Ay Mon It's me, Sebastian! (Patreon)

It's The Evil Within 2, which is like The Evil Within 1 but good. Some series take a few tries to find their footing, so the Evil Within 2 is like The Clock Tower 3 of 2's, or The Final Fantasy 4's of Evil Withins. 

As this series continues, the timeline of just what the hell i'm playing and when is probably going to get confusing, because i bounce back and forth between the first and second game. The result of this haphazard progression is you get to witness the evil within my own demented brain as this bi-polar series cleaves my mind into it's two predominant halves made manifest, raging psycho and giggling looney, like Doctor Jackass and Mr. Hee-Haw.

Actually it's more like 4 halves, i forgot the occasional lapses into Sarcastically Bored and Sebastian The Crab, the latter of which is new and hopefully will be forgotten before it escapes this series to become a real character. That's not an honor fit for just any old silly voice or recurring bit, just the really stupid ones. 

Recurring? Reoccurring? What the hell is the difference? I am perplexed by this redundant linguistic absurdity and therefore am mad now. 

Anyways this game is pretty good. It doesn't look like it yet because this episode is mostly... you know... the beginning part. You know how every game has to start with a slow-ass Disney World, Pirates of The Caribbean Ride through some gay bullshit for about an hour before the game starts. I suspect game developers do this to give you ample warning that you're about to embark on a video game, so you don't rush off into having too much fun too fast.

That's the real reason why kid's games today have lootboxes and shit. It's not to scam them out of their parent's money. It's to protect them from having too much fun by tricking them into doing homework. Half the game can only be accessed by setting up internet accounts and entering credit card information, and the other half is hidden away behind endless on-rails story-bullshit intro segments. 

My greatest nemesis in this world, the boring first hour of every game. And that's why X-Men 2: Clone Wars remains the peak of gaming. I've probably made that point before but i'm making it again. Boy I sure do love X-Men 2: Clone Wars. I'll show you what i mean someday, when i figure out the cyberpunk technomancy required to record footage of game consoles older than PS4. 

That could be a while, as my understanding of technology is perpetually cursed to be 20 years behind the curve. I only just discovered audio books last year and now i'm like Levar burton up in this bitch. But no one wants to have intellectually stimulating conversations about Nabokov anymore, they've all moved on to Tik Tok. Please read more so you can get how funny that joke is. It has layers. 

Or you can just watch me play video games and do silly voices for an hour. That's probably just as good. Sadly it's gonna take the world a few decades to fully appreciate the literary value of my life's work. Pearls before swine. This uncultured world remains as behind the curve on me as I am on the world, difference being that i'm worth knowing and the world isn't. 

I want my damn Mark Twain award and i'm not gonna stop being hilarious and culturally invaluable until i get it. "I'm a national treasure, damn it!" my ancient remains insist, screaming and farting dust as my boney knuckles pound the lid of my coffin in 2075, unaware that America perished 40 years ago.

Oh, also i want it on record that this was recorded before that god-awful Falcon and Winter Soldier show was released. They stole our "Black Falcon" bit. Hacks.