Book 8, chapters 41, 42, and 43 (Patreon)

Hey everyone! Back from Dragonsteel Nexus, which was a great time. It was my last event of the year, and it was amazing. I got to hang out with and meet many amazing authors. I defeated Pierce Brown in the Street Fighter tournament, and he's already talking about a rematch, so that will likely happen soon. Special thanks to Brandon Sanderson and his team for putting all that together because it was an amazing time.

Last night I had a cool dinner with authors Shawn Speakman, Pierce Brown, and legend Terry Brooks. That was pretty cool, too.

Onto the chapters!

Also, I apologize in advance to all my readers of a certain hair color.

Chapter 41

The light turned green, and we were off.

“Deal with your friend,” I called to Finley as Olga floored it. We zoomed off down the dirt track. We were quickly outpaced by Team Free Love, the bugbears zooming ahead of everyone else on their cushion of air.

“Donut, keep your shield ready in case the new shield doesn’t work!”

“It’s working,” Olga said, though she didn’t sound too confident. “Wait, where are the rain wiper things?”

“We don’t have them,” I said.

“Now you tell me,” she croaked as we zoomed. The shield was stopping the rain, but it was starting to fog up. She rolled the window down a crack. I reached forward and hit the blower. The truck had an AC unit in the back, but only a heater on the dash.

Thwum! I heard a heavy explosion behind us as we bumped over the road. Ahead, the forest loomed. We were going to take the middle path of the first split.

“What was that?” I called. I heard an engine rev, and the Lady Dominator team zoomed past us, hot on the tail of the bugbears. I could see Genesis in the passenger seat, scream laughing, all four arms giving an obscene gesture behind us.  

It was Olga who answered, looking in the side mirror. “The thorny bush thing fired a gun, I think at the deformed humanoids, but their vehicle was too fast. Their gun blasted right into the side of the hairy animal team, and the animal fell over, but it’s getting back up. The bush is now coming up fast.” Olga turned her attention forward. “Why is this thing so slow? Did you really come in first place last time?”

Carl: Osvaldo! You guys okay?

Osvaldo: I’m going to kill that fucking unicorn and rat thing! We good. Bruna is tough.  

“No!” Quemada shouted, pushing away from the badger. She was in a full-blown panic attack. It was getting warmer by the moment in the truck. It had come on so suddenly. “Didn’t you feel it? Didn’t you hear what that elf mage said? Didn’t something in that small brain of yours break the moment you heard it? Because it broke in mine, Fin. Don’t you see? Don’t you now see what we are? We’ve been doing this over and over!”

“You’re okay, you’re okay!” Olga called. “Finley. Do the thing. Do the calming thing.” She looked over at us, smiling sheepishly. “She has a panic disorder. Don’t worry. It’ll be fine.”

“The fire fairy has a panic disorder?” Donut asked incredulously.

“Don’t worry. It’ll be okay,” Olga repeated. She raised her voice. “Won’t it be fine, Que?”

The fire fairy didn’t answer.

Olga croaked. “We had another fairy in the group. Helado. It was her sister, but she was an ice fairy. She was really good at calming her down. She was killed by the chain demon. Had a crazy hard time calming Quemada after that. She killed one of the two clients. But Finley eventually talked her down. So you ain’t got nothing to worry about.”

“Wait,” Donut said. “She killed the person who hired her?”

“Only one of them,” Olga said defensively. “She’s better now.”

“Emberus, help me understand,” Quemada wailed.

Donut: REMIND ME TO THANK ROSETTA FOR THE QUALITY MERCENARIES SHE HIRED.

We entered the forest, and it went from light to dark.

“On it,” Donut said, casting Torch.

The road was already getting increasingly muddy and sticky. The shield protected from the acid rain, but I worried how that worked with the tires. Our upgrade allowed us to change the size of the tires, but I didn’t know if the shield actually protected them from the pools of acid on the ground.

Finley was saying something to Quemada, but I couldn’t hear over the roar of the engine and the rain.

