Stupid Character Rumble (Patreon)

This is a video i've wanted to make forever. I'm shocked at how well it turned out in terms of the order of entrants and who eliminated who. A great rumble pays off multiple stories while building multiple new ones and that certainly seems to be the case here. Truly this will go down as one of the most legendary, and legendarily silly rumbles in history. 

This Rumble was made using WWE2K16, which i found more or less adequate for my needs as a mutant-wrangling wrestle-merchant. Better customization options than some iterations of the series, but still not as flexible as i'd like in others. No matter how much more seemingly advanced these games get, it always seems like there was more you could actually do in the old PS2 games. Not to mention those games were actually fun to play. 

The WWE games are always been more fun as a character creator and rumble simulator than a playable adaptation of the show itself. The actual gameplay has pretty much been unplayably horrible ever since they started trying to make it realistic. Think about that for a second, realistic gameplay to simulate a fake sport. There's a word for that and the word is mentally-fucking-retarded. 

Worse yet than the ongoing attempt to remove any and all fun from the actual gameplay, the creation options also seem to get more and more gutted with each passing year. You'd think it'd be the opposite, more powerful consoles and better RAM or whatever means more memory for elaborately insane create-a-characters, right? Ha. No. It seems like every year more and more pointless changes are made, features removed, and restrictions added to the customization options, which for me are the main selling point of the games. 

Despite some cool new creation modes, when it comes to the characters themselves the new games don't come anywhere close to the degree of customization present in the old games. I blame the new graphic system, which attempts photo-realism and can't seem to handle layers very well or cartoonish proportions at all. Also it doesn't even look that good. But ay, don't get me stahted on ow much betta tings wuz when i wuz a kid, cuz den we'll be here all damn day. 

Obviously doing a silly character rumble on yotube is inspired by Jerma to a degree, which is why i gave him a shoutout at the beginning, but I've legitimately been doing these weird character rumbles for years. In high school my friends and i used to stay up all night making characters and just gather round the TV to watch them all duke it out for dominance. It wasn't done for an audience or anything, just for us. 

Discovering the Jerma videos was one of the few great joys i've had from youtube. I couldn't believe someone not only did the same silly character wrestling stuff as me, but actually had the wisdom to post it for the world. What a cool guy. I hope he see's this. 

I shared his videos with some of my online friends, who became the pro-crastinators and through that rumble videos became a staple of our in person meetings. Those rumbles are a fun, chaotic time, but the commentary is mostly just a room full of hot, horny boys yelling. I've always wanted to do a rumble of my own and provide actual commentary. 

According to steam i've put 32 hours into this particular iteration of the series, creating characters and preparing for the eventual rumble, although not all at once. I made most of the characters years ago when i first got 2K16. Every year the actual Rumble would come and i'd think "oh yeah, now would be a good time to do that rumble video i've always wanted". 

But i always realized it too late and didn't have quite enough characters prepared to do it in time. But this year is different. This year, i remembered slightly sooner. So i had time to finish it. Wow. What a captivating fucking story. Why am I writing this? 

Point is, i'm glad i finally made this video, it was one from my youtube bucket list. There's a handful of long-desired projects on there, and if the day ever comes that they're all checked off, hopefully you'll never see me again. 

I still can't believe how well the simulation turned out. Old Man Jess and Artso Fartso coming out first, my immediate elimination, the horrifying rampage of Pig-Swine, and of course when all hope seemed lost, the sweet, sweet victory of Alamo Vic. 

I've had that footage of victor randomly bursting into an unrehearsed tirade of racially charged patriotism sitting on my computer for over a year. I always knew it was too good not to eventually use for something, and boy did it ever pay off. 

One thing i did differently in this from other silly rumble videos is the wrestler promos i had cutting in during the action. Promos have always been my favorite part of wrestling, in fact come to think of it wrestling promos have always been my favorite part of life. I particularly remember when i was a kid the royal rumble used to include short promos from nearly every combatant. Those promos were a huge part of what made the rumble an exciting match because it made every person in the ring a character with their own insane motivations. that element of personality is sorely lacking nowadays, since WWE doesn't open the show with those short promos anymore, and generally doesn't do promos in that style at all. 

So the result is that nowadays half the people in the ring are just random jackoffs who have no chance of winning because they ain't got no chance to tell you what they're all about. It's fucking lame. Wrestling is built on characters, and the ultimate expression of that is the Royal Rumble, where all the kooky characters get to say their piece and duke it out at once. That's why it will always be the most exciting and accessible match to show to new viewers. If you have a friend who doesn't like wrestling, show them the 1992 Royal Rumble. Presto fuckin Change-o. You now have a friend who loves wrestling. 

Ah shucks, what did i tell ya's. There i go again talk about how much betta tings wuz when i wuz a fuckin kid. I can't help it, they wuz. 

I asked everyone i could to record a promo, and most got back to me with multiple takes. I filmed more than one myself. So who knows, maybe i'll release a video compilation of just all the cool promos for patrons or some shit. 

Also, I'll be doing a review/podcast thing of the actual Royal Rumble as well. Probably later today.