Book 7, chapters 71 and 72 (Patreon)

I am deep, deep in editing of the book which is why some of these chapters are a little slow. Sorry about that. Several little changes, mostly to game rules, timing of spells, etc, to fit the narrative.

The end is nigh. When it happens, it's gonna come quick.



Chapter 71

Over the past few months, I’d experienced so many moments of pure, unadulterated terror, I’d lost count. I’d become pretty good at examining a situation and immediately reacting to it. I’d gotten so good at it, in fact, that most of my reactions to sudden surprises were 100% pure reflex. I trusted my instincts because if I waited just another millisecond, oftentimes it would be too late. Or worse, the utter terror of the moment would overwhelm and paralyze me.

The problem was, my instincts sometimes were only half-formed, and by the time I realized I’d done something incredibly risky or insane, it was much too late to do anything about it. And because the formation of terror at certain situations was now delayed to make room for these immediate reactions, the holy shit half of my reaction and the I-probably-should-have-thought-this-through half of my reaction sometimes occurred at the exact same time.  

This was how I found myself floating in mid-air above Larracos on my way up to save Donut mere seconds after I received the final messages from Toyotomi and Bomo.

I didn’t think. I moved.  

They hadn’t yet finished clearing out the mass of zarogoths between us and the railing. I didn’t care. I ran, pushing past Juice Box and the Semeru dwarves, punching a zarogoth out of the way as I reached the railing. I pulled the final Levitation potion I had in my inventory, and I drank it just as dozens of arms reached for me. I shot straight up in the air, pushing the dangerous-as-fuck spell to the limit. The apex of the spell actually brought me up and out of Larracos, but I was still stuck in the middle of the funnel with a good 100 meters from me to the edge of Shanty Town.

My original plan was to carefully aim and then toss the waffle maker bombs on the theater housing the generator for the zarogoths. Instead, I just took the entire contents of one of my inventory folders—a folder titled Shit Just Hit—and I dropped it all at once in the general direction of the theater. The payload included about 20 waffle makers, two no disassembles, a pair of cheese cutters, approximately 500 impact hoblobbers, and more sticks of dynamite than I could count. I dropped them all, all at once, and then I activated Walk on Air and made a mad dash for the lip of the city, hoping my speed would get me there before the skill would run out.   

It was right about this moment that I realized my bone-headed idea was about to have some seriously negative consequences for everyone in the area. That, plus my Walk on Air didn’t have enough juice to get me to the edge of Shanty Town. I rushed forward through the air, making it about ¾’s of the way before I dropped like a bucket of concrete, plummeting down to the mostly-abandoned 64th—or third ring down—of Larracos, crashing heavily onto the aluminum roof of someone’s home. I stood, and using my Climb skill, I quickly shimmied up a pipe toward the 65th, which was home to multiple shops.

I was about halfway up this pipe when the bombs hit on and around the theater. The resulting blast and cacophony shattered every window in the area, even at this distance, and it likely completely fucked all the lower levels of Larracos.

Several pages of notifications appeared, including a massive, red Warning. Your attack has activated the city defense system notification followed by a ten-second timer. The walls shook with a secondary explosion, almost as big, and I knew I’d managed to take out the soul gem generator. The way I’d done it had probably been a mistake. A big mistake.

I didn’t care.

Donut was alone, and I would do whatever it took to get to her. Whatever it took.

Across the way, A huge chunk of the top few levels of Larracos cracked and fell away, plunging into the city below. This was part of the aqueduct infrastructure. A black and red glob of steaming lava oozed out over the edge, spreading out across the top of the 66th and 65th levels of Larracos, luckily on the other side of the ring.    

I rushed across the 65th floor, climbing a building and then scaling the wall. I moved to the top, 66th level of Larracos, which was normally occupied by barracks and soldiers.

Donut: CARL, LUCIA IS IN THE TOWER! SHE’S COMING UP THE STAIRS!

Carl: I know. I’m coming.

