King Rat Podcast (Patreon)

The Mystery of Shit House has plagued Cody La Rue for 7 joyless years. Here's what we know. On Halloween night, 2013, a party was held at young master Cody's abode. A great number of people attended. Friends, friends of friends, and perhaps even some strangers. 

The madness and debauchery that ensued over the night was such that many who attended were left scarred and disoriented. Recollections are hazy all around but what is known, is that a crime took place. A crime most foul. 

Cody awoke the following morning, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed for an honest day's work at Gamestop, only to discover the shocking scene.  At some point in the previous night, some demented miscreant had sprayed a shower of hot brown poop all over the side of the house. 

To this day the culprit of this evil deed has not been identified, and Cody has been using his "podcast" to pursue leads and interrogate anyone who was there that night. Even after all this time, he is no closer to the answer. 

I recently sat down for The King Rat show, expecting a civil interview, and a chance to promote my upcoming memoir "I Will Kill You: Words and Wisdom From The Only Intelligent Earthling". But instead i had been lured into a trap, and a brutal interrogation ensued. No sooner had the red button been pressed on the 1980s tape recorder, than the conversation was steered to my activities on that fateful Halloween nearly a decade ago. 

I had been caught on tape that night, knocking over a pizza in a drunken fit, so i can not deny that i attended the event. However, having been born and raised in chaos, i am not one to look away or black out upon gazing into its evil eye. 

I remember the events of that night vividly enough to know i am not the dumper, and i have the perfect alibi. I couldn't have been the one who dumped on the house, because i was busy that night, doing something even more embarrassing!

This is my terrible tale. I wish Cody luck on finally solving this caper, but aside from clearing my own name, i have no leads. The mystery of Shit House continues, unsolved for now. 

In addition to that stupid story from my stupid 20s (one of countless many), we also talked about... other stuff! 

Stuff like...

- Youtube, and what a toxic cesspool of narcissism, vanity, exploitation, dishonesty, cruelty and drama-mongering tabloid sensationalism it has become. 

- Youtubers, and what terrible stupid sociopathic scumbags they all are

- My advice on being a youtuber, don't.

- My advice on working with other youtubers, on anything, for any reason, ever, don't. 

- The youtube audience being comprised entirely of autistic shitbags and psychotic stalkers and why its not even worth it to be an entertainer at all anymore because there are no intelligent people left and there is no escape from the idiots. 

- Also, youtubers are all complete sell-outs and sad losers with no dignity, desperately suckling at the corporate teat in whatever pathetic way they can, so lost in their vapid pursuit of exploitable influence and hollow e-fame that they will leap at the chance to degrade themselves, while also humiliating anyone and everyone unfortunate enough to be caught in their orbit, and they see no problem with this as long as it continues to garner attention. The precious, drug-like attention of the fickle masses, which fuels their narcissism and in turn is fueled by it, like an ouroboros of egocentric vanity, gorging itself on it's own empty nothingness, strengthening only the worst of it's vile appetites, whilst anything resembling a soul withers and starves from lack of replenishing nutrients. 

- And don't get me started on how they're all phonies and liars and brainless, dumb pieces of shit, without a shred of sincerity or integrity among them, and no real education or life experience.

- Or how their egotistical and self-satisfied, yet paradoxically prideless pursuit of algorithmic negativity has resulted in an endlessly radioactive runoff of content pollution, so shallow and artless in it's creation that it has over time created a mostly unspoken but shared disdain among the general populace towards the very concept of do-it-yourself online creation altogether, which ultimately makes it that much harder for aspiring artists in a world where the availability of these platforms ought to be making it easier, and that this slowly but steadily growing backlash, as well as the ceaseless avalanche of worthless, crap content and shallow profit-driven cynicism that creates it, will no doubt ultimately have disastrous consequences on a societal scale. 

- Did i mention i hate youtubers?

All of this, and other reasons i don't post anything publicly anymore. I got real on this podcast. Maybe too real. Maybe just real enough. Who fucking gives a shit?

If you want some insight into this disgusting mess that somehow became my career and slowly over the course of a decade ground my life into an unrecognizable wasteland of broken glass, rusty cogs, and radioactive slime, and how utterly over it i am, I guess there's some of that here.

Of course it doesn't really matter what i say in this podcast or even what i write here. I'm sure you'll all find some way to take something out of it that's completely wrong and not at all what i said. C'est la vie.  Death of The Author amirite? Why even attempt to say anything? 

Nobody's even real, man. We can all just create our own perceptions of other human beings however we want, based on our own projected insecurities and warped views of the world, and then let our confirmation bias twist everything the person says to fit that perception. Rad.

I'm so glad i became an artist, so that i could be made crushingly aware of all this through years of constant, pointless toil, and ceaseless, idiotic misinterpretation of everything i say and do by the moronic masses who don't listen or understand anything, yet somehow believe the truth is theirs to mold. I'm so lucky to have been blessed with the natural intelligence, the experienced wisdom, and the worldly perspective to be aware of the nihilistic futility in even attempting to express oneself at all, and therefore get to spend my life impeded by the slowness of those around me, and forced to wade through the chest high-muck of anxiety over blah blah you know what i'm tired of this sentence, it's pointless anyways. 

Oh yeah and we also talk about movies for a bit. All in all, everything you could ever want from a podcast with me in it. You've got a wacky story from my ridiculous life, an exhausted tirade about the asinine career that's ruined my soul, and some fun nerd talk about Terminators and stuff. 

Anyways that's the King Rat podcast, the only good podcast i've ever been on. Can't wait to do it again. 

Thanks a ton, patrons. Love ya. <3