Arc 9 Chapter XXII: Filth Disposal (Patreon)

Big ole' thanks to the local gremlin, as always.

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The druid naturally had more to say about the layout of the defenses and goblin forces but I only half listened to him while the rest strategized. Might as well have them give some actual effort for once.

What is the point of having servants around if you had to do all of the work anyway?

Except of course, things rarely went as conveniently as I desired.

"You plan to split up?" I asked as I massaged the sides of my head.

"Think about it." Astarion said "If we can distract and take out the leaders before an alarm is raised, killing the rest of them will be much easier."

"He speaks sense." Lae'zel added "A snake without its head cannot bite."

I pretended to nod along before directing them with a look of mild disappointment "And what happens if an alarm is raised while you are stuck fighting? There are hundreds of the little shits scuttling about in here."

"You're really underestimating us here, soldier." Karlach said, shaking her head "We can deal with a few goblins."

The others all sported universal looks of agreement.

And well, she wasn't exactly wrong.

"Alright fine." I sighed and waved them on "Go forth, slay the unclean in my name, yadda yadda yadda..."

"Truly, you are the height of eloquence." Astarion drawled.

"Get your pale ass going before I shove a sun up your ass." I deadpanned.

The bloodsucker was already marching by the time I was done talking.

Shaking my head I looked to the rest "Try not to embarrass me."

(General POV)

"Try not to embarrass him, he says." Durge grumbled as he and Astarion stalked back the way they came "Like he hadn't seen us fight multiple times before."

"Terribly rude of him." The pale elf chuckled, though he didn't seem offended in the least.

The dragonborn promptly decided not to question it.

Some of the goblins gave them curious looks as they passed them by, noticing how their group had split up, but none looked curious enough to question them about it.

Which meant their path to Priestess Gut was completely uninterrupted, and they were ushered up to her the moment she saw them approaching.

"Welcome, True Souls." She grinned at them as if greeting old friends "The Absolute has marked your soul, have you come to have her mark your flesh as well?" She waved her hand invitingly "Come, offer me your arm."

Rip out her lying heart, feast on its filth.

Durge forced the sudden thoughts under an iron grip and looked to Astarion who mouthed a quick 'Let me lead' back to him.

"We can't be advertising our allegiance so soon, my dear lady." He smiled amiably "Tasks in the name of the Absolute require... discretion."

The goblin woman's eyes flashed with disappointment for a moment but she quickly forced her expression back to a welcoming one, even if she did fail to control her tongue "What do ya want then?"

Astarion's smile widened slightly "We were hoping to request your expertise as a herbalist, I hear you are the best at it in Dror Ragzlin's band."

"Go on." The priestess said with interest.

"We your help to make rather potent concoction." He danced around the question, making a show of looking around suspiciously "But I don't think it is best discussed here, in the open."

She looked to be holding down a scowl and grunted, twitching her head and indicating them to follow her "Fine, let's get this done quickly."

"But of course." Astarion said "We wouldn't want to take too much of your time."

The priestess made a noise of agreement and led them down from the altar.

They walked into a quieter part of the temple, the number of guards or inhabitants in general decreasing considerably, the priestess produced a key and opened a reinforced door and waved for them to come in.

"So" Gut said as she approached a large larder covered in herbs "What did ya need-"

Durge and Astarion shared a quick look and before the old goblin could even finish her sentence, she had a knife sticking out of the back of her neck, and a bolt of ice sticking out of her spine.

'Too swift.' The Dark Urge bemoaned.

Surprising them both with her resilience, the goblin began twitching and gathering healing magic around herself, swiftly forcing the projectiles out of her flesh and beginning to close her wounds.

'Unacceptable!'

Which she came to regret rather quickly, as Durge let his inner thoughts win for once and surged at her crumbled body, ripping into her back with his bloodlust driven claws and through her ribs to get to his prize.

