Chapter 532 (Patreon)

The Ancient One was kind enough to give us a ‘ride’.

Not that I couldn’t manage on my own, but I didn’t want to go through the effort when I didn’t know the exact location.

Oh, and she was kind enough to help us with the whole ‘money’ issue. That is, I traded them some gold for currency here in various countries.

I was happy, it’s been a while since just Jeanne and I have been off doing something fun.

And something I didn’t immediately realize but made sense in hindsight, Jeanne had never been to a desert before if not counting her time in the Grail War. But during that point, she would absolutely refuse to ‘indulge’ in any ‘fun’ or anything like that while she was working.

The time she spent traveling through Romania, she did with single minded focus.

One of the first things she did was kneel down and touch the desert sand with such a cute look.

“It’s a cactus!” She said excitedly, noticing said plant not far away and running towards it.

I didn’t even have it in me to tease her. Seeing her so happy and excited just soothed the soul and was too cute to watch.

As I got closer, she let at me with a pout, holding her finger. “It pricked me.”

There was no actual blood drawn or even an indication that she was ‘hurt’, she was a Servant afterall. Regardless, I gently took her hand and gave her a little kiss on the finger, much to her chagrin.

“Didn’t get the chance to check out the Cacti in Romania?” I asked.

Jeanne shook her head. “I was too busy. And most of the time I spent traveling through the desert portions was from hitchhiking. But the few I did see were…smaller.” Her smile returned. “I’m just happy I can enjoy it now!”

It really is just the small things.

“You want to try it?” I questioned.

“....You mean like eat it?” She looked at me.

“Yup.”

It took her a moment, but she puffed up cutely like she does. “You’re teasing me!”

I couldn’t help but chuckle, rubbing her head. “Come on, let’s go check out the town. Small towns in the states like this can can be rather charming.”

She skipped to my side as we got back on the main road, the town ahead was not even five minutes of walking away.

Though, once we got closer, I came to a stop because we were standing right infront of the big ‘welcome’ sign. It was worn from time and the elements, but the name of the town stood out and I didn’t know how I should feel about it.

The Ancient One didn’t really give us any details, not that we asked.

But maybe I should have guessed if she dropped us at a small town in the middle of New Mexico.

“What’s wrong?” Jeanne looked back at me and at the sign. “Do you recognize this place?”

“Los Alamos.” I read it for her. “It’s the sight of where the Nuclear Bomb was developed.” The Manhattan Project and all of that.

“Oh.” Her eyes widened slightly.

Truthfully, for people like us, it didn’t hold much significance, but you could never be too careful about certain things.

It just added a bit of mystery as to why we were here in the first place.

Regardless, we were basically sightseers, no need to worry about anything.

I offered my arm to her. “Shall we?”

Jeanne smiled beautifully, grabbing my arm as we walked into town.

Though, I had to somewhat urgently nudge her to the side as a bunch of cars rolled up. I would admit it was our fault for being technically on the road, but they were driving rather aggressively.

And getting a good look at they passed, they were all black SUVs or armored vehicles. Granted, the armored aspects were decently hidden at first glance, but I had pretty good eyesight.

Bullet proof glass too?

Government agency of some acronym no doubt.

In the middle of the ‘convoy’ of totally-not-government vehicles, there was a window down and a middle-aged man tilted down his sunglasses and met my gaze as they passed.

I gave him a wave. And Jeanne seeing me do so, she also waved genuinely at him.

I could see him blink as if he was confused about something, but the vehicles didn’t stop.

I suppose we must look a bit out of place. I was wearing…well, my normal clothes. Jeanne was wearing her normal clothes too, and she looked a bit more ‘normal’ in that sense. 

Something fun was definitely happening here!

“The people here are really nice.” Jeanne commented as we moved a few blocks down. “They all smile and greet us as we pass.”

“Good ol’ Southern Hospitality.” I nodded. “One of the charms of these kinds of places.”

“It has the same feeling as the village I grew up in. Everyone knows everyone.” Her head was bouncing back and forth, watching everything closely as we walked by.

There was a store with a big clock in the window and I noticed the time just as I saw something else that piqued my interest.

“Why don’t we get breakfast?” I asked, gesturing to a diner across the street.

