How to Steal from a Fantasy Deathworld - Chapter 5 (Patreon)

Wade stared at where the trapdoor should be. It looked like a pile of mud to his eyes, there just wasn't enough light to see any kind of detail. But the nametag floating above spelled out his salvation.

The trapdoor was barely visible even in the light, but now that he looked closer at it, he could see the outlines.

His head turned back to the cavern centerpoint, and all the tunnels leading out. He could run through one of them, find a place to hide like he'd planned. But this was already the best place he could pick to hide. Even with the light point-blank it had been impossible to find from the mud and grim. Only his identify had pointed it out.

This had to be his best bet.

Wade's hands dug into the dirt and mud, sinking through and tapping around to see what was hidden under all this. It was barebones, just a few planks nailed together. He started feeling for the underside, finding the mud holding it down somehow. Or maybe there were latches? Was he trying to open it from the wrong side? He couldn't tell, too much of it was buried under the mud.

"Come on, come on." His fingers traced the edge of the frame. On the other end of the tunnel, he could hear the stones start breaking down. The skeletons were gonna be here soon. He couldn't see them since he was already around a corner to get to this part, but that also meant they couldn't see him. If he managed to squeeze through this tunnel and close the trapdoor behind him, they might never find it, running past it to the tunnels ahead and start looking for him where he wasn't.

He felt a latch of some kind. With fumbling fingers, he unlatched something, and tugged the trapdoor again. Mud was suctioned under it as it was yanked open, revealing a shaft with wooden planks embedded in the wall. There wasn't any light anywhere down there. Past the first few rungs, it was just darkness even with his flashlight.

"Okay, great. Dark tunnel. Totally fine."

You got this boo~ o(≧▽≦)o

He saw the text for a second, and promptly closed the light app, stowing the entire phone back in his pocket. It wasn't doing any more good right now other than pointing him out to anyone at a distance, and he'd need both hands for this.

It was creepy, damp, nearly pitch black and probably had something sleeping at the very bottom with a lot of teeth. So far that would be right up his luck. Wade took a breath, and tried to center himself. It was this or the skeletons.

He heard stone break further deeper beyond the cavern, and immediately started climbing down the nailed planks, finger strength straining, neck sending a few shots of pain from the frantic movements. His leg was fine with the movements of climbing a ladder, it's just running that forced him into a limp.

As soon as his head was below the floor, he grabbed the trapdoor inner handle and closed it back until he heard the wet click of the latch under the mud. It had been nearly swimming inside the caked-on grim, so he knew it was still all over the top of the trapdoor. And without lights out there, hopefully all of this made it as hidden as it had been before.

"Identify." He whispered.

It still marked this as a "Hidden Rebel Trapdoor", not just a 'Rebel Trapdoor' - so that meant it still had to be hidden right? Right??

New problem: With the trap door closed above him, and too afraid of light shining through the wooden panels if he turned the phone on again, it was now completely pitch black. He felt he was hovering over empty nothingness, with only his toes and fingertips holding him up. For all he knew the shaft would go down a few hundred feet and if he let go he'd die. Or it was only a short drop. But it couldn't be too short of a distance, since his light would have shown him the bottom.

Wade wisely decided to climb down as fast as he could before his finger strength failed him and he fell down an unknown distance. He couldn't see the rat's health bar anywhere, which meant it had gone out of range when going down this way.

His fingertips felt the cold chill of the wood, but it didn't quite feel like wood-wood. No splinters for one, thank god. It didn't feel like rotten wood, which it should have turned into given the damp environment. It had a waxy texture, felt sturdy, and he could feel water droplets on each rung. If it wasn't wood, what the hell was it then?

In a spark of brilliance, he had just the thing to figure that out. "Identify."

Mana-treated ironwood plank.

Glasses of the trade: Identify targets 30/30

Glasses of the trade complete! One storefront coin added to inventory.

Luck triggered: Identify upgraded to Improved Identify

He was about to start waiting for something to happen, maybe super loud sound effects or something to ruin his day, but nothing happened besides the system text messages. No information on the upgrade to identify, or anything more about the storefront coin. His fingers started to ache and that reminded him he had no idea how far down this shaft went. He scrambled downwards again, praying all this would end soon.

Blessedly, it did. His feet stumbled over muddy ground instead of the next plank down, and Wade let go of everything, fingers burning with the effort.

He held the hiss of pain in his mouth, trying to be as quiet as possible. Above, he could hear stones cracking, echos of picks hitting rocks. The skeletons hadn't yet broken through the wall, so they might not have heard him climb down or know where he was.

He had a small list of system notifications to work through, but right now all he cared about was one single line:

One storefront coin added to inventory.

Money. Money was the world's greatest treasure and even his nightmares couldn't break his one true faith. They all say money can't buy happiness, but it sure as hell could buy steak and pay rent, which is basically the same thing to Wade.

Right now he'd kiss even Play's boots if this game would just include a pay-to-win cash-shop. Let him buy some overpowered level 20 equivalent weapon or something. He was perfectly happy to become a wallet warrior if it meant staying alive out here. "Play, what can I use this coin for?"

