Chapter 146 (Patreon)

Chapter 146

Hunters Killed: 0

<Note added by Crawler Forkith. 20thEdition>

Based on some of these previous passages and my own observations, I think I’ve put together a good idea about the layout of the Hunting Grounds. They say it’s the same every time, but that is not true. Herot spoke of those tall creatures who bellow into the sky each night, rumbling the world. Azin described the kite birds always flying overhead. Ikicha wrote of the ice and cold weather. None of those are here, not in this iteration. Most of the world is jungle. That is a constant. But the monsters within change, so be careful taking advice from previous editions of this book regarding this floor.

However, the map appears to be the same each time. The “political landscape” is the same, too. It is a round world with a single named metropolis and dozens of other unnamed cities of varying sizes like on the third floor. This world, according to the story, was half metropolis and half jungle before Scolopendra’s nine-tier attack, whatever the hell that even means. After the attack, most everyone died, and the jungle ran rampant, swallowing the ruins. However, after a few hundred years, the survivors have started to rebuild. The named city is always in the same place. In the north, near the edge of the map and overlooking a clear valley filled with lower-level monsters, placed there so the hunters can train while the crawlers make their way through the lower floors. All the way to the southeast is the high elf city, which is in the thickest part of the jungle. Stay away from the elves. They are powerful magic users, and they attack everyone. Even the hunters stay away.

Before the cataclysm, this world was rich. The city was under control of a multi-race council. The jungle was under control of the high elves. They hated each other, but there was mostly peace. A river separated the two districts.

That river still flows through the center of the map. There are bridges in regular intervals. Stay out of the water. The Naiads live within and are just as bad as the elves.

The named city—whose name appears to be different each time—will always be under control of a single race. It doesn’t matter which one. The moment the hunters arrive, one of them always hunts down and kills the mayor, which gives them control. By the time you arrive, the low-level valley will be hunted to extinction, the existing government will have been wiped out, and one of the hunters will have set themselves up as Grand, the title given to mayors of the biggest settlements.

Stay out of the big city. The guards will attack you on sight.

“It cast,” Bomo rumbled. The spell would take thirty seconds to activate.

“Carl, Carl, what are we doing? Are you crazy?” Donut cried as I checked my gear.

I slipped the Ring of Divine Suffering onto my finger. This was the ring Frank Q had given me. All of my stats raised by 5%. The way the ring worked was slightly different depending on the floor one was on, but the end result was the same. If I marked someone—either a crawler or a “non-dungeon generated combatant”—and then I killed them, I would receive +1 to one of my stat points, based on their current highest stat. That bonus would increase the more I killed.

The problem was, once I marked somebody, I would receive a nasty debuff that wouldn’t go away until I killed my mark. I wouldn’t be able to heal. I knew from the cookbook that debuff was called “Left to Fester.”

I examined the ring’s properties to make sure it was working as intended.

Current Marks killed: 0
Current Mark benefit: +1 Stat Point.
Current floor cooldown: there is no cooldown on this floor.
Marks form instantly on this floor.
Happy hunting.

“Fifteen seconds,” Bomo rumbled.

I looked down at the second toe ring on my left foot, the one I’d gotten for getting stepped on by Grull. The ring came with two benefits. I’d used one of them, Sticky Feet, quite a bit. The toe ring had a second ability that I’d yet to try.

“Carl,” Donut said. “I really think we should be discussing our plan right about now.”

“When we hit two seconds, Predator,” I said.

“That’s not a plan, Carl. That’s a move.”

“We’ll be okay. Just stay with me. It’ll go fast.”

Predator was one of our newer moves. I’d been collecting a lot of invisibility potions recently, and I made sure Donut always had a few of them. The move was simple. As soon as I called “Predator,” we both went invisible, and Donut switched to infrared vision using her sunglasses. We no longer talked out loud, and she remained on my shoulder, constantly calling out anything she could see that I might not.

“Sorry about this, Bomo,” I said. I smashed an invisibility potion against the side of the mob’s head. The rock monster disappeared.

I drank down an invisibility potion just as the timer hit zero. Donut did the same.

