Book 7, Chapters 75 and 76. Book preorder available. Audible Studios announcement. (Patreon)

Just a few light chapters before the real climax of the book.  

Oh, I forgot. A minor retcon. As several of you pointed out, I can't name the spell Heel because of audio. It is now called Bijanbi

Chapter 75

Donut didn’t even look at the tattoo on her ass. She stared forward with quiet dignity as Mongo screeched with concern. The moment it was done, Edgar stepped back.

The tortoise dropped his tattoo stick. “Did it work?” he asked.

Donut’s stoic façade immediately cracked. “Did it work?” she exclaimed. “Why are you asking me? You’re the one... Hey! I just receive two very rude achievements. One called me a traitor and another just gave me something called a stolen catalytic convertor as a prize! Carl, I knew this would happen! Quick, somebody cover it up before Mongo gets confused!”

“Donut. Did you get the spell?” I asked.

“I did, but it’s only level two! My word... this is quite a good spell. It says it came from a god called  ‘Wepwawet.’ What kind of name is that? It gives me the option to worship him now.” She gasped. “Carl, Carl, it says he’s in the ‘Court of Nekhebit!’ and I can worship Odette now, too!”

“Huh,” I said.

“Now, cover it up. I don’t even want to look at it. We’ll get it lasered off on the next floor.”   

“Not quite yet, child. We must get it temporarily above level eight. This may sting a little,” Milk said. She came forward and produced a pen, dripping with black ink. Her hands were no longer bound. She wrote some words atop the tattoo with a flourish as Donut hissed with pain. I didn’t recognize the script, but when I examined the characters, the system simply said, Words of Power.

“What is that?” I asked. The letters started to glow with blue light, and they completely obscured the tattoo itself.

Milk dipped the pen into her shirt and pulled it back out. It now dripped with purple ink. “It’s a magic style that I haven’t seen used often in the dungeon. The calligraphy guild teaches it.” She wrote more letters. “There, child. Apologies for hurting you.”

The overlapping letters also started to glow, and the tattoo underneath vibrated. The letters seemed to move below the tattoo, which allowed me to see the shape on her mottled skin. It was a simple, rather adorable line art tattoo of a dog. As I watched, the tattoo did, indeed, move. It lifted its leg and started to lick itself.

“Hmm,” Edgar said, peering at it. “That’s quite interesting. I do not believe the art is sentient, as it hasn’t been imbued with anything other than the spell itself. I imagine this is all it can do.”

Mongo let out a growl. The tattoo dog remained in that position, its leg up in the air, licking.    

Donut, who was deliberately ignoring all this, gasped. “The spell went up to level 15!”

“It’s temporary, child,” Milk said. She put a hand on Donut’s side in a warm, affectionate gesture. “As the ink fades, the power will decrease, but if you practice using the spell at that high of a level, it will assist greatly with training.”

Warlord Carl: We are ready. Li Na, send Harpocrates in.

To Milk, I said, “I hadn’t realized there were so many different magic systems.”

She smiled sadly. “There’s more than you can imagine. Even with just ink and calligraphy and maps, there are dozens of different methods. It is dangerous, though, attempting to learn too much. There’s a lot the right kind of ink can do. But, over the turns, I’ve learned the danger of using recipes I don’t quite understand. Inks and letters that shine the brightest burn out the fastest.”

She put her warm, webbed hand on my own cheek, surprising me. She met my eyes and continued. “I had a book once, and I wrote several of my recipes in it. But later, I switched to a different type of ink. It was an attempt to share my knowledge with a wider group, and it wasn’t until recently did I learn all that I wrote after I changed methods faded and disappeared.” The strange, bat and frog hybrid creature lowered her hand. “Some of my best recipes were lost, and it wasn’t until they were needed the most did I learn they were gone. It is my fault that I didn’t write them properly.”

Next to her, Rosetta grunted indignantly.

“But,” Milk added. She pulled what looked like a wineskin from her inventory and handed it to me. “Sometimes it takes a failure or two to learn how to properly prepare a meal. My people, we have a saying. ‘No single recipe is a feast in itself.’ Meaning there’s always another way.”