Ahead, the bugbears turned right, entering the trailhead for the safe, long path, and the Dominators went straight, heading for the same trail we were going to use. I rolled the window all the way down, being mindful of the edge of our containment, and looked out to see if I could spy Team Sparkles. But even as I looked, they zoomed up beside us, though they quickly swerved, going down the left path. One Fine Pig also rumbled in that direction. Osvaldo’s mount, which was now up and running ridiculously fast also turned down that road, meaning the only one on the same path as us was the Lady Dominators.

“Wait, what’s down that left path?” I asked.

Literal Fire Ant colonies, and death. It’s the second-shortest path, and it doesn’t have a quest. But it has a boss.

“Damn, okay,” I said, watching forward, looking for traps. Multiple spots glittered in the darkness, but they were all far off the trail. I worried about the Lady Dominators in the lead. Did they have the ability to detect traps?  

Donut jumped from my shoulder to go talk to Quemada who was suddenly babbling incoherently.

“My Princess, no! Stay away from the crazy person!” Dorota yelled.

“I am not crazy! Or am I? Am I crazy? What can I burn?”  

“Everyone be quiet!” I called, keeping an eye on the track ahead. I sent a note to Osvaldo telling him all we knew about literal fire ants. We’d last seen them on the Iron Tangle in a trap, where they killed that moron train conductor guy and had overwhelmed the whole train in seconds. They were dangerous as hell.

Despite Donut’s Torch, the jungle was oppressively dark, like it was constantly constricting on us. All around, the foliage was thick and winding, trees mixed with vines mixed with brambles, all steaming as the acid rain poured on it all. Everything had taken on an acrid, burning scent. The path we were on was barely wide enough to travel.

I could still see the tail lights of the Lady Dominators, barely. According to the map, there were a few additional forks ahead. If they turned left, that meant they would have to cross that same bridge as us. We would either have to keep pace with them, or risk getting screwed by sabotage.  

“Whoa, fuck me!” Olga cried and swerved. We all went flying to the side as a new vehicle raged onto the path, merging from a road I hadn’t even seen. The vehicle honked furiously and moved ahead of us, making it so we couldn’t pass. It sprayed dirt, leaves, and mud as it moved, showering us with crap that started to collect on the edge of the shield.

“What in the name of the gods is that?” the frog shouted.

“It’s the goddamned Wienermobile,” I said. “It’s from another heat. I know the guys driving it. It’s those guys from the karaoke bar. The skull-faced ones in the pope hats.”

“I talked to the leader of that group,” Donut said from the back. “His name is the Minister of Blood Letting. He’s really creepy at first, but he has a deep love of singing. He says he’s practicing so they’ll let him into the Unholy Choir. I don’t know what that means, but he’s pretty good, though he has a tendency to sing a little flat. It’s hard when you don’t have natural talent. I told him we’d be racing on the same heat, and he promised not to blood sacrifice us to Baal, so that’s good at least.”

“Well right now your friend’s giant car is blocking the path, and they’re going slow.”

The fire fairy continued to sob. “Is Emberus even real? My Lord, please show yourself. Please talk me and Carl to...”

Alarmed, I turned to see the badger grab his friend out of the air. The fire fairy squirmed in his double-handed grip.

“No, no, no,” Quemada said. “Stop, Fin. Please, stop. Let me end it all.”

The Porsuk mercenary poked Quemada with one of his claws.

“Sleep now, friend,” he said, his voice surprisingly gentle. The fire fairy suddenly had Unconscious over her. He carefully placed her in the sink.   

“She okay?” Olga asked, turning in her seat.

The badger shook his head. “She hasn’t been right since Helado died. I swear, if I ever see that demon again, I will kill her myself.”

Donut: I MEAN, REALLY. THIS ISN’T DOWNTON ABBEY. WE SHOULDN’T HAVE TO DEAL WITH DRAMA FROM THE HELP. DO WE GET A DISCOUNT WHEN ONE IS ASLEEP?

I was about to answer when another message came.

Imani: Hello, Carl, Donut.  

Carl: Are you guys okay?     

