Bowzilla (Patreon)

 Hello all, here is our first offering for the month. March could be going better for literally everyone, but it looks like Bowser is having a great Macro March! Thank you all for your support, and enjoy! Stay tuned for Killer Croc.

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“BAHAHAHA! Lookit that, kid! Aw, those stupid army men never stood a chance. Oh! Oh! Look! They’re gonna try bombing him again! Ha! What, you think third time’s the charm, stupid? BAHAHAHA!” Bowser, the King of Koopas, beat his meaty fist against the arm of his couch. 

It was movie night in the Bowser Castle, when Bowser and his son sat down to watch something together. Last week it had been Bowser Jr.’s turn to pick something, and Bowser had been horrified when he chose some dumb musical about a Princess actually winning. There was some irritating snowman that also really grated his nerves, but his son rooting for a Princess and any sort of stupid fairytale kingdom to win was a sign to Bowser that his son needed good, wholesome role models, like Godzilla and King Kong. Watching a huge dragon-like creature destroying a big city was exactly the sort of image Bowser thought his son needed to develop. As the credits rolled, Bowser scooped up his son and tucked him into bed.

“Dad?”

“Mm, yeah?” Bowser grunted.

“Can I get a bedtime story?”

Bowser tried to hide a frown- movies always made him tired, and he was looking forward to some sleep himself. “Uh, yeah, sure kid.” The bulky dragon turtle settled down next to his bed. “So, lessee here…”

“I want one about Godzilla!”

“That’s the spirit!” Bowser grinned tiredly. “Alright, alright… so, once upon a time, Godzilla was mindin’ his own business when a buncha dumb plumbers-”

“Plumbers?” Bowser Jr. cocked his head.

“Yeah, plumbers kid, no one likes ‘em. Anyways, so a buncha dumb plumbers think that they can pick on Godzilla but… uh…” Bowser trailed off, starting to feel his eyelids heavy and almost nodding off.

“Dad?”

“Huh- what? Bah! Yeah, yeah, so anyways, these plumbers, see, they don’t like Godzilla because he’s bigger, stronger, and a lot more handsome than them. Just better all around, right? So anyways, Godzilla takes one look at these little twerps and bam! Plumber pancakes. And then Bowse- I mean, Godzilla lived happily after.”

Bowser looked over to his son, who was already deep asleep. “Heh, sweet dreams, kiddo. You better be dreaming about punching something, or… just do your old man proud.” He gently ruffled Bowser Jr.’s hair before creeping out of his room and closing the door. He let out a big yawn, but then his stomach started complaining. “Eh… I got time for a snack before bed.” He moved to the kitchen and began rooting through the fridge, thinking about a cake he had been saving for a special occasion.

“What… what the?!” Bowser snarled as he snatched an empty plate, with nought but a few chocolate cake crumbs on it. “Someone ate my friggin’ cake! Oh, I’m gonna kick so much ass for this!” He palmed his fist, small bursts of fire shooting out of his nostrils. Then, his stomach growled again. “...But first, I need somethin’ to eat.” He started rooting through the fridge again, and then his eye spotted something odd. He pulled out a red and white mushroom, the kind Mario ate, only far bigger than he was used to seeing as it was roughly the size of his head. 

“What the-? What’s this doin’ here?” He picked it up, catching a note attached to the stem. “Property of Kamek… experimental prototype… do not touch? Bah! That little poindexter needs to remember who’s king around here! My fridge, my food!” Bowser scoffed, biting into the mushroom. He ate it all in four bites, but was immensely disappointed: it had barely any taste at all. 

“Hmph. I’ll scorch the goombas tomorrow until someone tells me where my cake went,” he grumbled, and slumped off to bed.

“Uh… Your Mightiness? Your Furiousness? I-I do hate to bother you…” 

Bowser grunted awake, eyes blinking blearily until he focused on the figure of his court mage, Kamek, a koopa with large glasses and wizard robes. 

“Hngh? What time is it?”

“I-it’s noon, Your Well-Restedness.”

“What?” Bowser shot up. “You better have a good reason for wakin’ me up so early!”

“I-I only had to ask sir, if you ate the mushroom I left in the fridge!” Kamek squeaked out, holding up his hands.

