RiaN Chapter 01 (Patreon)

I am what some would call a weeb. An otaku, a neet, a shut-in, a person who only really cared about manga and anime. Or I should say, I was. I died, and my death wasn’t very pretty. I had my cell phone open, and was watching porn with several of the women in the video dressed as Naruto characters. Halfway through jarking it, my mom came to visit for the first time in months. I wasn’t prepared for it.

As I stood up and tried to pull my pants up while my mom turned away from me, I tripped on my pants and threw myself from my window. A window on the sixth floor of the building I lived in. I fell to my death, the only feeling of success being that I managed to get my pants back up around my waist before I hit the ground. That was the start of my journey.

Apparently, my life was boring enough, I had made so little impression on the world that I gained the option to be sent to another universe. The universe would be selected for me but by doing so and solving the problem of that universe, I’d be rewarded by being reborn in a universe I chose. I obviously picked that instead of being reincarnated back on Earth.

The world I was sent to had a demon king that needed to be killed, and I became a hero to fight against him. Now, being a weeb, I thought for sure I knew where this was going. But even though the party had two females in it, neither of them wanted to have sex with me. Both of them thought I was gross for some reason, and it made the rest of the mission that much harder because we didn’t work well as a team.

Years later, we finally succeeded in killing the demon king. We made our way back to the kingdom, and I was expecting two things to happen, and neither of them did. First, I thought I’d be betrothed to the princess, except there was no princess to be betrothed to. Second, I thought I’d be betrayed and possibly killed because I no longer had a purpose. Neither of those things happened as I was given a good amount of money for what I accomplished and sent on my way.

…

I was mid-conversation, trying to figure out if I wanted the steak or chicken salad for lunch, when I was brought out of that world. The old-timey god stood before me as I questioned. “Hey, I didn’t really notice it the first time, but why are you an old man?” He looked confused as I continued. “You’re like an all-powerful god, right? So you should be able to take any form you want. Why choose old man?”

He let out a single ‘heh’ before he responded. “I am beyond my appearance, boy. I chose one that wouldn’t draw fear or lust from you. You don’t remember because he died when you were young, but this is your grandfather on your father's side.” I wasn’t sure why I’d care about him then. “No… I’ve seen pictures of him and you don’t look anything like him. You’re cosplaying an old wise man for some reason, and that’s fine with me.”

The smirk fell off the god's face as his eye twitched. I recognized that expression, he was mad. I caught him in a lie as he retorted. “Well. Let’s get you out of here so I don’t have to deal with you anymore.” The world list came up, which looked surprisingly like the selection screen of a video game. I flipped through the list. Universe 9,175,333,654,808,234,443,108,113,000,515,427.5. Clicking on it, I read the description.

The universe is engulfed by the spreading void. Ninety percent of the universe no longer exists; the only habitable planets will be subsumed in the next twenty years… Alright, so no to that universe. The old god cleared his throat before speaking. “You can only choose from about one percent of the universes. There is a search function to speed this up. no reason to look through every single universe.”

I wasn’t sure what he meant; what parameters could I look for? Well, every universe existed, so did anime exist? I typed in the word anime in the restrictions and the number of universes almost halved. So, anime worlds existed, and they made a large portion. Wait… Did that mean I could go to a Naruto universe? I type in Naruto next, and the number of words reduces down to only a few billion.

Naruto was my favorite anime, I even struggled a few times to watch Boruto; that’s how much I liked Naruto. What else could I do to limit the selectable worlds? My mind immediately went to dirty thoughts. Was there a universe where harems were popular? I selected the tag function before picking harem, which reduced the number down to only ten percent, which still meant there were several hundred million universes to pick from.

One thing I disliked was Danzo. Danzo was possibly the worst part of Naruto; he felt… Comically evil, and only through plot holes was he allowed to live for as long as he did. He tried to assassinate the Hokage three different times. Making sure Danzo didn’t exist reduced the number of universes by about half. Dialing in the time I was born to around the same time as Naruto limited the universes down to under ten million.

The next choice was for the shinobi schooling to finish around when the ninja were eighteen. I was still a virgin, I didn’t want to go on a mission and end up Nawaki’d before I could lose my virginity. Two lifetimes, and both were spent not getting laid. To be fair, I was kind of a loser in the first life, but I was the fucking hero in the second. I couldn’t even get sympathy fuck before heading off to fight a battle that wasn’t mine for years.

Well… Anyway, I kept narrowing down the list. No zombie worlds shaved off a few percent of the options. No advanced technology and another fraction fell away. No Orochimaru was impossible for some reason, it seemed it was the fate of all worlds to either have a Danzo or Orochi. Orochi was the cooler of the two villains, in my opinion, so he gets to stay.

I got it down to a low enough number after choosing a few more preferences that I could go world by world, looking a the descriptions before choosing the world I wanted. Nope, not that one; that one is… Never mind, it is the chibi version of Naruto. Why is this in the harem category? It would have really sucked to accidentally pick that universe.

I finally see one that fits my standards. The third ninja war didn’t happen and the number of ninjas alive was over twice the amount that was in the original Naruto world. I tentatively scan a few more worlds, but all of them have a glaring problem or something I don’t like about them. I went back to my first choice and picked it.