first few floors. 

“Still wearing protective gear, I see,” I said. 

Zev furiously and uselessly rubbed at the exterior of her helmet where Mongo had fogged it up. “Yes, Carl. The protections aren’t in place like they should be.”

“What do you mean?” I asked. 

“It’s of no consequence to you, but the dual layer system integration utilized for the initial capture and subjugation of the planet was supposed to be replaced by the pocket system at the end of the third floor. When it didn’t switch over, people just thought we were being cheap. Turns out Hinter, the company who normally rents out the necessary cores for the integration, wouldn’t allow us to use them at the last minute. I don’t know the details. It’s confusing, boring, business stuff. I don’t even understand it all. The bottom line is I’m wearing this suit when I enter the dungeon for the foreseeable future.” 

Weird. I wanted to ask more questions about it, but I knew that would be a bad idea. 

“What can we do for you today?” I asked.    

“Several things. I figured it would be best to talk in person. First off, I wanted to officially congratulate Katia on hitting the top ten, and to congratulate you two for getting in the top five. Also, just an FYI. Odette has amended the contract to include a Katia option, so she’s now obligated to travel to the post-floor interviews. She went to the last one anyway, but now it’s official and permanent.” 

“What about Mongo?” Donut asked. 

Zev cracked a smile. “Mongo, too, Donut, but pets are considered Borant property, so there’s no contracts involved. So, Katia. Regarding Odette’s show. She had to pay quite a bit more to make you exclusive, so she added a few, uh, riders to the contract. Namely, you need to be more ‘zippy’ I think the word was. Apparently last time Odette thought your interview performance was a little lackluster.” 

Katia frowned and crossed her arms. 

“I’ll tell you what,” I said. “Katia, I’ll give you a zip lesson right now. Okay? Repeat after me. I want you to say, ‘Go fuck yourself, Zev.’”  

Katia laughed. “I’m not going to say that.”  

“Don’t be crude, Carl,” said Donut. “Also, Mongo is not anybody’s property. This is an outrage!” 

Mongo squawked in agreement.  

Zev, I suddenly realized, wasn’t accepting our abuse with her usual, chipper obliviousness. She looked very tired. An ominous feeling came over me.

“Why are you really here, Zev?” I asked.  

“Look, guys. In case something happens to me, I wanted to let you know how much I really appreciate how hard you’ve worked.”  

Oh, shit. “What’s going on?”  

“You didn’t do anything. There’s another representative who wants to take over your account. Her name is Loita. Nothing has happened yet, but I think they might give it to her.” 

“What?” Donut said. “No. No way. We only work with you.”  

“She’s Bloom. She just lost her main account, and technically she was Katia’s rep first, and now that Katia is in your party, she has a claim. Not a strong one. But, like I said. She’s Bloom, and I am not.”  

Bloom was the kua-tin political party that ran Borant. From what little I knew, the party members received much better treatment. That last substitute we’d had, the Mukta guy who’d put us on the Maestro’s show, had been a party member. 

“Loita? I’ve heard that name before,” I said. “Isn’t… wasn’t she Hekla’s representative?”  

“That’s right. The outreach associates represent the whole party, and since Katia was in Brynhild’s Daughters, she’s making noise that she should be the one in charge of you three. The only thing I have going for me is that you guys pulled in more money than Hekla, for interviews at least.” 

I shrugged. “Tell your bosses that Donut is right. We only work with you.” The last thing we needed was some new asshole tossing us on shows like the Maestro’s again. Especially one that probably held a grudge against us because we killed off her client. Zev, as annoying as she could be, attempted to keep us out of trouble with these shows. It rarely worked, but she tried. Plus Donut really liked her. And so did Mordecai.

“I wish it was that simple,” Zev said. “Plus there’s more. Something happened back at home. A bunch of people… I really can’t talk about it. It’s difficult for those of us who aren’t party members. I’m holding on the best I can, guys. But I gotta go. I believe in you. Keep doing what you’ve been doing. Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you. They’re going to make your chats public starting tomorrow for people who pay extra. Sorry about that.”

And without another word, she popped and disappeared, splashing more water over the floor. 

“That’s just wonderful,” I grumbled. 

Chapter 99

The level-25 gnoll bartender’s name was Growler Gary. He was conscious when we re-entered the bar. Barely. He was so drunk he couldn’t sit up.

