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Rewriting the last batch of Chapters - Writer Update (Patreon)

Published:
2024-10-16 05:32:06
Imported:
2026-06

Content

Hey Everyone,

I'd just like to thank you all for highlighting the problems with the last batch of chapters. I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't pinpoint what it was. You were all great in sharing your opinions on how the characters ended up changing for the negative. I wasn't fair to Divinity, Fabi or Sal in these chapters, and far too much of it was contrived.

The release of Book 3 and the reviews / comments and sentiment from the wider readership led me towards a panic pivot. So many people are excited by the tempo of Book 4, and a part of me felt they'd be disappointed with the slow break between semesters. Having Fabi being an encouraging force was the intention, rather than a bully like Erika. Divinity's overreliance on the future was too contrived, and as pointed out, not in line with her actual abilities.

Barry didn't take pot-shots like he normally would. There was so much available ammo and he didn't take a single shot, which is not being true to his fuckery.

There have also been a lot of excellent observations. Figment was used in a previous depiction of the Wraith Walker set, which needs to be fixed. The evolutionary belt needs to be factored in. The rankings of Fabi are all over the place. I've taken a note of a lot of the chapters that can be finessed in the editing phase... but these chapters need to be reworked. I'll be focusing on that this week, and then working on the next batch.

Brian

Comments

Nate

I think the break between semesters has been really good and is helping with pacing out Sal’s time at the Academy. I love Ravens nickname for Chatfield…. Please please let upgrade call him that I front of him at some stage. Keep up the awesome work man I’m loving this book.

Andrew Tobin

You know, I hate devil's advocates as much as the next guy, but... Divinity isolating herself and relying on trusting her visions and ignoring that the future changes is in her background. I guess it's about time she starts growing past that... but, is it? Or is it early? I'm on the fence. I took it as another time Divinity made the same mistake, but I wasn't going to be critical of it because it might be the final nail before her growth. If I was Sal though, I'd be seriously peeved at her making the mistake again. I was also not against Barry being a good guy, because he can be a good guy when his friends need help, and most of the last batch of chapters has been all one night and he's been babysitting a drunk. Now, that said, I would imagine once she was over her sad he would majorly spin her world for fun and upchuck. Fabi is also coming off a bit one note, but again, it's one night - we just met her, and the conflict she introduced was getting Sal into a portal. Personally, I think the whole thing should have been less on Divinity worrying about the guys not talking to her, and back to her still being slightly paranoid about people going in portals. But that's because that seems to be the semi-immediate danger in all of this. Sal's a getting a bit more acclimated to being able to survive dungeons and towers, but... I mean, I'd love to see him get his ass kicked back a step on that. He's so OP and moving forward in leaps in every other area... it seems strange he is more confident after only two fights... Any chance of Sinclair giving him a reality check on being less confident and more prepared and taking it a bit slower? Basically, I like OP Sal, but he's way too good in too much for me a little. I want him to gain confidence, etc, but I want him to be slightly slower or less going along with Team Portal. Getting knocked back by almost having issues with Fabi, and with Arkwright not working first time should make him overall less confident and more taking a step back to consolidate what he's learned, taking a look at his list, and planning what to prepare to take steps forward.

Ford Engstrom

All of those things can be true, but I still liked the chapters. Mr. Nordon being real chill on taking notes from readers is baller and I assume not new. Idk what alchemy is happening between the vision and the pages tho, bc I enjoy many of the characters differently than I think seems to be the consensus, so it's interesting seeing the consideration and workshopping in the making.

Jordan Harpole

Dude, you’re doing good, if not great. The schedule you keep takes you places that are worth the journey. Just thanks for writing! I’m enjoying all of it. Be grande

Charles Gillentine
>>152460029

Sal op? The guy gets life threatening injuries every time he steps out of the academy which is only savesaved by his healer. I honestly think if anyone actuallcrleft him alone long enough to craft his own ideas, he would truly be op by now. I honestly think barry is on point, he has people trusting and believing in him, and he seseems to be growing as a person. The only person he habitually messes with is Sal anyway lol.

jumbosauce

The chapters were good as they are, but thanks for being receptive to feedback and doing what you think is right, the story is well served by that attitude. You're doing great!

