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The Happy Snerd Discussion Roundup Post (Patreon)

Published:
2024-11-20 17:30:01
Imported:
2026-06

Content

This is the spot for comments, feedback, what you liked and didn't like. The number one question for me, of course, is "Do you want to find out what happened next?" "Is this something you would recommend to someone else?" and, most of all, "Why?"

Thank you for helping out!

Comments

Jon Davis

Ch1 Thoughts: Chapter 1... was a bit on the confusing side. Snerd is an interesting protagonist, but his interpretation of the world around him is not fully revealed to us in a way that will make it easy to empathize with his circumstances. I felt that we were moving from snapshot to snapshot of individual scenes without getting the middle bits clearly detailed, and it leaves me feeling like I've continuously missed a step on the staircase. Possibly this will be better on a rewrite. As for Snerd himself... a bit on the suffocatingly depressive side of things, without much of the tongue in cheek charm of your other protagonists I've seen so far. Not inclined to go much further on his story as of now, though I'll try it again on the reboot

Jon Davis
>>155897113

On a second glance through, the real issue seems to be everything post-white room. It's a dream sequence of sorts but it absolutely needs more detail and attention on the dreamlike elements, as opposed to the quiet and strange dream acceptance you'd normally feel with strange things. A single sentence related to his limbs falling off, for instance, when it's a critical part of the next whole section of the chapter, just doesn't cut it from a readers perspective, too jarring and abrupt

Zaeron

This is, uh, hm. This is a tough review for me to write. I'm sorry if it comes off as rude, or shitty, I'm not trying to sound that way. I almost deleted this entire critique because I felt like I was being rude, but... I don't know. If you think this is rude, please feel free to just mentally discard everything lol. It's meant from a place of liking your work. This felt very same-y. It doesn't have the energy of your Cthulhu cultivation novel - it's just another novel about a depressed, damaged dude who has no connection to anyone or anything floating around the universe while things happen at him that are confusing, dreamlike, and broadly horrific. It's the exact same energy that your prison novel, and slumrat, and weeaboo bring. And to be clear, each of those is slightly different - the emphasis is on different syllables - but they're the same book in my eyes. I feel like you are trying to explore something specific and you keep taking different stabs at it from slightly different angles and not 'hitting the mark'. But the more often you do it, the more stale it starts to feel to me? It feels like you're stuck in re-shoots, and you keep trying to make the shot work, but in reality every version is just the same damn shot and it's saying the same damn thing. Just in a very slightly different tone of voice. I get that existential horror is kind of your niche, but like there's only so many ways to poke at the existential horror of being alone in a universe of porcelain dolls. Slumrat leaned on it super hard with the "reality is not really real" thing and the blessings of the forest that made him literally not exist to people less real. Weeaboo is a story that LITERALLY only has one real person in it even after two entire books. The solarpunk book is a half dozen chapters in and the only interaction with another character was a guard shoving food through a slot in a door. It's starting to feel worn. Everything about this is insanely well written - you continue to improve stylistically and even without a final editing pass everything flows and works. The action is good. The dreamlike sequences felt appropriately dreamlike to me. The magic with the cards was weird but understandable. Everything works. I'm just not sure I want to read another book about a dude with no friends in an empty, hollow world where behind every cardboard cutout lurks a gross, lonely monster.

Avery Aderyn

Oh that was wonderfully absurd. So very confusing and I want more. I do think we need more at the beginning so that we can connect with Mortimer.

BurnNote

The opening of chapter one is a killer. "It was enough to break a man, and it did. Something in Mortimer snapped." Holy shit, I was hyped. But 'and so he drove off the highway and took a side road' is... not very exciting? It kind of feels like a waste of a fantastic setup. I kind of expected him to drive into a bridge pillar, or something on that scale. But my main issue is Mortimer. He's a sack of sad, everything around him is sad, his ambition is to keep treading water, and he's got no plans or ideas for improving things. He's not the kind of guy I want to spend time with (he seems like a whiner uninterested in solutions, and with him going "all these people here aren't actually people" I'm not going to give him the benefit of doubt). Depression is a topic worth writing about, but it's not one I'm going to read, I have depression at home. And becoming addicted to anti-depressants that you get for murder is a sidegrade, and doesn't do anything about his fundamental lack of agency. Now he's just being controlled by something else. I have the hope that at the end of chapter 5, now with the ability to do something, he'll actually do something, but there's still no motivation besides "get more feel-good drugs" in sight. I also feel like there's two and a half too many chapters of bug fighting, but frankly the story had already lost me there, and I was just skimming to see if I could be found again.