Here, there were hundreds of NPCs I hadn’t been expecting. These were children and shopkeepers who were fleeing the fighting. They were in the process of scrambling up the stairs into Shanty Town and diving into shops as the city’s network of 100+ defensive towers finished spinning up. To my left, a green-gemmed poison splash tower let out a thwum!, shooting a glob of green light. It was aimed downward, deeper into the city. To the left of that, another, red tower started rapid-firing fire lances, also deep into the city. All around, the NPCs started to scream as they dove into the closest structures or finished scrambling up the stairs.

Warning: A tower has targeted you using its Inexorable skill. It will not stop firing on you until one of you is paste.

A tiny crosshairs symbol appeared in my vision, meaning I’d been locked on.

Across the way, I watched in horror as the tower—this one a black-gemmed, damage-enhanced gale strike tower—started walking its away across the upper level, arcing toward me. Each shot sounded like someone pounding a bass drum, and each fist-sized blast of air hit with such force, it punched a hole straight through the ground, shattering buildings and carts and anything else in its way. Wap, wap, wap. Cobblestones and wood chipped and shattered as the destruction marched toward me. I dropped a smoke mantle and scrambled up the side of a barracks building, ran across the roof, and jumped, rolling to a stop just outside the city.

Entering Shanty Town.

The tower, which reached above the edge of the border, didn’t stop shooting at me. The moment I appeared above the smoke, the gale tower started its slow turn in my direction while a second tower, this one a yellow hobble tower, belched out a beach ball-sized glob of gelatinous goo. I dove and rolled, landing in a shallow ditch behind a residence. If the yellow goo hit me, I’d be immobilized. The yellow tower did not seem to fire again, but the gale tower continued to shoot, smashing into and through the building between it and myself, punching hole after hole in the wall, showering me with wood.

It couldn’t reach me at this angle, but I needed to keep moving.

Donut: SHE’S SHOUTING FOR MONGO! BOMO AND THE OTHERS ARE DEAD!

Carl: Delay her any way you can. She can’t teleport, so she has to go up the stairs. We prepared for this. Remember? Donkey Kong. Do Donkey Kong. I’m going to come up behind her. Don’t stop rolling the barrels when I get there.

Donut: YOU HAVE TO GET THE WAR MAGES! THE CASTLE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN ME.

Carl: I am coming, Donut. Donkey Kong. Start it now.

The Donkey Kong move was an expensive, last-ditch defense added to the interior of the tower. All the manned synergy towers had similar rules as the castles, in that there had to be a path to the main room. But that didn’t mean we couldn’t make that path dangerous as fuck. When Donut hit a switch and activated Donkey Kong, the stairs disappeared, turning into a ramp. Barrels of various types would start rolling down the hall.

Across the way, I finally caught sight of Harpocrates for the first time. The god was huge, standing just a few hundred meters away from the edge of the tower, gesticulating wildly at the pair of  ogre guards standing at its feet. The deity towered over everything, taller even than the Nest tower. He was slim, younger-looking than I expected, and other than the fact he was a goddamned kaiju, looked mostly like a regular human. He wore the white with golden robes, but they were torn and filthy from his fight with his own penis. The front of the robe was stained red, presumably an added visual display to remind everyone that he’d had his shlong stolen.

The god’s entrance into town was blocked by a pair of ogres standing side-by-side at the edge of town, looking up at him. These were two of Juice Box’s changelings. From the map I could see there were more changelings there as well, who’d fanned out on the ground on either side of the god, like they were trying to intimidate the thing. I was pretty sure the god didn’t even notice them.  

As I watched, the god’s attention moved away from the ogres and the tower and to the massive ball of flesh barreling toward it. The ball would be here in minutes.  

Carl: Guys, Donut needs help. There’s a goddamn anti-escape trap net across the nest tower. How do we get rid of it?

Mordecai: Working on a solution now. Normally the spell works for ten minutes. If Lucia cast it, I don’t know if there’s a way to easily dispel it without a Dispel Magical Snares scroll or spell.

Britney: Holy shit, Carl. Juice Box is pissed at you. You dropped the monsters but activated the towers! We’ve had to retreat back into the college!  