He ripped out the goblin's heart and grinned up at it widely 'Pave thine path with blood' The Dark Urge purred, and in that instant he felt a flash of memory and immediately shook the haze from his mind, throwing the heart aside before he was tempted to consume it.

He found Astarion looking at him not with disgust but curiosity "You don't leave things half done, do you?"

The dragon man grit his teeth at the feeling of sheer wrongness at abandoning his prey, and grunted at his companion "She annoyed me." He exhaled the final throes of his blood haze and began moving "Let's go. The rest might need help."

Astarion merely nodded and they were out, though they did have to clear out the nearby guards and hide their bodies so no one suspected anything.

---

"Will wonders never cease." Reyvin drawled "An actual library."

His expression died a rapid death as he scanned the contents however "And of course it's fucking ransacked."

"A great loss." Archdruid Halsin commiserated dryly, clearly not sharing in his woes.

To which the grey elf simply directed him with a deadpan that said all that needed to be said about his opinion.

"We aren't here for books now." Karlach interjected, cautiously looking at the corpses guards they killed on their way "Focus on the job, yeah?"

"The very idea I'd need to put effort in this is insulting." Reyvin rolled his eyes and sighed "But fine, I'll stop whining."

"You seem confident." The druid observed.

"Trust me." The other elf said, unbothered by the implication "It is earned."

A floating stone eyeball hovered out from within the nearby bookshelves but before it could turn to them whatever was holding it up seemed to simply disappear as the construct plopped onto the floor with a stony thunk.

'I didn't even notice it.' Karlach narrowed her eyes.

"An observation device." Reyvin hummed as he picked it up "Connected to somewhere very far away." The thing disappeared to... somewhere without a sound "Something to tinker with later, come."

He marched through what remained of the library, the other two following after him until they reached a narrow chasm that separated the ruined temple library from a small inner cave where Halsin heard their target was located.

And they came upon a curious sight indeed.

A quintet of well armed, and bafflingly clean, goblins stood at the edges of the half chamber while a female elf of white hair and greyish blue skin of noble bearing stood above a cowering goblin scout.

'Poor fucker probably drew a short straw on reporting.' Karlach pitied him, being under a Drow's power was a notoriously shit fate.

Two large spiders were also curled in another corner, looking at the goblin with hungering eyes but otherwise remaining perfectly docile.

"I swears to you, my lady." The scout pleaded, eyes kept low and not once daring to meet the elf's "We'll find the grove, we just need more time."

"I've given you plenty of it already." The woman glared, voice authoritative and somewhat deep "If you do not find the grove soon, I will start taking something precious to you with every hour that passes." She leaned down and whisper-hissed "A treasure, a friend, a limb."

"I'm no use without me bloody limbs." The goblin surprisingly did not back down, finally looking up to face her "The boys will break the prisoner soon enough and we'll have the grove, I swear to you."

She made a noncomital noise, leaving the threat hanging but before she could say anything else the sound of steps on wood drew her eyes up and to the approaching trio.

Said eyes immediately narrowed at what she found, a druid from the grove right in front of her "Is this some kind of joke?" She muttered.

"And hello to you too, lovely cave you are hiding in." The male elf smirked, not an ounce of deference in his posture.

"Watch how you speak, jaluk." She spat.

The instant she uttered the word, the air turned cold, and while the Drow held her ground, the goblins began shivering under a deep instinctive terror.

"Did you just-" Reyvin slowly pinched the bridge of his nose "Did you just imply I am one of your filthy kind?" Ignoring the Drow's rising anger he laughed, and it was a terrible sound.

"Truly." He scoffed "The local n'wahs are creative with their insults."

"Bring me his head." The furious Drow hissed.

Karlach didn't wait for the goblins to respond to the command, and swung her axe as one might swing a bat at the terrified goblin scout, cutting through his arm in one swift blow and promptly breaking most of the bones in his body.