Andrew Tobin
>>152460029

Yeah, I see Barry less griefing people when they're already having a bad time, and more griefing when they're having a good time. The games he was playing earlier in the night for example. I get what you're saying about Sal not being as OP in the field. I thought he was getting there in the tower until he bit off more than he could chew or was made to. I do think that's more of a case to show more hesitation on going into the portal, at least until he does more dungeon runs. I know Fabi said she'd do them with him, but it still felt a bit too soon to even reluctantly agree. That said, I'm fine with being wrong and it made Quest rethink things... but then I would have thought Quest would have been constantly thinking on it - given how much he shoulders, what with a fuck off dragon around and all.

Andrew Tobin
>>152459833

The Chatty Controller Control Glasses - allows any controller to predict, communicate and direct the flow of battle.

Lacan

I think maybe part of the reason that some readers had a negative reaction toward some of the characterization in the last batch is that it highlighted how passive and reactive Sal has become as a character. He often isn't the driving action for the story of his life, but its rather all the people around him who make requests, suggestions, and demands of him, even his well-meaning parents. He rarely (not never, but rarely) acts on his own agency, and is instead constantly *reacting* to something. And gods does a lot of stuff seem to happen. That's also why Fabi pushing him to do a Portal as a first-year and dictating things about a guild to a guy she just met a few hours ago doesn't ring true; it feels like another demand and a plot contrivance. (Sidenote: It might have made more sense and worked better narratively if the chapter was from her POV. Honestly, seeing this world from other characters' perspectives would be welcome and make for some great worldbuilding.) Actually, one of my favorite character moments that you've written in the series so far was him getting mad at Divinity, and Barry coming to his defense. He *should* get mad at someone who is supposed to be his friend trying to manipulate him because she wanted a certain future to happen. It's a good reminder of the fact that they're still teenagers who do dumb things. Divinity can see the future; that doesn't make her wise.

Joseph Thibodeau

Completely unrelated to this conversation but I still wanna see Sal upgrade/mix Immortality into something better and take it at least as an active weave, but preferably as a permanent one. He could always tear it apart with skillmaster if he grows tired of living forever. But it's borderline mandatory for someone of his abilities, particularly given his helpful/benevolent nature, to ensure that he can continue to offer his help to the species for as long as possible. Not to say that he needs to slave away for mankind by any means, but he could very well be the fulcrum by which mankind survives the long ages into a multiplanetary then multi solar-system species or not. If he can ever figure out how to implant skillmaster into someone else artificially that would significantly decrease his personal importance, but he'll always be one of the best crafters around. With an immortal life and the ability to take on new skills, he'd eventually become the most powerful warrior and caster as well. He has the makings of a literal god like being, if he's willing to make sure old age doesn't do him in.

Fortunis

Well shit. Now im glad I didn't jump on it immediately and read like i usually do. I can just wait for the Upgraded version 😆

Lumpenhans

It's a painful step, but the right one in my opinion. Thank you for being open to feedback and not taking it personally. I find it interesting that sal doesn't think and analyze like an engineer. Normally when people like that see other people's designs/ideas and products they think first what is good? what would be better? why is he doing this? How can I adapt it? sal is usually just enthusiastic and accepts it as is, with the bow that was fine, but the first thought with Fabi's battle suit would normally have been what possibilities it opens up for his own suit, which he can then perfect in the dungeon runs. But he just accepted the battlesuit as it was, along the lines of mommy dresses me. But that's just my opinion, maybe the others don't see it so narrowly. I'm looking forward to the rewrite

Jeremy
>>152465320

Yeah, Book 175 kicks ass with all the great great grandkids! I’m kidding!

