ButtChugger Blog - Weekly Newsletter #2 (Patreon)

Salutations, Patron Nation. And welcome all Buttchugg Brothers to the only weekly Patreon exclusive newsletter from the only Boi that matters, the Endless boi. Somehow i managed to pick up some new patrons this week (probably from all that hanging around being hilarious, smart, cool, and handsome i do) so a fond salute to you generous newbies and welcome to the secret society of giving me money. As far as secret societies go it's in the top 3 easy (the other 2 being Trump supporters and the Royal Order Water Buffalo). 

It's been a long, eventful week of making cool stuff and filling my brain with more cool stuff. That's how I roll, baby. Cool Stuff in, Cool Stuff out. I am to Cool Stuff what the American Political system is to fat, floppy shit mongers who worship Satan. Trust me, i know because Hilary and Trump's prayers come directly to me. I may in fact be The Devil, but luckily for all of you, I ignore prayers just like Jesus does. Suck it, humanity. You're on your own. 

I hope you all enjoyed my Judge Dredd video and Comics podcast. Wait, let me revise that, of course you did. I'm glad you all enjoyed my Judge Dredd video and Comics podcast. You might be wondering what's next, so here's a list of my current projects, described in vague terms so as not to spoil the surprise. 

1. Not a Review: (Recent TV Special)

2. Not a Review: (Cool Underrated Movie)

3. Topical Humor/Relevant Social Commentary (Wrath Fueled Political Tirade)

4. Fuck Video (Sequel to a classic Fuck _____)

5. Hilarious Music Album (OST to my award winning anime show)

6. My Japanese Animes: (A Show About Pidgins or Something)

7. The Blue Glow (Never-Ending Barrage of RadCon Lets Plays)

8. More Topical Humor/Relevant Social Commentary (Debunking an annoying modern philosophy)

9. My Japanese Animes (Classic 90s Anime)

...and probably some other stuff too. Those are just the sony vegas windows I currently have open at the moment. Ha Ha, my computer is going to fucking explode. If my CPU overloads from the strain and dies before I do that means 2 things. 

1. I am smarter, more powerful, and able to take on a heavier workload than a highly advanced supercomputer. 

2. With the computer gone I will finally be free and you'll never hear from me again, except in the form of crude and unedited travel vlogs uploaded from starbucks as I drift my way across the Real America. 

Anyways,  now for the part of the newsletter where i hammer out some exclusive Not Reviews before passing out on my couch mid sentence and dropping the laptop on the floor causing the screen to shatter while the mangled and ripped up power cord soaks up water from my constantly flooding basement floor, creating an electrical fire that burns down the house with me inside it and carries my ashes away on the merciful autumn breeze to suffer no more and leave no trace of my agonizing existence on this rotten ball of human sewage called the Earth. 

It seems like I consumed a metric crap ton of cool stuff this week but I'm having a hard time remembering all of it. 

Not Reviews:

Deus Ex: Mankind Divided - speaking of the Earth being little more than a technological prison-slum for humanity, i played a cool nintendo game about robots or something. Adam "Can't punch a guy without muh duracell batteries" Jenson returns in the sequel to the prequel to the 3rd or 4th greatest game ever made, Deus Ex. 

I havn't beaten this one yet, I think I'm about halfway through. I just arrived in Golem City. So far, the game is fucking awesome. Probably my 3rd favorite of the year so far behind Uncharted 4 and Dark Souls 3. So if this is part 2 of the modern Deus Ex saga then that means all i need is a 1 and a 5, and my top 5 will be a literal top 5. Can the world withstand a happenstance that mildly amusing? No one knows for sure, but I intend to find out. Somebody recommend me a 5 game and a 1 game that came out this year. Do it so i can fulfill this retarded lifelong dream that I've had ever since 15 seconds ago. 

Wolf Cop: At some point over the last week I had a couple days of female company which was exciting because it meant i had an excuse to forget my work and watch a bunch of movies. You know how guys use "netflix and chill" as a way to get laid? Well I'm the opposite. I invite girls over for sex, only because it gives me the chance to watch netflix. A nefarious and diabolical hidden agenda if ever there was one. Ain't I a stinker?

One of the flicks we watched was a recent work of Zinematic beauty called wolf cop and it was fucking incredible. It's exactly what it sounds like, crimefighting werewolf police man goes around raising hell, smoking, drinking, sexxing beautiful babes and kicking the shit out of shapeshifting lizard people. This is everything movies should be, by which i mean, featuring werewolves. That's how i judge movies now so yes that means the Twilight Series is objectively better than Jurassic Park, Citizen Kane, and Nude Ice Skating combined. That's 3 movies with 0 werewolves and 3 times 0 still equals 0. From now on any movie i see that doesn't feature a guy's dick violently exploding into a giant werewolf dick is an automatic 0/10.

Zombeavers: If Wolf Cop wasn't Z-grade enough we have this absolutely fuck-retarded, brilliant little horror comedy masterpiece that come to find out was actually written by the guys behind one of my favorite youtube channels, Legolambs (known for their brilliant action movie song parodies). 

Zombeavers is once again, exactly what it sounds like. A Cabin In The Woods Teenage Fuck-Fest that quickly becomes a desperate struggle for survival when Bill Burr crashes his toxic goo truck and spills radioactive chemicals into the river, creating an undead horde of pissed off zombie beavers. Zombeavers, if you will. 

I know from that description you immediately have 2 questions on your mind, and I will answer them. 

1. Yes, the virus does transfer to the humans turning them into grotesque and amazing human/beaver zombie hybrids

2. Yes, a dude does get his dick beavered off, in graphic, hilarious detail. 

And that about does it for this week's exclusive Buttchugger Blog. There was other stuff I watched but i can't remember any of it right now. It's late and I'm tired and if I don't wrap this up I'm probably gonna fall asle