The Substance (Patreon)

What if you could return to the you that you see in your mind's eye? The unchanging marble statue of youth with the perky pillows and cute caboose. How horny would you be then? Probably pretty horny. But don't forget, middle-aged you can be horny too. It's allowed.

Whether you're a coked up young slut or a busted old hag, you're still the same sexy chica, beautiful how u is. Someone out there is horny for you, and his name is me.  So there's really no need to deteriorate into a hideously deformed monster-mash, puking yourself into a pitiful piss-puddle of your own meat-broth and bone-brew. You did all that work for nothing.

I think that's the message of this movie. Butt what do I know? I'm just your friendly neighborhood Ass-Master and Tittie-Lord. Oh yeah, and I also happen to be some kind of movie reviewer I guess. But I don't tell people that. It's just a job. Ass and tiddy are my passion.

In fact, I ought to be pursuing that passion right now instead of barfing up these pointless paragraphs of poop. Fuck this fecal flavor-text. Watch the video and feel the festivity of my fine-eye for film. Not the brown-eye that spews this word-turd stew.