Imani: You just passed us. We were behind the Bleak Congregation, and we pulled onto the road just as you passed. Elle is driving, and she drives like an old lady. But we’re behind you. We already lost a team. Crawler Henrietta, you know that one from Angola? She was new this heat. They hit a trap. It swallowed their mount whole, and she and her partner are gone.

Carl: Damn. Okay. I’m going to send our course. Let me know if your GPS has a better route.

I spent a moment sending all the twists and turns we had planned.

Imani: That’s the exact same path our GPS picked out.

Donut: IS YOUR GPS NAMED DR. METCALF, TOO? I THINK SHE USED TO BE MISS BEATRICE’S THERAPIST.

Imani: What? Ours is named Chester.

Carl: If we both came up with the same path, it’s likely others will have the same idea, too.

“Dr. Metcalf,” I said. “Let’s plan some alternate routes. If that hotdog truck turns the same way we were going to go, it’ll be better for us to go in a different direction.”

Now that I know what to look for, there’s another junction ahead where the other heat will connect with ours. I have an alternate path mapped out. Would you rather face the Exploding Snake Temple or the cannibals?

“Uh,” I said.

No, Carl. Not the snake temple. Stay away. Stay away. The old gods have new power, and even the force that controls this world doesn’t understand what is happening.   

It was that voice again. The dwarf. The one that had told me I wasn’t crazy on the previous floor. It had come out of nowhere. But the voice was louder than it had ever been, and now I finally knew for certain who that voice was. Grimaldi. The circus ringleader from the third floor who’d become a part of a the all-tree after Signet had brought him to the sixth. He’d entered me when I’d deliberately eaten that ice cream cone made of worms.

But I’d purged him from my body. How was he still there? How was he talking in my mind?

You know the answer, Carl. Here, in the trees, it’s easier, despite you not being inside the volcano. You are nearby. Closer than you might realize. I can feel you.

Survive this. Come to the tree before it’s too late. We are dying. Soon, we will have no choice but to move the roots into new soil.

What the hell? I thought.

Dr. Metcalf gave an angry beep.

I don’t know why I bother even asking you if you’re not going to make a choice.  

“Cannibals,” I said. “We stay away from the snake temple no matter what.”  

Very well. It looks like the giant phallus is indeed taking the route we were planning. And there are two more vehicles ahead now, too, from that third heat. We will still have to pass over the Piranha river, and we have a small cliff to traverse instead of a ravine, but the spider legs should be able to handle it.

Shit. All thoughts of the bizarre conversation with Grimaldi suddenly fled.   

Carl: Imani, can you guys deal with the cliff up ahead?

Imani: Yes. We have a wall-climbing and descending kit. But it’s slow.

Carl: We’ll wait to make sure you make it.

Chapter 42

The road jolted. The track suddenly got much bumpier. We slowed down.

“Making the wheels bigger,” Olga said, all business. “Carl, keep your eyes peeled. We’re separated from the other teams, meaning we’re the first ones on the path. This is where the traps might be. Also, we’re getting close to the outskirts of cannibal territory.”

A set of headlights appeared behind us. They flashed. It was Imani and Elle’s team. I knew they also had a mercenary in there with them, but I wasn’t sure who it was. Their vehicle was an APV similar to, but bigger, than the military vehicle driven by the Tigran team.

“Wouldn’t they only be cannibals if they were human?” Donut asked. “I mean, all sorts of monsters eat each other. Goblins eat each other, and I guess that makes them cannibals, but we don’t call them cannibals. We call them goblins. So what are these things? And do they eat things that aren’t each other?”

And that’s when the cannibals attacked.

Imani: Watch out! They’re in the trees above you!

Splat. Splat, splat, splat. The pale creatures started dropping from the foliage, except they hit the shield, and when they did, they exploded like bags of tomato soup.

Donut increased her torch to full blast, and suddenly night turned to day.

All the trees and bushes on either side of the path started violently shaking as the creatures hissed and screamed at the light.

There were hundreds of them. Thousands. They just came out of nowhere, suiciding themselves against the shield like they had no sense of self-preservation whatsoever. A chorus of high-pitched screeches filled the jungle.