We blinked, I had the now-familiar tug of nausea, and then we were there.

Entering Zockau.

Donut: CARL, IF WE DON’T DIE, MORDECAI IS GOING TO KILL YOU.

We appeared in a quaint little park with manicured, green grass. A circle of trees and a well-maintained hedge surrounded the large stairwell. The exit to the seventh floor was right there, and I could feel the heat coming off it. Cobblestones led up to the glowing exit. Light shone up into the air like a searchlight, rising about fifty feet before stopping against the artificial ceiling. Nighttime had fully descended on the area, but it was still early evening. There was nobody in the small park, but I could see multiple dots on my map, a mix of white, red, orange, and a new color. Purple. The white dots were the regular NPCs, the red appeared to be the city guards, the orange were the pets, and the purple were the hunters. I could only see three of the hunters. None were close.

The city guards were not the mushroom guys, but tall, muscled, humanoid bears in heavy armor. A group of them marched down the street and away.

Nobody appeared to know we were here. Yet.

A large statue stood nearby, also depicting one of the bear-headed humanoids. A little plaque described who it was, but we didn’t have time to stop and read. Commercial buildings surrounded the town square, giving the impression of a downtown area of a small, American town from the 1950’s. Electric-style lights circled the park in regular intervals, giving off a dim, yellow glow. Directly across from us and on the other side of the street was a line of pubs, all in a row. Raucous laughter emanated from the window of one. Music played from another. The distant thwum of a spell being cast shot through the night, followed by a crash and even more distant laughter.

As I watched, a purple dot stumbled from the doorway of one pub. He stopped, fell to his knees, and started vomiting on the street. This was a tall, lanky alien race I didn’t recognize in the dark. He pulled himself up and stumbled into another bar.

Standing at the end of the line of pubs was what I was looking for. The tall, opulent entrance to the Desperado Club. The entrance was three stories tall, and twin spotlights swept back and forth in front of the building. In the Over City, the club entrance had a 1920’s style which clashed with the medieval vibe of the village. This time, the club’s architecture fit with the town’s aesthetic. Instead of a 1920’s art deco, this was more of a 1950’s mid-century modern. A concrete archway covered the entrance, flanked by an angular façade with wings on either side, like eyebrows, almost giving the impression that the club was a massive, drive-in diner. The sign, “The Desperado Club: So Fun It Hurts,” blinked, the words spelled out with dozens of little lightbulbs. A statue of the dagger logo spun atop the building.

Carl: Bomo, walk toward that bar at the end of the street. The little one with the broken sign. That one appears to be mostly empty, and it’s the only one that’s a real saferoom. Stay in the shadows until your invisibility runs out. Once it does, just casually walk inside and go straight to the personal space. If you’re attacked, run. Do you understand?

Bomo: Understand.

I couldn’t actually see the rock monster, but I heard him clomp off through the grass. There were dozens of NPC cretins on this floor. Nobody would notice him unless they stopped and read his description, which said he was a member of the Royal Court of Princess Donut.

I pulled the multi-launcher from my inventory and placed it on the grass. I had 25 of the surefire homing missiles in the box, all lined up in a five by five grid, pointing directly upward. Their targets were already programmed in. These were all single-stage rockets, so they were much smaller than the ones we used on the previous floor. The entire box was the size of a poker table. I placed it right against the inside of the closest hedge. I marked the timed trigger using my Remote Detonator skill.

Carl: Donut, if this goes south, just jump down the stairs. We’ll regroup on the seventh floor.

Donut: IT’S ALREADY GOING SOUTH, CARL. WE DON’T ATTACK THE MAIN BAD GUYS IN THE VERY BEGINNING. THAT’S NOT HOW THIS IS SUPPOSED TO WORK.

I examined my map. There were a total of seven pubs, not including the Desperado. Each one was its own, separate building with a small alleyway between them. The one Bomo was walking toward was the smallest. Only that one was a true saferoom, though all seven would have entrances to our personal space within. The largest of the regular pubs on this street was called The Ladies Love It, and it was from within this bar came the loudest music and most laughing. The sign was a large, wooden placard depicting a grinning, bald man with “Ladies Love It” tattooed over his upper lip. A spotlight shined directly on the leering mouth. This bar was not a real safe room. It stood right next door to the Desperado, which curved around the next corner.