“They’re all dead. Every last one. Even those ugly-ass, greasy hobgoblin fucks,” he said to us with no introduction. 

Donut jumped to the counter and made a face. “This is what happens when you put dogs in control. Disgusting.” 

“Not true, your majesty,” the gnoll said up to the ceiling. “Growler Gary tried to help. Fought from the door. The best Gary could do.”    

“Aren’t you Growler Gary?” Donut asked. 

“They all died,” Growler Gary said. 

“So what happened?” I asked. I pushed a few empty bottles away, clearing space on the bar. Everything was sticky. 

“We got fucked by the Tangle, that’s what happened,” he said. He suddenly rolled right off the bar and clattered loudly to the floor. He groaned, followed by the clink of glass bottles. I peered over the edge as he blindly rummaged under the bar. He grasped a bottle and pulled it to his mouth, but it was empty. “If you’re looking for dinner, it might be late tonight, folks. You ain’t hobgoblins are you?” 

“So the ghouls came and killed everybody?” I asked. The gnoll found a full bottle and struggled to get the top off.

“That’s right,” he said, grunting with the effort. “Growler Gary can’t leave the bar for some reason. Went out there to fight and got stopped right at the door. Jumping Jen-Jen called Growler Gary a coward. But it was like an invisible wall.”

“Why don’t you let hobgoblins in the bar?” Katia asked. 

“Have you seen a hobgoblin?” he said. The bottle opened, and he whimpered with happiness, even as half of it spilled onto the floor.

“How was all of this the Tangle’s fault?” I asked. 

“Turned the whole thing into a Krakaren nest. The whole damn system. Instead of declaring bankruptcy. Sold us all out. You sure you ain’t hobgoblins? Tried to fight. Wouldn’t let Gary. Then afterwards that woman ripped Gary’s throat out, but Growler Gary didn’t die.”

“He’s gone crazy, Carl,” Donut said. “Typical.” 

“Who ripped your throat out?” I asked.

“That woman. Came through and took everything from my brothers and sisters. Then she came in here and grabbed me by the throat and pulled it out. Stole all my alcohol. Didn’t get the stuff under here though. Woke up in a pile of my own blood. Growler Gary ain’t no coward. Fuck Jumping Jen-Jen. Gary would’ve fought. Doorway was like a wall. Not a coward.” 

A memory tingled the back of my mind. Something I’d read in my book. I’d read through the NPC chapter earlier, and I was suddenly reminded of a particular passage. 

<Crawler Azin. 17th Edition> Some NPCs are indestructible. You can kill them, and they regenerate in a matter of minutes. If you find one of those, it means they have something on them or they know something important. Big important. The trick is finding out what that is. 

<Note added by Crawler Drakea. 22nd Edition> We found one of them and tied him to the front of our shield. Ha. The next day the Nagas patched it. Didn’t make an announcement or anything, but the guy disappeared. Went back to the church to grab him again, and it wouldn’t let us take him from the building. We dragged him out the door, and he exploded and then was reborn. Tried it five times before giving up. Turns out he knew the password to the safe that held the key for the stairwell chamber.  

Donut, as if she’d read my mind, asked the relevant question. 

Donut: WHY WOULD HE COME BACK TO LIFE? 

Carl: In some games, you can’t kill NPCs if they’re necessary to complete quests. I think maybe this is the same thing.  

Donut: OR MAYBE HE’S A LIAR. HE’S A DOG. DOGS ARE LIARS. 

Carl: Maybe. Let’s find out if he knows or has something. 

“I believe you,” I said to Growler Gary. “I believe you’re not a coward.” 

The hyena looked up at me, wide eyes registering surprise, as if he just realized I was there. It was awkward talking to him like this, with him on the floor, and me leaning over the bar. His eyes held my own for a moment, and I feared he was about to burst into tears. 

“We’re going to stop them,” I continued. “The people who made it so you couldn’t leave and fight are the same people we’re trying to stop. But we need help. Do you think you can help us?” 

“I’m useless,” Growler Gary said, using “I” to refer to himself for the first time. “I’m just a bartender. They wouldn’t let me fight. She was so pretty, and she called me a coward. But I tried. I couldn’t leave. And then she died right in front of me. Right outside the door. She died thinking I was afraid.” 

“Hey,” Katia said. “Don’t call yourself useless.” 

“Why?” he asked. “I am.” 

