Resident Evil 2 On 70s Drugs (Patreon)

I am reasonably certain that this video is an abomination that must never be seen, but here it is. This is a documentation of a rare occurrence for me, a night on which i am simultaneously in a streaming mood, and a 70s drugs mood. 

This is a random stream i did of Resident Evil 2 at like 2:30 in the morning while legitimately high as a fucking kite. This is not a regular thing nor do i intend for it to be. This kind of retardation is a sometimes snack at best. 

Just to be clear, with very rare exception, nothing i've ever done to entertain you has ever been written, performed, or conceived while under the influence of anything but my own creativity and pain. There are a few old videos where i thought it would be funny to get drunk and ramble, but in all those cases it was explicitly stated to be the case in the video itself. 

The reason i clarify this is because i've spent my entire life getting comments like "ha ha how high is this guy" or "he had to be high to make this". It's infuriating. Uncreative, unfunny people can't fathom the reality of someone actually being creative or funny so they try to sweep your talent under the rug by dismissing it and giving the credit to drugs or alcohol.

I assure you that me being hilarious and creative, and constantly producing incredible, mind blowing shit that no one else would have ever conceived of let alone been able to pull off has never and will never be the product of being high or drunk or whatever. If anything the following video is proof of that, if only because it shows how utterly incapable i am of doing or saying anything coherent when i actually am high. Although frankly even then i'm still pretty cool.

Point is, nobody needs to speculate on whether or not i'm on drugs in all my videos or raps or anything else because if i was, i would say so, if for no other reason than to warn people that they're about to see something extra stupid, which i take no responsibility for, and should never be taken or considered as representing me in any way, just as i am warning you now. 

I am partly embarrassed by this video and partly amused by it. Either way I don't intend for it to be a common occurrence, because i don't like to mix business and pleasure. Especially when it runs the risk of feeding into people's retarded assumptions about me. 

Contrary to what people assume, i've never been a heavy or habitual drinker, smoker, or addicted to anything. I've never even been prescribed anything beyond painkillers for my ancient rickety bones. It's been a source of pride, having grown up around all that stuff, to have never been lured by it myself, much less fallen prey to any kind of dependency on it. Only in recent years have i allowed myself to be less uptight about altering my horrible brain, and still with great moderation.

It's embarrassing to even admit that in recent years i've added the occasional adderall-fueled day-of-godhood or edible-induced nightmare-coma into my life. But i'm sure what's embarrassing to admit for me is probably still extremely tame by the standards of most people. 

My belief about people in general has always been that i am in fact the only sober and sane person on this miserable planet, and that hasn't changed. I don't know why i even bother justifying myself to a populace that when not noticeably crippled by addiction or alcoholism are just as likely to be medicated into a plastic humanoid shell bearing little to no resemblance to the buried self they can't stand to be, or placated by screens and gossip to the point where they haven't had an original thought in decades. 

i'm a grown ass man, and i'm literally better and smarter than every other person on this planet combined, which gives me the heroic right to live by my own rules and no one else's, hence why i wear long socks with shorts and never capitalize my "i"s. i'm just being cool which means i can do whatever i want.

So what if once in a while i like to speed up my brain and walk around the city feeling like God, or have a couple drinks and go speed-dating to remind myself that i have more charisma and sex appeal than a Burt Reynolds Mustache on an Austin Powers chest, or bake my brain into an electric potato and try really hard not to think about the molten tar pit of darkness inside me while i wrap myself in a blanket burrito and ride the comfy train to Slowtopia, and so what if occasionally... not often but occasionally... i decide to take a detour on that train ride to talk into a microphone about how confused i am by these stupid ass newfangled pac-man video games. 

Look, I'm a simple man. All i really want in this world is to spend a month living in a Mexican whorehouse with a mountain of cocaine, and then spend a year on acid living alone in a forest, you know, to decompress from the whorehouse thing. That's the entirety of my bucket list, and once those boxes are ticked i can settle down in a regular house and be a regular person on regular prescription drugs like the rest of you pathetic nothings, and i will do so with no regrets.

But for now, i choose to spend what little spare time i have laying in the dark and flipping the coin of whether this week's batch of 70s drugs will make me feel somewhat relaxed, or make me feel the presence of Satan. This particular night, i could feel the dark one thrashing inside me with such intensity that i simply had to distract myself by streaming a video game. It was the only way to get my brain-train back on the rails, and the face-lifted familiarity of a lost childhood's Raccoon City Police Station acted as my comforting constant to keep me from sinking into the black and terrible Hell of my own mind. 

I promise this is not some digibro-ass arc of me becoming some big time drug dude, so don't flip out. It's nothing frequent, and i don't even even like it half the time because it makes me see demons and think deeply about how unhappy i am. I can deal with one or the other but not both. 

There. Now that my requisite lengthy padding of my Patreon posts to seem worth your investment has manifested as a defensive tirade about my late-blooming drug use in a video that's probably not even as bad as i think it is, and most likely indistinguishable from my regular sense of humor had i simply not said anything, i can finally shut up and let you just watch the damn video.

Here is a brief rundown of some of the psychedelic silliness this video contains. Be prepared for a whole lot of...

-me not knowing where the fuck to go even more than usual

-me being actually afraid of stuff

-somehow being completely unfazed by Mr. X and handling it like he was nothing

-a bunch of weird bits and characters that all go on for an absurdly long time and hopefully will never return. 

-my reoccurring grudge-match with Mr. Raccoon the collectible statue. 

-endless variations of the phrase "cocksucking motherfucker" or "motherfucking cocksucker"

-talking to the taxidermy animals

-staring at documents for an infuriatingly long time

-me not getting that the crazy taxidermy man was calling the girl he killed a "pig, 22 years old", and thinking there was an actual 22 year old pig. 

-The grand reveal of my "dearly" joke. 

and last but certainly most...

-Dark. So much dark. Thanks to a combination of the game already being dark as shit and my rendering settings which are also dark as shit and i'm too lazy/stupid to ever change.

This was a 2 or 3 hour stream I think, but i have mercifully cut it down to 1 hour and 5 minutes. Whether this can be called "highlights" is up for debate, but believe me when i say it's a mercy. Were i less sadistic it probably could have been cut down even more, but that would mean watching it again and thinking about it more and even I'm not that much of a masochist. I've already watched it twice and lived through it once, and that's more than anyone should. 

There are other Resident Evil 2 videos coming from me and in most of them i'm actually lucid. But for now, it's nonsense. You get nonsense. You're gonna listen to my nonsense and you're gonna like it because if you don't eat your meat you can't have any pudding. 

Crap, i watched it again just to write this stupid post.