Matthew Dauber

I 100% want to find out what happens next, I quite enjoyed it, you got me hooked already

BurnNote
>>155914610

Actually, what is it with that puppet? Is that an American thing? Why is it an offensive stereotype? I mean, I'm pretty sure it's supposed to be an expression that the alien/god doing this doesn't get humans, and is kind of a condescending dick if they decide this is how they should talk to the locals. And on it's own, that could be cool. But it leads to the situation where the cast of characters, in order of prominence, consists of 1) a sad sack who thinks the people in the area aren't worthy of the title of person, 2) an offensive stereotype puppet about the people in the region, 3) two asshole preachers who only escape the offensive stereotype accusation because they're unfortunately real 4) number 1s highschool bully, who after some consideration is be the most sympathetic person. At this point I'm not sure he actually bullied Snerd, and didn't just say "sorry, I don't want to hang out". Thinking that everyone in Kansas isn't a person is a dick move, but A) Snerd might just be projecting his own opinion and B) it's not like the rest of the story disagrees. Everyone either thinks Kansas sucks, is a stereotype about how Kansas sucks, or both.

WarbyPicus
>>155912646

Actually, that's exactly the kind of feedback I need. Thank you. I'm going to really think about that point, and it's the exact reason I wanted beta readers for this story.

WarbyPicus
>>155914610

Thank you for the detailed feedback, this is exactly the kind of information and perspective I needed.

WarbyPicus
>>155917019

It gets kind of bonkers, but in hopefully a good way. Thank you for reading and sharing your feedback!

BurnNote

Another thought: How much prominence do you want to give the alien? With the current setup, conflict with it is going to loom over the entire story, which restricts what it can be about. And the source of power also being the source of the problem (or using the same power and being way, way ahead) is a tough one to resolve well, because at some level it requires the source of the problem to be kind of dumb. Which is possible to do well (Worm did it), but difficult. Or you need to find a different win condition, but if the book is about improving things by fighting (even if it only improves for the main character) (if this book isn't about fighting, then there's definitely too many bug fights here, it's already 50% at least), then the final resolution being to not fight is also hard to pull out. Not impossible, and you're one of the writers I'd believe could actually pull it off, but it's certainly an effort, and something that requires setup from the start. The alien is also kind of muddled. It seems to want to help, but it's also kind of a dick. It's super powerful, but incompetent at actually reaching it's goal. It's super early, so that might get resolved, but my first impression is that things are pulling in seperate directions.

BurnNote
>>155921059

As more of a personal preference: In most cases spending too much effort on justifying the premise is detrimental, and grows into a plot tumor, and I'd prefer if they just didn't. This is especially the case for any system story, where an overly active system (which is a fairly low bar) can quickly take over the story and agency. But it applies to any prog fantasy, and really anything with supernatural powers (or any transmigration story with a ROB). In my opinion, for most stories it's better to just take it as a given part of the premise. Why does a radioactive spider bite give you powers? Shut up, it just does. You absolutely can have a story where an alien hands out power and makes people fight bugs. That can be cool. But then an important part of the story has to be about why it's doing that, and what we should do about it. From the description in the announcement, I don't get the impression future Snerd actually does. It gave me the impression that it's about Snerd having a good time while everyone else does not. Him vs World, not Him vs God. And in that context, an alien who shows up, info dumps that shit is about to go down and he tried to help but humans were just too thick, so this is the last ditch effort before he fucks off either way, would be a better option, because there's lingering plot thread with that. Of course, if the alien is supposed to play a bigger role and it's not about Snerd having a good time as emphasised by everyone else's bad time, then maybe reconsider the description? Those two things have different audiences, and going in expecting one but getting the other will just leave them disliking the story. Though it is totally possible others have a different read on the story description.

