January Review: Constantine (2005) (Patreon)

Some conflicts are so well known they transcend the ages, and the mediums of art within them. One of those conflicts is that endless war between good and evil, the forces of heaven and those of hell. But just because a story is well-known, doesn't mean you shouldn't explain it.

Constantine (2005) is in many ways incredibly nostalgic if you, like me, grew up with that early-2000s pulpy cinema. A time before the MCU and DCU and Dark Universe and every other cinematic universe, it was an age where movies had to stand alone. They had to stake their claim through punchy lines, visual interest, and the occasional unique concept. In some ways, watching Constantine (2005) ripped me back to the theater, catching the latest advancements in CGI in real time, and in other ways, I was bored.

Constantine (2005) is loosely based on DC comics character Constantine, though if you're at all familiar with the character (or are a fan of his somewhat recent fling with Zatana, as is his claim to fame in my household) it quickly becomes an "in name only" adaptation. The film presents a chain-smoking, chronically grumpy exorcist standing against the forces of hell. It's a simple enough premise, with lots of room to spread out into weird pieces of lore, endless names for side characters, and the potential for creative weaponry. Constantine (2005) often succeeds at exploring these corners, but its media-res approach to storytelling leaves everything beyond the Catholic imagery and biblical names up to an interpretation I didn't always feel equipped to provide as the audience.

Constantine (2005) would show me the titular hero fight a demon, then explain what he had done, only to name drop several anti-demon weapons he hadn't used and never explain their purpose. It would drop names like Beezelbub and Gabriel only for those characters to exit the movie for vast stretches and reenter, ranting as though they'd been feuding with Constantine on screen for an hour thirty. It would introduce a tag-along apprentice then banish him from the film until it was time for his heroic, somewhat unearned, sacrifice. This is not an entirely fatal flaw. "Show don't tell," is a rule of screenwriting for a reason, but on the occasions where I found myself lost it was as though I had pulled off the road to change a tire while the film raced ahead. All I wanted was for the movie to take me along for the ride.

Griping about lore aside, Constantine (2005) scratches a very particular itch. In conversation with films like Blade (1998) and Hellboy (2004), though not quite as memorable, Constantine (2005) has a sense of morbid humor all its own. While not the flashiest it still has a cohesive style, understated, practical, and still somehow just a little over-the-top. It could stand to punch up its script and push the visual distinctiveness a little further, but what it presents will not leave you wanting. There are just enough middle-fingers-to-the-devil to keep you engaged with John, casting your gaze about the screen for his golden fire crossbow with holy water action.

The cast is full of strong performers, the perhaps too-stand-out being Tilda Swinton (Gabriel) as her presence does suggest an importance the character lacks until a certain reveal. Keanu Reaves brings his usual tough guy charisma, and you can't help but root for him even as he grumbles his way through the plot. How much of that is due to the quality of the character, and how much of that is due to the inherent charm of a young Keanu could certainly be up for debate.

Constantine (2005) invites us to live in a hellish world with John and go through another day in his life. It's a full world, of interesting people and connections, and if it would only let us into John's head, perhaps we could connect to those people as well. Despite the distance, the day is still an interesting one, and if you have a particular fondness for melodramatic, guiltless fun, it's worth a dance with the devil.

7 out of 10 Rats in Dresses