“I’d love to!” She said happily.

“First trip to the states, we need you to get a taste for the food.” I was not quite as much of a glutton as Artoria, but if you put food in front of me, it was going to disappear.

The bell rang as we went inside, and it had that 90s feel to it right away. Like a relic of a lost era, I immediately loved it.

Silently, I led Jeanne to an empty booth on the other side. Almost immediately a woman came over and dropped a couple menus in front of us. “What can I start you off to drink with, hun?” She looked at Jeanne.

“Oh, um…” Jeanne fumbled slightly. “Do you have any juice?”

“Orange or Apple, sweetheart.”

“Orange Juice please.”

She nodded. “And what for you?” She looked at me next.

“I’d like an orange juice too, but also get us both a coffee, black please.” I didn’t ask for additions since I carried those with me.

I was particular about both my tea and coffee.

“Ya know what ya want to order yet, or do ya want some time?” Her southern accent was rather clear.

“Well, this is her first time in the states. Unfortunately, she grew up in France so her perception of good food was limited. Anything you recommend? I wanted her to get the big American breakfast experience.”

“There’s nothing wrong with French food!” Jeanne defended. 

The waitress smiled, I noted the name tag that read Myrtle. “Don’t worry, dear. I’m sure we can get you some proper food. Ya need to put some meat on them bones.”

“Oh, she has plenty of ‘meat’ in the right places.”

“Neh!” She reached across and smacked my arm.

I chuckled, closing the menu. “Just double up on whatever you get her, I’m sure it’ll be good.” I waved my hand casually.

“I’ll start with yer drinks first, and I’ll put an order in for the big breakfast. Tell me if ya want anything special when I come back.” She said goodnaturedly before walking away.

It really is one of the most welcoming places I’ve ever been to. There are places like this in a lot of countries, small little encoves where the people will literally give you the shirt off their back even if you’re a complete stranger.

I happened to glance out the window and noticed something across the street and perked up. With a little smile, I sneakily took a piece of paper out of my storage and wrote a quick note on it before storing it, and a few hundred dollars inside the menu, with the note peeking out slightly so the waitress would find it.

Jeanne wasn’t looking, more so marveling at everything as all of this was a completely new experience.

I didn’t interrupt her. I just propped my chin up with my hand and my elbows on the table, finding it fun to see her so excited.

Eventually, she turned to me in confusion. “What?”

“Hmm?”

“Y-you’re looking at me like that?” She flushed slightly.

“I just enjoy seeing Jeanne happy.”

Her lips trembled and she seemed to grab her large braid, fidgeting with it as her cheeks flushed a deeper red, looking away from me completely.

Our Waitress came back as another set of people came into the diner. “Danny, your booth is open. Want yer regular?”

“Ya know what I like, Myrtle.” A man in a flannel shirt plopped down in the booth right behind me. 

She placed our drinks down and I used just a tad of magic to obscure the plethora of extras to get my coffee just how I liked it, gesturing to Jeanne that she’s welcome to anything.

The Waitress grabbed our menus and I was paying a bit more attention because I was hopihng she would notice the note, but she began talking to the man behind us.

“I heard you and the boys were out playing around with that fallen piece of satellite all last night and now you just had the fear of god put in ya.” She leaned against the back of the booth.

“Damn government spooks. They came in and grabbed all of us. Damn Tommy got a few days behind bars cause he punched one of them lot. They had us answerin questions ‘bout the thing all night. I just got out of there and hadn’t eaten in forevea.”

“It’s just a piece of satellite debris, what’s there to ask about?” She shook her head.

“Nah, Myrtle. Thats what them be saying, but aint no satellite piece like we’ve ever seen. Even with Bobby’s truck, we couldn't even budge the thing and it wasn’t even the size o’ a tire. And it looked like a hammer, slick and all. Something strange was happenin out there and they're covernin it up.”

Eventually, the waitress went back behind the counter.

She seemed to notice my note and met my gaze and I gave her a small smile and I wasn’t concerned any longer.

Though I did turn around. “Excuse me, Sir. Did you say something about a satellite piece?”

The man in the flannel shirt turn around. He looked at me strangely, furrowing his brow. “Ya new around here, don’t recognize ya.”