I ignored this. I sent a message to Li Na, demanding to know where she was. She didn’t answer.

A form jumped into the small trench next to me, coughing in a cloud of dust. I swirled, preparing to smash it.

Ferdinand.

“Why are you lying down on the job?” Ferdinand demanded. The orange cat was shaking with fear, and the end of his tail was scorched, like he’d barely missed getting skewered by a fire lance. “Kitten is in trouble!”

“You shouldn’t be here,” I growled, peeking over the edge of the ditch. The nest glowed as a few of the upper-level defensive towers focused on it, pounding fire and more gale strikes at it.

As I stared at the tower, a notification popped up.

Nest integrity at 97%.

The sound of the firing towers rose in volume. Some of our own defensive towers were now engaging the Larracos towers. The ones on our side didn’t have nearly as much protections, and they were deteriorating rapidly. But some of the ones in Larracos were now standing in lava as it spread unevenly, and they, too, had health bars over them.

A new pang of guilt hit me. Li Jun had been in charge of these towers. Now they were probably on automatic mode. I quickly pulled up the tower menus to look. I could fully control them from the menu.  

There wasn’t time to grieve the loss of Li Jun, nor did I have time manually control the towers myself. It was pandemonium. Explosions; the crack of constant lightning and thunder; and the strange, sci-fi thwum of unique towers all mixed in together, filling the night air with the sound of chaos.

“We gotta save her,” Ferdinand said, now having to shout.

Donut: THE BARRELS ARE MAKING HER MADDER! I THINK SHE CAN AMPLIFY HER VOICE LIKE I CAN. SHE’S CRYING AND TALKING TO THE STUPID DOG, WHO’S SLIPPING AND SLIDING. SHE’S STILL COMING, BUT IT’S SLOW. I’M GLAD WE DID THE COLLAPSIBLE STAIRS.

I spared another glance at Harpocrates. Somehow Ferdinand’s bravery, despite his overwhelming fear, eased my own. Breathe. Breathe. I was starting to see the whole picture again. I had an idea.

I’d left Rend behind at the college of Larracos. I debated for a moment, then I decided to activate Hi-Yo Silver. The thing was practically indestructible, and the towers generally avoided shooting at pets. Hopefully summoning him to this spot wouldn’t hurt him too bad. If he got stuck against something along the way, he’d drop away once the summoning expired.   

If it worked, he’d get magically pulled toward this position, but it was going to take a minute, and I would probably be gone by the time he got here. That was okay. He’d be out of Larracos.

Behind me, the gale tower hadn’t stopped its deliberate firing at my own position. It was locked onto me and would continue to fire in my direction until I was out of range or dead. At the moment, the angle was bad, and all it could manage was to shower dirt over me.

The entrance to the Nest tower was about 100 meters to our left. I knew invisibility potions didn’t protect against the towers, and smoke only helped nominally. The black towers had a slow turning radius which meant I would be okay as long as I zig-zagged.

I then sent a quick note to Donut.

To Ferdinand I said, “Listen. You go into that tower with me, you’re toast. So you gotta stay right here. But there is something you can do. You have control of the city defense system. Or at least you will once we evict the war mages from the Larracos castle. Juice Box put it on automatic because she doesn’t trust you.” I put my hand on the orange cat. He was so much more coarse than Donut. He was skin and bones, and he cowered under my touch. “But I trust you. You have to be ready for when your team takes it back. Have the Larracos towers ready to fire at specific targets. You can aim using the interface.”

“What? Juice Box says she’ll skin me if I try to do anything in the menus without her. She’s meaner than Bill.”

I didn’t know who Bill was, nor did I care at the moment. “This will help all of us. She won’t be mad because... Oh shit, run!”

The ground underneath me shifted. The gale tower had fired so much, it was digging a ditch under my position.

“Hide!” I shouted at Ferdinand as I popped up and ran. I waited for the tower to shift, and then I activated Gloom Wraith Phase, pushing in the opposite direction, moving sideways and putting a pair of buildings between myself and the tower. I hit the ground once the phase expired, and I ran. I had to run around the side of the tower, and I jumped through the broken-in door just as the gale blasts zeroed in on me.