Ben Cooper

I've really been enjoying this WIP, and I was surprised to see a rewrite notification. I'm glad to see an author willing to course-correct based on feedback, especially after I just watched another author I support run a currently 8 book series off a very odd, and fairly non-sensical cliff, despite patreon feedback on the previous book warning almost unanimously against that approach. Fabi's ultimatum that Sal's participation in the Portal run was effectively make or break it for her joining the guild is the only thing that stood out to me as completely off-base. It spoke to a lack of the empathy she has shown in the past, and a disregard for everything else Sal is bringing to the table as a guild leader. I understand that Fabi is a combat support who has been unable to use her essence weave, which might skew her perspective on risk-taking, but that makes her an extreme exception in the present, rather than the standard combatant as in earlier generations, before essence abilities blossomed. I find it hard to believe someone so clever would base the reliability and trustworthiness of a crafting and support guildleader on his willingness to participate in an extreme-risk and combat-heavy expedition with less than a year of combat training. Agreeing to such demands would make me question the guildmaster's decision making, as it shows him both willing to bend to unreasonable demands, and a poor judge of risk analysis. It feels like a repeat of the disastrous decision to send a first-year student to confront his demonic fears with no advance warning, no weapons training, and a freshly crafted, untested weapon. That was a perfect storm scenario for creating trauma, rather than building confidence to move past a reasonable fear that had built to irrational levels. (Sorry, that book 2 arc still grinds my gears - I'm not annoyed that it happened, but I am annoyed with HOW it happened. That Upgrade and Chatfield intentionally kept Sal in the dark about almost everything going into that dungeon run makes no se sense. Allowing someone to operate a simple firearm on a range without basic weapon handling instructions and guidelines is irresponsible at best. Sending someone into a combat scenario with demons without giving them any training on the completely untested weapon is gross negligence, and reflects extremely poorly on characters known for compassion and survivability. Again, sorry, that subplot almost ruined me on what is otherwise an incredible series.) On the flip side, I feel like the other characters in these chapters operated within the norms of their established characters. Quest has been shown to be self-doubting/self-depricating to the point of rash action (arguably case-in-point, the impromptu imprinting for Fabi). Barry has been shown to be a good guy under his abrasive facade, and not taking potshots when people are drunk and vulnerable is feasible within that context. Divinity has a history of getting wrapped up in the possible connotations of the potential futures she's seen to the detriment of reality, both through intentional sabotage and through misinterpreting what she's seeing, and it is far from uncommon for people to repeat mistakes. I guess that's a long-winded way of saying, I'm glad to hear Fabi will not be laying down an ultimatum, and I look forward to seeing how these rewrites turn out! Please keep up the great work, and thank you for continuing this amazing series!

michael pigott

The weirdest thing about the Divinity thing is that this like.... the 7th time Sal has accidentally completely uprooted the future by doing something absurd. You'd think it would be another "oh ffs it happened again, let's check the deviations" at this point. Also weird that Skill Master seems to defy prediction.

Chris Hoopes

To be fair your writing itself is on point. Thank you for all you are doing. Rewrites in the middle of a book can be a quagmire of lost time. None of us want to slow down the process. Thank you for your time and patience with the peanut gallery.

Lacan
>>152464412

PS: Because I posted the above during a moment of middle-of-the-night insomnia, I also wanted to say that I love this world you've created, Brian! The chapter drop is a highlight of my Monday, and I know the slog that writing can be, so thank you for all your hard work!

Dutch Palmer
>>152468579

Agreed on an engineering mindset. I can understand why Sal wouldn't have started with one, as he wasn't really a crafter before Myth... but with the amount of design and crafting (particularly the amount of additional tutorials he's studied), I'd expect a more analytical decomposition of pros and cons. I hope to see his mindset continue to change under Fabi's influence. I was surprised at Fabi pushing so hard for the portal. While I'm not surprised she would hope Sal would join her, I'd expect her to back off and set it as a future goal--insisting on training him up first and ensuring that him (and possibly Barry) joining her team wouldn't be disruptive. I would like to see 1-2 dungeon runs and at least another scavenger run (though perhaps in a fresher area). In the dungeon, Fabi could push Sal to demonstrate his leadership... proving to herself and to her team that he'll make a good Guild Leader.

