Father Mcfreezy, a real character. (Patreon)

This may come as a shock to you all, but i have a deep passion for creating really stupid characters. They're like my children, you see. And like every parent, i have my favorites, and my not-so favorites. The honor role students who make me proud, and the embarrassments who i must disown in a rage before they bring any further dishonor upon the family name, like the man i learned all of my parenting techniques from, Jackie Chan's dad in Legend of Drunken Master. 

So, from the man who brought you such beloved menaces to society as Colt Corona and Babadook Spook, and such horrible abominations as Onion-Head Man, and The Wisconsin Irishman, soon to be everyone's favorite new failed character, Father Mcfreezy, The Freezy Pope. 

I may have gone too stupid this time, judging by the reactions of the Netflix execs i cornered in the bathroom and pitched this at. No, that's ridiculous. I didn't go stupid enough.

Father Mcfreezy is a complicated man, neither fully good nor fully evil. He is a man who bears the burden of many regrets, A pious pretender who vowed to do the Lord's work in life, but failed. Tempted and twisted by the demons of sloth and greed, so apathetic was he to the corruption around him, and the suffering of his flock, now he must labor in death to carry out the mission he neglected in life. 

Not the hero we deserve perhaps, but the only one low enough to do Heaven's dirty work. A cowardly and capricious fool whose frozen heart can only be thawed by the warm communion wine in his rotting belly. He is cursed never to rest until the Lord's work be done, and his cruelty in life fully atoned for.

To aid in this unending task, he wields the mighty Pope-Sicle, a cold blade for a man with ice in his veins. He must smite... like 100 demons or something.. yeah. Sort of like Eddie Mcdowd only he's a pope and not a dog. So maybe it's not unending. Or maybe its more like 1000 demons. I don't know. Who gives a fuck. 

Here, for the first and hopefully only time, hear the legend of this modern messiah. A cursed man on a holy crusade, never to be completed because he just sucks too much. This sinful cadaver will travel beyond heaven and hell to... do something. Smite demons and save the children, i guess. Yes. He has to save the children. That's the ticket. It's all about the children. Also, he's like a Christmas thing too. Its Santa, Jesus, and this guy. He's a real character, i said. Trust me.

Look. He's a pope, and he has an icy sword. That's the entire joke. I'm sorry. 

Okay that's enough dumb video game shit. Tune in next month for some actual content. Like, the real shit. The GOOD shit. Shit that'll make you shriek, holler, and hoot. It's gonna blow your minds. You're gonna be like "Holy crap", and not the bad kind of holy crap like Father Mcfreezy here, who if God is truly merciful, will never be seen again.