They would now pound against the opposite wall of the nest tower, but they wouldn’t get through. Not while the shield was still up.

Entering the Nest Tower.

Warning: This tower’s integrity is at 74%.

You may manage this tower in the Warlord menu.

I spared a quick, sad glance for Toyotomi and Bomo, both of whom were cleaved right in half with a spell. They were two different types of NPCs. Toyotomi was dead-dead. Bomo would supposedly regenerate on the 10th floor, but we no longer had his contract, and I didn’t know if I’d ever see him again.

Hi-Yo Silver successfully completed. Your pet has been summoned to your previous location.

Rend was now in Shanty Town where I’d been hiding. He was going to have to wait. I moved toward the tower’s curving stairwell, but I paused as someone rushed in behind me.

Li Na.

“Holy shit,” I exclaimed upon seeing her face. I’d heard her say she was “installing” Li Jun’s fake eye into herself, but the meaning hadn’t really hit me until that moment.   

The front of the woman’s demonic face was covered with blood. She’d gouged her own eye out and replaced it with Li Jun’s celestial-quality eye. The eye would allow her to slow down time and move with incredible speed.

“Na,” I began. “Look I am so sorry about your brother. But we need to hurry. Donut...”  

She held up her hand, stopping me. A chain grew from her shoulder, holding a glass bottle. A potion.

“Take it,” she said.

She dropped the potion in front of me, and I had to dive to catch it with two hands. The large, warm bottle was in the shape of a demonic head with no eyes and with multiple tentacles coming off it. The tentacles waved back and forth, despite the whole thing being made of glass. When I grabbed the bottle, the eyeless face started to scream. Several mouths upon the tentacles also began to scream. Within, a purple, bubbling potion roiled, rushing back and forth like a miniature hot tub. This was the potion I’d asked her to loot from the war mage who’d flown at Harpocrates.  

Hell-Kissed Potion of Conscription, level 18.

This works like a regular potion of Conscription, but it has been hell-kissed. At level 18, it will work against pretty much any, non-affiliated entities, regardless of their protections, including most deities. Most. It was brewed in the dark recesses of the Nothing by Krakaren Prime, who is said to yearn for domination, which was why she’d been banished there in the first place. She prepares for a war she considers inevitable. There’s an irony that the in-dungeon version of Krakaren has supplied these potions to the War Mages. Then again, now that this potion has found its way to your hands, maybe it’s not so ironic after all.

Conscription potions only work on the 9th, 12th, 15th, 17th, and 18th floors.

“I used Jun’s scroll of potion duplication on it,” Li Na said. She spoke with a dead, chilling calm. “I am going to use the original now on Harpocrates and then I will save Zhang, Elle, Katia, and the others before they, too, fall victim to your chaos.” She turned and left.

“Wait!” I called. “If the level discrepancy is too high, it’s dangerous for you! The war mage blew up!”

She did not wait.   

Damnit. I didn’t have time to go after her. I turned back to what had been the stairs.  

The interior, curving shaft had turned to a steep ramp. Rivulets of oil from the defensive barrels had already reached the bottom. The scent of fire filled the tower, and the walls crackled with electricity. There were multiple, magic-numbing effects to the interior stairwell once Donkey Kong was activated. The barrels would still work, but most mages would be defenseless. Just from the smell in the air, I sensed that the anti-magic zone was only partially working. Most spells weren’t supposed to work at all in here, but it seemed Lucia was powerful enough to break through.   

Luckily, skills still worked. I activated Sticky Feet, and I started to run up the curving ramp.

“Stop doing that!” came Lucia’s voice, echoing supernaturally in the tight, curved stairwell. “Gus. Get back up!”

I could tell by the sweeter, less raspy lilt to her voice that Lucia was in her magic-focused, beautiful woman form.

“Keep that disgusting dog away from me!” Donut shouted back, her voice also amplified. “I’m warning you, bitch!”

“Give me your dinosaur, and I will leave. It is justice I seek. Nothing more.”