By the time she rewound from her strike, two of the others had already been crushed by a familiar massive bear, and another had his entire head bitten off as he tried to flinch away from the beast.

But the druid's aggression was not without consequence and the two remaining guards charged at him from behind, their spears ready to skewer him whole.

Karlach was too far away to halt them, but she quickly found a better solution and grinned.

The Tiefling gladiator wound her axe to her side, and just as the goblins were about to lunge she used all of her strength to throw the weapon at them.

She quickly noticed she had misaligned the throw, and while the axe did strike its target it did not do so with its blade.

Instead, everyone was treated to a loud crunching noise as the hefty weapon simply broke into the poor goblin, throwing him against his companion before he could finish his lunge.

His screams of pain lasted only briefly, as Halsin rounded back on him and promptly smashed his head.

The druid transformed back into his elven form and the duo turned back to the Drow to find a... rather peculiar scene, if one were to be generous.

The two spiders the underdark born elf had commanded stood around her with perfect stillness, their pincer-like limbs holding her down and not letting her so much as twitch.

"Now, what to do with you." Reyvin's expression was utterly unamused as he stared down at her.

"Kill her and be done with it." Halsin said bluntly "She is guilty of crimes enough."

The elf chuckled at his words but did not explain himself "True enough, my tree hugging friend." He nodded instead "True enough. However." He raised a finger "This one seems to be the actual point of contact with the cult proper for this band, which means she knows more than the goblin filth ever would."

"I will tell you nothing." The drow hissed "My loyalty to the Absolute is-"

"Absolute?" The standing elf quipped, and whatever the Drow was going to say was prevented as one of the spider's legs was pointed at her throat "You, as well as your other fellow 'True Souls' have been brainwashed by them."

He tilted his head, eyes flashing with cruel amusement "I do so wonder about the song you will be singing once I've dealt with that particular problem."

The female elf's eyes widened but she was prevented from even making noise through some kind of magic suddenly falling on top of her.

"You two fine fellows will keep her nice and quiet for me, yes?" Reyvin lowered his hand and turned to the spiders "I'll be back in a few minutes and then you can feast to your hearts' content."

The two spiders made chittering noises that were eerily close to laughter, which only seemed to terrify the daylight out of the elf stuck below them even further.

"Ta for now." Reyvin waved lazily and walked off without a care.

Karlach and Halsin shared a look, and as one shrugged.

---

Wyll, Shadowheart, Gale, and Lae'zel watched from within a small crowd as Dror Ragzlin, a powerfully built red hobgoblin, used a scroll to cast Speak To The Dead on a mind flayer corpse, claiming to one and all the the Absolute had given him power to command the very souls of the departed.

"I have to give it to him." Gale said with a small smirk "His acting is on point."

"His leadership is built on lies." Lae'zel on the other hand was far less amused "He is unworthy."

Shadowheart rolled her eyes and looked to Wyll "Finally ready?"

The warlock did not break his stare from his glowing rapier "Yes." He said and the three others tensed in preparation.

Just as Ragzlin's presentation brought his goblin followers' excitement to its peak, Wyll raised his own voice, calling out a command in the infernal tongue and thrusting his blade forward, aimed directly into the greatest concentration of goblins.

For a split second nothing seemed to happen, and Shadowheart felt a trace of doubt.

But it was banished even more swiftly than it arrived as dozens of goblins were set alight in a massive fireball, their screams overpowering the explosion for only a split second before being forever snuffed out.

Those not caught in the blast were left in a panic, unable to do anything as the flames raged between them and their assailants.

Gale was only a second behind his fellow caster, and a small storm of magic missiles followed into the inferno, all of them aimed at the goblins' leader.

Shadowheart and Laae'zel stepped out in front of the two of them, and readied themselves for any survivors.

Which was rather lucky, as a burned and bleeding hobgoblin screaming his heart out leapt out of the dying inferno, his large polehammer glowing with enchanted light.

