I'm a Marine Biologist. (Patreon)

You heard me. That's my new profession, that's my new calling, that's my passion and my life's work. I'm an underwater science man makin batteries out of fish, and no one can stop me. No one can tell me what to do because i got this whole damn spooky scary alien planet to myself. Everyone else is dead except for me and the beautiful deadly fishies. It's the nightmare i've always wanted. 

This was a livestream that i've salvaged and scanned thoroughly to make sure it's not terrible. The game is Subnautica. It's a really cool game, even if it is full of scary monsters. 

This is simultaneously the most relaxing, and most terrifying game ever made. Subnautica is an intense struggle for survival in the deadly freak-osystem of a hostile alien hellhole, where the sense of isolation is matched only by the sense of "HOLY CRAP WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT" every time something brushes past your toe and you look down to see it's a 300 ton electric leviathan snake with pitchforks for teeth and a boombox on it's back blasting the Sonic The Hedgehog drowning music. 

I normally hate these survival crafting games for their meaningless loop of tedium, but not so here. Well okay, maybe it falls into that a little but the sense of exploration makes up for it. This fucking shit is a beautiful goddamn masterpiece. The ocean floor is as magical as it is not to be trifled with. I respect and fear this terrible planet as i would a frothing cocaine grizzly bear with chainsaws for paws.

The game also features a somewhat intriguing story about ancient aliens, man. You go explore this cool sci-fi techno pyramid place and it's fucking weird and cool and i love it. But i don't got any footage of that part, it's mostly me me sunblock out of seaweed. But the sea is angry, and every once in a while a gigantic horrible monster rises from the depths and spooks you to death before swallowing you and digesting your soul, such is life. 

Boy, I sure do love video games. Enjoy hearing me rant about how much i hate young people while exploring the ocean floor and mining copper ore, that's a man's work, just like making patreon posts about video games. Equally dangerous, and only for the hardest of men. With courage in their hearts, and chocolate milk in their 2011 WWE WrestleMania 27 collectible Miz cups. I came to PLAY.