Pineapple
>>155923757

Most of the real feedback I have has already been presented by others. I’ll think on whether I have anything unique to say. But I think any criticisms I could levy have been well covered.

Avery Aderyn

To tag onto what Zaeron said I think your writing would benefit from a new type of MC. You've done a great job of analysing how the average guy is disconnected and you should try exploring how someone with a different background experiences it. (Ahem, queer folk. I'm biased)

AnthraxRipple

On the one hand, I don't know that I've read enough to have strong opinion on the story, but I think that may be telling in of itself? I didn't get a strong impression on where this was headed. I think the direction is "Power Fantasy, and That's concerning for everyone else," but I'm running entirely off characterization for that. The Worms, the void space, and the puppets felt relatively unimportant and replaceable in comparison to Mort himself. If that's the intention, then I think I would have preferred an extra chapter following him outside rather than more combat. The combat itself just didn't ever feel as interesting as watching the changes Mort's thoughts were going through. While the voidspace wasn't particularly grabbing me this go around, the writing itself did a solid job conveying the space without getting bogged down. I'm also looking forward to seeing you write something set the modern world. Additionally, the characterization of Mortimer was really on point. That first line about him breaking, and then all of imagery of the "Gray" hit pretty hard for me. On a complete side note: While this is probably not the story for it, I really miss having the long term characterization that To the Far Shore and The Sinews of War were able to provide to the rest of the cast. It can be exhausting to read through all of these protagonists that are so thoroughly isolated.

Nord

Hmm, how to say this. I really enjoyed the story until the "doll" appeared in chapter 1. My enjoyment went downhill from there, and I really liked the story to that point. Maybe it's because I haven't a clue what it's supposed to reference or it's weird speech pattern. I get that its supposed to be a confusing/irritating/enraging existence, but for me it "If I encountered this story in the wild I would drop it" rather than "this is interesting, let's continue."

Ash M

I felt that the "Orb gives a full heal" mechanic lowered the stakes a lot for me. One of my favorite moments in 'The Dark Tower' was when Roland lost fingers in his gun-slinging hand in the beginning of his first book. It's so cool imo because he spends all of the series without those fingers, and there are so many moments when he really would have found them useful, but they're not there. Idk, watching Morty fight while slowly getting chipped away, or even once losing something significant before getting wiser might be a good idea.

Ash M

Puppet encounter: While it is interesting to have God's Angel be a hick sock-puppet, the tone feels... Off? Dissonant, but not the fun kind of dissonant. I wish it was a character that made me go "I wonder what their deal is." I wish the same about the worms too. "Generic lvl1 opponent" is good, but RL earthworms have some really interesting and creepy mechanics: they are hermaphroditic and copulate weirdly, they can regenerate from wounds and repair their DNA, their cocoons are cool and they really hate nitrogenous fertilizers. That sounds like the possibility for some really cool worldbulding, which imo would be better than the "tubes with teeth" version.

Galenorla
>>155948804

I'm pretty sure the bugs were meant to be tardigrades, not worms.

AN

All I can say is that I'm definitely less invested in the protagonist. He hates his life, he hates himself, and he hates the world. Why should I want or care if he gets more powerful? I think your other characters had a drive that made me care more. 'Protect the Sibs', 'I will break this dystopian world that will kill me and lobotomizes/enslaves everyone else'

JTP

I liked a lot about it. The description of Kansas and the post MBA struggle was good. The MC almost immediately descending info insanity was solid. It reminded me strongly of "A Gamers Guide to Beating the tutorial". The magic training was interesting, but I feel like it didn't pay off in the chapters we had. I also feel like the lack of other characters is a downside. One of my favorite things in your writing is interaction with other characters. Truth's conversations with Merkovah, and the mini system were just literary crack. Liam's conversations with Crusher Jim in particular were quite good. The lack of something similar is definitely a complaint . Overall, I would definitely keep reading it. But I would probably let it few chargers build up jkk