I leaned a little deeper over the bar. “After we’re done here, we’re headed to the end of the line to meet up with some friends who need our help. Is there anything at this station you think could assist us? We’re going to take one of the trains up there, but there are monsters on the tracks. Plus I’m worried about the power. We’re afraid we’re going to get stuck.” 

Growler Gary closed his eyes, and I thought for certain he’d passed out again. But then he said, “You could take one of the interdiction team carts. The carts are normally driven by a pair of transit security gnolls and an interdiction repair team of five hobgoblins. Jumping Jen-Jen was a driver. I kept the marrow juice cold just for her. Sometimes they’ll have a second team if the tracks need repair, too. This station services over one hundred different lines. You just dial in the line you want to go to, and the cart goes there. They’re powered by batteries, so they run even if the line is out. Make sure you take a lead car. They got the front portal. Cleans everything up nice and tidy.”

“That’s great,” I said. “We’ll go check them out.” 

“You do that,” the gnoll said. “Now let me finish this bottle.” 

~

“If he is important,” Donut said as we left the bar, “we still haven’t figured out why. All he did was blabber on about stuff we could figure out without him.” 

“Agreed,” I said.  

Both the repair station and the armory were indeed looted. There were empty wooden cases of hob-lobbers sitting on shelves in the repair station, along with multiple tables and empty tool shelves. There was something called a Repair Bench that was stupidly left behind by whomever had looted the place. I took it along with the plain tables and the shelves and the empty boxes. The armory was similarly empty, though it was filled with metal shelves designed to hold spears along with forty wooden mannequins designed to hold armor. I took them all. 

From there we returned to the small yard just off the tracks. A line of carts sat there, parked in rows. In addition, six portals stood at the end of the small yard. The first five were attached to tracks. The smaller, sixth portal was up on a landing and was meant to be walked through. This last one, I realized, was a way to get to additional platforms, similar to the one at station sixty. If we went through the portal, it’d lead to more portals eventually leading to various colored platforms. The map would help us walk to platforms we’d already traveled to, but the whole system gave me a headache. I was glad we didn’t have to deal with it. I turned my attention to the five, larger portals. 

I moved to the portals before we investigated the carts. Each of the five were up against a wall, meaning none of them were pass-through portals. A manual switching station allowed one to choose which of the tracks to enter. There was a small sign above each station.   

The first was a one-way portal that led to trainyard C. The little sign could only be read using my Escape Plan skill, and it simply said, “Trainyard.” I took a screenshot, and trainyard C was a burned-out mess. A pair of large, ogre-sized ghouls stalked across the trainyard, headed for the distant, knocked-over gate. Were those wrath ghouls? Yikes. 

The next four portals were a little more complicated. Each sign was a long list of colored lines, each one different. Each portal had a list of 48 different colors, from Orange to Amaranth to Pink to Zomp. On each of the four lists, the colors were numbered from one to 48. I examined the first of the portals using my skill. 

Ultima Corp DungeonWerx Industrial Subspace Multi-Destination Light-Duty Portal. 

Analyze? Yes/No. 

I clicked Yes, and I scrolled to the bottom of the list.  

Type: One-way, selectable portal. Requires DungeonWerx Portal Selector to dial destination. If no selection is made, portal defaults to selection one: Orange Line.  

Can you pass this portal? Yes

Environment on other side of portal: Compatible. 

Visual Analysis? Yes/No. 

I clicked Yes, and all I could see was a regular train track. I assumed it was the orange line, but I had no idea where on the line it would be. 

“It looks like they can dial a destination and drive there, but I don’t know how they get back,” I said. “They probably have to go all the way to the end, but I’m not sure.”  

From there, we moved to investigate the carts. There were three different types. The first was a simple, flatbed cart with two sets of four wheels on it. Each of the battered, well-worn carts was about the size of a small car. It had no controls. Just a hitch on the back along with holes around the edges, likely so equipment or a railing could be attached. This cart was like a trailer designed to be attached to the other, powered carts. 

I tried to pick it up, and even with my strength I couldn’t do it. I could lift one end up and drag the whole thing, but there was no way I could put the whole cart into my inventory. Just one set of four wheels and axle alone felt as if they weighed more than a ton and a half by themselves, and there were two of them. That plus the heavy wood made the prospect impossible. Even Katia couldn’t do it with her mass maxed out. Not yet. 