Donut: CARL, WHAT THE HECK IS SHE TALKING ABOUT? IS SHE HITTING ON YOU?

I honestly wasn’t sure, either, exactly what she was saying, but it clearly had something to do with the cookbook. I examined the wineskin.  

Stayfast Ink, 825 ml.  

Enough ink for several chonky books.

Warning: this shit stains, so be careful. Nothing will ever make it fade. Nothing. Not even distance or time or the death of a star.

Huh, I thought.

She handed me something else. A fountain pen.

Adept’s fountain pen.

The most basic of all the calligrapher’s implements. How much grief, how much suffering has been caused by one of these things? Yet, how much joy? That whole saying, the pen is mightier than the sword, is one of the few human world metaphors that I believe to be universally true, especially since swords are terrible, barbaric weapons.

This is the most versatile item anyone can own. What will you do with it? Write a book that changes everything? Come up with a new, titillating take on hucow fiction? (Don’t look that up.) Or will you literally stab someone in the neck with it again?

It’s really up to you.   

“Carl has a recipe book,” Donut said from her position on the chair. “It has goblin and chicken recipes in it.”    

“I heard,” Milk said, smiling. She met my eyes again. “He also has another book. One that all of you have. The Book of Voodoo, I believe it is called. Anything he writes in it will be given to everybody who already has the book. Best of luck to you.”

With that, Rosetta grunted as she picked Edgar back up. She glowed as she took a Feather Fall potion. She and the tortoise jumped right out of the tower, angling toward the remains of Shanty Town. Milk gave me a quick smile, and she too, jumped, her wings spreading out, causing her to glide away.

This left me, Donut, Rend, Mongo, and the two adjutants alone in the top of the tower. I looked over the edge, watching them disappear. Far below, I could see Dong Quixote at the base of the tower, still astride Gonk. He had a crowd around him. Sluggalos. I had no idea where they’d come from.

Carl: Dong, you guys need to move away from the tower. It’s about to get really hot down there.

Dong didn’t answer, but I watched him shout a few orders. Soon, the mass moved away, moving toward where Rosetta and Edgar had landed.

I moved my attention back to the funnel.

I hoped Jamal and Britney and all the others were ready for what happened next. They remained in the college and were about to take part on the raid of the castle of Larracos. The castle was still underwater, but if Juice Box’s people pulled through, that was going to change really, really fast.

Donut’s job was to use her War Crime spell to finish off the remaining members of the Reaver and the Dream army. Li Na was in her tower and would clean up any who survived. She would also direct Harpocrates to occupy the goddess Eris, who was likely under control of the War Mages.

“Come on, Rend,” I said, pulling out my pet carrier. “Donut and I are going to jump out of the tower in a minute, and I don’t think even you can survive that without a potion. I’ll put you out again when we land.”

“You too, Mongo,” Donut said.

Both pets squealed in protest, but they both allowed themselves to be pulled away.

I put my hand on Donut. “I’m here.”  

Across the way, a pair of ethereal chains appeared outside of Li Na’s towers and started whipping back and forth like tentacles. She was preparing her spells. It was all going to kick off at any moment.

“She said it was my fault that Li Jun is dead,” Donut said, looking down at Li Na’s tower.

A flash of anger filled me. I took a breath. “She shouldn’t have said that. He made his own choices.”

“He did,” Donut replied. “But she’s not wrong, either. I’ve made a lot of mistakes already today. She will be okay. He was her brother. She’s taking it much better than I would if I thought someone else was responsible for hurting you or Mongo.”

I didn’t answer. I continued to rub her back.  

“Carl,” she said. “I know you’re worried about me casting this spell. It’s okay. I’m ready. It’s the least of my concerns right now.”

“The moment you cast it, your health will go down to 1%. I will have a scroll ready to heal you. Your Cockroach ability shouldn’t trigger, but if it does, you probably won’t be able to use it again for the rest of this fight. You’ll be vulnerable if the tower collapses before we jump. You have Mordecai’s Special Brew in your hotlist, right?”