WickedlyDesigned

Having read through the previous comments, I haven't seen a mention of the more esoteric healing effect of the cores, and I feel like that's going to be a core mechanic of the story. Knowing you and your previous stories, I expect core energy to become a cultivateable thing, breaking the idea of 'external drugs cause addiction while breaking depression'. I actually expect Mortimer to significantly grow and change due to this healing, and would love a chance to see how that plays out - but my basic expectation is that it serves as a wake up opportunity to take charge and develop the agency that depression has robbed him of. How many rounds and fall backs it takes is a different question, but something that I put in the tactical pile instead of the strategic one I'm currently talking about. In this way I quite like Mortimer, not because of who he currently is, but who I expect him to end up as. I'm also interested in where you plan to go with the memory based, well, keys or anchors I expect them to end up as, but we've barely had glimpses of those. Overall, I really liked the story, and I actually have people I want to/plan on showing it to.

Ash M
>>155948804

Thanks for the correction! I didn't notice this.

João Vene

I loved it, and would really enjoy more. Mortimer is great, and the glimpses into his life, into why he would go along with the insanity so easily, was very well done and left me wanting more. The only real criticism I have is the card power thing. Is the intent for him to get a power that unshuffles blue cards? Is this something he'll develop into a more useful thing? Why not have him use it to help kill the bugs? No idea how you unshuffle a deck in such a way a bug dies, but if he's using the powers to do something during the bug hunt chapters, the impact when he buys a deck and tries it after he wakes up would be much better, I think

ioajfidsnmfomds77

I only read the first chapter. Morty having the nerve to call anyone else an NPC is hilarious and not in a good way. I just don't jive with a protag who doesn't care about anything. It feels like going to a concert only to have the lead singer phone in the performance. Or watching your favorite team win the big game and the post-game interviewed player isn't happy. If the MC is a broken unlikable person why am I excited to see his journey?

ioajfidsnmfomds77
>>155914610

I think the Kansas thing is just the availability of a low hanging fruit and easy punching bag. Kansas is just fly-over country with corn farmers who voted for Trump after all. They aren't people Reading about Mortimer reminds me of when I was forced to read about Holden Caulfield from The Catcher In The Rye in school.

Proudfeets

I really did enjoy these chapters. Pretty sure I'll enjoy the book as a whole. My two cents: 1) IDK how the first chapter will be received by audiences at large. The head-snap from realism to WTFville is very stark. People who dig the first part are likely to be put off by the second, and vice versa. 2) Scenes with the dummy are weird, and not in a good way. It's kind of hard to tell what's going on in them and what the deal with the psychic powers is. And as I'm sure you've gotten the feel from other comments, Mortimer Snerd is not the kind of reference most Millennials or younger will get without being outright told, "That banal dummy was my namesake, and I'd been teased about it my whole life." 3) Plot threads seem disjointed. Morty gets Romani Ranch'd to talk to his spirit animal and is given psychic powers. Then he's teleported to M.C. Escher land and starts murdering aliens without any real connection to the dummy scene until the end, when he's suddenly back with the dummy for a couple lines of vague dialogue. The individual components are good, but the connection between them feels tenuous. 4) Mortimer. I like him. I like that he starts out as broken and accepting of the fact. Much like Liam in Weeaboo, it makes him a very relatable character. His snapping from the problems in his life being to pull off from the interstate onto a side road is just the perfect encapsulation of impotent desperation. 5) Healing through addiction is possibly the most unique concept I've come across in a story on RR. Possibly in a story, period. All-in-all, I like it. Most of the issues I have with it are things that seem like they'll be worked out later on. The first five chapters alone would probably hook me in through at least the next 10-15. Whether I kept reading from there would depend on how much was clarified in those next chapters. But, from what you've given us so far? Yeah, I'm definitely down to read more!

Aramis

I was curious by the end and want to see more but I agree the early chapters are a lot weaker. Without wanting to be harsh I do think its also that beginning are something that are a bit weaker across your work. But once you get going it always fascinating.

João Vene

A few months later: it occurs to me that the puppet scene is very similar to the abduction scene in DanDanDan. Not sure if that's a negative? Given how many of warby's fans are also unwashed anime watching weeks, it might get some comments