“Justice? There’s no room for justice here. But there’s plenty enough room in this world for another dead rottweiler!”  

“Quit throwing barrels at Gus! You’re ruining my revenge!”  

Carl: I’m in the tower. Coming up now.

Donut: I HIT HER WITH THE SLEEP POTION BARREL, AND IT DIDN’T WORK! SHE’S CRAWLING UPSIDE DOWN ON THE CEILING OF THE STAIRWELL WAITING FOR HER DOG WHO KEEPS SLIDING AWAY FROM HER. SHE HAS HIM ON SOME SORT OF INVISIBLE LEASH. SHE BLOCKS EXPLOSIONS, TOO.

Carl: Focus on the dog. We gotta separate the two. Send a Mute barrel then maybe Temporary Water Source and fill the stairwell.

Donut: MUTE DOESN’T WORK ON HER. I HAVE A BETTER IDEA.  

Wap. Wap. Wap. I could hear it against the outside wall of the tower as I continued to ascend, like a battering ram against the exterior marble. The gale tower was following my progress. It could see me through walls.

Donut: WATCH OUT, CARL! SHE THREW THE DOG BUT LUCIA GOT HIT, AND SHE’S TUMBLING DOWN!

And just a moment later, she appeared. I tried to jump aside as a screaming, twirling mass rushed toward me, rocketing down the ramp like a bobsled. It was Lucia and someone else. Donut’s card from the 8th floor.  

“Oof” I cried as I was hit dead on by the pair of combatants. The three of us continued to spin and slide as we twisted away.

I cried in pain as the armored crab legs of the screaming newcomer raked against my arms. Raul. She’d finally summoned him. When he’d leveled up at the end of the previous floor, he’d jumped from level 70 to 110, and his card had been upgraded to mythic rareness. When he was summoned, he’d stick around for 10 minutes. Raul had been pretty strong before, but he was now significantly more powerful.  

“Stop! Ow, please! Stop!” came Lucia’s voice as I also tried to free myself.  

Raul, too, was shouting angrily. “You dare challenge my master? You dare challenge Daddy Carl? The heavens laugh at your temerity, churl!” The crab’s claws flashed as he tried to snap onto Lucia’s legs. His voice was much deeper now that he’d “ascended” to the next cultivation rank or whatever. A shield sparked each time his powerful claws slammed down, showering sparks everywhere.

We hit the ground, all three of us now just caked in oil, spinning until we hit the wall by the door. All three of us broke apart and continued to tumble in the small entrance room.  

Raul, quicker than either of us, did a backflip and landed on his legs with a shout. He snapped forward and grabbed the larger woman. He held her up in the air, clutched in his glowing claws. Her single, goat leg dangled from the side of his claw. She wasn’t fighting back.

“Look at Daddy Carl! Look upon his greatness! You will kowtow, or you will suffer such a death that your ancestors will weep until the very end of days!”

“Please,” Lucia said, her voice weak and scared. “I don’t want to play anymore.”

“That is not a proper submission! For crimes against the heavens, you have been sentenced to eternal death,” Raul shouted. He snapped again, and her shield winked out.   

“Please, please, you don’t understand,” Lucia said.

“Wait,” I croaked as I pulled myself up. This was probably a waste, but I didn’t care. I pulled that potion from my inventory. The one Li Na had just duplicated for me.  

No. Not like this. Never like this.  

Sometimes, we do what we have to do to survive.

I smashed the screaming, Hell-kissed Conscription potion against Lucia’s head.

Chapter 72

The potion worked. A pink glow appeared around Lucia’s dot.

Raul lowered her and let her slide to the ground. The crab sneered.

“Daddy Carl is magnanimous today. Now you shall kiss his famed, alabaster feet and beg for forgiveness.”

“Raul,” I said. “Donut needs help. Go!”

Without another word, he scurried away back up the ramp.   

“I’m sorry,” I said, taking a knee in front of the woman on the floor. “If you’ve cast Rubber or any other spell to hurt us, I’m ordering you to cancel it out now.”