Dutch Palmer
>>152465320

Have to say I disagree. Making Sal immortal and pushing him into the realm of 'godlike being' is counter to the world's ethos (note that Sergeant isn't 'worshipped'). That's one problem many progressive or super arcs have... when you start with an OP power, how much becomes too much? I believe one of the strengths of the series is Brian's masterful addressing of Sal's weaknesses. It keeps the MC relatable--which is all too often forgotten by authors these days.

LadyLark

Good Luck!!!🍀

Kenneth Darlin

Good for you for being open to rewriting!!

Heather Herren

Honestly, I thought most of was because they had been consistently drinking for hours at this point. I was waiting for I can’t believe I did that scene the next day. Divinity might have been overplayed but if u look at her history, it is what she has been taught to expect from people. Sal was doing awesome with his.. I refuse to negotiate until everyone is sober ideology. I don’t think he was giving in so much as not wanting to take advantage of the situation..:-). I guess it’s perspective. Drunk people are pushy.. no offensive. ..:-D.

Dumzdey

I feel like the abruptness of Sal going into a portal makes very little sense. He doesn't have the Combat ability or the know how of a third year yet. His combat abilities barely let him take on a Hulker, and from what I understand those are still very low as far as combat potential. His grasp on his abilities is still at the infant stage and the constant push for him to enter combat makes little difference in the bigger scheme of things. If anything, since he revealed his ability to give hunters new abilities, being a guild master that can reward those who work for him or join him with new abilities free of charge without going through the Robert, to get the abilities would be the biggest draw. With an ability to improve weaves or evolve them into a greater power, he would have the highest rank hunters trying to kidnap him or join him. It feels like a convoluted reason that he cant have the respect of his fellow guild mates if he doesn't engage in combat. Wasn't one of his primary reasons for wanting to be a support to change the ways the world views supports? It seems like he abandoned his support role and his pursuit of changing peoples opinions about supports rather quickly, in fact he is all but abandoning it with the introduction of Chatfield. I can understand compromise, but he has the leverage over Chatfield, not the other way around. What does it matter if he can kill a Hulker when he can equip dozens in the same amount of time to be able to do the same. Especially if he makes machines like he did so far in this series. The increase in the production speed and the reductions of costs for high quality armor and weapons should of been his priority. Upgrade and Chatfield talked about crafters pursuing their own Magnum Opus equipment, but it seems like Sal constantly falls into this trap with his ability. I feel like the next stage of his equipment crafting would of been creating equipment that traps the essence of an ability in the gear he crafts. A late series thought: Instead of implanting the Abilities into people, he instead crafts the abilities with Mythcrafter, Perfect, and his Skill master into one cohesive hole and making equipment based Abilities for people? Maybe something to consider for later in the series.

Chris Hoopes
>>152473098

It does seem fair to say that Sals abilities are consistently not factored into Divinity's abilities. Every time things change it's because of Sals powers and neither of them have acknowledged that. It might be a good thing to bring up this time around.

michael pigott
>>152473098

My personal hunch is that Psionic abilities struggle to function around stuff they don't personally understand. Every time Divinity is surprised it's usually because sal went several miles into the crafter weeds and did something absurd.... notably Erika also seemed completely unable to parse what's going on with crafting, for all her smugness about sal making the revolver to avoid the Frontlines she just kinda blanked the level of stuff sal can just craft on a whim and was blatantly shocked with the breastplate upgrade in the tower despite it being just a thing he does

Tanstaafl

I rather liked the current set. It was time some of the characters faced reality. Sal needs to decide if he is going to be a guild LEADER or someones lead crafter or just hide with Doc

Deko
>>152468579

As an Engineer, I don't see Sal as one. He's some sort of quasi architect/designer who manages to make things amazing because of Mythcrafting. Doc even calls him out on this (rightly so) basically saying he's able to do what he does because he's cheating with Mythcrafting and isn't actually obeying any of the necessary things needed to properly craft. Which is fine, as it allows for unrealistic things to become reality. Which is sort of the plot point that makes it exciting. He's learning more with each book, and gaining more insight into how things /should/ be designed and/or work, but he's still being heavily propped up with his abilities instead of an actual engineered design process. Which again is perfectly fine. I see him more as one of those excitable Architectural techs in university that are chasing grandiose designs without a thought to how it would actually work in real life (it's a common mindset), but backed by an ability that makes those crazy ideas a reality held together by myth-essence.