“We were passing through, our car had a problem and we had to drop it off at the mechanic.” I made up an excuse on the fly.

“Was it Ricky’s you dropped it off at?” 

“I…think that may be it? It sound familiar.”

He seemed to ease a little and nodded. “That’s good then. Ricky is getting older, but he still does good work. Only place in town that won’t over charge ya cause you’re from outside, even if he takes a bit longer these days.”

Well, that’s sweet, his first question was to make sure we weren’t getting scammed. “We’ll be around a few days while it gets settled.” I said rather vaguely.

“Ya got somewhere to stay? My sister’s got an extra room for you and the missus if ya need.” He looked at me and Jeanne.

Jeanne went stiff and red as she covered her face.

“It’s alright, me and the missus already got a place, but the offer is greatly appreciated.” I noticed the waitress snuck out and was walking across the street. “I was just curious about the satellite thing you mentioned?”

“Don’t think about tryin to go find it, son. The government’s all over it like roaches on manure. If they even seen someone tryin to get close, you can bet your ass that you’ll be tossed in a cell before you can count ta’ ten.” 

“Believe me, I don’t want to cause any trouble. I was just curious. Where did it happen?”

“ It was ‘bout ten miles out east.” He scratched his head. “Fell just a few days ago.”

“Huh, how about that.” I got what I needed and he just nodded like it was just some sort of normal town gossip.

Well, I knew where the supposed ‘thing’ was now that the Ancient One Mentioned.

Though, she made it sound like there was a lot going on, and so far, I hadn’t really seem much.

Oh well, we were in no rush.

The Waitress came back, she began to set dishes out infront of us. Quite literally, it was enough to fill the table.

My three favorite breakfasts were Japanese, English, and American. In no particular order, mostly just based on my mood.

Lastly, the Waitress put a potted Cactus on the table right infront of us. With barely a word of ‘enjoy’ she returned back to the kitchen.

Jeanne looked at the small Cactus in the pot then at me. “What’s this?”

I admit it was a little bit of a joke. “I thought you’d want one of your own.”

Her lips trembled again and her eyes softened as she grabbed and hugged the pot rather protectively, letting out some cute sounds.

Cute Jeanne noises were cute.

“I love it, thank you.” She said quietly, refusing to let it go.

I couldn’t help but smile. Happy Jeanne was more definitely best Jeanne.

@***@

I held Jeanne in my arms as we travelled across the desert. I was faster and it was easier to just hold her as I used Shunpo to travel the few miles out into the desert to find the anomaly.

Funny enough, she was still clutching her little cactus. She absolutely refused to simply ‘store it away’.

No, she was treating it like a newborn baby.

I didn’t know what she was feeling right now, but for some reason, it was utterly precious to her so I didn’t comment.

It didn’t take long to find the ‘crash sight’ as it had been described.

There was a bit of a crater and probably hundreds of people I could make out from a distance. Plenty of those completely black SUVs and lots of guards carrying rather big guns. Chain fences were up, barbed wire, and even guard posts high up that let them see everything around them.

Thankfully, I had the good sense to quickly weave an illusion around us just in case. Walking to the edge of the crater, I slid down until we reached the bottom.

“Uh, I don’t think we’re supposed to be here?” Jeanne said as I set her down, walking towards the fence.

“What makes you say that?” I pulled open the chains, still hiding our presence as I held a patch open for her to walk under.

“Will.” She pouted, but still went inside and I followed after her.

“Maybe the fence is to keep everyone inside. Did you ever think about that?” I asked her. 

She gave me a dry look.

Though it was hard to take her seriously because she was still hugging her potted cactus.

“I just want to take a look.” I spoke.

“Just looking?”

“I promise I have no intention of stealing anything nor harming anyone.”

“....I didn’t think you were going to hurt anyone, you didn’t have to say it like that.” She said softly.

“....what about the stealing part?”

She looked at me and looked away.

I smacked her butt, earning another cheek puff from her and a little stomp of her foot. I sliced open a hole in the strange tent they erected that covered most of the crater, holding the flap open for her again.

“I’m just saying – “ I moved out of the way of people – scientists – walking by. “That it’s mean to just assume that I’m here to steal something.”