She nodded, still looking at Li Na’s tower. “I also have Hover, Carl. If the tower falls, I won’t. But in case I do, I have the potion.”

“Oh yeah,” I said. “I forgot about that.”

“You keep forgetting how strong I am now. My Constitution is higher than yours. You’re overprotective of me. You’re almost as bad as I am with Mongo.”

I chuckled. “At least we’re both aware.”

We sat in silence for a moment. Across the way, Harpocrates finally started to stir.  

“Lucia killed Bomo. Sledgie is going to be so sad. They’re best friends.”

“He’s not really dead. Sledge will know that.”

“No, I suppose you’re right. But Li Jun is. Do you think Zhang is going to blame me like his sister does?”

“No,” I said. “He’s going to be upset, but he’s going to blame himself for not being there.”

“That’s my fault, too.”

“That’s on that dead alien who was driving Eris. You saved them by casting the Battle Formation spell. If you hadn’t done it, half of everyone would be dead by now.”

“They’re all screaming, Carl. Can’t you hear them? Nobody has said anything about it, but it’s awful. I hope they don’t remember their time in there. I hope they’re not all mad at me. If something goes wrong, and we lose everybody, it’ll be my fault. How can I go on after that?”

“Donut, listen to me. Nothing that has happened today or will happen is your fault. They put us here. This is their war. If the worst happens, then you and I together will go on the best we can, and we won’t stop until each and every one of them has paid their debt tenfold.”

Donut didn’t reply, still looking out the window at Li Na’s tower.    

“There’s something else I should probably tell you now that it’s too late to do anything about it,” Donut said.

“What?” I asked, suddenly concerned. “What are you talking about?”

“Katia and I have a plan,” she said. “I mean, assuming we get through this next part. We worked it out together. But you can’t tell Bautista because he’s going to be mad. Katia told me not to tell you because she says you’ll Carl it up.”

“Carl it up? What the hell does that mean?”  

She looked over at Victory and Fopsy, silently watching us. “I’ll have to send it via message though.”

Donut: I got a benefactor box when you weren’t looking.

The box would’ve been from the Apothecary. She still didn’t have a second sponsor. Before I could respond, it started.      

Li Na: Go.

Outside, Harpocrates finally made his move. He took a step, and he tossed the ball over the edge and into the hole of Larracos. The giant ball plummeted away into the funnel.

Britney: The water around the castle has been turned to acid. Will break open the drain in ten seconds.   

We didn’t expect the powerful War Mages in the water of the castle to be killed by it suddenly turning to acid—basically the same trick we used with the water in the trenches during our first offensive—but it would hopefully take them by surprise.

The final remaining dwarven digger, which had been tasked with stopping the lava, had been reclaimed and had moved back under Larracos where it would punch a hole in the ground to drain the acid. If the machine survived that, it would move to aid the incursion on the castle.    

All around, the inactive defensive towers spun back up, firing at the ball the moment it was in range. Now that Harpocrates wasn’t holding it, the health bar over the thing immediately started to go back down.

Donut peered over the edge. “My goodness,” she said. “It went pretty far. It’s stuck about ¾’s of the way down! I hope it’s not touching the acid water!”

Donut hesitantly reached forward and touched the empty air in front of her. Her paw hit a solid wall. “Uh, Carl. The net is still in effect!”

“What?” I said, suddenly filled with alarm. This wasn’t going to work if Donut and I couldn’t jump. “You said it went away!”

“It did! I got a notification and everything! I think this is a different net!” She waved her paw again. “It’s further out than the first one!”

I quickly went forward and stuck my hand over the edge. My hand hit an invisible wall, as if it was made of bricks.

Warning: This structure is contained within a magical field. You are unable to leave.

“What the hell,” I said. “This is a new net. The last one was just on you, and this one is either on both of us or it was cast after Rosetta and Milk left!”   

Britney: Draining commencing. As soon as it’s drained, we’ll cast the Bounce House spell to catch the falling crawlers.

“I suspect this net is still from before,” Victory said. “This is classic Lucia Mar.”  