Under Orders appeared over her head. The girl changed in an instant. Her terrified expression switched to a look of absolute malice. I sighed. I knew it. She’d been faking it. Whatever was going on with her, the influence of her dog took some time to fade. She’d been trying to fool me.  

I looked into the warlord menu, and I could see an astonishingly long list of protection spells around her. She had what appeared to be 30 separate hotlist triggers as well, which was curious. I couldn’t see those, but I knew she couldn’t activate any if it meant to harm me. There were ways to break conscription, as the war mages figured out, but it was all but impossible during the first few days. Especially with this version of the Conscription spell.  

“Turn off all your protections, too.” I added. A moment passed, and the spells disappeared.

Wap, wap, wap. Outside, the gale tower continued to fire at me, and the pulses hit the wall. The Nest was at 45% integrity.

“Fuck you,” Lucia hissed. “I’m going to rip you into pieces.” Something appeared in her hand, and I startled. But it was a bottle of tequila. She took a long drink. Then she spit and lurched, as if to attack me, but she was stopped as if she hit an invisible wall. The spit of vodka sprayed to the side just as it magically caught alight, and she burned her own face. Her long, dark hair caught fire, but it quickly went out, filling the entrance vestibule with the stench of burning hair. She screamed and lunged again. Again, she was stopped from attacking me. This was followed by a string of insults that didn’t get properly translated from Spanish.  

Carl: Donut, what’s happening?

Donut: THE DOG IS STUCK JUST BELOW THE ENTRANCE BARKING ITS STUPID HEAD OFF. I SMACKED IT WITH MY ASTRAL PAW SPELL, AND HE SLID DOWN A FEW MORE LOOPS, BUT HE’S STILL UP HERE. HE’S TRYING TO CAST HIS LIGHTNING ATTACK, BUT IT DOESN’T WORK IN THE STAIRWELL. I’M GOING TO CAST A CLOCKWORK TRIPLICATE ON MONGO AND SEND THE TWO OF THEM DOWN THERE TO GET HIM.    

Carl: Raul is coming, too. Wait until he gets there before you send in the clockworks.

I took a breath. Okay, okay. We’re okay.

“You need to call your dog off. Do it now. Use your leash spell or whatever and stop him. Summon him back here.”

At that, she laughed. “Do you think I have control over Gus? Do you think he listens to me? Especially at this distance. Your kitty and her dinosaur are dead, and they don’t even know it yet. You are too.”

“Call him anyway.”

“Gus,” Lucia shouted, her voice surprisingly amplified. It was a skill, not an item. “Gus, come.”

“Okay, good. Now turn off the net you have over the tower.”

“I can’t. It was a scroll. And it’s not on the tower. It’s on Donut, and she is bound to the room she is in. She will explode if she tries to teleport. It will run out soon.”

Warlord Message: Harpocrates has been successfully conscripted. Harpocrates, level 250 is now a member of the Princess Posse.

I quickly looked, and Li Na was still alive and at full health. I didn’t know how she managed to do it, but she’d figured out how to use the potion without hurting herself. I turned my attention back to the problem at hand.  

Carl: Let me know if the dog leaves.

Donut: HE’S STILL STUCK BARKING AND BARKING AND BARKING. THE BALL IS ABOUT TO ENTER THE CITY. WE GOTTA HURRY UP.  

I smiled sadly at the crawler, and I sat on the ground next to her. Through the stench of burned hair, I could smell sweat and alcohol. But there was something else, too. A faint perfume. A sweet one. The kind a child would pick. I examined the large skull next to her name, and it expanded. She had over 200 player killer skulls. She’d also killed 20 hunters. Countless bosses. She’d killed her own game guide. There was so much about her story I didn’t know.   

“I don’t have any player killer skulls,” I said to her. “I was really, really hoping I’d never get one, but that’s the thing with scars. We rarely get to choose them.”

I pulled the ring of Divine Suffering from my inventory, and I put it on my finger.

The girl in the body of a woman just looked at me, panting angrily like a caged dog.