Deko

I read the last five chapters and didn't expect a rewrite to come in. That said, I just assumed (and maybe wrongly so) that we were just getting a taste of the fact that Fabi and Sal were not the ones that Divinity destined to be together. I read a lot of the interactions as Fabi riding the high of having a new ability and wanting to prove herself even more than she already has in the past. Like she was feeling invincible as a result of slipping into her 'dream persona' of who she always thought she would be if she ever had powers (just how powerful she would be, etc.) That said, for such a thing to work there would either be a major course correct where she realizes later that she's become a total terrible person from the outside, or conversely she becomes another Erika going forward and Divinity finally admits that it wasn't Fabi and Sal that got together, but it was necessary for her to say that, so that Sal would get the kick in the ass that he needed to step up in some ways to save him from a horrible fate. I love Divinity's character and her power. It reminds me a lot of when the British broke the German's code for their network during the war and were able to decrypt intel on a daily basis. The moral ambiguity of knowing that you could save lives, at the cost of losing that ability was what made it such a terrible power to wield. I feel like Divinity can get stuck in her head with such moral choices. One she lets her friends know all that is going to go wrong so that they don't get hurt, but when she does it instead makes for a worse future where they get hurt worse and so she has to sit back and watch them get hurt, watch them get set up to be hurt, and sometimes even she herself sets them up to be hurt, so that a better future can happen. It likely tears her apart inside, and honestly if she saw a future where she didn't have to be in her friend's lives and could just stay on the outside, and still achieve a positive, I could see all the reasons as to why she would embrace that, so that she didn't have to keep watching her friends get hurt. So it wasn't like I couldn't see everything that happened as being true to the story so far, but it just painted the picture for a darker future to come, and if that was the plan, then awesome and spot on. However when I saw the rewrite post, I got the feeling that maybe that wasn't your plan, so I do look forward to seeing what comes of the rewrite so that we can get a little more insight into what story you wanted to tell.

Frilas Gilneas

First of all, I would like to say that I'm really impressed by the decision to take a step back and rewrite the chapters. Personally, I tend to struggle with accepting negative feedback or criticism a lot of the time, so I really respect this decision. I already shared my opinion on the chapters in my last post, and I’m glad if it can be of help. I’ve been reading the comments of others and noticed that there are some amazing perspectives on the story that are very different from how I personally perceived it, as well as some that share similar takes on past events. One thing that really resonated with me was Ben's comment about when Upgrade forced Sal into the dungeon with her ultimatum of fully cutting off their friendship if he didn’t do it, and what kind of lasting impact that had on Upgrade as a character. The whole thing was so out of character that I have become unable to consider her a trustworthy friend in any way. Instead, I now see her as more of a mentor who could stab you in the back at any time. It was, along with the ending of book 2, one of the only times I came really close to dropping the series. As I said before, I'm all in for Divinity in this book, and I have high hopes for her and Sal coming together as well. This is why, rather than just saying I don’t like her being turned into Erika 2.0 last time, I went and looked for reasons to justify her actions. Going back, Divinity was pretty upfront about her visions regarding Sal, including the parts where he dies in a dungeon, forms a solo guild, and so on after the whole leecher dungeon incident. A big topic was how he shuts himself off and becomes unreachable, which really highlights the desperation Divinity feels seeing all those visions while being unable to do anything or get in contact with Sal due to his antisocial behaviors and tendency to fully ignore his friends when he doesn’t need them. This was a major point in that discussion back then, but there hasn’t been any real change from Sal's side. It’s still nearly impossible to contact him unless you meet him in person, which doesn’t work during the break and didn’t work at the academy when he was in a room with regulated access. After seeing how Erika's manipulative approach actually led him to take action, I could see Divinity changing her approach, realizing that the direct approach doesn’t work, and just wanting to prevent some of the horrible things she has seen. To make it short, as silly as it may sound, rather than the Barry and Sal versus Divinity front we had, I would prefer a situation where Divinity told Barry, in her drunken talk, about Sal breaking the promises he made, which led her to believe this was the only way to go. Or, she could be upfront in a group talk about how he never listened to her when she was open about it. I use Erika as the negative example because I’m not a fan of this type of background manipulation. Erika herself is just amazingly written and fits into the story perfectly.