Donut: THEY ALREADY KNOW WE’RE HERE. THE GUARDS’ DOTS ARE RED.

Carl: That just means the mayor of town has been killed by one of the hunters, and they have ordered them to attack crawlers on sight.

Donut: I HOPE YOU HAVE A PLAN TO GET US OUT OF HERE.

I took a step toward the row of bars.

WARNING. DEAD MAN WALKING!

I cursed, and I stopped, my foot hovering an inch off the ground. I retracted my foot and then crouched down. I focused, and the problem became evident. A haphazard minefield of traps lay scattered about, filling the park that surrounded the stairwell. There were dozens of them.. Most of them were alarm traps, but I saw a few I didn’t recognize. One was called a You Aren’t Going Anywhere Trap. There were likely others. My find traps skill wasn’t super reliable just yet.

I quickly examined this first trap.

Placed Trap
Set by Hunter Ontario.
Effect: A loud-ass alarm.
Delay: None.
Target: Crawlers. That’s you.

Most of them appeared to be placed by this Ontario person, but there were others mixed in, too. Bomo, being an NPC, hadn’t set them off.

I easily disarmed this first alarm trap and pulled it into my inventory. I had to drink another invisibility potion. Donut’s invisibility would last another minute. We didn’t have time for this.

Ahead, I saw Bomo suddenly appear. He crossed the street and entered the dive bar with the broken sign. Nobody seemed to notice or care. He walked right past a group of NPCs, and they didn’t give him a second look.

Carl: Donut, puddle jump us out of here. We’re surrounded by traps. Put us in front of the alley between the Desperado and that other club.

Donut: WHERE ALL THE HUNTERS ARE?

Carl: Yes.

Donut: IF I HAVE TO TAKE A MANA POTION IT’LL MESS UP ME TAKING THE NEXT INVISIBILITY POTION BECAUSE OF MY POTION COUNTDOWN.

Carl: I know. Send us now.

Donut grumbled. Three seconds passed, and we jumped, appearing in the space between The Ladies Love It and the Desperado. A pair of elven NPCs strolled down the street. One looked sharply in our direction at the noise of us cracking into existence, but she didn’t stop to investigate further. Three doors down, a hunter appeared. An orc. An NPC female dwarf rode him piggyback, and they were both laughing. They drunkenly lurched into an alleyway.

My heart pounded. Our view counter was spiking, which meant at any moment someone was going to raise the alarm. I still had no idea how efficient these guys were with their communications. I hoped and prayed we’d have another few minutes at least.

I examined the tight alleyway between the Desperado and the Ladies Love It. It was pitch black in there. Donut didn’t see any mobs. I moved to step inside, but I stopped, seeing yet another alarm trap. Christ. I hadn’t been expecting that.

Fuck it, I thought. I looked around to see if anyone was looking in our direction, and then I pulled the barrel from my inventory and placed it on the ground in the space between the two buildings, just in front of the trap. I marked the bomb using a second Remote Detonator and also added this trigger to my hotlist. We needed to hurry. The thing said it was a bomb, so if anybody examined it, they’d see it for what it was. I quickly moved to the next alleyway down.

Donut took her second invisibility potion as I took my fourth. For Donut, the invisibility lasted just about two minutes. Her potion sickness countdown was much better than it used to be, but it was still at one minute and forty-five seconds, which meant she couldn’t keep her mana topped off and remain invisible. She had two slices of mana toast in her inventory that we were keeping for an emergency. The toast would top off her spell points, and it wouldn’t count as a potion. I didn’t want her to use it unless absolutely necessary.

Donut trembled on my shoulder, and I reached up to give her a reassuring pat.

I skipped the next alleyway and moved to the one after that. These bombs were pretty big and didn’t need to be that close. I dropped a barrel right on the sidewalk. We skipped the next alleyway, which contained a grunting orc and dwarf, and I moved to the following entrance. I placed the third barrel.