“I agree,” Fopsy said. “Her first one was from a scroll. A personal net. She likely cast a secondary spell in case Donut had a countermeasure. The notification Donut received before would’ve been from the primary net timing out, which would’ve triggered the second one. It was just waiting for a power source, I think.”

“Rosetta would’ve triggered it when she left!” I said

Victory snapped her fingers. “It’s Power Siphon! Those jewels used for the towers leak all sorts of energy. They’re in range. It’s drawing power from the active towers in Larracos.”

“Quite clever,” Fopsy said.

“It’s more than clever,” Victory agreed. “It’s genius. I would never have thought of that. It’ll go away when the other towers stop shooting or when she turns it off.”      

I just looked at the two adjutants. “Are you serious? So it’s not going to go away until Lucia gets back? She’s in our army now. I already ordered her to turn it all off! This is bullshit!”

I pulled up the warlord menu, moved to Lucia, and it gave an error. Combatant is off the playing field.

Victory shook her head. “I’m sorry, Carl. She did turn off all her active spells. This one activated after she left. You should know how Lucia works by now. She leaves dozens of magical triggers everywhere she goes. I was wondering how she powered all of them, but this makes sense. I should’ve known she has a Power Siphon ability. Donut, make sure you never cast your Sentry spell if you have to fight her again.”

Donut had her sunglasses back on. “You’re right! I can see the power flowing from the towers! It’s flowing to a spot on the ground down there! I knew this mode on the glasses wasn’t useless! Wow, I should’ve used this instead of the heat mode when I was looking for the generator!”  

“What spot? Where! Quick, shoot a Magic Missile at it!”  

The Nest remained at 8% health, but if the casting of War Crime went as expected, the whole area around the tower would soon be on fire. And if Donut was stuck in here when it went down, that was going to be a problem. The plan was to cast and then jump. The net would deactivate if the tower broke, but would it break in time for her to use her Hover to save herself? Would I be able to heal her in time?

And what about myself? What the hell would I do? I’d go down with the tower into a Wall of Fire filled with fleshers.

Donut shot a missile, and it exploded against the ground. Nothing happened.

I cursed. This was a sort of magical trap, a kind I didn’t specialize in. Unlike my style, these formed little, round jewels that didn’t appear until they activated. Ranged weapons and spells weren’t going to work against it. Someone needed to physically pick it up and put it in their inventory.  

Carl: We need to abort. Donut can’t yet leave the tower!

Li Na: It’s a little late for that. The ball is about to break.

Shit, shit, shit. “Donut, don’t cast War Crime!”

Down below, the ball’s health rocketed downward into the red. She needed to cast immediately after it broke, or everyone would be mixed in together, including the gods. And if the NPCs were going to storm the castle at the same moment, they, too, would all be mixed in. If the War Mages had control of Eris, she could possibly one-shot us all, all at once.

“What?” Donut said, panicked. “If I don’t cast it, then all of this will be for nothing! I have to!”  

“Okay, okay,” I said. “Cast it, but don’t pick fire! Pick something else! We need the Nest to stay intact!”

“What? What should I pick!?”

“Anything but fire!”

Carl: Dong. Look where Donut fired her missile. Go back there and take the magical trigger into your inventory. It’s about the size of a marble. It’ll burn when you pick it up. Hurry! Fast!

Dong: Uh, isn’t that area all about to be on fire and filled with fleshers?

Carl: No! Go!

Li Na: The ball has broken! Cast now!

Chapter 76

“Casting now!” Donut shouted.  

System Message: Warlord Princess Donut has committed a third Atrocity.

System Message: Warlord Princess Donut has received a new class.

System Message: Warlord Princess Donut will now be referred to as The Oak Fell.

System Message: The Oak Fell has been named Champion of Nekhebit.

Before any of that could even register, more notifications rolled in.

The Scavenger’s Daughter has opened her eyes. You are in range of two more deities.

You are now within range of the feral god Meatus.

Temporary effect from Meatus:

Your dick will fall off if you get an erection.

“What the fuck?” I exclaimed.

The moment I exclaimed it, the world froze, but the notifications continued to come.    

You are in range of Eris.

Random Effect! As Eris is the goddess of chaos, this effect will change each time you are in her presence.  