Jason Reynolds
>>152460029

I think most of this has to do with him alsways having the perfect ability always active. He had it on throughout the tower trial and any confidence he would have gained has been refined by perfect. I think it will end up being an issue of over confidence and him failing before the ability will relise that too much confidence can be a bad thing.

daniel koval

So I went back and read the last couple chapters because I have honestly not been keeping up with things. Just got back to see all the drama to find out what was going on. I agree with a rewrite, but I will definitely say that I could see a lot of this being things reaching a boiling point. Sal is still very much the same character he was in book one, but with more powers that he doesn’t actually understand the basis of. He is not engineer, this is not a weaponsmith/armorsmith/, he is a guy that understands a little bit of the basics and he relies on his abilities and equipment as crutches. He also has not had to really learn to be his own man or even an adult really, he is (understandably) sheltered due to his abilities. This unfortunately gives him an incredibly skewed view of the POST-APOCALYPTIC world he lives in. How he’s and everyone one he knows weren’t drafted as soon as they reached majority is just painful to think about, how there isn’t mandatory weapons/survival/first aid training throughout all schooling and daily life baffles me. Setting that aside as it all ties back into my major dislikes in book 2. I like the series and respect that the author reads these comments and has the fortitude to change direction! But back to what I was originally trying to say. Sal keeps cutting himself off and while he thinks he is changing his ways he is not. This I could see setting off Divinty as the MC won’t change so she has to come at him from a different angle. Not to mention they had all been drinking, so the filter and critical thinking went out the window. However the rewrite goes I look forward to it!

Jason Reynolds
>>152465320

I can see the immortal ability coming into play at the end of the series, and then seeing Sal as an Obe One type character in the future to a new set of students. But I think he would only ever do it if he had a huge tragedy and he feels he needs to live on to save humanity.

Logan Miller

Kudos for the edits!

Charles Gillentine
>>152460029

That's the thing though, every time sal tries to get steady footing, he gets forced into a dungeon, he gets brutalized by a narrow minded controller, he gets a red zone extended so he has to fight abnormal variants solo. He keeps getting pushed into unique situations and as a result he doesn't have any idea of what a normal dungeon run is supposed to be. They are actually pushing him further away because of his constant injuries.

Dawn Zeleznik

Thanks for doing that. The future was looking a little too dark with everyone focused on portal runs and Sal keeping the knowledge of disappearing in a portal to himself.

Robert Pitchure

Thats a very different chance of pace from the first set. But I feels more inline with sals character for awhile and what we've seen from him and his goals

Robert Pitchure

Reading these edits also give me a Feeling for divinities outlook. Just other possible futures.

Perversity

Any update on when Book 4 of Quest Academy is getting thrown up on Amazon?

Jonathan Campbell

I don't know if it's remotely feasible at this point, but I personally feel like Sal would not have left his revolver at home. There's so much emphasis on just how dangerous and deadly his world is, and given that they're even allowing students at the academy to carry their weapons it feels disingenuous for there to be any major hesitation to keep his primary defense against any incidental demon incursions on his person, doubly so with the addition of the stealth capabilities of the gun belt. Unless there's a plot point reason to decoupling the visor I just haven't reached yet I really hope this point might be changed for what I see as the better given how dark and adversarial this apocalyptic world is around him.