The next cart was the same thing, but with an engine on the back, like an outboard motor, with a few additional controls, including a strange, glowing switch that appeared to be magical. This was by far the most common type of cart. It was basically a flatbed we could use to ride on the rails. I examined its properties.  

Interdiction Auxiliary Railway Repair Cart. Contraption.

Main Passenger-Line Gauged.  

The simplest of the powered railway carts. Includes battery power or powered track selection option. Includes portal track selector. Interdiction teams are supposed to use these to carry additional personnel and supplies to repair areas as backup and support to the more robust Rapid Response Carts and their teams. They are not supposed to be used as a primary response vehicle.

As such, a Gnoll Transit Security Officer is not required to run this vehicle. 

The engine had a connector that allowed it to run off the third rail power or it could run on battery power. I lifted the top of the battery compartment and pulled the brick-sized battery. It was a familiar dwarven battery, and it was at 2% power. 

Since these lines off the main weren’t powered, it was probably just enough juice to get the cart through one of those portals. 

I had traded the rest of my Louis L’Amour books along with a single jug of moonshine for the dwarven battery fabricator. The moleman shopkeeper had practically begged me for the trade, having finished the books I’d given him. I’d had a sneaking suspicion the fabricator’s odd placement at the first store we came across wasn’t a coincidence, and I was glad I had. The cookbook had a short but informative section on power supplies, and these batteries were common throughout the previous crawls. Each battery required four full mana potions to fully charge. Once charged, the batteries would supposedly last a very long time. The fabricator had come with fifty of them. Most were at 10-15%, though five had been fully charged and another five were at 50%. I’d also charged up another two just to see how it worked, giving me a total of twelve useable batteries. Plus it only took five minutes to charge one up, though our supply of mana potions, while healthy, was not endless. 

For now, I pulled the empty battery from the cart into my inventory. If every one of these powered carts had one, that’d be another 40 plus added to my stash.

There were only ten of the last type of cart. They were pushed into the back, lined up on two different tracks, and it didn’t appear as if they’d ever been used, which was odd, especially considering the description of the auxiliary carts, which were heavily worn. 

Each of these ten carts were about twice as long as the auxiliary ones. They had three sets of wheels instead of two. A line of seats filled the first half of the open-top cart, with cargo space in back. There was a raised platform in the center with a small, enclosed driver cabin above the main deck, making the small train car look like a flybridge game boat. The raised cabin was accessed via a small ladder. Despite the height of the cabin, the train was still shorter than the typical, colored-line subway car. 

The engine took up the entire back of the train, much larger than the engine on the auxiliary cart. The battery compartment took three batteries. 

But the carts’ most distinct feature was the odd blade that ran in front of them, almost like a flat squeegee. It was a wide blade that appeared to be the exact width of a regular subway car. It ran across the front of the cart, close to the ground. The pole had two track-shaped indentations in the center, so when the cart ran along the tracks, it appeared the blade traveled right against the ground, molded to fit. The only give was the port side of the blade, which rose at two 90-degree-angles, allowing for the third rail to pass by underneath.

“Weird,” I said, examining the train. How did the blade thing work? It seemed it would immediately snag on debris while the train zoomed down the track, breaking off, or worse, wrecking the whole damn thing. I read the description. 

Interdiction Rapid-Response Railway Repair Cart. Contraption.

Main Passenger-Line Gauged.  

The main workhorse vehicle of the Hobgoblin Interdiction Team. Includes battery power or powered track selection option. Includes portal track selector. Includes dual-destination, selectable debris scoop. 

When it comes to cleaning up a crashed vehicle on the tracks, nothing works better, faster, and more efficiently than the Hobgoblin Interdiction Team. 

In the rare case of an accident on the Iron Tangle, one of these vehicles is immediately dispatched to clear the line. 

This cart will move up a line at up to five times the speed of the regular passenger cars. The debris scoop will safely transport any active and running trains and their passengers back to the railyard. Once the wreck is reached, the debris scoop is switched to abyss mode, clearing the line of the damage. In case of a broken rail, the debris scoop automatically detects and removes anomalies and track breaches, allowing for the hobgoblins to do their thing.  

Unfortunately, the corporation running the Iron Tangle has little trust for the hobgoblins and requires security to escort these vehicles at all time. As such, this cart may only be started by a pair of gnolls. 

“Whoa,” I said. “We need to figure this thing out. That weird blade thing is a mobile portal.” 