“Yeah, I ate your stupid mushroom!” Bowser snarled, throwing off his blankets and stomping around his bedroom. “And it was awful! No taste whatsoever.”

Kamek nervously tapped his fingers together as Bowser shuffled around him, grabbing a bathrobe that was torn to ribbons over his spiked shell. “N-no, you don’t understand, sir, that mushroom was extremely unstable. Oh, I should’ve never left it in your fridge, I ran out of room in the lab, needed someplace to keep it cold… I was trying to enchant one to give you the same growth abilities Mario gets when he eats one for the first time, but I didn’t quite get it right and so the growth has almost no limit, and it’s activated by-”

Bowser waved him off, heading towards the window. “Yeah, yeah, interesting stuff, Kamek, but I got a busy day ahead of me, so just get a spell to fix all of this before I eat you next.”

“B-but sir! It’s activated by… erm. Sunlight…” Kamek’s voice trailed off just as Bowser flung the curtains aside and flooded the room with sunlight. The koopa mage then wisely disappeared in a puff of smoke.

“Woah…” Bowser heard a gurgling noise bubbling up from his stomach, but then it rose into his chest and arms, and down into his legs; It was like his blood was replaced with soda. He felt an enormous burst of energy that made it difficult to keep still, and every part of him was tingling. His arms tightened, his legs stiffened, and with each breath as his chest inflated, it didn’t recede. He looked down, and saw the floor starting to drift away from him as his back and limbs lengthened. The muscles on his arms tensed tighter, inflating like balloons. Soon, his shock of red hair was hitting the ceiling, his horns puncturing the plaster, then the spikes of his shell as he was forced to hunch over.

“O-okay, that’s enough!” he gasped, closing the curtains and shrouding himself in darkness again. Bowser sighed in relief, then looked down. His chest now jutted out past his muzzle with powerful bulk, and his arms were corded with thick, beefy sinew. “Heh… this ain’t so bad,” Bowser mused as he patted a flexed bicep the size of a wagon wheel. “Maybe I can find a Princess into really big guys, and- what was that?”

He heard an ominous crackling sound, and soon saw breaks in the stonework above him. With his spikes and horns poking through, the ceiling began to splinter and fall away, little pinpricks of sunlight falling on Bowser. Then he felt the same sensation bubbling inside him. “Oh, for the love of…!”

The ceiling caved in, and Bowser screwed his eyes shut as he was temporarily blinded by sunlight. He was starting to grow again, this time accelerated as he was exposed more and more. His head, then his shell, then his increasingly broad shoulders burst through. “Okay, if I still wanna have a castle, I gotta get outta here,” he muttered. Balling his fist, now roughly the size of a wrecking ball, he slammed it into the wall, sending bricks flying everywhere as he fought to break out of his own room. It was a small leap down to the ground from there, causing a shockwave as he landed.

Bowser Jr. was outside in the castle grounds, playing a game that involved a row of cannons, a spiked mace, and a row of increasingly nervous goombas. “Dad?” 

“Bah! Hey, kiddo, now ain’t the best time,” Bowser grunted. “W-why don’t you go inside, before I, uh... accidentally step on you.” He shook his head and clenched his fists, feeling all that pent-up energy build and build. His body was expanding in all directions as he was soon higher than the second stories and could see over the top of his own towers.

“I- I gotta- raugh!” Bowser let out a bellowing roar as he charged for the castle’s outer wall, rounding a shoulder the size of a hill as he became his own battering ram, just to give himself some room to breath. He glanced back as his chest swelled, pressing up against his chin and his triceps tightened and blossomed, the bulging muscles of his thighs billowing in a bid just to support all of his immense, scaly bulk. 

“Th-this is gettin’ out of hand. I’m ruining my own castle! I break everything I touch!” Just at that moment, a stroke of inspiration hit Bowser, and he smiled deviously. “I can break everything I touch…!” He flexed his arms, hunching over as he puffed up his chest, engorged swells of pectoral muscle mashing up against biceps the size of small cars. “And no stupid plumber can stop me! BWAHAHAHA! Look out, Mushroom dorks! Bowzilla is coming for you!” He broke into a run, shaking the ground beneath him and leaving footprints big enough to fall into as he tackled a mountain, his titanic strength slamming into the sheer cliff of rock and shattering it like glass, carving a road for him with a series of punches. “BAHAHAHA!” he cackled, his laughter echoing throughout his kingdom.