Temporary effect from Eris:

One current god effect will be permanent!

“Oh, shit!” was all I could say.

A spinner appeared floating in front of me. It only had two items on it: Dick will fall off! And Level-15 Pied Piper! I hadn’t even looked up the Pied Piper skill, which is what I got from Harpocrates. The center of the spinner was a wide, laughing mouth with red lips. The lips were tattooed with a spiral pattern, which I knew was a sign of the chaos goddess. The thing started to spin, like the Wheel of Fortune game.

“No, no, no!” I cried as it started to whirl. “What the fuck? What the fuck!”

It stopped on Dick will fall off! hovered for a second, then ticked over to Level-15 Pied Piper!   

Your benefit from Harpocrates is permanent!

I almost fell over with relief.

The world remained frozen, and I suddenly had a hand on my shoulder.

I could still move, and I whirled.

It was Eris, goddess of chaos, re-sized to about my height, standing right next to me. She was not under control of the War Mages. Tall, elf-like with a strangely long neck. Upon closer examination, I saw she wasn’t fully elf. She had a few serpentine features, making her appear like she had a distant relative who was a naga. She had long, smooth blonde hair. She wore armor underneath a flowing, black and white striped jacket that went all the way to the ground. The glowing, Valkyrie armor underneath was covered with swirl patterns, but in the center of her chest was her symbol. Two back to back C shapes with a flaming lance through it. Her large, over-inflated lips were covered with a spiral tattoo.

The deity shook her head and laughed. Her tongue was forked. “By the All Tree was that exhilarating. I haven’t had that much fun since the initial purge. And now I’m free. Oh, this is going to be delicious.”

“What... What is happening?” I asked as her description popped up.

Goddess of Chaos Eris. Level 250.

This deity has lost her sponsor and can no longer be sponsored this season.

This deity is invulnerable on this floor.

This deity has been summoned by battlefield conditions. Summoning rules apply.

Eris. Goddess of Chaos. Half-sister of Taranis, mother to nobody, lover of parties, drinking, chaos—of course, and generally known as the Ascendency’s worst, most unapologetic gossip. If she were mortal and human, she’d be called a wine aunt. She’d have a rich, dead husband who died under mysterious circumstances. She would split her time between the hair salon and spending her days on the local community Facebook page where she would be constantly creating utter pandemonium with her posts and her “this is just my opinion, but...” style messages.

All of her nieces and nephews love her. In fact, everybody loves her, even though they all know deep down she’s an utter piece of shit. People can get away with that sort of thing when they’re attractive and throw great parties.  

There hasn’t been a single season of Faction Wars since the beginning where she wasn’t sponsored by someone. As such, this is a pretty unique situation right now where her true personality, her true purpose can finally shine through.

One of her abilities is being All Knowing. She knows everybody’s business, which makes her a dangerous foe and an even more dangerous friend. If she gives you information, it’s probably true, and it’s probably something that’s going to get you into trouble for knowing. While she’s able to lie, she rarely does. Why bother when the truth is often so much worse?

Eris is a prime contender for the Ascendent Throne.

Eris reached forward and gently bit my ear. “Don’t die, Carl,” she purred, her voice seductive. She still sounded oddly like Hekla, but not nearly as much now that her pilot was dead. “I know you worship grumpy ol’ Emberus, but we’ll change that soon, especially now he has put you in an impossible situation. See how Donut was just named Champion? I can do that to you as well. You’ll have to kill all three, of course. Taranis, Emberus, and Hellik. But don’t worry. I’ll help.”

“Uh,” I said as she rubbed a hand across my shirt.

“No, no, no,” she said, giggling, pointing downward at my boxers. “That nasty curse from Meatus is still in effect, even if it’s not permanent. None of that. Here. Let me help you.”

She reached over and snapped my pinkie. I screamed. The goddess shrieked in laughter.

