Dorksid3rs (Patreon)

The Dorksiders series has existed on the periphery of relevance for years. There always seems to be a new one of these being talked about, but never by anyone you care to listen to. Presumably it has fans, but i've never met these people in person, nor do I wish to. 

Here's me finally dipping my toe into this awful series with Dorksiders 3: A Stupid Game For Dumb Babies and Retarded Weebs. This was a free download, and it was still too expensive, because it cost an hour of my time. 

In this game you play as a boring, uninteresting, overdesigned, 1-dimensional bitch who talks like a 13 year old and thinks she's way cooler than she is. She's Fury, you see. The Horseman of Fury. As in The 4 horseman. Who in this game are Death, War, Fury, and Strife. Never mind that 3 of those are basically the same thing. 

I'm sure there are some out there who will insist that this game has value beyond being mercilessly roasted by me, but i don't believe you. My favorite part of this video is the sole Dorksiders defender in the chat demanding that i admit to being a contrarian and accept that the game is good, right as I clip through a wall and get stuck in a game breaking shit-glitch. I would applaud the irony of his timing but somehow i doubt that kind of thing is an uncommon occurrence. 

The only real irony here is that this game is so amusingly lame it almost makes me want to play the entire series just to make fun of it. Don't tempt me, Lord. I'm trying to walk the path of mercy.