I wrote you (Patreon)

Dear one,

I know that you are doing your best. What a terrible thing doing your best can be. Because doing your best is not enough. It is never enough. It never brings you to where you want to be, to where you think you NEED to be.

And at the same time doing your best is enough. It is enough because it is all you have. Nothing more can be asked of you than to do your best.

But they do, don't they? They ask you to try harder. To not be so negative. To stop focusing so much on yourself. Other people have it worse, you know. Doing your best? Do better. That is how people succeed. They do better than their best.

So now you're trying to do your best, and you know that doing your best is lazy. Doing your best is half assed. Doing your best is a waste of time.

If you were doing your best you would be able to get out of bed. If you were doing your best you wouldn't have panic attacks. You wouldn't start crying for no reason. You wouldn't want to die. You would get furious for no reason. You would hurt yourself.

If you were doing your best, you would be your best.

But you are. You are your best, and you're better than anyone who tells you otherwise. There's no empathy in those judgements. There's no real understanding. They're business executives telling the homeless to get a job.

But we see the real city. We see behind televisions and walls and quiet family dinners. Madness is a part of being human, and they can't take that away from us. Yes, it would be more comfortable to fit in. To hold a job. To be normal. Those things have been taken from us. But we can see. We can see behind their lives. And there's a whole other world just for us.

I miss you.

Joey