Just as I rolled the fourth one into place, a dragon-headed hunter emerged from this last bar, just a mere five feet to my left. This was the same bar Bomo had entered. It was the only true saferoom of the lot. The sign was broken, so I hadn’t been able to read it from across the street, but I could now see the place was called “The Scuttlebutt.”

I examined the hunter.

Chin’dua – Draconian. Level 50. Striver

This is an Unaffiliated Hunter.

It didn’t describe either the Draconian race or the Striver class. The creature stepped unsteadily from the bar. He stopped right next to me and leaned up against the barrel. The tall, scaled creature held a glass with a little purple umbrella in it. Multiple cherries floated in the red drink. He remained there, leaning on the massive bomb. He wasn’t doing anything to it, but his very presence was causing the item’s stability to slowly decline on its own. The hunter started to snore, but he clutched the drink tightly in his clawed hand. He snorted and then woke himself up.

“I ain’t paying,” he said, grumbling.

Donut: CARL, CARL, I THINK HE’S DRINKING A DIRTY SHIRLEY!

Carl: I wouldn’t be surprised. I think you might’ve made the drink famous.

Donut: WHY ARE THEY ALL DRUNK?

Carl: They’re all going hunting in fifteen hours. This is their last time to party. We gotta be careful. Not all of them will be wasted.

Donut: HE’S GOING TO SEE IT’S A BOMB. WHAT ARE WE GOING TO?

A light appeared in the sky, coming from deep within the large town and rising into the air. It moved in our direction. A spell shot out from the figure, and a group of white flares burst out in each direction like fireworks, streaking out across the sky, lighting up the night.

Shit. Whoever that was knew we were here. I didn’t know what that spell was, but they were obviously looking for us.

I pulled up the menu for the Ring of Divine Suffering, and I found the name I was searching for.

I took a deep breath. There’s no going back after this.

You have marked Chin’Dua.

Chin’Dua’s highest stat is Dexterity.

You have been infected with Left to Fester! This debuff will not go away until your mark is dead!

Happy Hunting, killer.

The drunken alien looked up as I allowed the invisibility potion to expire. He blinked at me.

“You… You’re not supposed to be here,” the creature said. It was almost a whisper. It was a miracle this guy was still on his feet. He was just as drunk as Growler Gary the gnoll had been when we started cutting off his hands. He brought his drink to his lips, and he slurped in a cherry.

Behind him, the barrel’s integrity continued its downward momentum.

“Your name is Chin’Dua?” I asked. I put my hands on his shoulder to steady him, pulling him off the barrel, which caused the bomb’s integrity to stop at about 30%. Above, one of the flares stopped to hover over us, illuminating the square. Multiple hunters emerged from the bars up and down the street, but they were all looking up.

Chin’Dua didn’t appear to have any magical gear on him, which was unfortunate. He’d probably only been here for a few hours and hadn’t had a chance to collect anything.

“That’s Xindy,” Chin’Dua said, lifting his head to the sky. “Why is she all worked up?”

Down the line, a pair of alien hunters were standing right next to the first barrel, but they hadn’t noticed it yet. These were large, blue-skinned humanoids wearing leather armor.

I leaned in. “Wanna hear a secret?”

“What?” Chin’Dua asked, whispering. His eyes fluttered.

Donut: CARL, HURRY UP. YOU’RE TAKING TOO LONG.

“I’m using you as bait. That’s how you’re going to die. As bait.”

There was a shout, and at that same moment, I cast Ping.

An audible tone spread out, filling the town with the noise. My map came alive as every nearby NPC, hunter, and pet appeared on my interface. Above, the shining light started rocketing toward us. I could now see the flying purple dot on my map, moving in our direction.

“Damnit,” I muttered under my breath as I quickly searched the dots. I was hoping that this flying hunter would also be the town’s mayor. The Grand. They weren’t. I wouldn’t be so lucky. I looked frantically about for the purple dot, which would be indicated on the map with a star. I didn’t see them, which meant they were either in a saferoom, they were asleep, or they were out of range.