Jeanne also pushed up against the side to let a couple guards pass by. “Wilhelm, I believe I’m entitled to say that I know you at this point. But if you would like an outside opinion, I can call any one of your lovers and ask them.”

“.....that’s cheating.” Another person dressed in a lab coat came walking by, carrying a stack of documents and other things. It began to wobble and nearly fall, but I caught it in time and made sure it stayed steady as he passed. 

She looked too smug.

“Alright, why don’t you go through the contacts and call Yasaka.” I just chose one of my girls off the top of my head. “Go ahead, I’ll wait.”

Jeanne stopped and looked at me, lips trembling against before she started waving her Cactus at me. “Neeeeeeeeeh!” She couldn't read the names of the contacts.

It was one of those moments where I took a second to acknowledge the strangeness of my life.

I, a Devil, was being threatened by a Saintess with a Cactus.

I finally had to kiss her forehead to calm her down. And I was happy that a cactus couldn’t hurt me, otherwise my cheeks would be in quite a bit of pain right now.

Finally, we reached the proverbial center, and as we got close, I could feel whatever was on the other side.

Like a contained storm that wanted to be released. A significant amount of Magical Energy was being released and even the humidity and temperature in this little area was starkly different than even a few feat away.

Both Jeanne and I came to a stop as we found it.

A hammer, nestled into a small rock pedestal that had been carved and dug around.

Divine.

I could taste the lightning in the air.

“Is that fucking Mjölnir?” I wasn’t overly familiar with the hammer, but I had seen it up close when I was in Asgard. And it was hard to forget that kind of Divine Weapon.

This one though was….significantly different than the one I recall, just from looks alone.

“...you’re not allowed to take back what you said about stealing.” Jeanne looked at me sternly.

…dammit.

If I knew that fucking Mjölnir was abandoned here, I would have never made that promise.

Still, I approached it cautiously. I now knew why the Ancient One called it a ‘mess’ preemptively. One does not simply ‘lose’ a weapon of this caliber.

It was a ticking time bomb waiting to happen.

I made sure to reinforce the illusions around us because I was worried just the Hammer’s presence would shatter them.

Secondly, I reached out hesitantly to pick it up, but stopped myself. I remember that Thor had a belt and gloves that helped him. The Hammer will try to shock me, won’t it? For the strength part…well, I should atleast be able to lift it even if it’ll be unwieldy. As for it harming me….I coated my arms in lightning and grabbed it.

Putting strength into it, the hammer wouldn’t budge.

I was surprised, I was rather strong. Did it really require even more strength?

With a shrug, I gripped it again and put all of my strength into it, even casting Reinforcement and hitting my peak without summoning any other means.

Still, the Hammer wouldn’t budge.

I admit, I wanted to kick it.

However, I saw something curious, ont he side of the hammer, an array of runes lit up that caught my attention.

Actually, with a bit of effort on my part, I touched the hammer and could get all the Runes on the weapon to light up properly and become visible.

“Beautiful.” I couldn’t help but marvel. “What beautiful craftsmanship.” I was talking about the Runic arrays, I couldn’t comment much beyond the surface level of the actual forging. But there was something extra. “There’s something specifically written onstop of all the Runes and Enchantments.”

“Something written?” Jeanne leaned in. “What does it say?”

Runic speech wasn’t super precise. But you could almost always make out what was said if you were adept at it. “Whosoever holds this hammer, should they be worthy, shall possess all the power of Thor.”

“....that…” Even Jeanne was blinking in surprise. “...is odd.”

“Yeah.” I agreed with her. “But this Runic array!” I ignored the oddities in favor of the Runes. “This is perfect. I can see how they’re woven, and it’s absolutely perfect for me to copy!” For my sword, I was still theorizing what Runes to carve on the wood. “I can easily steal some of this for myself!”

I stood up immediately and my mind raced. I found myself pacing back and forth as all the new thoughts filled my brain.

Sudden inspiration sometimes came at the most random of times.

“Uh…Will?”

A whole array dedicated to facilitating a copy of a god’s power for a mortal. Oh, it was complicated, but oh so beautifully done.

“....Will?”