“What are they? They keep blowing up before I can see them!” Donut yelled.  

“They’re human, I think, but they’re acting like bugs,” Olga said, voice full of wonder. “It’s like the bright light has driven them mad.”

Up ahead, an arch crossed the path. The tall arch appeared to be made of a tree that was deliberately bent over and tied. Hanging from the arch were dozens of skeletons. Decapitated, dried heads dotted the bridge. Hundreds more random body parts and bones littered the arch like grisly Christmas tree decorations.  

Standing on the bend, screaming and shaking their spears were about a hundred of the cannibals.

They were pale, slightly pudgy human creatures. At least they appeared human, but I couldn’t see their heads. They were all completely naked except for little loin cloths. There were both men and women, and the women were not wearing tops. They all carried simple spears, and each wore a horrific, wood mask ripped off from some home décor store’s interpretation of an African tribe. Some carried primitive hide shields.

They seemed immune to the acid rain.

Splat! Splat! More dropped on the truck, only to explode against the magic barrier.   

Olga tapped a gauge on the dash. “They’re overheating the shield!”

“Vaguely racist,” Donut muttered. “I’d love to see its version of overt.”

Her claw caps disappeared, and blue light filled the cab. She swiped into open air.

Her Astral Paw appeared, swiping through the woods ahead of us, sweeping all the cannibals on the arch away like she was sweeping pieces off a chessboard. Most flew off into the jungle, screaming. The spell wasn’t nearly as large as when she cast her War Crime spell, which she wouldn’t be able to cast again until the 12th floor, but it was still huge. Whatever was holding the arch down snapped, and the tree flipped up like a catapult, flinging the remaining cannibals in the opposite direction. Skeleton bones rained down. They crunched under the truck as we passed.

She waved a few more times, clearing the trees ahead. Trees all around snapped and broke. Screaming filled the jungle as we slowed.   

Elle: Holy hells, Donut. Have I told you recently how terrifying you are?  

Donut growled with annoyance. Her claw caps reappeared, and the giant paw dissipated.

Donut: IT’S A LOT STRONGER THAN IT WAS BEFORE, BUT IT DOESN’T LAST LONG, AND THE COOLDOWN IS MUCH LONGER NOW. IT’S SUPPOSED TO GET SHORTER AS THE LEVEL GOES UP, NOT THE OTHER WAY!

I nodded. “It’s to keep you from moonwalking through the floors. How long before you can cast that again? And don’t you have a new version you can cast also? The combined version?”

“I killed like 80 of them, and I didn’t even go up a level! This is ridiculous! I can’t cast it again for eight hours! The combined version with Bijanbi isn’t a new spell. I can just combine the two and cast them both at the same time. Ow!” Donut suddenly jumped in the air, hitting the ceiling of the truck, spinning around, “What was that?”

“What, what?” I asked.

“I...I think that stupid dog tattoo on my butt just bit me!”

“Uh,” I said.   

Splat, splat!

More were coming from the sides, just throwing themselves against the side of the truck. The village itself was up ahead.

“Two or three more, and the shield will go out,” Olga said. “It’ll take a few minutes to recharge.”

“Donut, get your shield ready.”

A particularly large cannibal stood on the road ahead of us, blocking the path. This one was enormously fat, and it didn’t hold a spear, but a staff that glowed with enchantment. This one also seemed immune to Donut’s bright light. Its mask wasn’t made of wood, but was carved from the skull of what appeared to be some sort of ape. I was weirdly reminded of the lemurs from the third floor.  

“What should I do?” Olga asked, slowing even more as we approached. Imani and Elle’s truck rumbled up behind us.  

The mob pulled the ape mask off and dropped it to the ground, revealing that it was, indeed a human. The older man had a balding mop of wild, curly red hair that was held up in a man bun held together with a single bone. His wide, pale belly reflected in the light.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” I said upon reading the description.

The man started chanting.

Soul Suck has been negated by your Mind Balance skill.

Donut scoffed. She would also be immune to this due to her high constitution and charisma combo.

Great Rusty. Cannibal Ginger Chieftain.