I was expecting to be immediately assaulted. Instead, most of the hunters scrambled away, rushing back into the bars. A few of the smart ones scrambled into the Desperado.

I quickly sorted through the list, seeking out the highest-level hunter. There was a 63 two streets over, quickly running in this direction. They were too far away. I instead focused on the flying hunter. Level 61. Good enough. I mentally clicked on the dot.

Xindy – Mantis. Level 61. Blood Tracker.

The Dark Hive.

I focused on my toe ring, and I pulled up its second ability. Super Spreader. Its range was dependent on my map. They had to be close enough that I could see their name. Because of the Ping spell, that range was greatly increased. I scrolled down the list until I found Xindy, and I clicked Activate.

The flying alien stopped dead in the air. On my shoulder, Donut fired a pair of magic missiles at a hunter, who shrieked and ran away. Above, Xindy started to rapidly retreat as she realized she’d been hit with a debuff. She was now in the same boat as me. She was infected with Left to Fester, and it wouldn’t go away until poor Chin’Dua was dead.

More shouting rose. I was hit with a Ping spell, identical to the one I’d just cast. A yellow light jumped into the air. A half block away, a swarm of orange dots moved in our direction. Behind me, the bear guards had turned and were running toward us.

I mentally clicked the first of the two remote detonator triggers in my hotlist, and the rockets started corkscrewing into the air, one by one. I had them programmed so they’d take off at three-second intervals in groups of five, each focused on the “Fastest-moving Hunter-class creature.”

All five of the first group of missiles rocketed away, streaking toward the retreating form of Xindy, who’d, in a panic, started to rapidly fly away. A shield appeared around the fleeing hunter as the first missile slammed into her.

The second and third missiles hit her in a quick succession. The fourth exploded prematurely as a bolt cast from one street over shot right into the missile. I watched the shield fail just as the fifth missile slammed into the hunter, and she exploded. I saw her purple dot turn into an X as her flaming corpse plummeted from the sky. Even before she hit the ground, the next missiles were spreading off into different directions.

“Whoa. Did you see that?” Chin’Dua said, looking up into the air as I waved away the page of notifications that’d just appeared. “That was Vrah’s little sister.”

I punched him in the chest, and I felt the satisfying crunch of bones. He gasped, looking at me with both surprise and an odd sense of betrayal. I punched him again in the face. Then again. He crashed to the ground, knocking over the barrel, which started to rapidly deteriorate again. His half-full glass of vodka went flying. Little cherries rolled down the sidewalk as I crushed his head with my foot.

The orc and dwarf from one alleyway over stood there on the sidewalk, ten feet away, gawking at me.

“You better run,” I said as Donut and I jumped into the Scuttlebutt.

I never got the chance to click on the second trigger in my hotlist. The moment we landed inside and the door slammed close, the barrel went off.

Despite us being in a saferoom, Donut and I were blown back and into the bar. Chairs fell over. Bottles cascaded off shelves. Three more explosions ripped through outside. I heard shouting from the other side of the bar. It was a Bopca, crying out in surprise.

“Are you okay?” I asked Donut, who was all poofed out.

“Carl, I think I want to go to Katia’s team now,” Donut said, her voice dazed.

“Okay, but we gotta get out of here first,” I said, pulling myself back up. “Back to my shoulder. Quick.”

I rushed toward the personal space door. I was momentarily surprised to see there was actually a long hallway here with five other doors. I moved to the one marked The Royal Court of Princess Donut, and I burst inside to find Bomo and The Sledge standing there.

“Protect!” I shouted.

“What in god’s name is going on,” Mordecai said from the counter, where it appeared he was eating a banana split sundae. He had the ice cream all over his fuzzy face.

“Are we going back out there?” Donut asked, incredulous.

“We have to,” I said, breathing heavily. “If we don’t get out now, they’ll just guard that exit and trap us in Zockau”

“Zockau? Zockau?” Mordecai cried. “You motherfuckers are in the goddamned capital?”