Far off in the pleasant green valleys of the Mushroom Kingdom, Toad hummed to himself as he watered some of his flowers. Everything was peaceful, it was a beautiful morning, but then he felt a slight tremor. Glancing into his water can, he could see ripples, slowly growing larger with each tremor. He looked up and his jaw fell open as a looming mass appeared on the horizon. Another tremor threw him onto his rear as he was left gaping up at the mountain-sized monster, casting him, his house, and everything around for fifty meters in its shadow.

“B-b-bowser?!”

“BAHAHA! Hey, Mushroom loser! Your new king’s comin’ through!” Bowser boomed as he gave Toad a mocking wave. He soon turned his eye onto his main target; the graceful spires of Princess Peach’s castle. The resistance offered by the Mushroom people was pitiful; arrows and rocks bounced off of Bowser’s yellow scales and leathery hide. He was about to swat them all aside with one blow, until he noticed something. Bowser’s eyes narrowed as he saw a little red speck on a nearby hillside: Mario.

Bowser lumbered towards the hillside, causing more tremors as he did, and crouched down. Mario was left cowering, staring up and up at Bowser. “Hey! Mario! You know what happens next?”

Mario was robbed speechless, quickly looking around for a mushroom, a fireflower, anything to help. “Oh… Mama mia.”

“Lemme explain it with some plumbing terms you would understand: You’ve been the clog in my pipes for too long, so you’re getting a royal flush! BAHAHAHA!” He curled his finger, and flicked Mario away like he was a gnat, sending his hated rival hurtling into the sky.

“Ah… now that’s out of the way!” Bowser chuckled, rubbing his hands as he turned his attention back to the castle. What defenders Princess Peach had left were left cowering on the battlements as Bowser came closer, blocking out the sun with his mountainous shoulders, his wide, rippling lats, and a chest so inflated and a cleft so deep a dozen mushroom people could get lost. His arms looked bigger than the castle walls as he barely tensed his mammoth bicep, and back-handed the castle’s defenders off the battlements in a single sweep, and then kicked the outer walls apart like they were made out of papier mache.

In a desperate scramble, the scattered defenders tried to fend him off. Arrows and rocks continued to bounce off of his impenetrable hide as he leapt at the walls of the main keep, claws the size of harpoons puncturing the stonework, and he began to climb. He looked over the castle, trying to peer into any of the windows. “Let’s see, now… if I were Princess Peach, I would be… here!” His hand burst through the wall, blindly pawing around until he felt a thin, vaguely feminine body, and his fingers wrapped around his prize. “Hah! Hello Princess, I’m here to- wait.”
He glanced down, and in his fist was Luigi. The green-clad plumber had a blush rising into his cheeks as he looked up at a pair pecs eclipsing the sun, the monstrously huge arm holding him in place, and the dragon turtle’s brutish features.

“Ah, whatever. You’ll do, handsome,” Bowser chuckled, giving Luigi a wink. He continued his climb until he reached the top of the castle, letting out an adrenaline-fueled roar of victory. “Listen up, Mushroom dorks! Resistance is futile, and I am your new King! I dare any of you losers to tell me otherwise, Bahahaha!”

He glanced down, and saw that the courtyard was already filled with his koopaling soldiers. Boy, they had gotten here fast! And there, leading the army, was his son, beaming up at him with pride. “Wow! Go, dad! Go, dad! Dad! Dad!”

“...Dad? Dad! Wake up, dad!” 

Bowser grunted awake. “Huh! Wha-?” he snorted, shaking his head. The koopa king looked around blearily into his son’s dark bedroom. “Ah, nuts. What happened?”

“You fell asleep, dad. Right in the middle of the story.”

“Fell asleep? You mean it was all…” The gears in Bowser’s head were turning quickly as he leapt to his feet. “Hey, uh, good night, kid, daddy needs to talk to the court twerp.” He darted into the hall, cupping his hands. “Hey, Kamek! I got a new project for you!”