I saw how the car worked. The blade had to be turned on the entire time. The contraption traveled through the tunnel on the rails, and the portal filled the entire tunnel ahead of the cart, tossing everything on the tracks—including other trains—to one of two places, either a trainyard or the abyss.  

“It says only a gnoll can drive it,” Katia said. “Two gnolls. Do you think we can remove the portal part and just use that? I wonder if we can somehow detach it from the cart and bring it with us. The blades are wide, but they don’t look heavy.” 

“That’s what I was thinking,” I said. I moved to examine the metal blade in front of the first cart. The other two cart types had bodies made of wood. This was made of metal. My portal skill didn’t work on it because it wasn’t turned on, though I suspected we were out of luck. I suspected the entire cart was part of the mechanism, not just the blades. “Shit, I don’t think that’ll work.” I started to ascend the ladder to the cockpit. 

Donut jumped to my shoulder as Mongo sniffed about the train. The ladder was covered in dust. It had clearly never been used. “We need to get that Growler Gary out here. That’s probably what he’s for. To drive the train,” Donut said.  

“It has to be,” I agreed as I opened the door to the driver’s cabin. “But we need two of them, and if he can’t leave the bar, then how would that work?”

I looked down at the controls, and then I understood. 

“Oh,” I said. “Fuck.” 

~   

Bautista: Okay. So somebody found the Sinopia line. That’s about five levels deeper than where the most of us are, but there’s a group down there. For my group, there’s a gangway up one level to the Mindaro line. The gangway is still intact, but those Wall Monitors are congregating near there. We’ll have to fight our way up, but I think we can make it. That only leaves one more group heading toward the Grullo line. I think that’s everybody.

Carl: Good work. Let me get this first part done, and then we’ll start working on getting you guys through. 

Bautista: Thank you, brother. 

Carl: Don’t thank me yet. I have no idea if this crazy shit is going to work. And I still have something very unpleasant to do.

“Hey buddy,” I said as we entered the Downward Dog. “You awake, Gary?” 

Growler Gary didn’t respond. I hesitantly walked to the counter and looked over the edge at the sleeping Gnoll. He hadn’t moved. He clutched onto the same bottle as before, like he was holding a baby. It was now empty. 

“We should do it now while he’s still asleep,” Donut said. 

I nodded. “Killing a guy while he’s asleep seems like such a dick move,” I said. “But you’re right. If he’s going to just wake up again after we do it, maybe he won’t even notice. Plus I guess it’s not really killing him if he’s just going to resurrect.” 

Katia remained in the personal space. She knew and understood what had to be done, but she didn’t want to be a part of it. That was okay. I understood. I didn’t want to be a part of it, either. 

She was still desperately trying to form into a gnoll shape that would trick the magical key into accepting her. So far she’d been unlucky, despite getting it to 98% accuracy. I suspected even if she got it to 100%, it still wouldn’t let her. 

It was painfully clear what the dungeon wanted us to do. 

You will not break me. Fuck you all. 

Mongo had recently risen to level 23, but the dinosaur was woefully behind the rest of us. We’d decided ahead of time to allow the dinosaur to kill the gnoll. 

“Face first,” Donut said. “Then the hands. Don’t eat the hands. Give them to me.”

Mongo squawked excitedly.  

The interdiction cart only turned on with a pair of gnoll hands on a magical sensor plate. The two plates were far enough apart that a single gnoll couldn’t do it, but if the hands were no longer attached to the body…

We’d first tried farming a body part from one of the corpses strewn out in the station, but there was absolutely nothing useful. Every single gnoll had been chewed to hell. There was no way that wasn’t on purpose. You fucking assholes, I thought for the hundredth time. Then came Katia’s insistence that she could change into a gnoll and activate the train cart that way. That didn’t work, either, though when she emerged that last time, the system designated her as a gnoll. The skill, when she used it for this sort of thing, was terrifying. 

She’d tossed all of her most recent points into constitution, but seeing her as a perfect gnoll made me realize maybe those earlier points she’d tossed in charisma wasn’t such a bad idea. If we continued to work on her self-confidence we’d have the perfect spy on our hands. 

“Go,” Donut said. 

Mongo jumped over the counter and chomped down on the sleeping gnoll’s head. It killed him instantly. The creature had a single gold coin in his inventory. Mongo quickly and efficiently chomped off the hyena’s two arms right at the elbow, horking them onto the counter. 

“Yuck,” I said, picking up both of the hairy, severed arms. I tossed them both into my inventory. “Sorry, Gary.” 