The Sledge cast two quick magic shells around the each of us. Blue light swirled. Bomo cast Shield, and a translucent spell appeared. Both would last for five minutes or until they were killed by attacks.

I turned and bounded back outside with Mordecai shouting after us. One of the other doorways opened, and we passed by a wide-eyed dark elf hunter coming out of his own personal space.

“Boo,” Donut yelled at him, and he stumbled backward. I caught sight of two more elves within the room.

We rushed back out into the Scuttlebutt which now had two more hunters within. Both were level-50, tentacle-faced Saccathians.

We burst past the surprised creatures and back out into the night. We jumped into burning, smoky chaos.

The entire block was now on fire and blown to shit. A thick fog filled the area. Bodies were everywhere. The barrel explosives had been crammed with gunpowder and hobgoblin dynamite and delay-detonated smoke curtains. I’d packed them in a way that caused the most destruction. They were unstable as shit, but a single one could take out an entire block. We’d only been saved because we’d hidden inside of a real saferoom.

The entire façade of the Desperado had collapsed. The entrance bar was gone. Those that were in the real club were now trapped, and they would remain trapped. None of the others would be able to get in, at least via Zockau.

Despite the mass destruction, we were surrounded by red, orange, and purple dots, though most were a few blocks away. Most of the traps in the blast radius had been tripped on their own, and dozens of different songs blasted into the night. I caught snippets of everything from Aretha Franklin to ZZ Top.

I pulled yet another bomb from my inventory and tossed it. It hit the ground, rolled, and started firing hobgoblin smoke curtains in regular intervals. I mapped out the closest path to the edge of town. It was a good quarter mile away down a residential street. We both took invisibility potions, and I started to run.

The invisibility did not hide the twin, swirling protection shells around ourselves, but that was okay. It hid our dots on the map, and amongst all this chaos, we just needed a minute to get out of town. We’d be relatively safe once we hit the jungle.

From my shoulder, Donut started to sing. Her voice cracked.

“The shadows cold. The eyes and the smile. I see shadows in my mind, trying to be gone. Shadow in my mind. Carl, quit bouncing around you’re making me mess up the lyrics!”

“What are you trying to cast?” We rushed past the town square and into a tight street. The first several rows of buildings here were all half-caved in. Debris littered the street. I jumped over the groaning body of an elf NPC.

“Sorry, buddy,” I called over my shoulder.

It looked as if every window in town was blown out. Further down, multiple NPCs started to wander from their homes. I didn’t see any purple dots. We rushed down the middle of the street.

“I’m trying to cast Entourage, which makes a copy of us, but you keep messing me up. I have to read the lyrics, but I can’t when we’re running!”

WARNING! WATCH YOUR DAMN STEP!

“Goddamnit,” I said, sliding to a stop. It was too late. A countdown appeared. I’d already stepped on the trap. Two traps. The first was an alarm trap right in the middle of the street, and the second was a cheap spike trap. I jumped out of the way before the spikes activated, but there was nothing I could do about the alarm.

Peaking at Number 27 on January 26, 1990, it’s “Kickstart My Heart!”

I cast Tripper, which set off every trap in a wide radius. Multiple songs and small explosions rocked all around us, but the Motley Crue song was blasting right next to us, so loud we were both wracked with pain. I reached down and physically picked up the small, cube-sized trap. It wouldn’t let me disarm it now that it’d been set off, but it did allow me to pull it into my inventory, cutting it off. My ears rang.

Donut was screaming something, but I couldn’t hear her. I pulled out my second rocket box. This one only had ten rockets within because I’d run out of surefires. This one was pre-set to kill “The Closest Hunter Class Mobs.”

You have been deshrouded! Invisibility negated!

My shield sparked as something slammed into it. A shield health bar appeared in my UI, down halfway. A second, then third item hit the shield. Crossbow bolts. I searched for the source, but I couldn’t see our attacker.

Donut: ON THE ROOF! INVISIBLE!

A magic missile shot forth from Donut, hitting the top of the building as I dropped a smoke curtain, loaded a hob-lobber, and threw it at the roof.

