Roasting Miley and Ranting about... something. (Patreon)

Here's my fuckin hilarious dipshit youtube roast video where i fuckin complain about miley cyrus and jimmy fallon being a bunch of fuckin hollywood fuckin liberals or some fuckin shit. Sadly once again i've mistakenly been too funny and accidentally caused half the comments to be people discussing how sad i am and how worried they are about me. I mean... thanks? 

Also i'm sorry it took like 6 days to remember to post this on patreon, time has no meaning for me anymore. I live in a place outside of time, unbound by something something words words. 

There wasn't some big master plan behind this video, at least no more than usual, at this point bitterly self-aware anti-videos come as naturally to me as breathing and pooping. I saw some dumb Jimmy Fallon clip and came up with jokes about it, and then imbued those jokes with the necessary amount of self-deprecation to justify their existence to myself. 

I don't like roasting or attacking people, i don't see much value in it, so the way i justify a video like this is by making myself the primary target. That's why the joke here is that i'm sad and i'm a loser and i wanna die and blah blah blah. 

I try to use comedy responsibly, i'm not into using it as a tool for bullying or for lifting myself up at the expense of others. If i'm going to make fun of people, i make it a point to save the majority of the ridicule for myself. I think that's a good rule for anyone to keep in mind. 

Comedy doesn't have to be mean, and people who can only make you laugh by mocking others are the lamest and most insecure snowflakes of all. There is an epidemic of witless bullies who erroneously believe themselves to be comedians. Comedy, criticism, entertainment, and just about every avenue of discourse is saturated with these people. I try not to be one of them. 

There are jokes in this video about how Miley Cyrus is a dumb whore and Jimmy Fallon is an annoying phony, which are easy jokes that anyone can and has made. But the real joke is pointing out how empty and vapid it is to make those jokes. What kind of sad person would do that for a living? What kind of pathetic, bitter loser can only get through life by criticizing and insulting others? The secret to all my videos is that the punchline is always the same. The punchline is me. 

This unfortunate brand of self-awareness puts me in the unenviable position of feeling trapped by what others might consider a "dream job", but i can only see as a toxic cesspool of spiritual disease and cultural rot. People who do what i do are peddlers of poison, and sickeningly most of them are either unaware of it or perfectly content with it. 

Often i think if i were truly brave i would cut the cancer out of my life completely and just stop being a youtuber altogether, in fact i fantasize about doing that every day. But i should think it obvious why I don't. The same reason you all don't quit your day job. Everyone at some point has been given that classic, self-serving, totally unrealistic, and completely worthless piece of advice "if you don't like your job then quit". Gee, thanks. I hadn't thought of that. 

We've all been told that line at some point, and we all want to murder the smug jackass who said it to us. The reason we don't all just quit our job, is because it's our job, and a lot of people are depending on us to do it. We've all got bills to pay, mouths to feed, and loved ones we can't let down. We all gotta do our job, and in that way, as glamorous at it may seem getting to write and perform for a living as i do, i've come to feel just as trapped and enslaved by Youtube and Patreon as one would by an office cubicle or a chair-less cash register. 

What i consider glamorous isn't this, it's something real and normal, something dependable, with consistent pay and grown-up benefits. I look at manual laborers and store managers with a grass-is-always-greener wistfulness, I day-dream about having that kind of boring, dependable normalcy, and financially stable anonymity. 

Despite the increasing sense of melancholy pervading my work i continue to plug away at it because it remains the best source of income available to me, and even that i would be tempted to give up were it not for those who depend on me to make that income. If i were completely alone with no responsibilities to anyone, i would delete everything and disappear. But i know i'm not the first man to feel that way, nor am I the first to have it tempered by the knowledge that courage of that sort is irresponsible and selfish when there are people depending on me. 

So if i hate youtube and i hate everything about it, and i hate being a part of it... but i can't quit because it's my job, then what can i do? How can i make it bearable for myself? How can i make content that follows the youtube structure enough to be entertaining for my audience, while still keeping in line with my own values, which are increasingly at odds with the structure, format, and values that define the platform itself?

The only answer i've come up with is this sort of meta, contemptuous self-awareness that permeates my content. Every video i put out, regardless of it's stated intent, to some degree carries the underlying message of how terrible this all is, and how miserable it is to be a person who does it, because making myself the butt of the joke is my sly, satirical way of making all youtubers, and youtube itself the butt of the joke. 

By making myself the punchline i can make a statement about the kind of people I really think are ruining the world, not the ones getting made fun of but the ones doing the mocking. The narcissistic, shallow, and cruel who build their brands on smug criticism and self-aggrandizing ridicule of others, and the machine that rewards them for this petty, small-minded vanity. 