Lae'zel's longsword whipped out like a serpent, cutting cleanly through the hobgoblin's left hand and making him stumble in surprise.

Perfectly long enough for Shadowheart to shove her spear into his heart, let go of the weapon, and channel her goddess' power into a spell of Harm.

The massive berserker died without being able to make even the slightest noise, as his throat where Shadowheart had placed her hand rapidly withered and rotted away, leaving behind nothing but a gaping hole.

They had no time to celebrate their success however, as the echoing of drums filled the entire temple, and dozens upon dozens of goblins began scrambling to check on the excitement in what passed for a throne room.

The first group was defeated easily enough, Gale and Wyll working in tandem to combine a wave of Burning Hands just as they rushed through the doorway, the rest falling rapidly in melee afterwards.

But just as Lae'zel hacked the final goblin caster's head off, his friends were already piling in after him, and it looked like the group was to be drowned in nothing but blood and guts, even if they didn't get stabbed to death first.

A familiar blood thirsty roar saved them from that fate, as a wave of magical ice slammed into the band's side, freezing a number of the goblins instantly and greatly weakening the rest of them.

The Githyanki warrior wasted no time in finishing off the terrified survivors and they all quickly rushed after Durge, who had revealed himself by ripping a goblin's arm off and shoving an ice spike below his chin.

Shadowheart went to ask where Astarion was but was understandably distracted as a goblin corpse smashed into the ground next to her.

Instinctively looking for the source, she found the grinning pale elf giving her a cheery wave, surrounded as he was by corpses of goblinoid archers.

"Get the traitors!" A goblin's furious croak ruined their reunion and they were once again thrown on the backfoot by what looked to be almost every single goblin in the damned temple, surviving by the skin of their teeth despite slaying dozens of the furious creatures.

Just as they were once more forced up and against a wall, the goblin's attack simply stopped.

They did not die. They simply... stopped.

And then the first goblin, one standing merely a step away from Shadowheart, began coughing roughly.

She failed to stop herself from flinching away as she saw him spit out a glob of sizzling ash, an act that was quickly repeated by his fellows.

Seconds later the chamber was filled with agonized screams and wails, and then, as if timed... complete silence.

A familiar echoing footstep cut through the dead absence of sound, and soon Reyvin Dagoth revealed himself by stepping through a crumbling archway, expression suitably bored as always.

He looked at them, then at the goblins they themselves had slain.

Then merely nodded "Acceptable."

And resumed his march to the exit.

Their hope to find out what exactly happened from Karlach or Halsin were dashed as even the duo looked as confused and horrified as they felt.

Left with no much choice, they marched after Reyvin as quickly as they could, and reached him just in time for him to push the great temple's entrance open, letting in the midday sun.

And the stench of hundreds of fresh corpses.

The scene that awaited outside was that of an absolute slaughter, and it did not take much observational skill for one to understand this butchery was perpetrated by none other than the goblins themselves, as it looked like they had suddenly gone mad and fell upon each other with tooth and claw, heedless of their own lives.

Even Reyvin found himself surprised, though for a different reason.

For in the distance, just at the end of the wooden bridge leading into the camp, he could see some three dozen Tieflings, armored in chain or breastplates and wielding the few steel weapons they had previously seen among their number, currently busying themselves slaughtering whatever goblinoid was fortunate enough not to imbibe his special spice.

"Well now." Reyvin cupped his chin "Zevlor's lot might actually be worth my time after all."

Before anyone could question him, his familiar materialized on top of his shoulder and pointed at the pile of broken ogre corpses surrounded by nearly a hundred dead "Pops, you killed my fucking ogres!"

"They are man eaters." Reyvin rolled his eyes "They were always going to die."

"But I wanted to kill them!" The bird actually pouted at him.

"We'll get you new ones." Reyvin said dryly.

And the party was then forced to listen through an increasingly morbid negotiation about the elf getting bigger and fleshier things to rip through for his bird.