Donut: WE MISSED! IT CAN FLY! IT'S THE SAME TYPE AS THE LAST ONE!

My Ping spell had five seconds left before I could cast again. I scrambled away down the street, toward the looming line of trees. Above, an orange dot appeared, some sort of flying pet, coming from a different direction. It rocketed toward us, screeching. A large hawk. A bolt slammed the pet’s head, and it tumbled away. The hunter shot it. He’s protecting his kill.

My shield sparked again as more crossbow bolts slammed into me. The shield failed. I cried out in pain as yet another crossbow bolt buried itself into my shoulder.

Poison Negated.

I instinctively ducked, and another bolt slammed into Donut, who was still protected. She flew from my shoulder and bounded ahead, hitting the street and rolling. She leaped to her feet and ran

I hit Ping, and the dot finally appeared on my map. High above. I saw the star around the purple dot.

I activated the missiles, and they burst into the air behind us. I didn’t turn to look. I ran. The hunter, who was level 70, arced away, dodging the missiles.

Another bolt slammed into the back of my thigh just as we reached the edge of town. The barbed front of the projectile shattered my leg, bursting out the front and opening up like an umbrella. I screamed as we jumped over the border.

Entering the Selva

I healed myself as I dragged myself toward the trees. These guys couldn’t leave the city, but I didn’t know if their weapons could fire beyond the borders.

The moment we left the city, all the dots on my map snapped away, as if the city was protected. I turned to look over my shoulder as I dragged myself away, and the border was opaque. The street was mere feet behind me, but I couldn’t see a thing.

“Carl, we gotta go! We’re too close! There were more orange dots coming!”

I pulled myself to my feet, but I collapsed again. I looked stupidly down at the crossbow bolt still sticking through my leg. I’d healed myself, but it hadn’t pushed the bolt out like it usually did. I had a second one in my shoulder. Both of the bolts were causing my health to continue to plummet. They had a bleed effect.

“Uh oh,” I said. The world started to get fuzzy around the edges. A debuff notification flashed on my interface.

An orange dot appeared on my map. Next to me, Donut gasped. It came from the woods, and it was huge. I couldn’t see it, but it crackled with heat. I tried to focus, but I felt as if I was staring at a television screen turned to static. I felt dizzy, dizzier than I’d ever felt before. I realized the sound of all the traps had also cut off the moment we’d left the town’s borders. I was falling in a fog. I managed to click a healing scroll, and it healed me, but it didn’t do anything to my brain, which continued to swirl with confusion.

There were more people here. Donut was saying something. These were blue dots. Crawlers.

I can’t tell the orange dots apart, I thought. That’s a bug. My leg burned. I thought of my Frogger game. I wondered if Bomo or the Sledge were better at it. I remembered the day I found my mother in the basement. I thought I was going to get a bike that day, and I never did.

This is my birthday present to you.

Where was I again?

“Again! He did it again! At least he’s about to perish,” a familiar voice said. “Level 54! How did this idiot get so high? What are those knife symbols over his head?”

“Help, help!” Donut said to the newcomers. “Carl needs the arrows pulled out!”

“Mother, you should feed on him before he dies.”

“Pony, I am not going to feed on Carl. Now help me with him,” a new voice said.

“I say we let him die. He ruined my spell. Again. You need blood.”

“Stop, Donut, sweetie,” the woman said. “Do not touch the bolts. I will take them out. Don’t you worry. He will be okay. We are safe here. Trust me.”

Somebody screamed.

~~

Hello everybody! Thanks so much for your continued support. In case you missed it, the third DCC audiobook is now available. I hope you've all had a great week.

I'm finally getting some semblance of a regular schedule for later this year. If you live in the Seattle, Portland, or Vegas area, I will be at some shows. Mostly to sell my art, but I will also have books available too. Let me know if you're in the area and planning on going to any of the shows, and I'll make sure to bring some Patron-only goodies. I'll post my schedule later, but it'll be Emerald City Comic Con, Rose City Comic Con, 20Books Vegas, and a bunch of others. Take care!