To see an example of what I'm talking about look no further than the frankly horrifying rise of "call out" videos and cannibalistic youtuber expose's, look at how successful these cretins become by devouring each other. That's become the key to success on youtube. Don't waste time and effort trying to have something of your own to offer, just use somebody else's name in your video. Do another smug, bandwagon hit piece on whoever is currently in the public's crosshairs for some grievous human mistake, misunderstanding, or mob-driven humiliation that can be endlessly commented on. That's what works. That's what youtube promotes and that's what the diseased masses flock to. 

The era where anyone could be rewarded for earnest, do-it-yourself creativity is rapidly being replaced by an era of tabloid drama-mongering and personal army dick-waving. There's an influencer arms race going on where building an audience to support your work has become secondary to building a mob to dismantle your enemies. 

In a time when everyone has their own fervent community of bored teenagers at their disposal, cyber-harassment has become an unspoken but mutually assured constant of the climb to relevance.

The best way to get your name out there is through indiscriminately creating and latching on to as much drama as you can, and the best way to guard yourself from it coming back around on you is through calculated use of intimidation and humiliation.

There are those are who are so adept at this, they enjoy a position of power and influence wherein they cannot be criticized, because anyone who stands up to them just so happens to find themselves brigaded, doxxed, or relentlessly harassed, until none are willing to do so. 

Social media and video platforms insist in their guidelines and corporate statements that they consider harassment and cyber-bullying a blight, but in reality such cruelty is the currency of the social media economy. Careers are built on it, and lives are destroyed by it. This mindless, malevolent cruelty has been allowed to cement itself as the backbone of internet culture and it's far too late to ever be curbed, let alone stopped.

And so youtube, and by extension the entire internet, which began as a boundless world of possibilities and free enterprise, has instead become one big bloody colosseum. A locked arena where everyone is fighting to the death and none but the most cunningly ruthless can thrive. To attempt to enter the arena with only humble creativity, and no desire to engage in such warfare, is to make yourself an easy target for these people. 

And so you either take the abuse until it destroys you, or you fight back, but once you begin fighting back you can never stop. So by fighting these people or you become one of them. You become part of the problem. 

The more that viciousness is rewarded the more users will turn vicious, and the more vicious people will be drawn to it. The more sensitivity and modesty is punished, the less kind or decent people will want anything to do with it. Soon there will be none left but the vicious, the internet will belong only to those who use it's reach for cruelty.

At this point no sane person should want to be a youtuber, or internet personality. None but the most narcissistic or naive could look at what the internet has become and even consider entering this den of jackals, where sincere creativity has become increasingly irrelevant in favor of insincere mockery, and all anyone wants anymore is the endless repetition of disgruntled 20 years olds roasting each other.

Why would anyone bother putting themselves out there anymore and risk being exposed as a flawed human being, when instead they can just wait for someone else to do it and jump on the bandwagon of moralistic finger-pointing and intellectually dishonest sanctimony. Sooner or later there's always gonna be someone who's done something bad enough or stupid enough that you can justify being cruel and vicious to them, and that's really all anyone wants. We just want to be mean to someone, or watch people being mean to someone. We want to see people be embarrassed and humiliated and dragged through the mud. We want to hurt people's feelings, laugh at their misfortunes, and joke about their failings to feel better about our own. 

Social media has revealed that the cruel and vicious among us are in fact the overwhelming majority, and whatever empathy or compassion anyone may have has become more and more decentivised by the algorithms of promotion and aforementioned cruel, shallow vapidity of the masses that rewards and incentives mockery, gossip, and drama as the quickest and most surefire path to success and attention. These factors have created a terrible loop that nurtures humanity's worst traits by amplifying and rewarding the worst offenders. 

And so these platforms, which once seemed to be avenues for unrestrained creativity, have instead become factories of narcissism that twist normal people into bitter sociopaths and then reward them for that behavior, turning an entire generation into cruel, malicious, and aggressively talentless swivel-chair insult comics. 

They have the nerve to claim to be against bullying and harassment when their very business models promote and encourage it at every turn. No social media site is against bullying. Not Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Youtube, none of them. They all say they are, but in reality they are built on bullying. they promote bullies, they reward bullies, they encourage bullies, and they create bullies. 

So anyways here's a video where i roast some celebrities. But really i'm roasting myself. But really i'm roasting something else entirely. But really, we're all roasting. Surrounded by flames. Burning. Dying. Doomed.