~

The plan was simple, but it wasn’t without risk. It was a “Carl plan” as Donut called it. After talking with Bautista, we learned there were three groups of people trapped at the abyss. Since the colored lines all emptied into the massive pit at different heights, coming into the giant crater from different directions, and since the walkways that circled the pit’s interior were now blasted to hell, these groups couldn’t reach each other. We had to make three separate trips. 

We didn’t need to drive the train ourselves. We just had to get it started and send it along. 

That was okay. As long as we got the engine and scoop portal turned on so everything it touched went to the trainyard, and we got the interdiction cart on the correct track, it would speed along the line all the way to the end, scooping up everything on the path and sending it to the trainyard. The stranded crawlers would stand on the tracks and allow the train to hit them, thus also getting teleported to the trainyard. 

We had a list of almost 200 colored lines to choose from, and after almost two hours of going back and forth, we discovered three lines that would work.

That, at least, was the first draft of the plan. Both Katia and Bautista pointed out a few problems with the idea. 

First off, if the track itself was sufficiently busted, the cart would derail, despite the portal, and it wouldn’t make it all the way to the end. We hadn’t tested these things yet, and we didn’t know how well they worked. For all we knew, it’d faceplant the moment it hit something.  

Secondly, if we scooped up everything on the path, the crawlers waiting at the end of the line would be tossed face-first into a pile of crashed trains and possibly thousands upon thousands of ghouls and mobs suffering from stage-3 DTs. It’d be less dangerous to just throw them headfirst into the pit. 

We had ten of the rapid-response trains to work with. After thinking on it some, we came up with an alternative idea. 

We’d send two trains down each track. The first would have the portal tuned into the abyss. So the crashed trains and all the mobs and ghouls running up and down the line would be hit by the portal and sent directly into the pit. Fifteen minutes after the first train, we’d send a second train through, but this one would have the portal tuned to the train station. The crawlers waiting at the end of the line would have to get the hell out of the way of that first train. Bautista said the tunnels opened up as they approached the pit, and that wouldn’t be a problem.   

This plan wouldn’t work if the track was broken. We had a contingency in place for that eventuality. One I hoped we wouldn’t have to utilize.         

“What if there are people on the track we don’t know about?” Katia said. “We’ll send them into the abyss. Also, how loud are these things? Will they even know when to expect them?” 

I shrugged. “We’re talking about three colored lines out of thousands. By now most everybody who hasn’t given up has gotten to a trainyard. We’ve spread the word out as much as we can. It’s a risk, but this is the best idea we have. Don’t worry about the trains being loud enough. I already have a plan for that.” 

While Bautista and I had spent those two hours playing the telephone game trying to figure out the three lines that would work for our plan, Donut, Katia, and I started the process of moving the train carts out of the way to make way for the rapid-response carts, which were shoved in the back of the parking area. The small carts we simply pushed onto the main track in front of our Vermillion engine. Then we drove the auxiliary carts out of the way. Most of them had just enough battery power to drive. Once they were safely out of the way, I pulled all the batteries. We also started the process of taking apart one of the engines and putting all the pieces into my inventory. Katia led this process. She had a wealth of knowledge about engines thanks to her earth hobby potion. She’d received the “Gear Head” knowledge base, and it was mightily useful here. She was certain we’d be able to reconstruct the engine and put it on something else.    

The rapid-response carts wouldn’t budge until they were turned on. I climbed the stairs of the first one now. I pulled one of Growler Gary’s arms from inventory and placed it on the hand-shaped key console. “Here goes nothing,” I said to Donut. I held my breath. 

The console glowed green. I relaxed. I had to put a rock on top of the hand to keep it in place while I moved to the second key console on the other side of the small cockpit. It was only about eight feet away, but it was just far enough that a single gnoll couldn’t activate both at once.  

I placed Growler Gary’s second hand on the key. 

Warning: You must use your left hand to activate the key. 

“Fuck,” I said.

“Mongo,” Donut called. “Come on, we’re going back to the bar.” 

~

Growler Gary was sober when we returned. Apparently the act of resurrection did that, which was unfortunate for everybody involved. He was desperately searching through his stash for another bottle when we arrived. He wouldn’t find one. We’d taken the rest.

“You’re back,” he said. “Sorry, dinner isn’t ready. Growler Gary seems to be low on supplies. Someone drank them all.” 