Level 99 neighborhood boss.

This is the leader of the southern cannibal forest settlement.

This is yet another storyline we lifted wholesale from the never-realized seventh floor that I was actually looking forward to because it featured the Gingers, AKA the perverts of the dungeon.

These human-like mobs are actually from Earth, and we didn’t change anything about them except we made them cannibals to fit in with the whole jungle theme.

This is a Ginger. They hide amongst regular humans, though they aren’t actually 100% human DNA. They’re the result of alien interference in the development of your human world, much like how octopuses are also the result of outside meddling after the initial seeding. Nobody really knows when the corruption was introduced, but it’s suspected the Nullians were involved.

The men are said to be sexually deviant to a fault. The women are known to be...let’s just say...extra spicy. Both sides have wacked-out pain tolerances, making them more susceptible to heat and cold, but immune to electrical and acid attacks. It’s one of the reasons why they’re prized targets for dentists and serial killers.

Oh, and they can suck your soul away. Never stare too long into the face of a Ginger. If you get lost in their eyes, it’s already too late.

Anyway, there are two Ginger cannibal settlements in the forest. The north and south settlements, and they are at war with one another. If you decimate one tribe, it will create a power vacuum that would probably have a cascading, devastating effect on the entire region if this whole race wasn’t just 20 hours long. It’s not like that’s a metaphor or anything about how outsiders crash through cultures, have their fun, and then leave after they’ve vilified the natives and exploited them to the point where they can never possibly recover. And then, generations later, blame them because they still struggle to step up.

“I love how that whole thing is both socially conscious and outrageously racist at the same time,” I muttered.  

“This is gingerphobia laid bare,” Donut said. “Disgusting. Ferdinand would be appalled. Though, if we’re being honest here, the pervert part is probably true. I don’t think I’ve ever met an orange cat who shouldn’t be on some sort of registry, if you know what I’m saying. I’m assuming the same is true for humans.”

“It’s not. It’s just a stupid thing people do to make fun of others. None of it is true! The AI is being a prejudiced dick.”

“Not even the part about the women being spicier?”

“Well...” I paused and then shook my head. “No. It’s just like everything else. It’s a stupid, made-up stereotype. Besides, if the AI thinks redheads are the spiciest, he’s clearly never met a Latina.”

“I can’t help but notice you’ve been referring to the AI as a ‘he’ a lot more recently, Carl.”

Olga slumped over in the driver seat. She had a debuff. Gingered. She was unconscious, and her health was rapidly draining.  

“Oh, fuck!” I cried. “Finley!” I grabbed the frog and yanked her from the seat. She was weirdly heavy.

“Olga! Olga!” Finley cried as he awkwardly pulled himself forward.  

Donut shot a Magic Missile at Great Rusty, who exploded, killing him instantly.

Olga groaned. The Gingered debuff remained, but she was suddenly awake. Her health stopped seeping, but she didn’t fully recover. She was just staring off into space.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

She didn’t respond.

“Shit,” I said. I sent a note to Mordecai and Rosetta.

Mordecai: Did you kill the mob that did it? It’ll return her soul, but she needs specialized healing from a cleric. She’ll be in a fugue until that happens. Good thing you have a backup driver.

Rosetta: Watch out. If that happened once, it might happen again. Soul suckers travel in packs. Get out of there.

I turned to Finley, who’d awkwardly stuck himself into the driver’s seat. “Floor it. Don’t stop for anything.”

“It did that voting thing for Great Rusty,” Donut said. “I said let the audience choose, and they’re voting now.”

We moved, bumping through the village, pregnant women and small, freckled children jumping out of the way as we smashed through the center of town, knocking over huts and cookpots. Imani and Elle were hot on our tail.

In seconds, we were past and back on the road.

“Well, that sucked,” I said. “At least we didn’t get embroiled...”   

New Quest. Pasty Inferno.  

This is a mandatory quest!

Great Rusty, chieftain of the southern tribe has fallen. You blew him up, and then you ran over his corpse, and you didn’t even leave a note with your insurance information!