“Oh, I wish you weren’t already married.” She kissed me full on the lips. She pulled back and gave me a look. “The War Mages traded the Gate of the Feral Gods with a merchant named Paca at the Midnight Market. Paca is an agent for Krakaren Prime, who is stuck in the Nothing. Paca has the gate in her stomach. Get the gate back and give it to that insane Skyfowl who built the antennae underneath your castle, and maybe you can actually win this thing. Also, Britney picked that axe off the ground and is now possessed.”  

She disappeared with a crack.   

Eris has left the Realm. The Scavenger’s Daughter looks away.

Already married? I thought as I downed a healing potion. Axe? What axe? Possessed? By who?  

What the actual fuck just happened?

All restrictions on teleportation are now lifted.   

More messages came, including one from Emberus that minimized just as everything unfroze.

Next to me, Donut had gone completely rigid. Her health started to decrease. It wasn’t an instant thing, but a slow drain. She was unable to move.

She had a new notification over her head. Her title had changed from Warlord to Champion.  

I immediately attempted to apply the healing scroll, but it misfired. I was going to have to wait.

The completely unexpected visit from the goddess had thrown me off kilter. I shook my head, trying to get my mind back on track.

“Oh, shit,” I said, looking outside. The ball had indeed broken apart. All I could see was thousands of bodies flying up toward our location, moving as if in slow motion. Mixed in with them was the god Meatus. Eris, of course, was gone. I couldn’t see from this location, but below it all, all of our allies were now falling deeper into Larracos. Just below where the ball had stopped should be a wide-area spell called Bounce House that was going to catch them all, giving them a moment to recover while they received instructions.

At the same moment, the NPCs and our remaining troops would be storming the castle, which was now drained of acid.

The remaining defensive towers would be firing, and there wasn’t much we could do about it, but the moment anyone set foot in the throne room, all the towers would go inert. And if we managed to evict the War Mages from the room and install an NPC, the towers would immediately go back to NPC control.  

Harpocrates remained on the edge of the hole, unmoving, eyeing the form of Meatus that was flying upward.

I couldn’t tell what the second spell Donut picked was. As for right now, all the enemies were frozen, moving inexorably upward as they were pulled in our direction as the towers fired mercilessly at them.

“Donut,” I called, my voice hoarse. “What was the second spell?”

She didn’t answer. She was still frozen, her health still lowering.

Then I saw it, hovering above the hole of Larracos, right outside the tower. It was the massive, glowing outline of a cat’s paw. The paw was absolutely enormous.  

Astral Paw. Her two spells were the Binjabi spell and Astral Paw.

The frozen soldiers, including Meatus were moving toward us. They came up out of the hole and moved upward, moving to the side of the Nest. They floated upward slowly, like barely-inflated balloons.  

The world, once again, froze. Music started to blast across the world on its own. I recognized the song because it was one of Monobrow Sam’s favorites.

The song was “Break Stuff” by Limp Bizkit.  

The ethereal cat’s claw grew to an enormous size as the soldiers all continued to drift upward towered it.

“Oh shit,” I muttered.

Carl: Guys. If you’re on the ground in Shanty Town, fucking run.

Dong: Listen. Do you want me to get the trap or not?

Carl: Run!  

The thousands of soldiers at this point all seemed to wake up. Elves, gnolls, and hundreds of the cyborg Reaver mercenaries. They struggled and started to scream as all floated upward, all bunching up against the bottom of the massive, unmoving cat’s paw. Meatus was in the middle of it all, squirming, unable to flee as he, too thrashed.

“No,” Meatus cried. I could now see he was covered in fleshers, which swarmed over everyone trapped underneath the paw. All the soldiers screamed as they started to get dissolved. Sparks rose as fleshers burned through cybernetic armor. Blood rained.   

“No. Daddy, help me!” Meatus cried, his voice louder than the song. “I just wanted to sing!”

“Daddy?” I mumbled. Was he talking to Harpocrates?

More messages came in. I was relieved to see it was Katia, Elle, and Imani, all coordinating the assault on the castle below. I pushed it away for the moment as I watched, horrified, as the slow-motion War Crime unfolded above Shanty Town.  

Donut coughed. I slammed on the healing scroll, and her health started to rocket up. I put my hand on her as I watched outside. A few soldiers who’d gotten stuck along the way continued to float upwards.