He didn’t know we’d killed him that first time, but he did remember us. I sighed. 

“Hey Gary,” I said. “I’m really sorry about this.” 

He looked up at us, wiping his hands on his fur. “Sorry about what?” 

Mongo leaped across the tavern, landed on the counter, and chomped him right on the head. It sounded like a walnut being crunched.  

Five minutes later, we had the first of the portal carts turned on. We started the engine and positioned it in front of the third portal. Number 17 on the list was the Sinopia Line. The DungeonWerx portal selector was nothing more than a pair of handles with numbers. I put the first to one and the second to seven. The little selector changed to 17 on the dust-covered screen.

We turned a switch, turning on the front portal. The blade in front of the cart hummed, and a large, tunnel-shaped portal appeared, throbbing. It looked a little different than the static-television-channel style of most open portals. This was like a frosted mirror, allowing us to see through it. Sort of.   

“Hopefully the act of pushing a portal through a portal isn’t like dividing by zero or anything,” I muttered as I moved to the front of the train to investigate the magical doorway. I had a horrifying thought of it blowing up. There was a section on portals in my book, but I’d only skimmed it and hadn’t seen anything like that. I did remember something about arrows with small portals at the end of them. If they didn’t cause an issue with being added to inventory or passing through doorways, hopefully this would be okay too. Hopefully.    

Ultima Corp DungeonWerx Subspace Heavy-Duty, self-adjusting Clean-up Portal. 

Type: One-way, selectable portal. 

Can you pass this portal? Yes. 

Environment on other side of portal: Warning. Drill down for more information. 

Visual Analysis? Yes/No. 

The portal was switched onto the abyss, and I pulled up the screenshot. It looked as if it just jumped things in the middle of the air over the pit. So anything that got caught up in the portal would fall a good half of a mile before it hit the ground. I clicked on the environmental warning, and a new page of numbers appeared. Elevation above solid ground was highlighted, confirming that was the issue. I went back to the cab and switched the selector to the trainyard instead of the abyss, and the environmental warning went away. 

I put the portal back to the abyss, and I went to remove the hands so I could start the next train. 

The moment I pulled one of the hands away, the train shut off. I’d been hoping once the train started, it no longer needed the hand keys.  

“Fuck,” I said. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” 

“Mongo,” Donut said. “Back to the bar.” 

~

In the end, we had to collect a total of 14 left hands from Growler Gary. We could have stopped at 12, but I wanted to have an extra pair, in case we needed to drive that seventh cart.  

Gary only fought back the first few times. We were too strong for him. He hid in the back of the bar each time, huddled into the corner, holding onto his spear. He whimpered like an injured dog, and the sound hurt my heart.  

“I’m sorry,” I said when we came for the fifth hand. He jabbed at Mongo, who screeched gleefully as we approached. 

“If you’re sorry, then why are you doing it?” he said. “Get back! Get the fuck away from me!” 

The floor of the back room was slick with blood. Upon regeneration, every body part remaining in the tavern disappeared except items we placed into our inventory. But the blood remained, and it was everywhere. 

“Everyone stop,” I said. “Mongo, wait.” The dinosaur looked to Donut, who waved him down. He squawked with disappointment. 

“I’ll tell you,” I said. “You deserve to know why we have to do this.” And I explained it to him. I told him exactly what we were doing and why we were doing it. He stared up at me, wide-eyed and afraid as I told him we’d have to kill him ten more times. 

“So you need Growler Gary,” he finally said, looking down at his own hand. “Gary never realized that was the problem with those carts. Jumping Jen-Jen and the other drivers were always complaining, but he… I didn’t understand. That was why they never went out. The hobgoblins took their own carts instead, but they couldn’t clear the crashed trains without the portals. Gary’s not a driver. Hadn’t realized it worked that way.” He looked up at me. “Ten more times?” 

“Ten more times,” I said. 

“And this is to get the people who killed my friends?” 

“Yes.” 

“Do you have any alcohol on you?” 

“I do,” I said. 

“Will you give me some when it is done?” 

“Absolutely.” 

He put the spear down and walked back to the bar. He cracked his neck. He looked over at Mongo and said, “Do your best to make sure it doesn’t hurt.” 

****

Hope everybody is doing well. I can't believe we're almost at 100 chapters. Hopefully this plan of theirs goes off without a hitch with no problems or issues and nobody else gets hurt.