“I still don’t understand what’s going on with you. Florin thinks it’s important to keep you alive because there’s something going on in that head of yours, and he thinks a bunch of kids are trapped in there. Maybe there are. I don’t know. I don’t understand, and I don’t know if I ever will. There are so many things happening at once, and I am so afraid of making the wrong decision that it’s just overwhelming. The conscription only lasts until the end of this floor, and if we all somehow survive, you’ll just be back to the way you were before. You keep trying to kill those I love, and I can’t let that happen. So I wanted to say I’m sorry for what I’m about to do. I’m sorry we never got the chance to figure out how to save those inside of you. I don’t have a choice.”

“Sir,” she said. Her eyes had changed. Her voice had taken on a raspy quality. “My name is Diah. Lucia is with Alexandro. And Alexandro is only here when the dogs are close. My name is Diah. We are in the dark. You need to wait until the dog is close, and Lucia will be back. Wait until she is back. Please, sir. Please.”  

I paused, canceling out the mark I’d just started to form. I needed to get more information first.

“I’m ordering you to tell me if that’s the truth.”

“I... I. Yes. Sir. Please. We are in the dark, and it’s so cold. Sometimes we can hear them talk. We can hear them whispering. It’s like there’s a river running through our room, and they say such sad things. When the dog is gone, Lucia fades, and one of us takes over.”

Holy shit, I thought. I was about to ask a follow-up question when a new message hit.

You are in the presence of another deity. You are now in range of Yarilo. The Scavenger’s Daughter fills with new power.

Temporary Effect from Yarilo:

Protection from all venereal diseases.

“Mongo! No, Mongo get back here this instant!” came Donut’s amplified voice.

Donut: CARL, CARL MONGO WENT DOWN WITH THE CLOCKWORKS! I’M GOING DOWN THE CHUTE AFTER HIM!

Donut: IT WON’T LET ME LEAVE THE ROOM!

“Mongo! Mongo!”

I cursed.

Carl: He’ll be okay. I’m coming.

Donut: THEY’RE ALL SLIDING DOWN!

I jumped to my feet. “Stay. I want you to remove every stable magical item and artifact and pile it on the floor and wait here.”

“I don’t know what that means. I don’t know how to play.”

I paused, surprised. Goddamnit. The very fact she wasn’t immediately complying suggested she really didn’t know what that meant. And if she didn’t know...

I turned back to the ramp to rush back up. Slam! I was bowled over once again as the group, larger this time, smashed into me. But this time I went right through the open front door of the tower, tumbling outside into the burning night air.  

~

It was me, Gustavo 3 the rottweiler, Raul the crab, and three Mongos, one of whom was missing a leg, trailing clockwork parts. We all hit the ground outside and rolled. All of us struggled to our feet.

Gustavo fired a lightning bolt out his mouth, and a second Mongo exploded, this one also a clockwork.

We all stumbled anew as a god—Harpocrates—stepped past us, ignoring us all. His giant foot flattened an entire city block. He caught the edge of the one-legged Mongo, who exploded into parts. The god opened his mouth, as if to scream, but no sound came out. He had the ball in his hands, holding it by the shaft of Meatus, and he swung it like a flail at the god Yarilo, who went flying the moment the ball hit him with a wet smack.

Harpocrates had Under Orders over his head, and he was rank Legionnaire in the White Dragons. He was under the direct control of Li Na, who was having him fight the god of lust, who was a member of the War Mage team. He, too, had Under Orders. Meatus was still a free agent, and it was unclear if the chaos goddess Eris, who remained completely encased in the ball, had managed to get recruited by the war mages or not.    

I looked up, momentarily horrified at the spectacle. I was expecting the ball to break apart, but it was glowing anew with some sort of protection spell, likely also cast by the god. The god briefly paused, jabbed his free finger at the top of the tower in Donut’s direction and then moved to continue his fight against Yarilo.

Donut ignored the god and was shouting down at us, shouting for Mongo.

Donut: CARL, THE SPELL WON’T EVEN LET ME LEAN OUT TO FIRE AT THIS ANGLE. YOU’RE TOO CLOSE TO THE BASE OF THE TOWER! I CAN’T SEE WHAT’S HAPPENING! WHEN IS THIS GOING TO RUN OUT?   