Soon, Maurice, the chieftain of the northern tribe will learn of his enemy’s death and will move in. And when that much power grows unchecked, everybody loses. The northern tribe will have enough power to march on Upano, devouring everyone within.

Find and kill Maurice, chieftain of the northern tribe. He probably won’t be just waiting in the middle of the road.  

Reward: Whomever completes this quest will receive the contents of Maurice’s cookpot.

Warning: This is a mandatory quest. You will not be able to finish this race unless you, or someone else, completes this quest.

Elle: Fucking hell, Carl. What was that? You just got us a quest? In the middle of a race!

Donut: I’M THE ONE WHO KILLED HIM. HE HURT OLGA!

“Goddamnit, Dr. Metcalf,” I said. “You said there weren’t any quests on this path! We don’t have time for this!”

Oh fuck off, Carl. This is just typical. Upgrade me, stop being selfish, and maybe you’ll get better intel on this stuff. I can’t read minds. The quest happened when the cat blew up the fat guy.

“Stop fighting,” Donut called. She suddenly fired another missile out the window. Then another. “They’re still out here! Finley, go faster!”

“We should’ve just followed the sausage truck,” Finley whined. “I like sausages.”

Chapter 43

The piranhas, did indeed, fly. But by the time we reached the river, our shield had recharged. We had to inflate our tires fully to cross the river, and then we waited on the opposite bank, waiting for Imani and Elle’s APV to ford the river, which it did easily. The thing was meant to be amphibious even without upgrades.

The piranhas were especially strong for a mob that attacked in packs. Each one of the flying fish was level 50. They didn’t explode like the cannibals did against the shield, but instead sort of sizzled and stuck there for a few moments before dropping away, dead.

Donut used her Fresh into Salt spell she’d received from her Champion of Nekhebit title on the river, and that pretty much finished off the rest. She still didn’t go up a level.  

As for the flying ones, I mostly allowed the truck to kill them for us, but Donut was sniping them through the window. She said that when most died, they just died, and that was it. No notification for audience voting.  

Both Olga and Quemada remained unconscious, which seemed to make Finley really nervous. And if Finley was nervous, that made me nervous. He kept chewing on his own claw as we bumped through the dark forest.

“This is no good, no good,” he kept muttering to himself. “No good. No good. No pay is worth this. I shouldn’t have used such a strong sedative on Que. She’ll be mad when she wakes up. She’ll be mad I didn’t protect Olga.”

“It’s okay,” Donut said in an attempt to cheer him up. “You’re trying to save your friends, just as much as we are. You’re okay. Maybe this town will have a cleric that will wake up Olga.”

Imani didn’t have the ability to cure the grulke’s soul sucked status. We already asked.

We lost a good half hour at the cliff. Our spider legs worked well, but Meadowlark’s cliff kit required them to fire a grappling hook from the front of the vehicle, and even though it worked on the first try, it was painfully slow. As they ascended, getting attacked by crow-sized mosquitoes the whole time, I conferred with Dr. Metcalf as we attempted to plan for the second half of the race.

The second half of the map hasn’t populated yet. I suppose that means we’ll see it after we finish the pitstop.

“Okay,” I said.

After we were sure Elle and Imani’s team had successfully made it over the cliff, we continued on our way.

A good four hours after we’d started, the pitstop loomed. There was an arch with the word “Pit Stop” over it in flashing, neon light that looked ridiculously out of place in the middle of the jungle.  

“Finally,” Finley said, letting out a stream of breath.

Entering the Lost City of Upano. Mind the locals.

Safe room rules do not apply during pit stops.

“Huh, interesting,” I said as we passed under the arch. A wide street appeared in front of us. The houses from our cul-de-sac were here, but they’d been rearranged into a long line. It wasn’t just our teams, but all the other houses from all three heats in a long, suburban street. I saw with dismay the hotdog truck was there, poking out the back of a garage. Rapture and Genesis were walking from their garage toward a doorway at the end of the street, which led to what looked like a group of falling-down buildings and huts.