It’s exactly what I needed for the Mystic Code I was going to craft. I just needed to tweak it so that I can create false copies of my swords, bestowing them with the same power as – “

“Will!”

I jerked my head back to Jeanne as she called out to me with a strange urgency in her tone.

She looked at me silently, but worried and almost panicked. In one hand, she was holding her cactus, in the other, she held Mjölnir up for me to see with pleading eyes.

“How –” My words died because space twisted. I looked up and a funnel that disrupted space-time came crashing down with it a myriad of lights not too dissimilar to my Kaleidoscope in appearance, if more ostentatious.

It only took the blink of an eye for Jeanne to disappear, pulled through space by something I’ve never encountered before that took me completely off guard.

There was of course a huge commotion and people funneled into the room.

…..I just realized the little light show had shattered my spells.

A great many guns were pointed at me.

@***@

Heimdall, Watchman of Asgard POV.

It had been days since Thor had been cast out, banished and his power stripped away. He was cast down to Midgard to learn humility, patience, and kindness.

I have watched him as per my duties and I knew it would be longer still before he returned to his home on Asgard.

As per the orders of King Odin, I was not to open the Bifrost until his mighty Hammer was claimed once more.

Yes, even his calls to me in panic, in need, I heard them but ignored them all the same.

The Queen Mother also came to ask me about Thor in the days he had been gone, a mother’s worry always persisted even to gods.

She knew of course what Odin had done. When King Odin had cast Thor out for nearly causing a war between realms once more, she noticed the new Enchantment he placed on Mjölnir as he also cast it down to Midgard with the now banished prince.

Perhaps only us three were aware of the trial that Thor faced. 

And now that King Odin was forced into the Odin Sleep to recuperate his power, only the two of us remained conscious of it.

Not even Loki – as King Reagent in this period, was aware of his plans.

Yes, those carefully laid plans.

King Odin’s Wisdom was known even among the gods.

So…why was it that all the carefully laid plans were turned to ash as a mortal – but not mortal – woman stood in front of me, clutching Mjölnir in one hand and…..a plant in the other, looking flustered.

Despite what some may think, I do not see everything at all times. I need to focus, otherwise everything else is…..background noise as some may compare. One may peer out at a large beach and see the rolling dunes of sand. However, one must focus to notice each and every individual grain.

I followed my orders and opened the Bifrost once I noticed that Mjölnir had been lifted.

“Um….hello.” The young midgardian girl spoke to me.

“Greetings to you.” I tilted my head her way. “Welcome to Asgard, home of the Aesir Gods.”

“Ah….you must be Heimdall.” She said softly.

I blinked because….this was not how I expected her reactions to go. If I recalled, I believe we were regulated to myths and legends among the mortals….

“Oh, sorry, I was just surprised.” She shifted in place. “I’m Jeanne D’Arc, it’s nice to meet you.” She smiled warmly.

Just a few words, and I could tell that she was of a pure and kind soul. My eyes could see many things, and I could see why the Hammer allowed her to lift it.

“Well met, Jeanne D’Arc of Midgard.” I greeted her properly. 

Despite being a Midgardian, she lifted Mjölnir, thus she earned that much respect. Even if her nature was….escaping my gaze, which was also strange.

“Uh….um.” She shifted again, looking at the plant in her hand and the Hammer as if she were having trouble deciding. I raised an eyebrow as she seemed to put the Hammer down, almost ignoring it completely. “I didn’t mean to take this, am I in trouble?”

I found myself smiling. “I assure you, you are in no trouble.”

In fact, I am positive that the All-Father would be interested himself in meeting a Midgardian capable of lifting it after he put that particular Enchantment on it.

“I-if it’s no trouble, can I ask you for your help with something?” She asked rather shyly.

“What do you require assistance with, Lady Arc?” She was, afterall, a guest due to my own hand and it would take a few minutes before the Queen Mother was properly alerted to her abrupt presence.

I caught a glimpse of magic being utilized, piquing my interest even more. She took out a strange device and awkwardly shuffled closer to me. I believe it to be some sort of communication device at first glance. “C-can you read the names here and tell me which one says ‘Wilhelm’?”

@***@

A/N

Jeanne totally didn’t steal Mjolnir, despite what Wilhelm will forever say for now on.