“Did it work,” Donut asked, choking out the words. “Carl, I don’t feel good. I have a new class. I have a bunch of new spells. What’s happening?”

I reached down, and I scooped her up into my arms. “It’s okay,” I said. “Just close your eyes, okay? It’s almost over. I got you.”

With the deactivation of the teleport ban, the net was no longer an issue. We had an escape hatch right behind us. It would teleport us all the way to just outside the safe room at Area 52, where we could go in and use the doggie door to go anywhere we wanted.    

Across the way, something was happening with Li Na’s tower. Dozens of chains had appeared, spreading out in all directions, attaching themselves to the wreckage all around her tower. Several of these chains had attached themselves to the Nest.

I blinked, trying to figure it out. “Li Na,” I muttered. “What are you doing?”

“It’s the finisher,” Donut said from my arms. She was pressed against me, trembling. She rearranged herself, and she stretched her arm out, hovering over empty air. “I shouldn’t have picked Astral Paw,” she said. “I have to finish it myself.”

Above, the paw remained hovering there in open air, waiting. Waiting for Donut.   

Below, Li Na was building a lattice pattern of chains. It was more chains than I thought possible.

Li Na: Donut, this is all I can build. Do it.

“I can feel them, Carl,” Donut said. “I can feel them under my paw.” She trembled in my arms.

“I’m here,” I said.

The paw in the air quivered. Within, the soldiers trapped continued to scream.

She closed her eyes, and she swiped downward into the air with three quick motions.

Her movement was mirrored outside.    

Slam!

Slam!

Slam!

The world rocked as the massive, ethereal cat’s paw, clutching onto about 15,000 enemy soldiers and an enormous god penis slammed into the ground, pushing through the lattice pattern of chains.

The paw moved right through the chains. The enemies trapped in her claw did not.

In my arms, Donut continued to swipe her paw downward.

Slam!

Slam!

Slam!

The screaming stopped.

The chains broke one by one. But as they broke, Li Na grew more. With each slam, the survivors remained stuck to the paw only to get slammed down again. Each time they pushed through chains, they were cut to pieces.   

The music abruptly stopped, and it was done.

I gently placed Donut back onto her seat, I moved to the parapet, and I vomited over the side of the tower.

~~~~~

Hey all. We finally got to meet someone who was first mentioned in book 1 and is going to be one of the major players of book 9. The end is nigh. I've already written the next two chapters and will have them soon.

Thank you everyone for your amazing support. I am pushing myself to get this write. I also just wrote part 4 of Backstage at the Pineapple Cabaret for the hardcover release of the Gate of the Feral Gods, which received this praise from the editor at Ace:

I truly wish I was allowed to share that story with you, as some know by now is the tale of the building of the 17th floor, but the contract with Ace disallows it.  Part 3 comes out a week from tomorrow with the release of The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook in hardcover.

(And if you don't want to buy the hardcovers, no worries. That story will be tied into the main narrative, but it will all be built so you don't have to read it. It just gives behind the scenes info on the NPCs who will populate the 17th floor. This does not mean we will or won't get there.)

But in the meantime! Book seven preorder is up! Book 7 releases in kindle on 11/11. I anticipate actually finishing it by the end of this week depending on how long the epilogue is. Audio releases 2/11.

 https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0DJWKWV8W

If you move on over to the Audible page, you'll notice it looks a lot snazzier than it did before.

https://www.audible.com/pd/Dungeon-Crawler-Carl-Audiobook/B08V8B2CGV

That is because DCC is now published by Audible Studios instead of ACX. What does that mean for you guys? Absolutely nothing. Nothing has changed. Soundbooth Theater is still doing it all. Jeff Hays is still doing it all. All that's different is that they're going to be advertising it a heck of a lot more and that the page looks snazzier (see the picture of me that's about a month old and the picture of Jeff that's about a decade old). And we can make the preorder window longer.

You speaking of Audible preorders, you can preorder it here: https://www.audible.com/pd/This-Inevitable-Ruin-Audiobook/B0DK282SYV

I sure hope the rest of the story goes smoothly for our heroes.