The real Mongo was the first to get up and screamed in outrage as he jumped upon the struggling dog, snapping his mouth around the dog’s backside. Raul, at the same moment, attempted to snap off the dog’s head with his claw.

“Die, demon, die!” Raul shouted.

Mongo screamed in pain and reflexively jerked Gustavo away from Raul as the dog cast a counter. It was a spell I’d seen before, something called Porcupine Defense. Dozens of steel quills erupted from the body of the dog, pushing in all directions, the quills pushing up and through Mongo’s mouth, exploding through his tough scales from the inside out, showering blood. Gustavo, still stuck in Mongo’s mouth, fired lightning again as Raul lunged. He struck Raul right in the center of his chest, and the crab went flying. He disappeared in a puff of smoke.

“Mongo!” I cried as I jumped to punch the dog. But I knew my mistake just as I’d lunged. I’d moved too far to the left, no longer keeping the edge of the Nest between myself and the gale tower, especially with half of Shanty town flattened under the feet of the god.   

Oof! I went flying as I was hit by the ball of air. I spun and landed, tumbling into the indentation caused by the god’s foot.

Pain flashed. My shoulder was in the middle of my chest. I’d been folded in half. I cried in pain as I rolled away, still in sight of the tower.

“Mongo,” I croaked, trying to get up and scramble away at the same time as I hit a Fine Healing potion. Mongo screamed in outraged pain as he struggled to free himself from the dog impaled inside his mouth.

Zaaappp. Mongo screamed again, health rocketing down. This was a secondary attack that appeared to electrify the dog’s quills. And faster than I thought possible, the dog whipped in a circle, the quills just gone, and he lunged at the now-unconscious Mongo’s neck. Growling, he caught the neck of the limp dinosaur and began to shake.

No, I thought as I struggled to my feet. No. Not Mongo.

Wham! I was hit by another gale blast, but I did not fall. I had my sleep wand in my hotlist and suddenly in my hand, and I aimed, but the wand exploded in my hand as yet another gale blast hit my arm, bending it backward, shattering bones.

She’s never going to forgive me, I thought. This is what will break her.    

A terrible, deep giggling filled the night.

A dark, round silhouette appeared above the ridge. He stood up the top of a wrecked home.

He’d gotten bigger. Much bigger. And he also stood between me and the dog.   

“Wrecking Ball!” I wheezed as I cast Hi-Yo Silver a second time. Another gale hit me, and I spun head over heels.  

And even as I spun away, I watched, as if in slow motion, as Rend started rolling toward me. And as he was magically pulled toward me, he cast the only skill he had. Wrecking Ball. The special attack increased his mass and speed, and it did exactly what the name implied.

Gustavo 3, the second of Lucia Mar’s two rottweilers, terror of the dungeon, exploded in a red mist as Rend rushed right up to me, stopping inches from my face.  

“Good boy,” I said to Rend as I cried in pain. I downed a healing potion.  

Wap! Rend grunted as the tower’s bolt slammed right into him. He barely moved.   

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” another voice said. She was talking to Mongo.

It was Lucia. She was on her knees, sobbing. She’d changed to the hag form, and she was pouring a pet healing potion on Mongo, whose life held just the barest sliver of red. His throat had been ripped open, but he wasn’t yet dead.

“You did it,” she said. “You did it.”

But even as I watched, something changed in the girl’s posture. She stood to her full height. A blast from the gale tower—shooting at me—whipped past her, missing her head by inches, and she didn’t flinch. It smacked into Rend, who giggled.

“You should’ve killed us both when there was still a connection,” the girl said. “Now it’s too late. Now the Eulogist has another ally in the dungeon, and now you can’t kill me. Not unless you want all the children of Earth to die.” She shook her head and walked off. She remained conscripted.      

~~~~~

Whew! Sorry, Mongo. I'm glad you're okay.

Thanks for all your support. Looking forward to seeing some of you this weekend in Saint Louis. I am working my fingers off. Thanks again.