I fence you things like that skyviper boon. Says here five coins and you can permanently buy it.

"The useless fucking boon you gave me? In a world where I don't even have a starting weapon?"

Hey hey, don't be mean (≖､≖╬)
Damage over time is pretty useful in plenty of situations. Plus I wasn't the one who picked the boon, it's random each time you pop into Azdrial.

 Wade sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. 'Pop into Azdrial,' this goddamn absolute asshole. "You're saying there's going to be a next time?"

You're in THE GAME Michael. You either win or you die, but there's no leaving now~

The texts had zero remorse. "So what, even after I get back home, you'll pull me back into this insane clown show again and again in the future?"

Why so cranky? Aren't we having fun?  (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

Wade stared at the small blacklight in the gloom. "I want my phone call."

Please, we both know you're too broke to afford even a public defender. And they're free last I checked  (¯ ³¯)♡

That was bait, and Wade knew better than to start screaming. At least he was safe down here so far and had some more information on this crazy shit. He took a deep breath and tried to find his center.

"These random abilities, you mentioned I can buy them permanently. Does that mean I can bring them with me each time you pull me into this shitshow?"

Yep. Looks like limit is one boon right now, so you pair the best thing on your roster and hope it works.

If he was sent back to earth and pulled back here at intervals, given a random boon to work with at the start of each round - then the game's main loop was completing enough quests to buy abilities that were worth keeping to compliment or fix up whatever he randomly got.

The bigger issue was if the game was made to be balanced or not. What if another player just happened to get and buy a strong boon early on to run around with? They'd snowball far beyond anyone else stuck like him with a weak boon.

No there had to be more control over his destiny and direction. And the only direction he could think… "What else can I use the coin for Play?"

Anything, probably. I got a small list already but I can take custom orders. Put in the request, and the system tells me the price.

Ah. It was an exercise in creativity too. Then, he knew what to ask: "How much to guarantee I get a good boon next round?"

Looks like you'd need to specify the general aim you got, and it goes from 10 coins and upwards the more specific you get.

Could be worth it. If there were multiple rounds in the future, all he needed was to land one overpowered boon and it could pay dividends in the future. On the other hand, if he didn't survive to see the other rounds…

"Fine. I want a weapon that can kill a god."

System says… 1,843 coins and it's yours, but it looks like a book lolol

Well, he hadn't been literal with his request, more just testing things out. But he filed that under his mental notes. If he could ever find a way to farm coins out of this system, he was going to murder a few deities.

"Got a cheaper weapon for right now?"

Plenty, gotta be more specific though ┐(￣∀￣)┌

As much as a gun or shotgun would be great, that just wasn't going to save him for long if it ran out of ammo. A crossbow or sling might mean he got some ranged hits out with possible reloads, but given the number of skeletons after him... he needed a hoard clearing weapon that never ran out of ammo and would always be ready to use. "An axe or something. But it has to cut through the skeletons even with my stats using it."

Seven coins and it's all yours~

"Can I get like a mini-axe for just one coin?"

Sure.

That felt too easy. "…Can it still cut through skeletons?"

Probably not lol, but it is an axe bought with a system coin so better quality than regular.

"Fine, fuck. Better than nothing, do it."

Annnnd… done.

Relief came out of his breath. He waited for the transaction.

"Where's the axe?"

You gotta make it up to where I am buddy to actually buy it. Them's the rules. (￣ω￣)

Wade cursed, "And where exactly are you?"

Don't worry, the system will give you an opportunity when you get out.

When he gets out? "You're telling me I got to get out of the dungeon crawling with skeletons, just to get a weapon so I can survive in the dungeon crawling with skeletons?"

Play sent back a massive thumbs up emoji, once more written with characters Wade had no idea even existed.

Fine, no help there. At least he wanted to see what these coins were.

"Inventory." Wade whispered.

Unfortunately, no inventory appeared. He tried a string of other possible words. "Bags. Gear. Equipment. Storefront."

Storefront coins: 1

The textbox remained in his face, taunting him. "That's great, I want it out here now. Please."

No answer. He swiped his hand through the text and it vanished with nothing in his hands. "Wallet. Bank. Piggybank. Personal bank? Fuck you, give me my goddamn money!"

Language Michael! What's the poor system done to deserve that?

"Everything." He hissed. "I want my money. Also it's goddamn Wade, not Michael. Nobody calls me by my full name."

Not what it says on your stat screen Michael ~

He was about to argue back, but he heard a deep snap from the hole. They must have broken through something big. Maybe even through the keystone itself. He went quiet. The only other sound down here was his rapid breathing.

As he steadied himself, he started hearing one more sound down here in the darkness.

Something skittered over rocks. Wade froze. Another infected rat? Or something worse? Had his whispering attracted it? It sounded small, but small things didn't mean less deadly. Could even mean the opposite. So it was probably something worse given his luck.

He slowly turned around in the cramped tunnel and stared into the darkness beyond.

"Identify."