The Con-flabbed Conjuring 3, yippee. (Patreon)

The scary spooky bullshit quest to catalogue these crappy James Wan movies for no reason lurches along like a deteriorating husk. 149 movies down, 11,027 to go. The worst thing about subjecting myself to this trash is that at this point i've accidentally become semi-invested in this dumb universe. Not in the sense that i care what happens to the characters, just that i know who they are and that's more knowledge than i needed or wanted. 

I can't tell if this is the least bad one or if i've just grown accustomed to these movies to the point they can no longer actively cause me pain. A sort of numbness has come over me, i feel neither boredom nor excitement. I put these movies on and simply exist, in a way it has become peaceful, a comfort. 

Thereign hath lied the appeal of these films all along. They are a comfort, they provide no challenge or anything interesting. But they're competently shot and the characters have had time to grow on the audience, so they'll keep being made forever. There's not really anything wrong with that. I just personally find them intensely uninteresting.

However if there's one thing i will always find highly entertaining it's me, and i can confirm that these films' existence is justified well enough by how much i've enjoyed complaining about them. If you find my complaining even 1/10 as funny as i find it, then you're in for a tight 6 minutes of highly focused chuckles, and criticism so blatantly bad it has to be self-aware, right?

Guess that makes me the Malignant of horror movie reviewers. Did i do Malignant yet? That one was actually good.