Beer Quest - The Return Nobody Asked For (Patreon)

Well, my idiot ass went and bought a bunch of piss-flavored moose juice again so i had no choice but to film a Beer Quest on this smelly old webcam. Join me on this vomitus voyage to find out which noxious brew manages to be the most least terrible. We're gonna fly this pee-pee plane straight into the Hurl Trade Center and we're not stopping till we wake up next to Princess Diana in Hell. 

Oh God. What the hell else is there to even say about this? It's just me drinking beer and being grossed out. Times like this, i wish i were as lazy as everyone else, but i've boxed myself into this "actually putting effort into my patreon posts" meme. 

In other news the SNES Classic continues to be cool as hell. I've been making my way through Super Mario RPG the last couple of days while multi-task viewing some dope scary spooky stuff with Joe Bob Briggs on Shudder. Actually nevermind what i'm doing, this paragraph sounds like an ad, and that ain't what i'm about. If i ever did an ad i wouldn't put it on a patreon post, i'd put it where it belongs, up my ass. 

Honestly if i have to see one more cancerous youtube jerkoff try to sell me something I'm gonna lose all control in a way that is both violent and poopy. All of you hacks can take your Nord VPN, Squarespace, Crunchyroll, Harry's Razors, Casper Mattress Goddamn Fucking Bullshit, turn it sideways and kindly sodomize yourselves with it. I got a square space for ya, it's an Xtra Large, Xtra Horny Mario 64 Thwomp Slamming himself down your ripped open poop chute. 

And while i'm at it, the next video essay asshole who thinks they're being clever by regurgitating that narcoleptic "subverting expectations" meme is gonna be next on my list of people to bend backward and spinally shatter in the Walls of Jericho, Lion Tamer style. 

I'm sick and tired of soy-mouthed shills burping products at me and unoriginal "influencers" who reference Red Letter Media in place of having an original thought in their worthless lives. You people are not writers, and your existence is an affront to the art of prose that is my life. Die. 

Oh yeah, i'm really on a tear now. This is becoming way too spicy a rant for a damn Beer Quest post. Why am i wasting this tasty tempest of hate here? It oughta be its own thing. Besides, my vengeful typing and hilarious wrath is resulting in a Brainstorm-Rainstorm, and if i pour any more of my psychic energy into this blistering tirade i'm gonna cause a Poltergeist Tree to come lumber-ing through the window, no doubt looking for shelter from this squall i hath wrought with my Asgardian Thunder-Hate. 

Here's a stupid video of me tasting crappy beer and making yucky faces in a stinky hat.