Random Update/Author Thoughts/Mechanics of Fiction (Patreon)

That thing I've been working on? The thing that wasn't quite clicking, but I had a minor breakthrough and now I'm turning the Alpha readers loose on it? I'm going to call it Project Abilene for now. (H/T Warren Ellis for the naming scheme, which I am shamelessly stealing from his newsletters.)

Anyhoo, the first really key bit of feedback I got on the first few chapters was that it reads "Like the author is really depressed." Which... you know... I'm not. And that's a real problem, because people generally don't want their progression fantasy books to be cripplingly depressing. Worse, it's also not the kind of book I wanted to write.

So. What to do? I want to keep true to my original vision- an opening focusing on intense feelings of alienation, isolation, etc., but I also don't want that to be the only thing people get.  If I keep hitting you over the head with "EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE" you quickly stop paying attention. You know everything is terrible. You accept that this is the default state. Your brain is now looking for something different.

It took me a few days, but reading over my draft, it hit me. There is literally a built in mechanic in the story that impacts how the MC feels and how he interacts with the world. It is, quite literally, one of the core mechanics. So the MC is actually having a nicer experience than I am writing! Alright, nifty. Now what? How do I turn that insight into something readable and fun?

The answer, as with most things, is "Be a better writer." When the MC is experiencing and feels awful, emphasize how terrible everything is. When things are better, find different details to focus on. Yes, the infotainment system on the rental car is busted. But the seats are surprisingly comfy, and sometimes the best thing is silence. Someone can be a miserable old bastard, or they can be curmudgeonly, or a character.

Since I have a mechanic that connects to mood, connect it to word choice as well. Bring the reader into the MC's head in an organic, invisible way. You don't need me to say "He was feeling great!" when you read about how much he is enjoying his cheapo motel room.

Slight problem- I will have to SIGNIFICANTLY rewrite the first ten or so chapters. Bigger problem- I will have to be very disciplined and careful with the writing going forward. I will, in fact, have to Git Gud. Now... should I describe this as a major chore, or an awesome chance to get better as a writer?

Hmm...

P.S. The Hemingway quote is a bit of self depreciating humor. Hemingway was an all-time great, but he was also, in his way, an absolute snob. This is a guy who despised F. Scott Fitzgerald's writing. Including Gatsby, East of Eden, all of it. The fact that he and Fitzgerald were both friends and rivals never fails to delight me. And if you are very, very good, I will tell you an absolutely, STAGGERINGLY cursed story about the two of them.