Beyond the small city was a strange sight. Where I was expecting more jungle was something completely incongruous with the setting. To the east was what appeared to be a tall group of black tubes. It just went up and up and up, and opposite that was a group of cliffs. Opposite us, I was expecting more jungle, but it appeared like the Upano just went on and on and on.

“There,” I said, pointing at a garage door that started opening on its own. There was no number painted on the door, but the whole driveway started blinking. Hedy appeared, standing in the entrance. Just next door, closer to the entrance, another door started to open. This was Elle and Imani’s garage.

Two-hour timer starts the moment you park in your garage.

Note: Garage doors may not be closed during pit stops. Saferoom access is unavailable during pit stops.

“If the open garage doors indicate the ones who’ve already arrived, then we’re doing better than I feared,” I said, counting. There were 18 houses total, and only seven of the doors were open, not including the ones for us and Meadowlark. I started trying to see if I recognized any of the others.

Team Sparkles was in the very first garage, and I saw Osvaldo’s Slaughter Gnu was also parked. After the Lady Dominators, that meant we were in fourth place, ahead of the bugbears and One Fine Pig, who were yet to arrive.

Two of the homes, the ones closest to the end of the street, were boarded up. I assumed that meant teams who’d been lost along the way. We already knew about the crawlers from Imani’s heat, but I didn’t know who the second lost team was. It wasn’t from our heat, however, as we would’ve gotten a notification.

We pulled up, drawing all the way into the garage.

Timer starting. Your vehicle may not leave this garage until the two hours are up.

Please feel free to explore the town. It’s perfectly safe as long as you mind the local customs.  

Hedy walked around the truck as we exited.

“Not too bad,” she said, sounding impressed. “Much better shape than the last time.” She reached over and with a gloved hand picked up a tuft of red hair that had somehow gotten stuck in the front bumper. It dripped with blood and sizzled a little from the acid rain. “Race ain’t over yet though.”  

“The new shield works great,” I said. “But it needs more power to withstand a lot of abuse.” Outside, a double-decker bus rumbled past. A dromedarian camel sat in the top half, sitting behind a massive gun battery that looked like an anti-air gun.

“No helping that,” Hedy said. “They don’t want your shields too perfect. It’s a game. Don’t you be forgettin’”

The bus was followed a minute later by Jasha and Radoslav’s van, which had been put through the ringer. It looked as if it had been stepped on by a god. All its windows were smashed out. It still ran on the cushion of air, but it kept scraping against the ground, causing sparks to fly up. They moved into a spot across the street from Imani and Elle.

Donut released Mongo into the room. I’d left Rend in the stables. Mongo rushed in a circle, bouncing around and sniffing and shrieking at everyone. He stopped and sniffed the bumper.

“Be careful,” I called. “There’s acid still on there.”

He growled and took a step back.

I returned my attention back to Hedy. “Did I hear that correctly? We can’t close the garage door?” I guess we’ll have to use Mongo to protect you.”

“Yep,” Hedy said. “They dropped that one on us right after the race started. It looks like that be the standing rule at pit stops. I ain’t safe like this.”

“Okay,” I said, looking around. “And nobody stayed in the garage with you after we left?”

“No,” Hedy said. “Ain’t no door anymore.”

“Jamal does protest,” came Jamal’s weak, cracking voice from the ceiling.

We all looked up.

The shark was attached to the very top of the hangar, looking down. He was planted directly above us.

“Hi Jamal!” Donut said. Mongo looked up and let out a delighted shriek and started waving his wings.

“Yeah, other than him,” Hedy said.

“What are you doing up there?” I called.

“Jamal was testing his legs. Jamal wished to see if he could walk upside down on the ceiling with the new and improved sticky feets Jamal has, and I do apologize, Mr. Carl, but now Jamal has found himself in quite the inverted conundrum.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Jamal is stuck!”  

“What? Are your legs broken? How long have you been up there?”

“Jamal has been stuck for quite a bit, I fear. It is with great embarrassment that I admit this.”

“Jamal,” Donut said. “Get down this instant! My goodness. Were you up there from before the race started?”

“Oh, yes, Miss Donut. Many hours before the race started. Jamal is feeling woozy.”  

Donut grumbled under her breath. “Why didn’t you say anything? What’s wrong with your legs?”

“Nothing is wrong. Jamal is afraid of heights.”

“Afraid of heights?” Donut asked incredulously.

I sighed. “Jamal, I once watched you roll down a hill, flopping directly into battle filled with giant soldiers in power armor. You have jumped higher than the ceiling dozens of times. You single handedly held off a group of nuclear bomb-toting robot dogs with your flamethrower.”

“When Jamal jumps, he doesn’t have time to see how high he is because he always falls down again.”

“Okay, Jar-Jar, listen,” Donut started to say. “We don’t have time to...”

 But Jamal interrupted her, talking fast, his voice taking on a strange tone I’d never heard before from the hammerhead shark. “Jamal is happy to have his legs, but he wishes he could just go back to the ocean. We aren’t at war like before, but everything is so much scarier all of a sudden. Miss Hedy says if you die, we die. We won’t even know. Everything will just stop. She says that’s what happened to the gremlin and all the people in the houses of the other races. So Jamal came up here so he could see everything all at once. It’s what Jamal used to do, before, when he was...when he was real. He was so brave, but he was not me. I know that, but I want to be brave. I want to be Jamal, but now I am up here, and I can see it all, I am so scared of what I might lose at any moment. I’m scared to come down, because if I do, maybe I won’t ever see it all again.”   

Donut was suddenly floating in the hangar. She’d used her Hover ability. She floated up to the ceiling. Mongo, screeching, jumped to the top of the food truck and started waving his wings anxiously.

Donut started whispering quiet words of encouragement to the shark.

I didn’t know what she said to him, but a moment later, he hopped, flipping in mid-air, and landing deftly on the floor of the garage right next to the truck. Mongo jumped from the roof as Donut deactivated her hover, landing right on Mongo’s back.

Jamal made a circle and just sort of settled on the floor. Mongo curled up next to him as Donut leapt off her pet, did a jump, and landed on my shoulder.

“What did you say to him?” I asked.

She didn’t answer right away. She stared at Mongo and Jamal resting there on the floor of the garage for several moments, quietly kneading her paws into my shoulder. I grit my teeth and tried not to react at her new strength.  

“I said that he shouldn’t be scared about that sort of thing. Yes, it could happen at any moment, it’s true, but if we worry too much about things we can’t control we start to ruin the things we can control. And that even though he can be annoying, he’s part of the family now and that he shouldn’t be scared to tell us when he’s in trouble. Even if we’re frustrated with him, we’ll help him the best we can because that’s what family does.”     

Before I could respond, she raised her voice. “Mongo, mind your mommy and stay here and guard Hedy along with Jamal. Finley, you...Finley?”  

The back door to the truck opened, and Finley appeared, cradling the toad in his arms. The grulke was technically conscious, but she was just gaping off into space, her long tongue lolling and dragging on the floor. He also had Quemada with him, draped over his shoulder. He had a patch of extra thick, scorched leather on his jacket there I hadn’t even noticed before with a little strap. It seemed made just for that purpose, like he was always carrying the fire fairy around while she was knocked out.

“I’m going into town,” Finley said. “I will see if there’s a temple. I am taking Que with me because I don’t want her to wake up and be alone. You won’t be able to handle her if she’s not in the right mind.” He took a few steps, then paused, looking back at me and Donut. “I heard what you said to the shark. How you feel about him, I feel about these guys. They’re my family. I’ve already lost so much, and I don’t want to lose more, so I am going to help them the best I can. I know I’m supposed to do what you say, and I promise to come back, but I want you to know this is my family, and I will do what it takes to protect them.”  

Finley walked right out of the open garage door, stepped onto the street, and was promptly mowed down and killed by the speeding APV from team One Fine Pig.

The APV hit the brakes, smearing the bodies of all three across the street, backed up a few feet, then went forward again, smashing them all further into the pavement before disappearing down the street and turning into their garage.

Your mercenary Finley has been killed!

Your mercenary Olga has been killed!

Your mercenary Quemada has been killed!

~

Uh-oh.